How To Survive A Republican

[tony4moroney]

1. Conservatism? What does that mean?
Don't allege that they're no longer abiding by their traditional conservative views. Irony aside they'll blast you about 9/11, national security, those crazy islamists and how you're a terrorist supporter because hey "if you're not with us, you're against us".

2. Bleach your skin white, no more tans!
If you grow a beard shave it lest you be labeled a hippy-liberal free loader or worst, get thrown into Guantanemo bay as a 'national security threat' or get probed and interrogated at the airport.

3. Universal Healthcare? That's silly talk.
38 Million uninsured Americans don't deserve OUR help. The corrupt African governments and World Bank however, need their asses paid for like Bush's neocon friend Wolfowitz and his girlfriend did. So screw those 45 million assclowns, lets give to the people that REALLY need it. The Africans, with the majority of the money filtering through inefficient agencies, the corrupt governing bodies in power and then buy oh say a couple of bags of rice for the starving.

4. Don't rip on their homeboy Giuliani.
He's a hero. Disagree? You're a threat to National Security you hippy scum. Look at the great work he done during 9/11 it was his leadership combined with the heroic efforts of NY Police and especially NY Firefighters that really showed what America was all about.
Oh wait.. about those firefighters they're terrorist supporters now..

5. Hello? Its called Patriot Act.
It stands for what it says. Republicans therefore are patriots. Fuck you and your Freedom to speech. Habeas Corpus? Who speaks Latin these days anyway? Right to a trial? This. Is. National Security! If we let you have those god forbid we may have another 9/11! 9/11! 9/11!

6. International Law and Geneva Convention?
Pfft, Switzerland and Humanitarian treatment of prisoners is soo yesterday. What the hell do they know anyway? We're the god damn shining beacon of freedom! They'reprogressively secularist for crying out loud. Godless state? No thank you.

7. Atheism is an evil sin! Repent, bitch!
As the word of the lord says, all sins are forgivable, one who does not believe in the lord however will not feel his mercy. Homosexualism is also a sin according to the lord. As is abortion. Recognize the err of your ways and repent!

8. Clinton was a good president? Think again!
Clinton received oral sex! Therefore you will judge his entire presidency on this. Remember it otherwise youre immoral and self-righteous. Forget that there was
peace , economic prosperity, the lowest inflation rate in 30 years, dropping crime rates in a multitude of areas, his insistence on not necessarily banning but enforcing stricter gun controls, improving education, trying to reform the healthcare and being a Rhode Scholar.
He got a headjob from a woman and didn't catch invade Afghanistan and capture Osama Bin Laden for crying out loud! What? he caught that Oklahoma bomber unlike Bush? He did try? Forget it, hippy.

9. GOP Corruption?

- Giuliani enjoys cross-dressing
- Giuliani was married 3 times
- Giuliani married his cousin
- Giuliani Cheated on his second wife with another woman
- Giuliani is Pro-Choice
- The NY Firefighters which sacrificed their lives to try and save people from burning and collapsing WTC towers resent his incompetency during 9/11.

According to GOP polls Giuliani is their leading candidate.. what the? The new farce of conservatism? But shh.. if he becomes President you don't want to be the first to get detained into the Git and be experiment to his wild waterboard sports . Anyway its un-american to bash Giuliani, Barack and Hillary on the other hand are a-ok.

John McCain is a real straight-talker

Romney is a good mormon and family man,
he really loves his dog
And give the man some credit, he doesn't lie and flip-flop lie for political preference , he's a good conservative man unlike those damn evil dems and their idiotic liberal hippies.

It takes guts to be a republican. That's why there's been so many defections recently , because they're all liberal america-hating hippies who don't understand that pardoning Libby was the right thing to do.

10. Abortion Clinics?
Work at an abortion center? Its becoming one of the most dangerous places to work at or be. Get out, its apparently immoral so the fundamentalists most of which vote 'conservative' do some improv work for god

[TwO-FaCeD-PaRaNoID]

Sarcasm am I right?

[JudgeDredd]

nice list! A few more..

11. Veto.
Hold you veto 'til it really counts. Cessation of War? Now that's Texas-hold'em Poker time! Play your cards. We ain't bluffin' no Terrorists.

12. Female President.
What an oxy-moron! President means male ~ look it up in the Republican Dictionary for God'sake. Everyone knows the Clinton's can't be trusted. Hillary is a woman scorned seeking revenge. How is she expected to focus on the real issues of Terrorism? This is just a ploy by the Dem's to gain support of ALL female voters.

