Now I'm quite aware this idea has been done before, and probably done to death (much like your mother), but thats beside the point. People, for whatever reason, find obvious shit funny. Humourous tyrades where people can say "haha, thats so true" are usually the best form of comedy. Now consider this an experiment in what people find humourous, or an experiment in how many people I can attract to a topic with "porn" in the title, or an experiment in how many 13 year olds I can get to comment "yeah dude, thats like so true lols", or just take it as the little things that BUG THE SHIT OUT OF ME when I'm enjoying a little "Me Time", so to speak.
1. Keeping clothes on.
This is a porno. The idea is that clothing goes out the window, on the bedpost, whatever. I want to see the goods. You may be saying, "well the chicks that keep their shirt on are usually a bit overweight or sensitive about their figure" or some bullshit like that. So? It's porn, any notions of modesty or self-esteem were a fleeting memory once that whore said "I will fuck you for money."
2. Crooked teeth.
While it's obvious your family didn't exactly have the kind of money to send you of to Harvard, goddamn. I mean the business has to have at least some kind of dental plan, right? Save up for some dental work, or at the very least do us all a favour and cover up. Seriously, watching some poor fucker get his dink raked by that bear trap you call a mouth makes me cringe.
3. Not shutting the fuck up.
Yes. I get it. You're getting railed for about the 4th time today. Yeah, it'd probably feel good if the inside of your vagina was not the size of a bread box. Now SHUT THE FUCK UP. I can see clearly what's going on, I don't need the play-by-play commentary of "YEAH FUCK SHIT YEAH STICK IT IN MY ASS YEAH YEAH DO ME YEAH YEAH FUCKSHITASSFUCKNIG GERTOMCRUISE." If you make me mute that shit, you're just ruining the ambience of the moment.
4. Excessive amounts of non-pornographic scenes.
So if by some fucking grace of God the scene is actually decent, and it stays decent for a good long while, you're usually greeted by something that goes along the lines of this:
I mean shit, are you such an idiot that while in post-production of this particular video, you were editing out the unneeded bits and mistook a man's sweaty face for a supple 19-year-old's vagine? I mean thats the only reason I can see why you didn't edit that little bit of boner-kill in there, and if so, maybe you need anatomy lessons. Edit that shit out, I don't want to see it, and you completely killed my fapping momentum.
5. Barely legal.
That's believable maybe the first time, but even that's a stretch. I can see how you can market porn as "barely legal" for awhile for all those 50+ perverts who enjoy cranking it to girls who just stepped out of highschool, but you can only drag it out for so long. After some bitch has starred in about 20 films and has been around for a good 3 years, the idea that she's just "barely legal" and really anything but "nearly dead from STDs" ceases to be adequate. Not to mention when I can see this "just turned 18" chick on one site, and then 5 minutes later, land head over penis in another website marketting the same coked-out whore with the fake tits, fake lips, and numerous reconstructive surgeries on her asshole as a "MILF."