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I know how you feel, truly want to slice my knife through someone, just to see how it would feel and look. Hell, I play with my blade as you do as well, holding it to my neck, arm, gut... But don't act on them, they're just urges, and only that, urges. If you start to really have to fight them, not just imagine them, then that's when you should seek help. You should be fine.

At 2/10/08 12:31 AM, ReciprocalAnalogy wrote:

At 2/10/08 12:09 AM, Xavon wrote: I can't say there isn't a criteria, I just don't know what it is specifically.

As I said, it plays out in my head and I can understand it, but I can't put it into words. Picture it somewhat like a language nobody but you could understand, but you couldn't really teach or explain the language to anyone else.

Except you are putting it into words. You've summarized it as 'you feel that you are superior' and that 'others are unworthy'. If no amount of this unintelligable internal dialogue is translatable to the english language, how can you draw conclusions in the english language?

A wise point, perhaps I meant to say I can't fully express it in the english language. I'm not sure.

You've bothered to justify killing on the basis that you are entitled by your superiority (which as much as you might wish it wasn't, is infact an issue of morality). Yet, you haven't bothered to qualify your superiority. Instead, you leave it at "well I just know."

Saying I leave at "I just know" kind of makes it seem a little worse than it is. It's not that I just know, I have my basis, but as I said I can't fully describe the process I go through when judging people. I suppose I can't be fully psychotic while I admit I would rather go after and torture people who deserve it though, but I wouldn't be limited to just "bad" individuals, branching into innocence seems like a possibility..

Yes, there is alot that goes on beneath language, but understanding, rationalization, justification - are only capable through linguistics. Here you've taken alot of effort to communicate this thing you're dealing with. It just seems incongruous, that you'd go through so much trouble to translate much of what you're feeling, and leave the justification dangling at an impulse.

Yes, I have tried to make an effort at explaining what I feel through words. Just because I've done that though, doesn't mean I still understand it as well or that I even got half of the message that I wanted out. My justification is quite possibly an impulse, but as I said, it's different in my mind. I've tried to translate what I'm feeling in order to get an answer, because I really don't know. Maybe I really don't feel like this, maybe it's just random bursts of hormones or maybe I really would go through with all of this someday if I were pushed to the edge. Maybe I'd be hesitant, maybe I'd be scared, maybe I'd chicken out of what I'd be planning to do, or maybe I'd go through with it, do it quickly or slowly, enjoy it, there's no way for even me to tell while I'm stuck in this state of confusion.

Your words are very wise to me, it makes me think a lot about what I'm saying and whether or not it even makes sense. You're quite an intelligent individual, probably more so than me for once, and that impresses me to the point that I feel I have a natural bond to you. Does this instant bond have any meaning? Perhaps you are able to analyze this situation better than I am.

"Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once"?

Ever considered seeing a psychiatrist?

At 2/10/08 09:53 AM, Lost-Chances wrote: Ever considered seeing a psychiatrist?

As I stated in one of my replies, I can't and won't talk to them for whatever reason my mind gives.

At 2/10/08 09:55 AM, Xavon wrote:

At 2/10/08 09:53 AM, Lost-Chances wrote: Ever considered seeing a psychiatrist?

As I stated in one of my replies, I can't and won't talk to them for whatever reason my mind gives.

Oh, sorry.

I used to slight little urges to kill people for almost no reason, but it slowly went. The memory I remember the most is when I was in food technology in year 9 and was walking past a girl with one of the sharpest knives you were allowed to use. I was so tempted to stab her, no reason why. I didn't hate her but I just wanted to stab her. Then again, I was going through a rough period back then with bullying, thoughts of school shootings and a few friends back stabbing me.

If you don't want to see a psychiatrist, try doing something like chewing gum and just ride it out. See if it fades away.

