The Santa Conspiracy!!!

[EKublai]

I'm tired of people talking about this God-like Santa Claus. All the flaws of the story.

1. Can get through a roof even though he's fat.
2. Can deliver presents to every good girl and every good boy on earth in a single night.
3. Additionally, can actually eat all of the cookies and milk left out for him on Christmas.
4. Flies by the pull of reindeer on his sleigh.
5. Keeps tabs on whose naughty and who's nice.
6. Santa has been doing this for hundreds of years.
7. His workshop is run by hundreds of little elves in the northpole
8. His elves can build stuff like PS3's, Ipods, and live ponies.
9. He is an infinitely merry and altruistic person.
10. He is at war with satan

1. The fact is, is that no man can physically accomplish making himself smaller than he really is, you cannot change shoulder width, waist depth, and to a limited fashion, size of an enormous belly.
Santa must in fact be a very skinny man that actually must be able fit through such tight quarters.
And what if there's no chimney at all? Never thought of that did you? In fact, Santa Claus is an expert hacker and deactivates alarm system before surreptitiously picking the lock and delievering the presents to the corner of the room.

2. There is no realistically possible way for one man to do all this in a single night. Therefore, we must conclude that there are many Santas. 100's of Thousands, possibly millions using the approximately 7 or 8 hours afforded to them to deliver gifts to children locally.

3. This problem is solved by simple observation. Most likely milk and cookies have fallen out of practice in some households. But more importantly I note that when I wake up, the milk and cookies have onlyu been about half consumed. Obviously Santa must pace himself in order to signify his presence at every household equally.

4. Reindeers don't fly. Just getting that our of the way. As for the transportation preference of Santa, take your pick. Car, Public Transportation. Since there are many santas they only have to deliver locally, if it is necessary to travel long distances, Santa will take a private Jet. If this true, that particular Santa must be exceedingly rich.

5. Actually this is definitely possible and probably true, tho of course he has no Crystal ball to see through, there is a little something called wire-tapping. But don't worry, the invasion of privacy is only done to see if you've done something bad... Santas probably work for the feds or hold a powerful political position.

6. The oldest person to ever live was 122 (documented cases) Again this man cannot be immortal. So we can only conclude sinc ethe title of Santa has been passed on so secretly that it is being passed as a title of Nobility or more likely the case, Santa Claus itself is a Federal Occupation, which explain all the government tie-ins such as the postoffice delivering mail to santa. This means that the memorable film, "Miracle on 34th street" is Government propaganda, attempting to erase such a connection. The shall thus be treated as said propaganda.

7. There is nothing in the North Pole, no electricity, no sunshine (so no solar power except i the summer, though wind energy is probably invaluable) and no source of oil or other resources that could help in the building. For the toys that are actually manufactured, they need to be made somewhere where production costs are cheap, workers even cheaper, and resources available in excess. My thought is that this is centered in Malaysia and the fabled "elves" are non-paid slave children kidnapped from their homes.

8. While this might be true for a Chinese Santa Claus, we cannot expect the workshops of these Claus' to be so extravagant and advanced. How about we say then, that these are company CEO who will gladly give away a few of their PS3's to spread the word of its greatness around. Very lucrative ideology Santa has. Also, live ponies can't be built as funding for clone construction is extremely limited in most countries.

9. I daresay he is happy when the profits roll in, but how could someone who treats children in Malaysia as slaves been considered altruistic? Same with lying to the little children about the true intentions of CEO Santa. What?!

10. Sadly this is true.

[peyoteclock]

congratulations on not understanding the childhood magic that is santa clause.

[Sawdust]

Don't get it?SANTA IS A SAINT!WHICH MEANS HE HAS GODLY POWERS!!Or a fat Jesus with a beard.

[Samen]

At 11/11/07 12:54 AM, peyoteclock wrote: congratulations on not understanding the childhood magic that is santa clause.

Indeed
</thread>

[McFooFa]

At 11/11/07 01:00 AM, Xmanne wrote: Or a fat Jesus with a beard.

Oh my fucking god.

That's actually a brilliant theory.

[EKublai]

At 11/11/07 01:01 AM, Samen wrote:

At 11/11/07 12:54 AM, peyoteclock wrote: congratulations on not understanding the childhood magic that is santa clause.

Indeed
</thread>

AS bitch

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removeDumbass("Samen")
gotoandPlay(1st Post, "The Santa Conspiracy!!!")
}

[Grimscott]

At 11/11/07 12:53 AM, EKublai wrote: I'm tired of people talking about this God-like Santa Claus.

Well, there you go. He's a God. Not just any God, though, one that can travel time. Like Waldo.

Enjoy having a cookout with all the coal you're gonna get.

[Kuro]

All this seems to be based on the assumption that Santa isn't magic.

Which he is.

[homor]

you're a fucking dunce.

seriously, just shut the fuck up, all of your points have been brought up before, and they have been disproved with "santa is magic"

its not that hard to understand, you fucking idiot.

[MDJ182000]

You are like one of those people who ruin Christmas spirit! Damn... Magic is the key word there.

Let the jolly fatass be! I like presents with his name... Never gotta worry about a return gift.

[Lagerkapo]

You've done your homework, but why? This is all stuff we've all known since we were 3-7.

[EKublai]

I believe this to be an appropriate time to remind people of the DANGERS involving the belief of a "santa claus" in the traditional sense. If we are to believe in a Santa Claus, the belief must be based on the outline as I have drawn out above.

[WhoMe232]

why the hell are you so obssesed over disproving santa claus. GIVE THE OLD MAN A BREAK

[sonickles]

to know exactly who's naughty and nice I think he's just a jolly stalker

[enonymous420]

this website proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, that christ-mess is the grandest of all pagan festivals.. i found it very interesting

im not bashing yoshua ben yosef, our lord and savior

[silverman10]

nice work-the Santa theory is soundly debunked.oh and if you all still believe in Santa and your not 6 yrs old your retarded.