If Jesus found your porn stash, what would you say to him? Or rather, what would you do in that situation?
"It downloaded itself."
"Hey check out what this chick does with that bible."
Jesus is over 2008 years old. He's dead.
At 2/19/08 03:19 AM, cherries wrote: Jesus is over 2008 years old. He's dead.
That doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy some high quality porn now and then...
i would just stand there..... awkward silence...
Scenario
Me: Yo Jesus! What the hell man that's my stash!
Jesus: Sorry man, but this is some good shit.
Me: GTFO! *pushes jesus away from stash*
Jesus: Get off me man. whoa. Ya know turning water into wine is only one of the things I can do....
Me: ......... What's that funny taste in my mouth?
"Hey Jesus, wanna watch 2girls1cup?"
"sure!"
"Jesus, what are you doing?"
"Huh? Me? Ahh, nothing, what... what dose it look like i'm doing?"
"Jesus, it looks like you trying to find my porn stash again..."
"What..... ME!... nah... no way... i was just looking for ahh......... Solitaire ya that's it solitaire... i mean...
it's not like the son of God can't get some puss or anything why would you think that? Its... i.......
AWWW FUCK MAN!! where you hiding it!? Huh? Do you have any idea what it's like!? Being trapped up there having to listing to non-stop praying and whining and complaining all fucking day!!!? NO, No ya don't... you damn bastards just get to sit down here in your own little fucking world full of...of sleaze and filth and shit.... just jerking you immortal soul straight to hell without a care! Do you think i get to do anything like that up in heaven? Do YA!? NO, no i don't, not with daddy always seeing what your up too... I mean it's hard enough for the regular people up there, but i'm his damn son! Ok... i mean you know how parents can be... It insane... pure fucking insanity... i haven't busted a nut in over 2000 years! I think that you can understand, that i'm a little fucking pissed right now ok..."
"Umm.... K.... it's rigth there on the desktop...right, right there...labeled My Porn... see it?" "No...desktop, ya there...there ya go." "Um so, if everything is cool...i'll just be... going now... so tissue is on the desk and lotion is in the drawer...."
ya that how it go for me...
PSN: Tork14
At 2/19/08 03:19 AM, cherries wrote: Jesus is over 2008 years old. He's dead.
2ND COMING OF CHRIST DUMBASS
Scenario
"It's gotta be here somewhere..."
I open the door, and find...
"Oh god, Jesus, put your pants back on! Dude, what the fuck are you doing?"
"JUST TRYING TO HAVE FUN! HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL!"
I ponder his begging, and question his beggining ability, before...
"If I do, will you give me your powers and seat in Heaven?"
"Umm.... deal."
"This never happened..."
I back out of the room and slowly shut the door.
That depends on if he's okay with the stuff I watch.
You know what would be really neat? These things actually being noticeable.
"If they had they internet back then, and you were my age, you'd be doing it, too."
Although I doubt Jesus would be a furry.
PhilipAchapman@gmail.com Add me on MSN
I realise my use of the comma is pretentious as fuck, but it's habit.
Thanks to Mr. MuffDiver for the sig.
oh and btw me and jesus would be drinking beer all night while looking at it
"oh hi who r you?"
"eh, um, er, err, errrrrrrrrrr, i'm jesus"
"hi jesus, i see you found the porn"
"err yea i can watch this stuff, can i???"
"yea sure u want a beer"
"ok"
2 hours later
both singing
"the bewbs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down
the bewbs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down
the bewbs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down, all day long"
"hey jesus r we pissed"
"err yea.... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"are you right to drive home jesus"
"errr yea jumbob"
"my name is adam"
"hello again aidm"
"JESUS MY FUCKING NAME IS ADAM"
adam falls to the floor then falls asleep
5 seconds later so does jesus
Jesus told me to!
Oh, wait...
At 2/19/08 03:20 AM, Timmy wrote:At 2/19/08 03:19 AM, cherries wrote: Jesus is over 2008 years old. He's dead.That doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy some high quality porn now and then...