13. Non-white President
Yeah, we mean black, but non-white sounds less American. We're being invaded by immigrants, and now the Dem's are targeting ALL these minority races. Next we'll have a Latino President when the Constitution gets burnt with all other "racist" documents. Soon we'll be speaking spanish, joining gangs and doing drugs.

14. Nukes.
We should have 'em, and no-one else. End of story! (~except the Israelis of-course)

15. Torture.
If it stops Terrorism it's perfectly fine, unless other "evil" countries use it to also stop Terrorism, which is not so ok.

[K-RadPie]

5. Hello? Its called Patriot Act.
Fuck you and your Freedom to speech.

Name one freedom the Patriot Act has taken away from you.

[Ravariel]

At 7/12/07 02:26 PM, K-RadPie wrote: Name one freedom the Patriot Act has taken away from you.

Okay.

[Eoewe]

This thread just reminded me why I never come here anymore.

[Cuppa-LettuceNog]

At 7/12/07 02:26 PM, K-RadPie wrote:

Name one freedom the Patriot Act has taken away from you.

Right to protection from unreasonable searches and the right to Habeas Corpus. I've seen people argue that the freedoms sacrificed by the patriot act are justified, but to claim it doesn't take away any acts? That's just dim.

[Grammer]

i wouldn't waste my time trying to "debunk" this, since I only slightly digressed with the earlier thread misrepresenting liberal's beliefs. It wouldn't be fair for me to not go all out against the thread trying to "recover" people from liberalism, but criticize this one instead. I think both threads, that and this, are dishonest, but it doesn't matter because, well, they're joke threads.

Personally, I thought this thread was cute. Not funny, but cute. I really did enjoy the video about John McCain, though :)

[Grammer]

At 7/12/07 03:52 PM, Cuppa-LettuceNog wrote:

At 7/12/07 02:26 PM, K-RadPie wrote:

Name one freedom the Patriot Act has taken away from you.

Right to protection from unreasonable searches and the right to Habeas Corpus.

The Patriot Act didn't suspend Habeas Corpus, Bush did. Lincoln did the same in war time.

I've seen people argue that the freedoms sacrificed by the patriot act are justified, but to claim it doesn't take away any acts? That's just dim.

Ok, so name one specific instance that the Patriot Act has hurt you or anyone you know.

At 7/12/07 03:30 PM, Ravariel wrote:

At 7/12/07 02:26 PM, K-RadPie wrote: Name one freedom the Patriot Act has taken away from you.

Okay.

The Patriot Act isn't infringing on the 4th Ammendment, because the 4th Ammendment contains the word uunreasonable. If you're a suspected terrorist, you have a reason to be searched.

[K-RadPie]

Name one freedom the Patriot Act has taken away from you.

Right to protection from unreasonable searches and the right to Habeas Corpus. I've seen people argue that the freedoms sacrificed by the patriot act are justified, but to claim it doesn't take away any acts? That's just dim.

I said YOU. Have the police ever come to come to your house and searched it for no reason? I seriously doubt it. Also for those who are complaining about the suspension of habeus corpus:

"The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion, the public safety may require it."

From Article One, Section 9 of the Constitution.

Anyway, like I said before, there is a 99% chance the Patriot Act has affected YOU one bit.

[K-RadPie]

Dammit, Grammer, you beat me to it.

[K-RadPie]

Anyway, like I said before, there is a 99% chance the Patriot Act has affected YOU one bit.

*hasn't. Sorry, grammar mistakes aren't usually important, but just in case you were confused.

Man, I think I'm losin' it. My response didn't contain a single insult.

[SlithVampir]

At 7/12/07 04:03 PM, Grammer wrote: , but it doesn't matter because, well, they're joke threads.

Personally, I thought this thread was cute. Not funny, but cute. I really did enjoy the video about John McCain, though :)

Hey LOOK Grammer's evolved. I'm pretty sure the other guy was being serious, though.

[SlithVampir]

At 7/12/07 04:16 PM, K-RadPie wrote:

::

Man, I think I'm losin' it. My response didn't contain a single insult.

I'm rubbin off on you.

[Grammer]

Ugh, this bothered me.

