At the mall

[Vile-Pudding]

Yesterday, I was in the mall, just browsing around, and I decided that 5:30 was high time to get a smoothie. I start walking over to the food court and suddenly I hear someone yelling to my left. Inadvertently, I turn towards the source of the yelling and I see 5 girls, probably in 8th grade, crammed onto one bench. By the looks of it, not one of them weighed less than 180 pounds.

Anyway, one of the girls was waving her arm frantically in the air, trying to get my attention. Not wanting to be rude, I acknowledged her and made a face that clearly said, "what on earth do you want from me?" Once she realized that I was giving her my attention, she said quite factually, "she likes you," pointing to her friend who had turned away from me, shielding her face. Clearly not interested (I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months), I replied with a simple "OK" and kept walking.

I got my smoothie after about 15 minutes of waiting in line and started to head back the way I came, almost forgetting my previous encounter. Again, I was flagged down in the same manner. I turned to them again with a smoothie in one hand and said, 'What is it?" The same girl who had flagged me down before was talking to me again. She pointed to the same girl she referred to before, and curtly asked me, "will you go out with her?"

Because I was a little annoyed with them by now, I wanted to make it as awkward as possible for them. There are probably a million better things I could have said, but the reply I chose was, "Sorry, I'm gay."

With this, her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Two of the other girls turned to stare at me too. One of them said something like, "He's what? Is he serious?"

Playing along with what I had said before, I started to spout out a bunch of information about one of my friends, pretending that he was my boyfriend. After I can't think of anything else to say, I said to them, "look, do you want me to call him?" None of them respond, so I dialed my friend's number and put him on speakerphone.

After a few rings, he picked up. I start the conversation with a casual "Hey, baby..." and begin to tell him about my current situation, and how these 5 girls wouldn't believe it. I ask him if he could confirm that I am indeed his boyfriend, and he obliges. I hold the phone closer to them and he begins to spew out tons of bullshit about "all the long nights of thrashing about on his bed, vaseline stains, and cuddling together." When he sounds about finished, I thanked him, said "I love you, baby," and hung up.

They got kind of upset at this and still tried to make me go out with this girl. We argue back and forth for about 5 minutes, and I give up and walk away. Because I support gay rights/ gay marriage, their specious arguments against these topics really pissed me off.

This is where I have a question for all of you:

From which angle should I have punched them?

[Dei-Sama]

It is easy to avoid that type thing - confrontation.

[NotarealAccount]

Nice story. So you like pretending to be gay? That's okay.

[Jaketheclonetrooper]

That may backfire someday, as someone may have overheard it and will start saying that you and your friend are really lovers.

[Ungar]

So you're not gay.. oh well. You just broke my heart, you fiend!

[JewSoCrazy]

taint uppercut would have worked out well i think. but thats hilarious. ahh, dumb fat bitches.

[swiftmpc]

Fat girls are fat.

[MonkeyShooter]

I probably would have just said I'd never go out with that whale and walk away.

[HungarianSupermarket]

you support gay rights but you make a mockery of it by pretending that you are gay simply to avoid a group of girls? hmmm.

[vampyre101]

XD
vasaline stains?
god that is fucking funny!!!

as for the angle...id say go with an uppercut, nice good power shot ^^

[JewSoCrazy]

At 6/10/08 02:33 AM, HungarianSupermarket wrote: you support gay rights but you make a mockery of it by pretending that you are gay simply to avoid a group of girls? hmmm.

oh god, don't even start. its that type of thinking that has made it so that people way overreact to the littlest fucking things. it wasn't a mockery of gay rights, at least not a serious one, or one done in a really inappropriate situation.

[theterabyte]

Run. They can't chase after you.

[Drugged]

Lolwuttttt.

Dude, you could've just fucked her and left.

[ragingfred]

if you said they are over 180 pounds and in grade 8. I would say go for the face (more specifically, the nose), fat people are basically protected by massive fat anywhere else

[nonameowns]

just give them a weird expression and say, "holy shit, you're fat?" Giggle a bit, then power walk away.

[xports]

Haha, that was good. I do shit like that all the time to people. But I still say pretending to be either a pedophile or rapist is a shit ton funnier.

Oh, and you definitely should have bitch slapped that hoe.

[AntiangelicAngel]

At 6/10/08 02:24 AM, Vile-Pudding wrote: From which angle should I have punched them?

That one is simple... FALCON PUNCH!!!

[sirtom93]

I tend to not get into those situations because I never leave the house, except school, which is just the worst time ever.

[Zombified]

You sure you were pretending? It's okay, we still love you. :3

[bananasrus09]

At 12/25/08 03:36 PM, Techno wrote: You know you could have just said, "Sorry, i already have a girlfriend."

^Simple Solution.^
Rather than establishing yourself as a homosexual. Girls gossip and it spreads like wildfire. Hope it doesn't!

[Zombified]

At 12/25/08 03:39 PM, bananasrus09 wrote:

At 12/25/08 03:36 PM, Techno wrote: You know you could have just said, "Sorry, i already have a girlfriend."

^Simple Solution.^
Rather than establishing yourself as a homosexual. Girls gossip and it spreads like wildfire. Hope it doesn't!

I hope it does. How funny would that be?

[NoPurchaseNecessary]

At 12/25/08 01:59 PM, theterabyte wrote: Run. They can't chase after you.

And don't forget to turn frequently. They don't take corners well.

[Ruyuk]

EPIC WIN

Also you should have said that i'm taken and not gay. Also you should have said something like look in the mirror you fat bitches. (Something to that effect not exactly!)

[Exodus212]

Punch them in the teeth, and tear out their tongues so they are unable to ever speak again.

[SolidShrimp]

epic story. i approve.