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God wants me dead.

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AniMetal
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 02:44 PM Reply

Holy fucking shit thats a awesome story!


Make war, not love.

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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 02:49 PM Reply

"Why didn't you eat them?"

I tell her I don't like the jelly. I tell her I would rather eat my infected appendix than the nutritional effluent they call jelly. I tell her I would rather poison a beaver, shit down it's neck, and lash it with the infected bowel tissue they took from my cold unconscious body, than eat the aborted Downs syndrome substance they call jelly.

This was an unwise move.

She leaves and returns with the head of the ward.

"The nurse tells me you're being uncooperative. This is the second complaint we've had."

It doesn't take much imagination to figure out who made the first complaint. The Duchess of fuck'ed-up-something-fierce herself. But God should know better than to fuck with me in the afternoon. I can fight back in the afternoon.

"Stop trying to send me to the morgue and maybe I'll play dice with the pirate ship you call a hospital."

This was the second unwise move I made. Boy did I feel big for about .2 seconds.

"We've taken away your visitation rights. Eat what's given to you or there will be consequences."


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 02:52 PM Reply

I try roll over to show them the massive bruises psycho nurse gave me two nights prior, but they are already gone. The jelly cups sit on the lunch tray like wobbly green demons. I take out the permanent marker I found in the bedside drawer. On one cup I write "Return to sender", and on another I write "Auschwitz is the other way, silly". I am hilarious. I can see the medical world falling to its feet laughing. Sadly, the healthcare system went Nazi-Germany on comedy's ass and destroyed laughter in the Clown Holocaust of 1945.

Good times.

It is night, I must've fallen asleep. The jelly cups are gone. So is my permanent marker. In fact, most of my stuff is gone. All that's left is my mobile phone. I pick it up. I am happy. I have survived. I have only two more nights before freedom. Two more nights before I can drive the hell outta here.

Or maybe not.

I have a single message. It's from my sister.

"Hey I cant visit you bcos its restricted. I forgot to tell you this before, but when i was following the ambulance I pranged your car on a concrete pole in the carpark. It's in the smash repairers. I will pay too fix it. Sorry. Please don't be mad."

A nurse walks in. It's heparin needle time. She holds a jelly cup in one hand.

I am in medical Stalingrad, and a cold Winter lies ahead.

God is pissed off. Royally pissed off.

And he's coming across the Volga.


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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PERVOK
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 02:54 PM Reply

I'm wondering when the main character dies, or even if he does :O

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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 02:55 PM Reply

Monday 9th

I wake up. It is morning. My priorities are in order.

Contact doctor.
Get soup.
Survive.

Psycho nurse walks in with the ward head and the lunch lady. They are the three medical musketeers. Angry, angry musketeers.

"We phoned the doctor."

Fantastic. Progress towards a goal that won't put me six feet under. That's a first. I ask about the soup.

"We told her about your behaviour."

I ponder this for a moment. I try hard to think of an answer that would most benefit my situation, and maybe even improve my relations with the nurses.

Instead, I ask about the soup. There is me, and there is soup. Nothing else matters. I want this made clear.

"Yes, you're allowed to have soup."

I smile. I am happy. I have waited so long for this day. A food with smell. A food with warmth. A food with personality. I consider making sweet love to the soup. I drop this consideration immediately.

"But you'll have to compliment your diet with jel-"

Her words mean nothing. The soup rests on my lap. It steams away. I close my eyes. To taste it is thrilling. Absolutely mind-blowing. I moan the sensation softly. I hum and shuffle and exhale. It is orgasmic.


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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Yagottalikeme
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:00 PM Reply

This is golden, this is going in my Sig.


Hmm. I see.

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NineShot
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:03 PM Reply

holy fucking shit...............tagged for later

animehater
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:08 PM Reply

Quite sad that you feel the only thing that matters in your current existence is a bowl of soup.


"Communism is the very definition of failure." - Liberty Prime.

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BOBHEAD
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:09 PM Reply

I knew the BBS would get some good threads sooner or later!

Blaze-Heatnix
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:11 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:08 PM, animehater wrote: Quite sad that you feel the only thing that matters in your current existence is a bowl of soup.

What's REALLY sad is that a heartless mod is going to come and lock this before it's over.

Kain-Ceverus
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:11 PM Reply

This story is too good, and it's not just a story, it's REAL.


Please click here. You'd make my fiance` happy... Please?
I'm a voice actor, and I love what I do. I'm also a writer, and love that just as much.

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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:12 PM Reply

I open my eyes. The musketeers are still watching me. Not awkward. Not awkward at all. I figure I may as well be polite. I hold the spoon up to psycho nurse.