Actually his age would be more of a reason for wanting porn. I mean that and being considered the moral pillar of a major religion must work against him when it comes to getting some pussy.
Flee: Ha ha! What the hell is this? I don't remem...
Jesus: Where's the guro?! You pussy.
Flee: wat?
Jesus: You heard me, furfag!
Flee: Hey, wait a second... Jesus wouldn't say that...
Jesus: (In a mocking tone) Jesus wouldn't say that.
Flee: >:(
Jesus: Now bend over, little shit!
Flee: OK :(
jesus:
son, none of the girls in these pictures are real.
me:
i know father.
jesus:
me christ, atleast jerk off to a chick who isn't non-existent.
"Guns don't kill people, the government does."
- Dale Gribble
Please do not contact Homor to get your message added to this sig, there is no more room.
Me:What's the best thing about a 12 year old girl?
Jesus:I don't know.
Me:When you turn them over they look exactly like a 12 year old boy.
"Cue laughtrack/Heart-felt hug".
He is catholic you know.
They love that shotacon yuri.
alternete ending:
jesus:
is that....princess peach?
me:
yes, father.
jesus:
from the mario games?
me:
yes.
jesus:
...
me:
...
jesus:
...what the fuck did dad do to you to make you so fucked up?
"Guns don't kill people, the government does."
- Dale Gribble
Please do not contact Homor to get your message added to this sig, there is no more room.
At 2/19/08 05:15 AM, ibhenowflee wrote: Flee: Ha ha! What the hell is this? I don't remem...
Jesus: Where's the guro?! You pussy.
Flee: wat?
Jesus: You heard me, furfag!
Flee: Hey, wait a second... Jesus wouldn't say that...
Jesus: (In a mocking tone) Jesus wouldn't say that.
Flee: >:(
Jesus: Now bend over, little shit!
Flee: OK :(
sounds like someone has jesus issues
http://eggfriedriece.blogspot.com/ http://twitter.com/EggfriedRiece Memes and SC2 Pro gaming posts and news! http://24a69c21.deb.gs <-- Free bangbros Usernames and P/ws
At 2/19/08 03:34 AM, darx wrote: "Hey Jesus, wanna watch 2girls1cup?"
"sure!"
Once again extremely glad I did no see that.
Mess With the Best...Die Like the Rest.
final ending:
me:
(walking in on jesus finding my porn)
OH MY GOD! FATHER! I-...I CAN EXPLAIN!
jesus:
relax, nothing i heaven't seen before.
jesus:
ever been to hell?
me:
no.
jesus:
you're raped by fire all day, compare that to this and this is nothing.
me:
by fire?
jesus:
fire.
me:
that sounds really painful.
jesus:
oh, it is.
me:
i'll never sin again.
jesus:
don't write a check your ass can't cash my son.
"Guns don't kill people, the government does."
- Dale Gribble
Please do not contact Homor to get your message added to this sig, there is no more room.
"Sorry, I don't watch real porn!" There's nothing!
"If there's no reason to live, then what makes your life worth living? Life can always have Misery!"
Pinoy Club
-----Thanks to Zero2562130 for my sig and profile pic re-do----
"Holy shit I thought you were dead!"
"Oh hey jesus, just came back from the store"
"Yo ma brudda, yo got me sum prawn"
"Porn? Hell yeah 15mags"
"No man prawns...I asked specifically for prawns...I got a date"
"Nah but I did get Rick Roger's Dirty Arabian 5"
"Bastard Yo are goin to hell man"
At 2/19/08 04:23 AM, Frank-The-Hedgehog wrote: That depends on if he's okay with the stuff I watch.
Hey Jesus wanna watch pr0n?
What kind?
Black chicks.
BURN IN HELL!
For I am and forever shall be... a master ruseman.
I'd tell him to back off; girls only.
Release your inner crazy.
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