"How long were you talking to him before sex came into it" "No longer than 5 or 10 minutes."
Seriously? How stupid can you be? You have to first get them involved and slowly push them towards it. You don't open with it. Man, what an amateur. You have to make sure they really need it, are really into it, and won't tell anyone before you give away all the details.
Then there's: "Excuse me, and I don't mean to be so blunt, but I am talking about fucking you."
Priceless.