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For those that don't know much about history...... here is a condensed version.
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These inventions were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Quiche, tofu, and French food in general are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood , and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to (*)(*)(*)(*) them off....
Good history lesson. I hope there is more to come.
:By the way, what about Independants? lol
Liberals are so stupid lol, the constitution was all like perfect but then the filthy liberals where all like "slavery is immoral' what a bunch of fags. WHY WON'T THEY JUST MOVE TO EUROPE LOL?! We don't want civil liberties here in America BECAUSE WEAR COWBOY HATS! Us conservatives have important buissiness to attend to, such as farming dirt, hitting on our sisters, and burning crosses. GO WORK LAZY LIBERAL SCUM! But no, Liberals had to ruin the work place with things like benifits and work safety. Thanks to Liberals our nations children have an appauling unemployment rate! Then they go and socialze perfectly fine institutions like fire fighters and police, no thank you MRS LIBERAL, I want to pay for my own roadways!
At 3/9/08 07:14 PM, LazyDrunk wrote: Everyone responding negatively to this thread needs to watch some straight porn, for a change.
They clearly need to eat some red meat.
That will sort them out.
Give my thoughts form and make them look insightful.