"Want some?"

I smile. She is unimpressed. I know she's jealous. Harpies love soup.

"I'll be your care-taker for tonight."

The head nurse chimes in to finish psycho nurses' sentence. Nurses arn't capable of individual thought. They rely on a chattering hub of ineptitude and disinformation to make decisions. Natural Selection turns a blind eye. God has them on his dirty pay roll.

"Until then, behave and don't leave your ward. Your visitors are still restricted. We've stored your stuff in another room until you are ready to leave."

Wait, where's my phone.

"We've placed it with your other things."

Oh no you don't you dirty scoundrel. My phone is my personal property. Get fuck'ed.

"You can collect it tomorrow."

I protest. I threaten to call King Louis. I threaten to call D'Artagnan. But I get nowhere. The musketeers walk out together. As one, they are vulnerable. As three, they fear nothing. I finish my soup. I will need the strength. Medical Stalingrad is in dire straits. Every line of communication has been cut. Higher nurse echelons have me sorrounded. Sporadic food drops will not sustain me.

One more night. One more.

I wake up. It is night time. Just before eight o'clock. It is silent. I can hear the nurses scurrying about. Perhaps they are searching for cheese. One of them asks another nurse if she's done the heparin rounds.

"Doing them now."

It is the chirpy, sinister voice of psycho nurse.


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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JohnMurphy
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:14 PM Reply

I'm expecting to be bel-aired. Bookmarked.

The-DeadDuck
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:14 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:08 PM, animehater wrote: Quite sad that you feel the only thing that matters in your current existence is a bowl of soup.

If you get stuck on island alone, one of things you miss most, is always tasty food. Try to eat only for example pineapples for 5 days and you'll see how it is. In this case, island is hospital room, pineapples are jelly and instead of getting stuck alone, you got stuck with satan.

great story holy-fucking-shit.


File size is limited to 40k.

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animehater
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:16 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:14 PM, The-DeadDuck wrote: If you get stuck on island alone, one of things you miss most, is always tasty food. Try to eat only for example pineapples for 5 days and you'll see how it is. In this case, island is hospital room, pineapples are jelly and instead of getting stuck alone, you got stuck with satan.

Thus I said it was sad to be in such a situation.


"Communism is the very definition of failure." - Liberty Prime.

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Russ3ll
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:19 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:16 PM, animehater wrote: Thus I said it was sad to be in such a situation.

Mmm, but as Gary Paulson said, "Hunger is the best sauce."


IT WAS ALL A DREAM.
Thank you CagedSilhoutte for the sexy ass sig!

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Ziggy-Stardust
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:22 PM Reply

fucking awsome story!!!


The newgrounds secrets

A Fourm Post Should Be Like A Skirt, Long Enough To Cover The Subject, But Short Enough To Keep Things Interesting.

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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:25 PM Reply

67 should enjoy it."

They both laugh. I think nothing of it. I am oblivious. You devilish bastard God. My complacency is to your advantage. I leave my defense ill-prepared. Precious time is lost.

I glance the sign above the door.

67.

Oh no. No fuck way. Not this fuck shit again. I remember the last heparin needle this psycho bitch gave me. I remember her getting up close and personal - blood-tipped needle in hand. I shift into overdrive. I weigh up my options. I am scared. I am afraid. Shit's about to hit the fan, and I'm still in my fuck pyjamas.

Then, sitting up, I eye something poking out from behind the adjacent room curtain.

Jackpot.

But I didn't think I'd go that far.

Then again, God goes as far as he fuck wants.

My room is dark. The light is off. I see light emanating from the hall way. It is foreign territory beyond the darkness, but there is no time for caution. My needle is already one minute overdue. Slowly, I edge toward the door. I glance around the corners. My eyes sting. A nurse walks with her back towards me to the West. To the East, a family heads to a set of elevators. The elevators will be closely guarded. To the North lies an empty hallway. My decision is made for me.

I gun it.


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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TheBasics
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:27 PM Reply

Great story man, I hope it has a good ending.

Kain-Ceverus
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:28 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:27 PM, TheBasics wrote: Great story man, I hope it has a good ending.

Nope, he died in a tragic accident.


Please click here. You'd make my fiance` happy... Please?
I'm a voice actor, and I love what I do. I'm also a writer, and love that just as much.

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animehater
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:30 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:28 PM, Kain-Ceverus wrote: Nope, he died in a tragic accident.

Was it at least an awesome looking accident?


"Communism is the very definition of failure." - Liberty Prime.

