My McDonald's experience (sexual)

[Britkid]

So I've known this girl, Lauren, for quite some time. She got on her bus at my bus stop, and every so often we would converse about all matters of subject. She was bubbly and flirtatious, with half-smiles and little winks. I always quite liked her, but I was usually involved with someone else. But then, her bus route changed and she had to get on at a different stop. I was disappointed but I gave her no thought for a few days.

But recently, we've been bumping into each other and parties and such. She is still very loud and uses her features very sexually, and we were always chatting, mainly about sex. She told me in no uncertain tones how she had almost eaten her EX-boyfriend's meat, before brushing my groin. Uhhh, I wanted her there and then, but she winked and walked away agonisingly. Looking down, I realised that she had left a note on my leg. Picking it up, I read, 'Meet me at McDonalds tomorrow, and you might meat me at McDonald's tomorrow'. An odd choice for a date, but at least it's fast and convenient.

So I go there the next day, and she's looking beautiful as usual. 'Hi,' I say nervously, and she hugs me before whispering something very naughty in my ear. We enter the place, and queue up. She keeps loudly exclaiming, 'Oh God! I can't wait for some meat!' which although is quite arousing was a tad embarrassing, especially as the elderly gentleman in front of me was my maths teacher. No worries though! When we got to the front of the line, before I could speak to the guy, she butt in and said 'I'll have a big mac, he'll have a BIG big mac'. The guy looked at her as if she was mental for a moment, but then got to his work.

After we got our food, she picked up a straw and sucked it, with obvious connotations. She picked up our food, and thrust me into the male toilets. 'If it's rough,' she said, 'it should be in here'. So she started picking up my meat in her mouth and sucking it, before spitting out its meaty juices. 'Sorry, I just can't stomach them' she said. Then I stuck my burger inside her bun, and I relished it. At that moment, probably because we were making a lot of noise, the restaurant manager knocked on the door.
"Out of there!" he shouted menacingly, and we reluctantly complied. He saw her eating my burger, which I had just applied relish to, and sighed.
"You can't eat the produce in here," he said. "We've had to say this to you five times before," he added, pointing at Lauren. Then he showed us a very short promotional video. I learnt that McDonald's is a fair trader and helps coffee farmers stay afloat.

THE END

[GuitarSmuggler]

tldr; you had sex with a big mac

[TesticleKick]

It took me awhile to figure out what the hell was going on, but its ok i guess.

i was expecting to be bel-aired.

[BEC3]

Nice story. A little odd, but still one of the better story threads I've read.

[gregaaron89]

Now I'm hungry.

[BlackPlastic]

The last paragraph was balls.

[subarufreak]

i cannot describe how confusing the ending was

[babo-babo]

LMAO

I got a boner..

[kylexthexpostman]

At 6/16/08 03:15 PM, BlackPlastic wrote: The last paragraph was balls.

The whole thing was rather amusing actually.

[LampFace]

At 6/16/08 03:16 PM, babo-babo wrote: LMAO

I got a boner..

Hahah me too, yuo should write pornos.

[Prinzy2]

That's why I go to burger king.

The king knows how to wake me up.

[Another-Ryan]

Hahah I now officially love you brittkid. That was awesome.
I love the line about the little winks. Haha brilliant.

[Odio]

At 6/16/08 03:16 PM, babo-babo wrote: LMAO

I got a boner..

I-I... I got one too...

[LOLZILLA]

I'm oh so hard right now.

[LampFace]

At 6/16/08 03:21 PM, LampFace wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:16 PM, babo-babo wrote: LMAO

I got a boner..

Hahah me too, you should write pornos.

Fixed it.

[edgewalker424]

You and Elios are gods of story-telling.

[LampFace]

Why is this topic not getting the attention it deserves?

[mranarchy]

REVERSE INNUENDO!!!!

I see what you did there....

[Spaceboy1]

At 6/16/08 03:21 PM, LampFace wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:16 PM, babo-babo wrote: LMAO

I got a boner..

Hahah me too, yuo should write pornos.

lol. that's true actually...

i had a boner lolz..

[TwistedPersonality]

Those hamburguers are pretty nasty.

[LampFace]

At 6/16/08 03:49 PM, Spaceboy1 wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:21 PM, LampFace wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:16 PM, babo-babo wrote: LMAO

I got a boner..

Hahah me too, yuo should write pornos.

lol. that's true actually...

What guy didn't?

i had a boner lolz..

[Tiki-Dog]

i stopped at (sexual)

[SeeInTheDark]

At 6/16/08 03:21 PM, LampFace wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:16 PM, babo-babo wrote: LMAO

I got a boner..

Hahah me too, yuo should write pornos.

Did you really?

[LampFace]

At 6/16/08 03:55 PM, SeeInTheDark wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:21 PM, LampFace wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:16 PM, babo-babo wrote: LMAO

I got a boner..

Hahah me too, yuo should write pornos.

Did you really?

Erm yeah.

[TheDrizzleStick]

At 6/16/08 03:28 PM, edgewalker424 wrote: You and Elios are gods of lies.

fixed.

[gatbusta32415]

good one i thought you where just bragging about bonning her lol good story

[Britkid]

At 6/16/08 03:55 PM, simple-but-sandy wrote: Your story became unbelievable at this point.

I was paid to write that.

At 6/16/08 04:09 PM, gatbusta32415 wrote: good one i thought you where just bragging about bonning her lol good story

Well we did find something hard and brittle, but then we realised it was just the meat.

[LampFace]

At 6/16/08 04:40 PM, Britkid wrote:

At 6/16/08 03:55 PM, simple-but-sandy wrote: Your story became unbelievable at this point.

I was paid to write that.

Shut up.

[StrawBerryKiwiClock]

At 6/16/08 03:15 PM, gregaaron89 wrote: Now I'm hungry.

Now I'm hard.

[NickScott]

It's still called a Big Mac in UK? That's crazy