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Forum Topic: God wants me dead.

(16,702 views • 317 replies)

This topic is 11 pages long. [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 ]

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HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT

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Posted at: 8/26/07 02:05 PM

HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT EVIL LEVEL 21

Sign-Up: 06/28/04

Posts: 3,736

And it keeps coming...

This leaves me with 3 days. If God is going to rest today, than so will I. I am exhausted. I am receiving soup, but I am still weak. My mid section still pains. I am restricted to light activity only. Fuck that, I have a war to win. Does inter-ethereal war count as light activity? For America perhaps, but for me, no chance.

It is lunch time. I have had soup. I am happy. I am content. I decide to go for a walk. Walking is important after staying in hospital because the lungs become congested from disuse. While I might not be on speaking terms with my bastard child kidneys, I happen to enjoy a mutual friendship with my lungs. Therefore, I will protect them. I will walk.

I walk in the nature reserve often and without incident. Today however, I would encounter God's auxiliary units, from which I would learn one thing.

God still wants local man dead.

I am ten, maybe fifteen minutes into the walk. I'm walking through the big nature reserve near my house. It's pleasant, but the reserve has somewhat of a bad reputation. Today though, I am just happy to enjoy the quiet of nature and the sunshine. The track narrows to a small rock-crossing over the remnants of an eroded creek. One person crosses at a time.

I walk down to the creek. A kid, maybe 17, maybe 18, sits on a BMX in the centre of the crossing. He has acne everywhere and a shit haircut. I was once told bogan's love rust, but inner-city bogans are of a different variety. They like chrome. Anything chrome is the bomb. The shinier, the better. They are Chrome Bogans.

This BMX was shiny. I figured it was stolen. Chrome Bogan's can't afford bikes. That bogans have adapted to ride them is a marvel of evolution unto itself.

"What the fuck do you want."

Yeah, this is going to be pleasant. I tell him to step aside. I add ", kid" to the end of it.

Chrome Bogans don't like to be belittled. They are the Adam and Eve of psycho nurse - all traits inherited.

"Fuck you dickhead."

Chrome Bogan looks at my tee-shirt. He's looking for an add-on to his own insult. He's doing a shit job. My shirt reads "O-week," as in university O-week.

"O-week. What fucking gay shit is that."

I would kill him if I could. Shame I can't. My next move defies logic, and is not one I would take again. I have reason to believe my kidneys had already boarded flights to Fiji at the time of the incident. My brain most likely had detached from my spinal cord; dug a fox-hole, and bunkered down. Wherever the hell the three of them were, they weren't with me at the time. I speak flatly.

"Fucked if I know. But the O reminds me of the face you make when you're sucki-"

I never did get to finish that sentence. Shame. Twas' snappy.

I get king-hit in the back of the head, off-centre by someone I didn't realise was behind me. I go straight to the ground like a dead weight. Chrome Bogan dismounts and kicks me in the upper back. Shit hurts. Agony. White flecks are filling my vision. I don't want to pass out. I feel rustling in my jeans pocket.

PM me if you love me. 96 people <3 me. MY BIRTHDAY IS AUGUST 19. Classy women are sexy.

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Link50000

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Posted at: 8/26/07 02:09 PM

Link50000 FAB LEVEL 22

Sign-Up: 05/22/05

Posts: 2,578

Wow this is getting so hot. :D

PM me if you LOVE jewish arm pits....25 people LOVE jewish armpits :D
WiiTogether | Gaming HQ | Ultimate anime & manga downloads.

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HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT

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Posted at: 8/26/07 02:20 PM

HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT EVIL LEVEL 21

Sign-Up: 06/28/04

Posts: 3,736

At 8/26/07 02:13 PM, elementell wrote: this is the ending

Hey thanks, asshole :D.

PM me if you love me. 96 people <3 me. MY BIRTHDAY IS AUGUST 19. Classy women are sexy.

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AapoJoki

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Posted at: 8/26/07 02:26 PM

AapoJoki LIGHT LEVEL 28

Sign-Up: 02/27/04

Posts: 6,412

God seems to be rather displeased with me as well, considering that I've been having pains too. Maybe it's because of all the Richard Dawkins videos I watched on YouTube... although that doesn't explain why Professor Dawkins himself seems to have quite a satisfying and fulfilled life.


None

Yagottalikeme

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Posted at: 8/26/07 02:38 PM

Yagottalikeme NEUTRAL LEVEL 07

Sign-Up: 03/24/05

Posts: 160

At 8/26/07 02:13 PM, elementell wrote: A ruined ending.

I bet you feel good about yourself now that you've taken some form of killing time away from people you've never met.

Hmm. I see.

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Abomination

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Posted at: 8/26/07 03:12 PM

Abomination LIGHT LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 04/06/06

Posts: 1,685

At 8/26/07 02:13 PM, elementell wrote: this is the ending

You unbelievable fuck. You ruined it, that story is fucking amazing. No matter what the ending is. And now you ruined it, ruined my time. Ruined my fun.

