Only In America

[kojama]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

*Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well.... a bit late huh?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...nahhh... Really??...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[LordJaric]

At 8/26/07 06:21 PM, kojama wrote: 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

I laughed my ass off with this one.

[JakeHero]

It's good to see kojama can read urbandictionary.com's definition of America.

lame ass

[escudo0]

At 8/26/07 06:34 PM, JakeHero wrote: It's good to see kojama can read urbandictionary.com's definition of America.

lame ass

Don't forget the numerous George Carlin ripoffs in there.

[kojama]

At 8/26/07 06:46 PM, escudo0 wrote:

At 8/26/07 06:34 PM, JakeHero wrote: It's good to see kojama can read urbandictionary.com's definition of America.

lame ass

Don't forget the numerous George Carlin ripoffs in there.

u fuckers will taste my dick

[tony4moroney]

At 8/26/07 06:50 PM, kojama wrote:

At 8/26/07 06:46 PM, escudo0 wrote:

At 8/26/07 06:34 PM, JakeHero wrote: It's good to see kojama can read urbandictionary.com's definition of America.

lame ass

Don't forget the numerous George Carlin ripoffs in there.

u fuckers will taste my dick

so youre into male bondage?

[nipples4894]

Bottom line is that forums are for topics. This topic being politics.

Stop posting here.

[LordJaric]

At 8/26/07 07:01 PM, nipples4894 wrote: Bottom line is that forums are for topics. This topic being politics.

Stop posting here.

Um, this is the politics fourm.

[tony4moroney]

At 8/26/07 07:07 PM, LordJaric wrote:

At 8/26/07 07:01 PM, nipples4894 wrote: Bottom line is that forums are for topics. This topic being politics.

Stop posting here.

Um, this is the politics fourm.

i think what hes trying to say is this thread belongs in general

[LordJaric]

At 8/26/07 07:09 PM, tony4moroney wrote:

At 8/26/07 07:07 PM, LordJaric wrote:

At 8/26/07 07:01 PM, nipples4894 wrote: Bottom line is that forums are for topics. This topic being politics.

Stop posting here.

Um, this is the politics fourm.

i think what hes trying to say is this thread belongs in general

He said "This topic being politics"

[SlithVampir]

At 8/26/07 06:34 PM, JakeHero wrote: It's good to see kojama can read urbandictionary.com's definition of America.

lame ass

We don't like copy n pasters here very much at NG

Still funny, though

[kojama]

At 8/26/07 07:57 PM, SlithVampir wrote:

At 8/26/07 06:34 PM, JakeHero wrote: It's good to see kojama can read urbandictionary.com's definition of America.

lame ass

We don't like copy n pasters here very much at NG

Still funny, though

My point is that the human rece is puting caution every wear.....in the stone age would have we survived with caution....no....we had to take chances......now in the 21st centary we sue everyone....we bring r selfs below what we are......in essencicne we are fucking retarded

[a2toedmonkey]

At 8/26/07 08:51 PM, kojama wrote:

My point is that the human rece is puting caution every wear.....in the stone age would have we survived with caution....no....we had to take chances......now in the 21st centary we sue everyone....we bring r selfs below what we are......in essencicne we are fucking retarded

wow ..........spelling errors? or was that intended?

[BrickMurus]

At 8/26/07 08:51 PM, kojama wrote: My point is that the human rece is puting caution every wear.....in the stone age would have we survived with caution....no....we had to take chances......now in the 21st centary we sue everyone....we bring r selfs below what we are......in essencicne we are fucking retarded

Your point, have you ever made a point before? To make a point one would have to first have some idea of the topic they are discussing, and then have compiled copious amounts of data to support the point of view they have on the subject. I will agree with you though kojama, in essence, you are fucking retarded.

[Empanado]

At 8/26/07 06:21 PM, kojama wrote: Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

It's not, you're just lazy.

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Dogs.

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Because then the plane would be too busy to lift off.

Also, make original posts instead of copy&pasting. Not that I think you actually have something to say.

[Ursine]

At 8/26/07 06:21 PM, kojama wrote: 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Everybody wants a hotdog but not everybody wants a bun.

[Cuppa-LettuceNog]

So... was there a point in there? Other then, even when your plagerizing, you still manage to ruin a joke?

[swordkill]

well, some of that stuff isn't only in america, we got it in england too!

[D2Kvirus]

At 8/26/07 06:21 PM, kojama wrote:
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Most chemists have the dispensary at the back of the store - it's probably the supermarket theory that somebody will walk in for their prescription, but en route decide they need some cough syrup, a pack of condoms, and a wrist support.

However, most other countries don't sell cigarettes at the chemist, as they realise that's just dumb on so many levels. Or so capitalistic they're looking for repat business...

[morefngdbs]

Only in america

[SlithVampir]

At 8/27/07 11:17 AM, swordkill wrote: well, some of that stuff isn't only in america, we got it in england too!

That's cause Bush and Blair fuck on a regular basis

[Proteas]

At 8/26/07 06:21 PM, kojama wrote: You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Because then the plane would be to heavy to take off, DUH.

[morefngdbs]

At 8/27/07 11:28 AM, SlithVampir wrote:

At 8/27/07 11:17 AM, swordkill wrote: well, some of that stuff isn't only in america, we got it in england too!

That's cause Bush and Blair fuck on a regular basis

Slith, Blair is not longer the P.M of Britian. It a guy named Brown right now.

[D2Kvirus]

Only in America does a bottle of water have the salt and fat content listed on the label. It's water, people, I think you can work that out for yourselves.

And can anyone tell me why the boxes you get with McDonalds and Burger King burgers say "To be eaten as part of a balanced meal"? I don't recall those being offered, so are you supposed to buy a WHopper, run around the supermarket getting salad and veg, preparing the meal as your burger congeals...and relaising it wouldv've been cheaper to buy some mince and make your own burger, which would probably be better for you anyway?

[Korriken]

At 8/26/07 08:51 PM, kojama wrote:

My point is that the human rece is puting caution every wear.....in the stone age would have we survived with caution....no....we had to take chances......now in the 21st centary we sue everyone....we bring r selfs below what we are......in essencicne we are fucking retarded

there is no point here, you copied from another website and pasted it here, without giving credit to the website, which is plagiarism. also, I believe you may benefit from some of these fine products. you know.... one period..... is enough to stop a sentence... your sentences.... they do not have that mucn momentum.... that it takes.... 4 or 5 periods.... to stop them.... also.... typing like this..... is so not cool.... typng lk this iz noy kool ether.... u shud uze a fokkin.......................... spill cheaker.....

seriously, take the time to make a proper post. if you spent 2 minutes on a post, we can tell.

[Joe67]

I love it when Politics are made fun of.

[lumpypaint]

god im glad this is my first thread i read on newgrounds... i laughed my ass off with the swedish chainsaw one...

[tony4moroney]

At 8/27/07 11:39 AM, D2Kvirus wrote: Only in America does a bottle of water have the salt and fat content listed on the label. It's water, people, I think you can work that out for yourselves.

i dont recall ever reading that on the labels :S, but then again i rarely drink bottled water.

[hoodman]

the us is not as good as u think u no

[Jon4life]

Thats how the cookie crumbles.