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Sex toys have ruined my life.

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Shaun
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Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:07:55 Reply

I can never look at girl the same way ever again.
I will struggle to look at a girl period.

If you are ever in the situation where a girl mentions that she doesn't need you because she has a "big blue friend" at home.
Do not think, hey, that sounds like a good time.. let's go!
NO!
Do not do that!
NO!
You may think that your penis is adequate, decent size not diseased or bent in a weird place.
perfectly fine.
YOU THINK WRONG.

Unless your penis is fucking huge, can rotate, spin and vibrate and is attached to a fucking big blue dolphin that is strategically placed to find the right spot then you have nothing!

How can we live knowing that we will never be able to match up to that.

My life is ruined.


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McPaper
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:09:27 Reply

As a doctor I advice that you go fuck a watermelon.


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andhination
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:09:32 Reply

Tell her you don't need her because your hand still works.


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g0t
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:11:30 Reply

You know if I was you, I'd ask McPaper what I would do.

He's the only certified doctor on this site y'know.


Gooch for MOD 09'

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Shaun
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:11:35 Reply

This isn't a laughing matter.
I used to be a confident, good looking guy.
I used to think that my penis could satisfy a woman.
That is all gone.

I need serious help.
HALP!


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FalconPunch
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:12:02 Reply

I only have 1 solution.

Kill her.


Thanks for the sig, carbonwater.

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Legionnaire-X
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:13:17 Reply

We can fix you. We have the technology.


KILL ALL SONS A BITCHES.

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ViceFullbuster
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:13:42 Reply

Most girls say there isn't anything like the real thing,just look at it from the perspective.


NOW IS WHEN YOU RAM HAPPY WITH LIFE SAUCE. PSN Screenname - Mooglejoke Wii U Network ID - Mooglejoke - Nintendo 3DS Friend Code 4768-8871-1657

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Heineken69
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:14:08 Reply

Glücklich für mich ist mein feiner deutscher Dick sehr groß, kann spinnen, vibriert und attatched zu einer Delphinsache. ; -)

Lucky for me my fine german dick is huge, can spin, vibrate, and is attatched to a dolphin thing. ;-)
BlueHippo
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:15:32 Reply

I feel inferior knowing a pulsing shower head can do more than me :(


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ClaudeSpeed
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:16:26 Reply

Read the warning labels that works for me.


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Shaun
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:17:44 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:13 PM, Molotov wrote: Most girls say there isn't anything like the real thing,just look at it from the perspective.

The only consolation that I receive was that this huge fucking sex machine wasn't warm like my penis.

Yeah, well I may be warm.. but I've never seen anyone moan like that.

Nobody can compete with a spinning, rotating fucking vibrating monster like that, no one.

I do not see how i will ever be able to go out in public again, it is way to embarrassing.
You should all be ashamed.


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W31RD0
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:20:12 Reply

If the toys werent enough there's me. I use Pringles cans as condoms.

Rideo
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:21:00 Reply

The only thing men have to offer over machines are things outside of penetration, such as kissing, squeezing, hugging, pinching, and naughty talk.

Take comfor in these.


What can a thoughtful man hope for mankind on Earth, given the experience of the past million years? Nothing

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Shaun
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:22:35 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:20 PM, W31RD0 wrote: If the toys werent enough there's me. I use Pringles cans as condoms.

You can cover up your pain with lies.
But it won't last.
You are a fraud and you are fooling no one.

A woman who could be your soul mate is currently masturbating with a fucking big blue dolphin and feels no need for you whatsoever.
You are nothing to her and you never will be.
You are pathetic, weak, ugly and can not vibrate!


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LuceVeneficus
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:23:13 Reply

please... there are still women who typically enjoy the real thing, women that find immense pleasure in not having to screw themselves with fake penises, and enjoy having someone else do it for them with a real one. Women that use sex toys are just as much of a loser as a guy who masturbates every 5 seconds to porn.

So do us all a favor. go out there and find a good-looking, respectable woman who will fuck your ever-loving brains out. the end.


Whoa... Homemade Sig.
I'll be writing a fan-fic soon... it'll probably be about Sonic. Sonic roolz!

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Rideo
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:24:29 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:22 PM, madknt wrote: You are pathetic, weak, ugly and can not vibrate!

Actually you can get these little rings you put around your penis to make your cock vibrate. I used to use them, they definitely made her orgasm faster and higher on several occasions.


What can a thoughtful man hope for mankind on Earth, given the experience of the past million years? Nothing

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nean123
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:24:35 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:09 PM, andhination wrote: Tell her you don't need her because your hand still works.

Haha, quoted for great justice.

W31RD0
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:25:34 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:23 PM, LuceVeneficus wrote: Women that use sex toys are just as much of a loser as a guy who masturbates every 5 seconds to porn.

