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So I took it in the ass today

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Rig
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So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:31:38 Reply

June 18th, 2008. It was 9:30 AM, and it was business as usual at the auto parts warehouse where I've been working for a while. I was assigned to putaways for some automotive belts and alternators. The warehouse wasn't the newest, with its old metal racking and plywood shelves, but it got the job done.

I squeezed past my loaded cart to hang up some cables - I'd done this tons of times. Nothing unusual. I was moving quicker than usual when I squeezed back to the front of the cart, in order to get out of the way of another guy. Those plywood shelves apparently had it in for me that morning. A sharp pain, a snapping sound, and I had an inch-and-a-half long splinter embedded in my right buttcheek.

Being the resourceful guy that I am, I headed over to the bathroom with a pair of needlenose pliers and my box-cutting knife to try to get the thing out. Twenty minutes of ass-handling didn't do a thing - I think I even got it in deeper. So I explained myself to my boss and got the day off work, leaving the muffled laughter of my coworkers behind me. There was a walk-in clinic not far from there. Yay for free health care!

The doctor was an nice old guy, who tried valiantly with an industrial-sized pair of tweezers to wrestle the wood from the warm confines of my butt. A brief moment of triumph as a bloody piece of wood surrendered to his efforts, nearly 3/4 of an inch long. The moment is gone once I realize that there's still more in there. Out come the surgical tools. After my cheek was more numb than Wade's soul, he cut a long incision along the track of the splinter. He couldn't find that woody offender.

So he stitched me up, gave me a tetanus shot and a prescription for antibiotics, and sent me on my way. I found later out that I had to go to ANOTHER doctor, one that my work uses, in order to get the proper forms filled out for workers comp. So out I go, to the second doctor. It was a nice old lady who called me "dahling" (not darling...dahling). I explained my situation to her, and she got concerned when I said there was still a piece in there. She whisked me off to the treatment room, where I had to wear paper clothes lie down on a table again - I was kinda getting tired of tweezers at this point. On one hand, though, she didn't open me up. On the other hand, she referred me to a surgeon, and I am to arrange an appointment with them tomorrow to get the offending object removed once and for all.

What an interesting day.

TL;DR - I got wood.

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The-Hitman
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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:33:45 Reply

So twice you had to get attacked by tweezers and you may need someone to go into your ass to get a piece of wood out? Must be fun.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:34:34 Reply

American doctors are more expensive than hookers.


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:35:25 Reply

Aye, i feel sorry for you mate. Hope your problem's fixed.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:37:24 Reply

Newgrounds
Newligroundjos
Neglifeoujours
Nglifeojournas
Nlifejournnals
Life journal

WHAT THE FUCK

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:39:00 Reply

At 6/18/08 09:34 PM, ParadoxSaint wrote: American doctors are more expensive than hookers.

Hookers don't have Ph.Ds


I'M AN ATHEIST LOL.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:39:38 Reply

At 6/18/08 09:31 PM, Rig wrote: June 18th, 2008. It was 9:30 AM, and it was business as usual at the auto parts warehouse where I've been working for a while. I was assigned to putaways for some automotive belts and alternators. The warehouse wasn't the newest, with its old metal racking and plywood shelves, but it got the job done.

Oh story time! I'm so pumped.


I squeezed past my loaded cart to hang up some cables - I'd done this tons of times. Nothing unusual. I was moving quicker than usual when I squeezed back to the front of the cart, in order to get out of the way of another guy. Those plywood shelves apparently had it in for me that morning. A sharp pain, a snapping sound, and I had an inch-and-a-half long splinter embedded in my right buttcheek.

Oh boy, right through the pants? That must of hurt like hell.


Being the resourceful guy that I am, I headed over to the bathroom with a pair of needlenose pliers and my box-cutting knife to try to get the thing out. Twenty minutes of ass-handling didn't do a thing - I think I even got it in deeper. So I explained myself to my boss and got the day off work, leaving the muffled laughter of my coworkers behind me. There was a walk-in clinic not far from there. Yay for free health care!

Pliers and a knife? When did you become a doctor? Your lucky you didn't carve another hole back there.


The doctor was an nice old guy, who tried valiantly with an industrial-sized pair of tweezers to wrestle the wood from the warm confines of my butt. A brief moment of triumph as a bloody piece of wood surrendered to his efforts, nearly 3/4 of an inch long. The moment is gone once I realize that there's still more in there. Out come the surgical tools. After my cheek was more numb than Wade's soul, he cut a long incision along the track of the splinter. He couldn't find that woody offender.

I don't think I would be able to handle this without some sort of shot or something to numb the pain, but again I do have a fear of sharp objects so I would of been freaking out the entire time.