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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:30 PM Reply

I have never commandeered a wheelchair before, but by fuck did I haul ass. If there was a Nascar for cripples Id've taken pole position. I get past one room. Then another. And another. I am getting tired. Half my energy goes to keeping the stupid thing straight. The other half goes to keeping the thing moving. I realise it is fuck hard to use a wheelchair for the first time. My arms are aching already. I'm running on soup from 8 hours ago. I come to the next room.

Patient Lounge.

Holy shit I've hit Switzerland - neutral territory. I wheel myself in there. I bang myself on the door on the way in. Two men; one in a wheelchair himself; look at me as I roll into the corner. I've bought myself some time.

But not enough.

I hear psycho nurse's voice. She is not happy. She has only killed 2 patients today.

"67 isn't in his bed."

Another nurse has the answer.

"Check the patient lounge."

fuck. I am royally screwed. The only exit is the entry, and there is no time to escape. I shift into over-over drive. I don't fully understand the implications of my brain's over-over drive. It is a risk I must take.

I roll to the table in the middle of the room and grab a magazine. It is a Woman's Day. Excellent. There is hope. My arms are burning. I make a final push toward the door, just as psycho nurse - needle in hand - comes around the corner. She stands in the doorway. Her shadow fills the room.

Enter shit. Enter fan. Commence'th the shitten'ing.

I throw the Woman's Day at her feet.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS."


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:32 PM Reply

I stare into psycho nurses' black eyes. Katie Holmes glares at psycho nurse from the floor. I am touched by her gesture. Holmes is a hero. Her sacrifice will not go unheralded. The man in the wheelchair is frightened at the unfolding events. I want to take his hand. I want to tell him he is safe. But I cannot leave my post. The patient lounge is at stake. Someone must defend these people, and that someone is me.

A second of time passes.

Psycho nurse is pissed off. Beyond pissed off. Her face turns red. The head nurse appears behind her. I grip the handles of the wheelchair. I am getting scared. Beads of sweat pool on my brow. Miss Holmes looks to me for help. I see fear and uncertainty in her eyes.

Too much shit. Too small a fan.

I wake up. It is around midnight. My thigh hurts from the heparin needle psycho bitch gave me. I am now being closely monitored by the nurses who check me every half hour. They have been instructed not to let me leave my room. The head nurse stood next to the bed as I ate my jelly dinner. She made certain I ate it, and then removed the tray.

My spirit is close to breaking.

I look out the window.

"Tomorrow, God."

Light from a passing street car strafes the room. Shadows move across my face.

"Tomorrow, the fight comes to you."


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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Seatbeltnazi
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:32 PM Reply

This was copied and pasted form here...

http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/
showthread.php?t=76554

Plagaristic Bastard


Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.

TheBasics
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:35 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:32 PM, Seatbeltnazi wrote: This was copied and pasted form here...

http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/
showthread.php?t=76554

Plagaristic Bastard

Holy shit, and I was wondering how the fuck he can be typing this shit so fast...

Seatbeltnazi
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:35 PM Reply

Tuesday 10th - VH Day.

I wake up. It is early morning. Tuesday 10th. It has been one week since my incarceration. One week since the outbreak of war between God and I. Each day has been longer than the day preceeding. The great skyfairy has been cunning. He has played his hand in direct assaults and convenient accidents; nutritional and psychological warfare; and foiled my attempt to break out via Switzerland.

Worst of all, he killed Katie Holmes.

**** bastard.

I am nervous. There is no doubt that today God will present his most challenging situation yet; but I am hungry, I am tired, and I am afraid. The nurses' continual checking has disturbed my sleep. My soup privileges have been revoked. My possessions have been repossessed. My only celebrity friend has been slaughtered by a psychotic wilderbeast. Her compatriots have become equally obsessed with my destruction. I have only one solution. It is sly. It is cunning. It is hot.

I'll take a shower.


Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.

Kain-Ceverus
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:38 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:32 PM, Seatbeltnazi wrote: This was copied and pasted form here...

http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/
showthread.php?t=76554

Plagaristic Bastard

Same person, shithead.


Please click here. You'd make my fiance` happy... Please?
I'm a voice actor, and I love what I do. I'm also a writer, and love that just as much.

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Blaze-Heatnix
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:39 PM Reply

Is this the part where they throw you into a mental room?

Seatbeltnazi
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:40 PM Reply

doubt it. Why would someone that has 2 posts think people knew he was gone?


Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.

animehater
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Response to God wants me dead. Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 03:42 PM Reply

At 8/25/07 03:32 PM, Seatbeltnazi wrote: This was copied and pasted form here...

http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/
showthread.php?t=76554

Plagaristic Bastard

This is gonna be one fuckin long story.


"Communism is the very definition of failure." - Liberty Prime.

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