Go die.


None

NewGroundsLvLER

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Posted at: 8/26/07 03:59 PM

NewGroundsLvLER LIGHT LEVEL 09

Sign-Up: 07/20/07

Posts: 264

At 8/26/07 03:12 PM, Abomination wrote:
At 8/26/07 02:13 PM, elementell wrote: this is the ending
You unbelievable fuck. You ruined it, that story is fucking amazing. No matter what the ending is. And now you ruined it, ruined my time. Ruined my fun.

Go die.

pen0rs in a bag

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Expressionless

waterbeast

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Posted at: 8/30/07 07:36 AM

waterbeast NEUTRAL LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 05/28/07

Posts: 417

... oooooookkkkaaaayyyyyyyyy...wierd


Angry

HTID

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Posted at: 8/30/07 08:16 AM

HTID DARK LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 08/13/05

Posts: 1,199

At 8/26/07 02:13 PM, elementell wrote:

I. Hate. j00. You ruined the best BBS story of all time you little fuck stick. I'm not happy, and shit's about to hit the fan. Big time.


None

SpeedMetalSandwich

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Posted at: 8/30/07 08:18 AM

SpeedMetalSandwich NEUTRAL LEVEL 24

Sign-Up: 08/11/05

Posts: 6,227

Bookmarked so fucking hard. And fuck the little prick who posted the ending.

even though i didn't read it.

||Metal Hell||Choc-Milk Crew||C&C Regular||Doom Crew||I <3 Metal||Sig by UnknownFury||

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FluffyBunnyMan

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Posted at: 8/30/07 09:08 AM

FluffyBunnyMan LIGHT LEVEL 26

Sign-Up: 07/16/05

Posts: 547

Oh my fucking god that was bloody brilliant... The Japanese School Girl thread was like a 9/10 but this is better... I can't believe I'm doing this but... You get a 10/10. I love your wording SOOO much! It is truly hilarious! It is sad how some cunts linked the actual forum, it sure did ruin it for a lot of people but I have remained true and honorable, I have not faltered and read that site. I remain here. I remain faithful.

This usually never happens, and probably will never happen again but...

You get FluffyBunyMan's patented thumbs up!

God wants me dead.


None

FullyClothedMike

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Posted at: 8/30/07 09:09 AM

FullyClothedMike FAB LEVEL 38

Sign-Up: 03/20/04

Posts: 4,246

At 8/30/07 09:08 AM, FluffyBunnyMan wrote: You get FluffyBunyMan's patented thumbs up!

LOL
I used that thumb in an animation project in school last year. :P
It failed.
...
Miserably.


Elated

Totalaniolation

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Posted at: 8/30/07 09:47 AM

Totalaniolation DARK LEVEL 09

Sign-Up: 04/07/06

Posts: 344

I stoped after VH day IT WAS A GREAT STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sole online companion
Pheromones, pick up lines without talking.
My Wife

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Totalaniolation

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Posted at: 8/30/07 09:49 AM

Totalaniolation DARK LEVEL 09

Sign-Up: 04/07/06

Posts: 344

At 8/26/07 02:12 PM, elementell wrote: this is going to be a sparta ending, it doesent even comply the rest of the story, all it sais is THIS IS SPARTAAAAA

its fucking retarded, you should all just stop reading this and read a good book or something

ASSHOLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!

My sole online companion
Pheromones, pick up lines without talking.
My Wife

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Angry

redaznrocket789

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Posted at: 8/30/07 11:03 AM

redaznrocket789 LIGHT LEVEL 16

Sign-Up: 02/13/06

Posts: 28

fuck whoever ruined it, best story eveer

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elementell

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Posted at: 8/30/07 08:32 PM

elementell FAB LEVEL 12

Sign-Up: 06/29/06

Posts: 1,445

At 8/26/07 02:20 PM, HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT wrote:
At 8/26/07 02:13 PM, elementell wrote: this is the ending
Hey thanks, asshole :D.

your absolutley welcome :D


None

Zombie-Genocide

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Posted at: 8/30/07 08:48 PM

Zombie-Genocide EVIL LEVEL 11

Sign-Up: 03/07/07

Posts: 1,468

THIS! IS! SPARTAAAA!

. ELEMENTLE! IS! A ASSHOLLLE!

i mean come on even if it did end that way it would still be funny...


None

AlexMoosh

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Posted at: 8/30/07 08:54 PM

AlexMoosh EVIL LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 03/12/07

Posts: 1,521

Dude, this is a fucking awesome story.


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wisthekiller

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Posted at: 8/30/07 09:00 PM

wisthekiller EVIL LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 07/18/06

Posts: 206

nice story

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Sephiroth29910

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Posted at: 8/30/07 09:24 PM

Sephiroth29910 LIGHT LEVEL 07

Sign-Up: 08/07/06

Posts: 690

At 8/26/07 02:13 PM, elementell wrote: this is the ending

Can I say TROLL???

