I can't have kids, man!

[LardLord]

This is no joke topic.

For the sake of those who care, I'll direct you to a previous thread about certain forms of experimentation that I performed on myself.

To make a long story short, I went to the Doc's office today after the second bout of blood-drippings from my anus (accompanied by renewed pain), because I was really getting worried about my health, and it turns out things are a lot worse than I ever imagined.

When I sat on the dildic wand, after slipping on the semen, it turns out I severely damaged my prostate gland. I collapsed part of the structure that borders the front end of the rectum, and caused a slight tear in the rectal tissue itself.

Long story short, I have to have the prostate removed. That's fucking right, you heard me; a goddamn PROSTATECTOMY.

The doctors tell me that this will unfortunately render me IMPOTENT.

God, I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking stupid for even trying this, and now, whenever I finally find the right girl to make love to, I won't be able to have genetic descendants.

Let my story serve as a cautionary tale to you guys: Your testicles, your prostate, your seminal vesicles; these are precious things. Protect them with your life.

(warning, picture mildly NSFW)

[Fro]

Sorry.

[totaln00b]

At 4/14/08 12:24 AM, Corky52 wrote: Sorry.

seconded.

[Azutom]

Ouch.

[TightRope]

sorry

seconded

[Sekhem]

wow that sucks

[Reapertonn]

Ouch.This is very sad,man.Just goes to show you life's a bitch.

[MexicanGun]

I couldn't help but laugh.

[Sun-Wukong]

That sucks, sorry.

[Rideo]

Well, that sucks. Maybe you can get a mechano-dick when they exist.

Still no kids ever though, that's a doozie.

[LardLord]

At 4/14/08 12:28 AM, CopperChaos wrote: I couldn't help but laugh.

I almost don't blame you for doing so.

Life is a cruel, ironic beast; just when you thought you were rounding third base, the pitcher of life tags you out.

[Gian]

This is the saddest story Ive ever read, plus, Im about to throw up.. That wand, my god.. Im scared now.. I wont try anything like that in my whole fuking life.. Dude.. Im sorry for u, Ill give u some of my semen if u want.

[Thimbles]

I feel sorry for ya, man. I think I know the frustration you're going through. The kind of frustration that makes you on the verge of crying, amirite?

Sorry for your loss. You have my sympathy, and hopefully no future empathy.

[dark101]

what the hell were you thinking?
Even I wouldn't do that, and I'm an attention whore

[Azutom]

At 4/14/08 12:30 AM, LardLord wrote:

At 4/14/08 12:28 AM, CopperChaos wrote: I couldn't help but laugh.

I almost don't blame you for doing so.

Life is a cruel, ironic beast; just when you thought you were rounding third base, the pitcher of life tags you out.

Are you Kirk Johnson by any chance? O.o

[Darknessium]

Wow, even I feel sorry for you...

[Toasty4you]

Wow, that's definitely worse than anything that happened to me in my life

in fact, my life kicks ass!

[Sarcasm]

You're quite the wily one, Bolo!

[LardLord]

At 4/14/08 12:36 AM, Sarcasm wrote: You're quite the wily one, Bolo!

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

[Argentin]

There would be a possibility for you
At least theoreticaly
before you do this operaion and become impotent excract someof your sperm somehow
go to the doctors and see if it's possible to excract it directly from your testicles (if they still make sperm)
inject that sperm to your girlfriend (Vitro) and you have kids of your own

[acez0spad3s]

im sorry

[LardLord]

Naw, but seriously.

Bolo handed off this account to me after that scandal.

He thought he was going to leave Newgrounds forever, but decided to stay, and let me keep his old alt. I'm still good friends with him IRL, and he can confirm this incident.

He actually dared me to do this, but I don't fault him. I was the one who inserted the wand.

[pielover87]

did you check if there's any way at all to get the semen preserved?

[Shikamarana]

You know, when I read your other thread describing the incident, I was kind of expecting this.

Sucks, dood, but you seriously shoved that thing seven inches in? Wow, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[Fluffington]

Owww... no prostate.

[Rudy]

At 4/14/08 12:39 AM, LardLord wrote:

At 4/14/08 12:36 AM, Sarcasm wrote: You're quite the wily one, Bolo!

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

So your nice little stories were false.

):
awh man.

[notsneaky]

well if it makes you feel any better gay people cant either

[LardLord]

At 4/14/08 12:50 AM, Rudy wrote:

At 4/14/08 12:39 AM, LardLord wrote:

At 4/14/08 12:36 AM, Sarcasm wrote: You're quite the wily one, Bolo!

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

So your nice little stories were false.

):
awh man.

At 4/14/08 12:48 AM, Grubby wrote: So, are you petroleum?

Already explained that shit.

Bolo was Petroleum. He fucked with a whole bunch of people, before admitting he tricked everybody. Then he handed off the account to me, a real life close friend of his.

The way his mind works is just fucking weird. I don't know why he did what he did, but I was happy to accept this account from him.

Can we please get back to discussing the problem at hand, now?

Do you guys know of any ways I can preserve my semen in some form of cryo-stasis chamber? Have you heard of any ways?

[Davood]

At 4/14/08 12:39 AM, Argentin wrote: There would be a possibility for you
At least theoreticaly
before you do this operaion and become impotent excract someof your sperm somehow
go to the doctors and see if it's possible to excract it directly from your testicles (if they still make sperm)
inject that sperm to your girlfriend (Vitro) and you have kids of your own

or just have it frozen.

[TAUfanatic]

you have my condolences.....but the docters said it MAY render you impotent.....so there's hope.