Once upon a midnight dreary, while I posted, weak and weary,
Composing many vile and hateful postings of abysmal bore,
While I typed out many rantings, suddenly there came a whining,
As of some one gently talking, talking from my monitor.
"'Tis some pop-up," I muttered, "from deep within my monitor --
Only this, and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying spammer brought its wrath upon the board.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; -- vainly I had tried to borrow
From my posts relief from sorrow -- sorrow for those posts of lore--
For the rare and brilliant posts whom the vets do long for more--
Nameless here for evermore.
And the spammers fate, uncertain, for them perhaps the final curtain
Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic warmth I never felt before;
But for now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis some smiley pop up worming itself through my monitor--
Just some Viagra pop up, how it disturbs my monitor; --
This it is, and nothing more."
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I am content, I require no Hot Girls, yet,
I do believe however that you appear on my monitor,
I don't believe I need you " -- here I closed the free hardcore; ----
Newgrounds there and nothing more.
Deep into that window peering, long I stood there shivering, fearing,
Doubting, these shock sites no mortal ever dared to see before;
But for the topic of the spammer, and the lack of the banhammer,
And the only word there spoken was the thread title, "Hardcore!"
This I whispered and an echo murmured back the word, "Hardcore!" --
Merely this, and nothing more.
Then with the shock site closing, innocence within me burning,
Soon I heard again a murmur somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something in my windows folder;
Let me see what virus is, and this mystery explore --
Let my cursor still a moment and this mystery explore;--
'Tis a glitch and nothing more!"
Here I opened up Mozilla, and after much trash and filler,
In there stepped a stately mod, of the saintly days of yore;
Not a single word spoke he; not a post or blog made he;
But, with the grace of an admin, he browsed through that dreadful chore --
Raised above with green and gold, just above the General board--
Browsed, and lurked, and nothing more.
Then this chocolate man enticing my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern image of the signature it wore,
"As thy blog be short and clean, thou," I said, "art sure no lean,
Merciless and troubled spammer wandered from the chan of four--
Tell me what thy username is on the Mod forums of lore!"
Quoth the mod, "Alastor."
Much I marvelled this ungainly user to write quite so plainly,
Though its message little meaning -- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no 'zero seven' being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing this mod on the Newgrounds floor--
Man or beast monitoring the welfare of the General board,
With such name as "Alastor."
But the mod, then sitting boldly on the online list, said only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered -- no private message muttered --
Till I scarcely more than PM'd "Other friends been banned before --
When I sign out he will leave me, as my hopes been banned before."
Quoth the mod, "Alastor."
Wondering at the stillness dispatched by reply so aptly attached,
"Doubtless," said I, "what the mod posts is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast from far too many spam posts that he had endured--
Despair returned, instead of the smart posts that he dared long for--
That sad answer, "Never -- Alastor."
But the admin still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I clicked upon his profile hoping there to find out more;
Then, after quite some thinking, I betook myself to linking
Posting unto blogging, thinking what this ominous mod of yore --
What this cunning and beguiling mysterious mod of yore
Meant in posting "Alastor."
This I sat engaged in lurking, not a single post messaging
Watching the mod whose set stare now burned into my ego's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my e-penis declining
On the newgrounds message board that the wise vets gloated o'er,
But that plush general forum with the proud noobs gloating o'er,
I shall post, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the spam grew denser, controlled by nary a censor
Led by racist teenagers whose comments filled the gen'ral board.
"Wretch," I cried, "Rick Astley lent thee -- from the 4 chan he hath sent thee
Respite -- respite from banning, for posts of the general floor;
Let me take a mercy banning and forget this hentai gore!"
Quoth the mod "Alastor."
"Vile mod, cruel poser! - admin still, OP or poster! -
Hath thou given me a banning, redirected me to 404?
Alone, you seem all undaunted, on this desert board enchanted --
On this account by bans haunted -- tell me truly, I implore --
Mod, is there reason for this ban? -- tell me -- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the mod "Alastor."
"User!" I said, "Thing of evil -- moderator, if god or devil!
By the Fulps that post above us -- by that 'God' we both adore --
Tell this user, faith unsure, am I still banned in distant future,
Reverse your ban, for from the vets and regs this account has support--
This fine account shall not be lost amongst the spam forevermore!"
Quoth the mod "Alastor."
"Be that post our sign in parting, online mod!" I shrieked, restarting --
"Get thee back into the meme-haven known of as the chan of four!
Do not brand me as a spammer; Alastor, lift your banhammer!
Leave my best account unbanned! - Begone into 404!
Take thy ban from off my user, my perfect status shall restore!"
Quoth the mod "Alastor."
And Alastor, never posting, still is lurking, still is lurking
From those hidden mod forums by one he raises his ban score;
And his stare has all the seeming of a mangled shock site screaming,
And with screen-light o'er him streaming stamps his mark on General Board;
And my soul from the ban that prevents me posting on the floor
Shall be lifted -- nevermore!