You sound like me like Half a Year ago, Since then I've cut myself Countless times, Poured Alcohol in the wounds and lit it on Fire, And Stuff like that, I've Mostly secluded myself to the Internet, And I take long walks all the time to think, Plan out how to kill some of the people I know, Thinking about where to hide the Corpses, How to Make sure I don't get caught.

I've been planning to Hide in the mountains for some time now, Fake my own death, And Live up there at day, and Killing at night, eating my Victims for Sustenance, Also Killing some deer and Birds up there.

I've started moving supplies up there, Soon, Death wil overcome the lands.

The Unburdened Mind

At 2/10/08 10:01 AM, Lost-Chances wrote: If you don't want to see a psychiatrist, try doing something like chewing gum and just ride it out. See if it fades away.

I suppose I could just ride it out and see where it goes, not that I didn't plan to do that already. Curiosity has been getting hold of me quite a bit lately though, maybe this feeling will pass and maybe it won't.

At 2/9/08 11:28 PM, Xavon wrote: Whatever, just tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. What is your diagnosis, Newgrounds?

You probably just diagnosed yourself better than I could ever do.

At 2/10/08 10:13 AM, thomtomw wrote: The Unburdened Mind

That's quite intriguing how similar I am to the way they describe.

" 'They are frightened, right? But, you see, I don't really understand it. I've been frightened myself, and it wasn't unpleasant.' -Hare, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us "

This line in particular along with the paragraph or so below it are practically exactly how I feel and what I would be like. I've been frightened before, quite frightened, and I loved the feeling. It was so exhilarating, so refreshing, that fear overwhelmed me and erased every other emotion that was present. I was able to speak differently, speak freely, my sight was enhanced and I remember staring with a hatred in my eyes ready to slit that throat in front of me for the bullshit he's spewing.

(If you want a recap, I was caught at my slutty ex girlfriends house around 6 in the morning one about a half year ago. I spent 3 hours in their kitchen, staring at her father and bitching back and forth until the police arrived and I had to put on my fake innocent act. I got off clean, no charges even though they knew I was fucking their underage slut they dare call a daughter.)

As I was saying though, fear isn't unpleasant to me as that quote above says, I enjoy it.

I'm still reading the link you gave me though, but everything it's said so far relates to me almost perfectly. The little test they included also points out that the probably deduction is to call me a "Psychopath."

the article also says that most psychopaths don't kill, you could focus that energy elsewhere.

At 2/10/08 10:34 AM, thomtomw wrote: the article also says that most psychopaths don't kill, you could focus that energy elsewhere.

They don't kill but harm others in other ways. Stealing, lying, physically harming in other ways besides murder.

At 2/10/08 10:34 AM, thomtomw wrote: the article also says that most psychopaths don't kill, you could focus that energy elsewhere.

Yes, I finished reading it now, and I suppose these traits definitely could be put into something much more productive than a somewhat immature "purify the world" kind of act. I'm listening to a CBC Radio link that site provided, I'll probably check up on all the links at the end of that article in time.

That link was extremely helpful and interesting to me, perhaps I am a psychopath, but I guess that doesn't mean I have to kill someone to satisfy my urges.

mu ha ha ha!

you just EVIL

Interesting topic, so you're saying that you're not entirely sure if you have sociopathic tendencies or not. Let me get some psychology books there but just a word of advice. Maybe you should talk to as many people as you can. Talking helps you from not going mad, talk to anyone, familiy, friends, anyone. Talk about yourself, about your life and about how you feel. Find somebody who listens to you, someone with a lot of life experience.

Hopefully this will help you.

I think it's due to you being more self aware of yourself, your purpose in the world, your awareness of other humans, and your perspective of their purpose on earth.I think it has to do with natural instinct.

Like subconsciously you are decding who is right to be alive or who should be living and who doesnt deserve it.You feel like your one of a kind and that everyone is a pawn.

I'm not saying this is a bad quality of you, your not a psycho.

My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

At 2/10/08 10:53 AM, Sashuno wrote: My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

People are already scared of me, to be honest. Whether they're serious or not I don't know.

