The Perv and the princess

[TurtleJuice]

Once Upon a time there was a boy named Fran. He was a happy child , and enjoyed spending his afternoons skipping through the fields singing , burning down orphanages , and inappropriately staring at girls breasts he encountered on his travels. He had many restraining orders put against him

Well one day whilst walking through his home town he saw a crazy old man lieing in his path , begging for money. Rather than stealing the money passers by had given the man and then setting the crazy old man on fire , Fran gave the man a £5 note he had stolen from a blind man. It wasn't even a mere fraction of the money he had stolen from the man's safe. Come to think of it , it wasn't really a safe seeing as blind people can't enter combinations on a safe. In reality it was only a plastic box marked " Retina transplant fund " . Upon dropping the note in the crazy old man's hat for which he had placed for people to give him money , the man grabbed Fran by the leg. Fran's first instinct was that he was about to raped , so he pretended to struggle and hoped nobody would intervene the old mans attempt at raping Fran , because lets be honest , who DOESN'T like some forced anal penetration every now and then?

" Child , you must go the magical castle and save the princess " Said the crazy old man. " So you're not going to rape me? " said Fran with a look of sadness , but the old man ignored his comment " AND YOU MUST TAKE THE MAGICAL SWORD OF TRUTH FROM THE CASTLE " said the crazy old man who smelt like fried shit
" Listen " said Fran " This is 2007 , nobody has castles anymore. There are only ruins of castles , which only strange lonely men with beards and school pupils visit on history trips. So stop being weird "
" Take this map if you don't believe me and save the world from evil! " , and upon saying this , the old man poured the contents of a vodka bottle on himself , and then set himself on fire , for no reason other than dramatic effect

" Hm " Said Fran with a curious tone " Maybe i should follow this map to the castle he was talking about. Maybe the princess will be hot. She's been locked in a tower , she'll probably fuck the first man she sees " And on that note , Fran ran off to find the castle the Princess was being kept in , only stopping on his way to stab a nun and buy a packet of Starburst

To be continued , if enough people like it

[robattle]

Those kinds of storys are for pussies

[TurtleJuice]

At 7/30/07 02:53 PM, robattle wrote: Those kinds of storys are for pussies

That comment hurt , good sir

[Afromaster]

I think im going to forget I ever read this.

[Knights]

A topic that actually has my intrest? Keep going good sir.

[Blitzkid67]

At 7/30/07 02:53 PM, robattle wrote: Those kinds of storys are for pussies

Agreed lol.

[TurtleJuice]

Fran ran down many roads , eager to find the hot princess. When suddenly , he was stopped by a bear. The bear looked really fucked up. Kinda looked like those dancing bears you see in shitty countries. You know from the adverts where the ask you to donate to them so they can help the bears? Who gives a shit about bears anyway?
" He..he---help me " said the weak bear , and the bear then mustered up the stregnth to give Fran a knife. Bears don't have aposable thumbs , so Fran had no idea how the bear gave him the knife in the first place , but he took it anyway. " But Mr.Bear , if i kill you the douchebags at PETA will come after me saying it's animal cruelty! "
" Just..... tell them i ... i told you to " said the bear " Ok then , telling them the bear spoke english and therefore proving PETA's batshit crazy theory that animals is perfect logic " said fran , before stabbing the bear to death. All of a sudden , a gang of PETA followers came along armed with pitchforks and burning torches , in stereotypical mob fashion " You killed a wild bear , which happened to be an indangered Species! " said one of the PETA mob members. Fran was scared the PETA members would beat him up and steal his soul , turning him into a relentless , babbling moron who believe in there crazy ideas " I was being a mercy angel for the bear , it was on its last legs and i made it painless , i swear! " Said Fran , covered in bear intestine and wearing it's fur in the form of a coat. "Hey , it's a cold afternoon" exclaimed Fran once he realised that the fur was a key point of there attention. They slowely advanced and Fran quickly ran away. He ran very far , and took part in the London marathon whilst he did. The fear of becoming a PETA member motivated him to finish the race and he came in third place. Eventually , he came across a spice vendor. " Do you have any spices containing meat , Spice selling gypsie?! " Shouted Fran , become more and more anxious as the PETA mob slowely caught up with him " MEATY SPICE! TAKE! 5 GLEBBAHK! " Said the spice vendor , and Fran snatched the little Spice glass from the vendors hand. He un-screwed the lid and threw it into the mob of PETA members. They suddenly stopped , not making any movement, almost as if they were lost in time. Within seconds there skin skrivveled up and they collapse , like boneless sacks of flesh. Upon seeing the mass murder Fran had created , he quickly ran from the scene , and was finnaly back on task

" 5 GLEBBAHK" Shouted the Spice vendor as he ran off into the distance