95% of teens are addicted to Myspace, if you are part of the 5% who have a life, paste this into your sig.
WADE CHANGE MY NAME TO AXIUS PLZ! Dekuboy made mah siggy!

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Elated

MonkeyV

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Posted at: 8/30/07 10:30 PM

MonkeyV NEUTRAL LEVEL 11

Sign-Up: 02/21/07

Posts: 2,044

dude keep writing, i didnt read the end! this is the best story i have ever read on newgrounds! and elementell, go fuck off you prick.

ngfan14 love you long time!!!
WANT TO ATTENTION WHORE YOURSELF MORE EFFICIENTLY ? CLICK HERE!
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AnAndersonsAngel

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Posted at: 8/30/07 10:36 PM

AnAndersonsAngel LIGHT LEVEL 02

Sign-Up: 08/30/07

Posts: 5

At 8/25/07 01:44 PM, HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT wrote: I pissed him off. Pissed him off good. I don't know what sent him over the edge. Maybe it was my off-color, sacreligious sense of humour. Whatever it was, one thing is clear - the great skyfairy wants hardcore vengeance, and he wants it now.

I can see why, but I don't think that God is that mean. I think its food poisoning, or intestinal cramps. Oh, and "skyfairy" doesn't help. ^^ ...but its funny.

"We are the messengers of the Lord. His will be done. Despair heathens, heretics and the unfaithful. We are the sword that will sweep you from the Lords land. AMEN!"

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FatherAnderson

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Posted at: 8/31/07 12:02 AM

FatherAnderson DARK LEVEL 05

Sign-Up: 07/25/07

Posts: 38

Ouch. But i can see why... "Skyfairy" dont think you'll get off lightly for that. ...Oh, and sorry. So sorry.

HAHAHAHAHahaha.... sorry, im laughing to your pain. Oh man, I'm so sorry for you. So Sorry.

"We are the messengers of the Lord. His will be done. Despair heathens, heretics and the unfaithful. We are the sword that will sweep you from the Lords land. AMEN!"

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FatherAnderson

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Posted at: 8/31/07 12:27 AM

FatherAnderson DARK LEVEL 05

Sign-Up: 07/25/07

Posts: 38

If anyones wondering about the similarities between AnAndersonsAngel and I, He's my friend.
...CLARIFICATION!

"We are the messengers of the Lord. His will be done. Despair heathens, heretics and the unfaithful. We are the sword that will sweep you from the Lords land. AMEN!"

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Chancho

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Posted at: 8/31/07 12:55 AM

Chancho LIGHT LEVEL 07

Sign-Up: 08/07/07

Posts: 112

At 8/31/07 12:27 AM, FatherAnderson wrote: If anyones wondering about the similarities between AnAndersonsAngel and I, He's my friend.
...CLARIFICATION!

Riiight

Anyways, I didn't read the ending so please keep posting H-F-S

PLEASE!

Who is John Galt?
astounding discovery!

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Rebbay

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Posted at: 8/31/07 12:59 AM

Rebbay FAB LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 12/26/06

Posts: 1,084

Elementell, seriously, go die in a fire. You totally ruined it for everyone just because you didn't like the ending. And when you posted the ending, you censored the swear words, which only made it worse, you little prick. Think about everyone else next time.

On my bad list.

I love random PM's.

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marshall159

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Posted at: 8/31/07 01:02 AM

marshall159 LIGHT LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 05/27/07

Posts: 252

idk about you but i have scoliosis and im getting surgery in 3 weeks and i got a broken foot and asthma take that =O

V: It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don't believe in coincidences.Raped

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CIA

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Posted at: 8/31/07 01:40 AM

CIA FAB LEVEL 08

Sign-Up: 06/19/06

Posts: 855

I couldn't care less that he spoiled it. I just didn't read it. Its not hard. So is there something between that post and the ending that was spoiled? I'd like to know. otherwise I'll just read the ending.

-------------->FISTING ON THE NGBBS<-------------

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AlexMoosh

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Posted at: 8/31/07 04:53 PM

AlexMoosh EVIL LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 03/12/07

Posts: 1,521

C'mon, PLEASE finish the story! I didn't read the ending!


Elated

MonkeyV

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Posted at: 8/31/07 11:53 PM

MonkeyV NEUTRAL LEVEL 11

Sign-Up: 02/21/07

Posts: 2,044

At 8/31/07 04:53 PM, AlexMoosh wrote: C'mon, PLEASE finish the story! I didn't read the ending!

come-on mr, FUCKING-SHIT, we need to read the rest of this!

ngfan14 love you long time!!!
WANT TO ATTENTION WHORE YOURSELF MORE EFFICIENTLY ? CLICK HERE!
Writers Club!==Spam my news!

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