No man, I'm a sociopath. I Swanton Bomb my brother off the roof through a table.

At 2/10/08 10:49 AM, SouthAsian wrote: I think it's due to you being more self aware of yourself, your purpose in the world, your awareness of other humans, and your perspective of their purpose on earth.I think it has to do with natural instinct.

Maybe that's true. An old instinct reawakened, or possibly an evolution to take advantage of this current world.

Like subconsciously you are decding who is right to be alive or who should be living and who doesnt deserve it.You feel like your one of a kind and that everyone is a pawn.

Yes, I do feel that way.

I'm not saying this is a bad quality of you, your not a psycho.

It may not be a "bad" quality, but my thoughts aren't very ordinary and I'd say it's possible psychosis.

Yes.

; TL;DR

At 2/10/08 11:01 AM, Xavon wrote:

At 2/10/08 10:53 AM, Sashuno wrote: My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

People are already scared of me, to be honest. Whether they're serious or not I don't know.

I'd be GREAT friends with you, but... most people would be scared. I do think they're scared only because... well, how do I put this? You've snapped in a way... Or at least, that's this society's definition. You seem to have shed most ideals and morals this society has; while this isn't a bad thing, the extent it's gone to has made you sociopathic (much like Charles Manson, in fact, which is quite ironic because I've been fascinated by him as of late).

In any case, You might just be an extreme misanthrope. How do you feel and react...
-in a crowd?
-alone with a person?
-alone in a forest?
-walking past a factory?
-walking through a city?
-when you read a newspaper?

At 2/10/08 12:22 PM, Spartan204 wrote: Yes.

; TL;DR

At 2/9/08 11:38 PM, John12346 wrote: _________________

Also, to everyone else, tl;dr isn't allowed, so don't even try it.

Enjoy your ban you dumb fucker. Hopefully you don't get off for being an ignorant douchebag.

At 2/10/08 12:26 PM, Sashuno wrote:

At 2/10/08 11:01 AM, Xavon wrote:

At 2/10/08 10:53 AM, Sashuno wrote: My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

People are already scared of me, to be honest. Whether they're serious or not I don't know.

I'd be GREAT friends with you, but... most people would be scared. I do think they're scared only because... well, how do I put this? You've snapped in a way... Or at least, that's this society's definition. You seem to have shed most ideals and morals this society has; while this isn't a bad thing, the extent it's gone to has made you sociopathic (much like Charles Manson, in fact, which is quite ironic because I've been fascinated by him as of late).

In any case, You might just be an extreme misanthrope. How do you feel and react...
-in a crowd?

I blend in I suppose, I don't try to stand out but I don't act like something I'm not. I just go with it.

-alone with a person?

I'm extremely different if I'm alone with somebody, my entire personality can change sometimes depending on who it is and what the situation is.

-alone in a forest?

Mysterious, ponderous, inquisitive. I think a lot, sometimes I take walks just to asses my life.

-walking past a factory?

I'd analyze the facility, I'd be tempted to sneak in.

-walking through a city?

Blending in again, no reason to stand out.

-when you read a newspaper?

I don't usually read newspapers, but if I did it'd be to pass the time and I'd only skim it while waiting.

At 2/10/08 09:30 AM, Xavon wrote: Saying I leave at "I just know" kind of makes it seem a little worse than it is. It's not that I just know, I have my basis, but as I said I can't fully describe the process I go through when judging people.

Not to sound sappy but, would it be fair to compare this to love? Solely in the sense that: Love is not intangible, not completely. Only the core emotion is the piece that can't be put to words. With that usually comes a host of very tangible things. I'd say that these tangible things are what we eventually use to rationalize that we are in love or love someone. Without (considering) the pieces that follow or precede the core emotion, I think we'd be very confused as to what the hell is going on inside.

