Looking around, it is abundantly apparent that the Newgrounds populace has an avid interest in story writing, and as such will most likely benefit from a deluge of flawless and extremely helpful advice. I, being the recipient of several awards and various accolades for my writing ability - and having a few of my works published - have therefore decided it is time to pass on my veritable treasure-trove of advice to the less fortunate amongst you. So, dearest and most beloved reader, I humbly bequeath to you my nigh-on infinite knowledge.
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Spelling and Grammar:
Neither of the aforementioned is important at all; in fact, you can pretty much discard them off-hand, because chances are you won't need them whatsoever in your quest to become a successful BBS writer.
I mean, let's face it folks, ninety percent of computers these days have some manner of spell-checker installed, ensuring that you can just type away without any degree of worry at all. On the off-chance that a misspelt word or grammatical error does slip its way into your masterpiece, don't fret - the reader will probably know what you mean anyway.
Characters:
The character is the crux of your literary wonder. Without a character, your story will inevitably end up as nothing more than a bland and somewhat boring description of an object or setting - and nobody wants to read that kind of moronic fluff. Therefore, you'll want to make your characters as awesome and tremendously badass as possible. Here's how:
Go with what works. Clichés are just that for a reason - they're tried and tested methods that work so well that they've consequently been deployed countless times, each and every one ending with overt success. If people like something then there's absolutely no reason to change it, is there? No. There isn't. So if your crime-story's protagonist isn't a chain-smoking, gruff detective with a troubled past and a dead wife - you've probably failed already. Find a well and die in it.
Also, adding emotional depth and psychological reasoning for your characters actions is the utter and absolute height of faggotry. Don't do it.
The Story:
I cannot stress enough how much this goes in line with character - clichés work, so you should always be rolling with them.
That aside, you'll want to keep your reader gripped from the beginning to the inevitable, white-knuckle, roller-coaster ride of an ending. To do this, you're going to have to cut out the vast majority of setting descriptions and the depth of your dialogue. What this means at the basic, fundamental level is that you will be cutting all the pansy bullshit that nobody likes, and diving straight in to the action. I mean, who the fuck wants to know where they are or why your characters are shooting at their Mother; only that they are - and that they're damn good at it. This grabs the reader instantly in and makes them go with your story, foregoing all the tedious acrimony that comes with getting to know a character and their reasons for doing something. Immersion is for losers, after all.
Another thing you'll want included is a gratuitous amount of gore, a huge degree of violence and copious coitus. There is utterly no way that you can write a good story without having needless and irrelevant helpings of the aforementioned devices. In fact, you should probably fill the entirety of it up with only those; it's not as if silly little things like a plot matter, anyway.
Additionally, your story should almost always be set in the future or on a pirate ship. Not that it actually matters where it's set or why your characters would be in such a place, of course, but it's always nice to throw it a single mention for the subsequent baditude factor.
Dialogue:
Always make it short, snappy and abundant with witticisms - but only for your protagonists. Filler characters should never have any good lines, nor should they utter anything of any significant relevance.
Antagonists should only ever say evil, abhorrent things and never anything that is morally objective - otherwise, how would we know they were the bad guys?
Cock jokes, too.
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Well, I think that's all you need to get your stories started right now, kiddy-winks. Although looking around and reading some of your wondrous tales, it would seem the majority of you have taken on board these points already.