So women who maturbate on occasion is as perverse as a guy who chronically masturbates.

Sounds like someones a little sexist.

Fluffington
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:26:33 Reply

Maybe you should try to be a better boyfriend? But nooooo


You know what would be really neat? These things actually being noticeable.

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Simpson10p
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:28:12 Reply

Something like this?

Sex toys have ruined my life.


Proudly breaching international copyright laws since early 1993!!!

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LuceVeneficus
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:28:53 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:25 PM, W31RD0 wrote:
At 12/28/07 01:23 PM, LuceVeneficus wrote: Women that use sex toys are just as much of a loser as a guy who masturbates every 5 seconds to porn.
So women who maturbate on occasion is as perverse as a guy who chronically masturbates.

Sounds like someones a little sexist.

a man masturbating is just about as natural as the grass growing. and women masturbation is just as natural.

but women masturbating with said "big blue dolphin" and guys masturbating to pornography (I retract my statement about the 5 seconds) is pretty much wrong.


Whoa... Homemade Sig.
I'll be writing a fan-fic soon... it'll probably be about Sonic. Sonic roolz!

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Simpson10p
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:29:42 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:25 PM, W31RD0 wrote:
At 12/28/07 01:23 PM, LuceVeneficus wrote: Women that use sex toys are just as much of a loser as a guy who masturbates every 5 seconds to porn.
So women who maturbate on occasion is as perverse as a guy who chronically masturbates.

Sounds like someones a little sexist.

Oh!!! Who were told!


Proudly breaching international copyright laws since early 1993!!!

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g0t
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:29:56 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:26 PM, LickitySplit wrote:
At 12/28/07 01:15 PM, BlueHippo wrote: I feel inferior knowing a pulsing shower head can do more than me :(
or a banana for that matter

trust me, i'm a doctor.

The only certified Doctor on this site is McPaper.

I'd like to see your credentials.


Gooch for MOD 09'

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Hyter
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:34:24 Reply

God damnit!
The machines won again.
We must go to war against them.
Fuck technology! DESTROY IT ALL!

Let's get our women back.


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DaVeB0T
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:35:10 Reply

Someday I will surgically attach a dildo to my crotch

Shaun
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:39:37 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:26 PM, Frank-The-Hedgehog wrote: Maybe you should try to be a better boyfriend? But nooooo

I don't do the boyfriend thing.
I used to think of myself as a sex toy of sorts.
Not any more.

Since when were there so many fucking doctors here, Shrapnel is the only doctor on the bbs.

At 12/28/07 01:28 PM, Simpson10p wrote: Something like this?

Sort of, it had the pearls.
But it had a fucking dolphin as well.
It also didn't have a remote.

At 12/28/07 01:24 PM, Rideo wrote:
At 12/28/07 01:22 PM, madknt wrote: You are pathetic, weak, ugly and can not vibrate!
Actually you can get these little rings you put around your penis to make your cock vibrate. I used to use them, they definitely made her orgasm faster and higher on several occasions.

times that orgasm by 1000 and that's what i witnessed tonight.

At 12/28/07 01:35 PM, DaVeB0T wrote: Someday I will surgically attach a dildo to my crotch

I am beginning to think it is the only way forward.
It is the only way we will be able to compete in such a ferocious market place.


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Crynsos
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 13:42:16 Reply

At 12/28/07 01:14 PM, Heineken69 wrote: Glücklich für mich ist mein feiner deutscher Dick sehr groß, kann spinnen, vibriert und attatched zu einer Delphinsache. ; -)

Nice try at speaking german, but still terrible to read for a native german... X_X

And about the main topic, how about "borrowing" her toy for a while (if you were talking about a gf you lost to a toy), telling her to know who stole it (without actually saying it) and then giving her the night of her life? Maybe she will then think different...

If the problem spread like a plague through all the girls nearby... sorry, but the world can't be perfect for everyone...


How to be a NewGrounds Mod:
1. Make a topic called "hey" and post "make me a moderator" and please wait for up to 20 mins... OR
2.
Use common sense... (and your brain)

Shaun
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 14:07:01 Reply

You people seem to underestimate the seriousness of this issue.
Does my life really mean this little to you?
I thought we were friends.

I need advice. How do I get my confidence back?


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Rideo
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Response to Sex toys have ruined my life. 2007-12-28 14:10:10 Reply

At 12/28/07 02:07 PM, madknt wrote: I need advice. How do I get my confidence back?

Stop relying on your sex life for confidence. Maybe take up an instrument so you can feel like you rock at something?

Or also realize that women prefer men way over a machine because a machine will never tell her that it loves her and won't protect her and bring home the bacon and anything that you can possibly do outside of give her an orgasm.


What can a thoughtful man hope for mankind on Earth, given the experience of the past million years? Nothing

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