I suppose I can't be fully psychotic while I admit I would rather go after and torture people who deserve it though, but I wouldn't be limited to just "bad" individuals, branching into innocence seems like a possibility..

The innocent have the capacity to be just as enviable or despicable as the bad. So I wouldn't say you'd necesarily have to 'branch out' in order to consider the innocent in the same pot as the bad. You however, seem to make a distinction (or atleast made). It seems to me we may have found a 'tangible' little chunk of that elusive criteria.

The next set of questions would be: What qualifies as innocent? What separates the innocent from the bad? Why are the bad more disposable than the innocent?

Yes, I have tried to make an effort at explaining what I feel through words. Just because I've done that though, doesn't mean I still understand it as well or that I even got half of the message that I wanted out. My justification is quite possibly an impulse, but as I said, it's different in my mind. I've tried to translate what I'm feeling in order to get an answer, because I really don't know.

I think you've convinced me that my signature quote needs a third condition: sensation.

We are creatuse of motivation, through sensation, for justification. The saying's potency I think comes from it being in chronological order. I find the last step to be the most misleading, the second to be the most confusing, and the first to be the most mechanical. Or: least honest, least clear, least "human".

As of now, sensation is getting the most attention, with alittle justification on the side. I think, if you explored justification further, you'd have enough material between the two latter steps, to successfully explore the former. And I think once you've got a clear handle on the former, you'll have a better understanding of the latter two.

Maybe I really don't feel like this, maybe it's just random bursts of hormones

If you reach into a box and feel spaghetti, but it turns out to be jello... you still felt spaghetti. You feel how you feel. What comes of or causes the feeling can change said feeling over time. What you felt still stands.

or maybe I really would go through with all of this someday if I were pushed to the edge. [. . .] there's no way for even me to tell while I'm stuck in this state of confusion.

Even the most wonderful of people probably have the capacity to do 'terrible' things when pushed to the edge.

Perhaps you are able to analyze this situation better than I am.

I highly doubt that. You're in a much better position I think to analyze than I am. For the most part I'm just providing a loose methodology.

At 2/10/08 06:39 PM, ReciprocalAnalogy wrote:

At 2/10/08 09:30 AM, Xavon wrote: Saying I leave at "I just know" kind of makes it seem a little worse than it is. It's not that I just know, I have my basis, but as I said I can't fully describe the process I go through when judging people.

Not to sound sappy but, would it be fair to compare this to love? Solely in the sense that: Love is not intangible, not completely. Only the core emotion is the piece that can't be put to words. With that usually comes a host of very tangible things. I'd say that these tangible things are what we eventually use to rationalize that we are in love or love someone. Without (considering) the pieces that follow or precede the core emotion, I think we'd be very confused as to what the hell is going on inside.

When I think about it, it does feel almost as confusing as love I suppose. I can sense it, but I can't fully understand it, but I know it's there.

I suppose I can't be fully psychotic while I admit I would rather go after and torture people who deserve it though, but I wouldn't be limited to just "bad" individuals, branching into innocence seems like a possibility..

The innocent have the capacity to be just as enviable or despicable as the bad. So I wouldn't say you'd necesarily have to 'branch out' in order to consider the innocent in the same pot as the bad. You however, seem to make a distinction (or atleast made). It seems to me we may have found a 'tangible' little chunk of that elusive criteria.

Possibly.

The next set of questions would be: What qualifies as innocent? What separates the innocent from the bad? Why are the bad more disposable than the innocent?

It's in my head still.

Yes, I have tried to make an effort at explaining what I feel through words. Just because I've done that though, doesn't mean I still understand it as well or that I even got half of the message that I wanted out. My justification is quite possibly an impulse, but as I said, it's different in my mind. I've tried to translate what I'm feeling in order to get an answer, because I really don't know.

I think you've convinced me that my signature quote needs a third condition: sensation.