So he stitched me up, gave me a tetanus shot and a prescription for antibiotics, and sent me on my way. I found later out that I had to go to ANOTHER doctor, one that my work uses, in order to get the proper forms filled out for workers comp. So out I go, to the second doctor. It was a nice old lady who called me "dahling" (not darling...dahling). I explained my situation to her, and she got concerned when I said there was still a piece in there. She whisked me off to the treatment room, where I had to wear paper clothes lie down on a table again - I was kinda getting tired of tweezers at this point. On one hand, though, she didn't open me up. On the other hand, she referred me to a surgeon, and I am to arrange an appointment with them tomorrow to get the offending object removed once and for all.

If the piece isn't too big I think I would just let it go. I have pieces of glass and BB's that were shot into me still stuck in me and they don't hurt anything.


What an interesting day.

TL;DR - I got wood.

Har, Har, Har.

This story gave me wood too actually.


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:42:33 Reply

you know, if you didn't go to Manitoba you wouldn't have been raped by plywood ^_^


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:44:27 Reply

At 6/18/08 09:34 PM, ParadoxSaint wrote: American doctors are more expensive than hookers.

Thats sort of obvious.


Make war, not love.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 21:44:55 Reply

I was expecting a story of Rig's homo erotic adventure, and instead, I find out he got a splinter.

Sorely disappointed, also, I recommend a massage when that offending splinter is taken out and the wound has healed. And you better make a story of that too.


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:04:48 Reply

At 6/18/08 09:42 PM, Malachy wrote: you know, if you didn't go to Manitoba you wouldn't have been raped by plywood ^_^

You're right...I should've stayed in frenchie-land.
I'm gonna have a bonfire just to spite those laughing trees. >:(


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:08:52 Reply

You got wood, in your ass.

lmao, sorry.


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:10:28 Reply

If ronay sees this thread, I think he'll be mighty jealous of that splinter.


READ: "A Fear of Great Heights" and other forthcoming adventures right HERE
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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:11:02 Reply

At 6/18/08 09:37 PM, DragonsGrief wrote: Newgrounds
Newligroundjos
Neglifeoujours
Nglifeojournas
Nlifejournnals
Life journal

WHAT THE FUCK

Hypocrite

and- OW!
I'm splinterphobic.


x

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:11:46 Reply

good for you Rig! get That wood outta your ass before you get an infection, after all, you dunno where that woods been. it oculd be carrying a diesease it got from another peace of wood.

So I took it in the ass today


Don't be afraid of failure.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:30:30 Reply

Your new song sounds stupid and ravey.

I mean ouch.
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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:35:06 Reply

I was expecting something much better. You crushed my hopes, good sir.


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:36:26 Reply

At 6/18/08 10:11 PM, TSstudios wrote: good for you Rig! get That wood outta your ass before you get an infection, after all, you dunno where that woods been. it oculd be carrying a diesease it got from another peace of wood.

Yeah, that's why I'm on antibiotics and got a tetanus shot. :P

At 6/18/08 10:30 PM, JackPhantasm wrote: Your new song sounds stupid and ravey.

I mean ouch.

k

Man, it felt weird when he cut me open. I was all like "hey, I don't feel a thing", so I looked behind me, and his tweezers and finger were both deep in this crevasse in my butt that mysteriously appeared. That freaked me out, and I didn't look back again. Also, the little metal tray was full of bloody cotton swab thingies afterwards...


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:37:06 Reply

Good read lol


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:38:20 Reply

Nothing brightens the day up like wood in the ass, dahling.


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:39:30 Reply

This topic is odd dude

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:39:47 Reply

At 6/18/08 10:36 PM, Rig wrote:

his tweezers and finger were both deep in this crevasse in my butt that mysteriously appeared. That freaked me out, and I didn't look back again

That is the closest thing you'll get to anal raping

I... I hope D:

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:41:26 Reply

I can't think of a single witty thing to say. You took the only two options that I could possibly think of this late

Hmm...

Hey Rig, you sure dress in good taste, hmm?

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:41:24 Reply

Did it go like this

So I took it in the ass today

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:47:04 Reply

Lol the irony of your avatar

ouch

Smuff.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:47:48 Reply

At 6/18/08 09:34 PM, ParadoxSaint wrote: American doctors are more expensive than hookers.

Amen to that, man!

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 22:48:06 Reply

At 6/18/08 10:41 PM, MojoFilter wrote: I can't think of a single witty thing to say. You took the only two options that I could possibly think of this late
Hmm...

You could've said "that must be a pain in the ass" or "don't do a half-assed job now" or "you must be the butt of all the jokes".

But nooo, you didn't. :(


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-18 23:04:15 Reply

And then, you had buttsex, right?


Oh, boy.

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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-19 08:51:45 Reply

At 6/18/08 11:04 PM, CefyJr wrote: And then, you had buttsex, right?

Yes, we did. The splinter joined in for the lulz.


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Response to So I took it in the ass today 2008-06-19 08:55:28 Reply

Oh Rig, I was hoping for gay sex there, damn you, damn you to hell.


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