We are creatuse of motivation, through sensation, for justification. The saying's potency I think comes from it being in chronological order. I find the last step to be the most misleading, the second to be the most confusing, and the first to be the most mechanical. Or: least honest, least clear, least "human".

As of now, sensation is getting the most attention, with alittle justification on the side. I think, if you explored justification further, you'd have enough material between the two latter steps, to successfully explore the former. And I think once you've got a clear handle on the former, you'll have a better understanding of the latter two.

Exploring justification bridges the way to understanding what I feel as a whole, I think I understand a bit of what you're trying to say.

Maybe I really don't feel like this, maybe it's just random bursts of hormones

If you reach into a box and feel spaghetti, but it turns out to be jello... you still felt spaghetti. You feel how you feel. What comes of or causes the feeling can change said feeling over time. What you felt still stands.

Yes, quite an accurate analogy there.

or maybe I really would go through with all of this someday if I were pushed to the edge. [. . .] there's no way for even me to tell while I'm stuck in this state of confusion.

Even the most wonderful of people probably have the capacity to do 'terrible' things when pushed to the edge.

Also very true.

Perhaps you are able to analyze this situation better than I am.

I highly doubt that. You're in a much better position I think to analyze than I am. For the most part I'm just providing a loose methodology.

I'm trying to figure it out as much as I can on my own, to tell the truth I'm somewhat frightened to try and confront any of my real friends or even my girlfriend seriously about this due to what they might think of me. It's always been an open joke that I'd be a murderer or that I'd be a hitman or I'd go psycho, but I don't know what they'd think if they understood everything I've said is serious and true.

I wish I could talk to my girlfriend about it but she's even younger than I am by 2 years, I don't want to put the burden of my mentality on her more than I already have with my other mental issues, and the fact that I don't think she'd be able to handle it very well if I told her I was literally psycho. I'm not quite sure what I should do besides find out what's up inside me on my own.

At 2/10/08 12:03 AM, Xavon wrote:

Though I would cause pain, suffering, and death to other people, and while I don't think it's "normal", I don't believe I would show much remorse for it as long as I were good at it and didn't have any reason to worry about being caught. The only boundary I draw between killing and not killing is the fact that I can't do it without getting caught, just because I have these urges doesn't mean I can't be smart and control them until I can be smarter about things and if I do wind up being some psycho mass murderer one day, hopefully I'll be smart enough not to get caught.

No, Your normal...All humans have that feeling, some however are willing enough to not have the slightest thought about it. You however are different, not for your urges to kill, no, your different because the urges keep coming and you don't act on them, it defies human laws really, All animals(We are animals) act on their instincts eventually.

But then there are those who don't they hold it and hold it and while lying on their death bed 60 years later they hate themselves, they wish they could go back, do something, change the world. Instincts and urges are 100% natural, It is only law that denies us from murder, wild animals often feast on their young, something that would condemn us to a forced state of insanity. Humans demand everything whether others like it or not, changing laws is near impossible, and no one in their right mind would vote for a psycopath...

Now I must tell you, I was a pretty fucked up kid. Sure people tell you they would burn things as a child but they don't really know what they're doing. I would kill defenseless animals such as rabbits and ducks, and I would steal baby geese and leave them in a metal box out in the woods, letting another bird of prey take it away or simply watching it starve to death...I loved the sounds of it dying, I went as far as pushing my grandparents dog over a balcony, it almost died as there were nailed pieces of wood on the ground below. I grew out of this sick habit and for the remaining 8 years of the dogs life, I cringed whenever I saw the poor thing, hating myself for what I had done to it, and yet it still ran up and licked me whenever it saw me...Such a forgiving creature.

Long story short we've all done some screwed up things in our life, but you have to get by them and keep going, otherwise you could end up hurting someone or something you love dearly.

If you really need to kill someone, get arrested for arson or something and then kill someone in prison.

The cure to everything

At 2/28/08 04:37 PM, Chapsticks wrote: The cure to everything

That just cured my herpes , thanks :D