At 7/12/07 12:22 PM, tony4moroney wrote: - Giuliani enjoys cross-dressing
- Giuliani was married 3 times

This is not a sign of corruption

- Giuliani married his cousin

Prove it

[Cuppa-LettuceNog]

At 7/12/07 04:08 PM, Grammer wrote:

The Patriot Act didn't suspend Habeas Corpus, Bush did.

Hmmm... Fair enough. After all, the Hitlers decision to invade Poland didn't kill millions of Jews, Hitler did. Point taken.

Lincoln did the same in war time.

The difference being that those with suspended Habeas Corpus in the civil war where guaranteed an eventual trial.

Ok, so name one specific instance that the Patriot Act has hurt you or anyone you know.

I can't. Nor can I claim that the 9/11 attacks hurt anyone I know. Still doesn't mean no one died in the attacks; you can know something has an effect, even if that effect isn't applied to you.

The Patriot Act isn't infringing on the 4th Ammendment, because the 4th Ammendment contains the word uunreasonable. If you're a suspected terrorist, you have a reason to be searched.

But to what degrees that word "suspected" implies is the issue.

[Cuppa-LettuceNog]

At 7/12/07 04:31 PM, Grammer wrote:

This is not a sign of corruption

Wikipedia -- Ad Hominem.

[tony4moroney]

At 7/12/07 04:11 PM, K-RadPie wrote:

Name one freedom the Patriot Act has taken away from you.

Right to protection from unreasonable searches and the right to Habeas Corpus. I've seen people argue that the freedoms sacrificed by the patriot act are justified, but to claim it doesn't take away any acts? That's just dim.

I said YOU. Have the police ever come to come to your house and searched it for no reason? I seriously doubt it. Also for those who are complaining about the suspension of habeus corpus:

Yeah that stupid liberal idiot. He needs to learn that it doesn't matter if its affected others, as long as you as an individual have been spared. I mean has he even read up on Darwinian Law?

"The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion, the public safety may require it."

From Article One, Section 9 of the Constitution.

Yeah, right on. We're given the right to suspend habeas corpus because liberal scum are causing a rebellion. Coupled with the border 'invasion' and you know, who could argue that wiretapping and unwarranted searching is illegal? That's just asinine.

Anyway, like I said before, there is a 99% chance the Patriot Act has affected YOU one bit.

Exactly, I'm pro-war because its out of sight, out of mind. Its dead Iraqi civilians not dead me. I'm not affected one bit. As a matter of fact 95%+ of us I'm sure aren't personally affected by marines dying, so it doesn't really matter does it?

At 7/12/07 04:08 PM, Grammer wrote:

The Patriot Act isn't infringing on the 4th Ammendment, because the 4th Ammendment contains the word uunreasonable. If you're a suspected terrorist, you have a reason to be searched.

Well that settles it.. I've always had my suspicions that those crazy old librarian bitches were terrorists.

Well derr, maybe if they read a guide to surviving republicans they'd realize. Shave your beard and bleach your skin white = no terrorist.

Damn congress, your approval ratings are 20%odd its got no correlation with you failing promises to bring troops home, end the war and not opposing Bush. Its because you're liberal hippies. We all voted you in as a damn experiment, and it was fun while it lasted Pelosi. so stop probing Gonzales over these Patriot Act abuses. By definition the act of a patriot cannot be an act against ones law-abiding countrymen, stupids.

[tony4moroney]

At 7/12/07 04:31 PM, Grammer wrote: Ugh, this bothered me.

At 7/12/07 12:22 PM, tony4moroney wrote: - Giuliani enjoys cross-dressing
- Giuliani was married 3 times

This is not a sign of corruption

Corruption
1. the act of corrupting or state of being corrupt.
2. moral perversion; depravity.

Finding pleasure in cross-dressing bears no overtones of severe depravity?
Of course not!
Being married three times, honestly thats a given. 3 marriages = 2 set of lies!
2 counts of crapping over the sanctity of marriage to boot!

- Giuliani married his cousin

Prove it

Please don't dob me in.
here
Here, under controversies.
You'll find a lot more funny Giuliani controversies in there too..
but don't say anything, I fear the grim-(faced) reaper.

[K-RadPie]

From Article One, Section 9 of the Constitution.

Yeah, right on. We're given the right to suspend habeas corpus because liberal scum are causing a rebellion. Coupled with the border 'invasion' and you know, who could argue that wiretapping and unwarranted searching is illegal? That's just asinine.

Oh yeah, never mind that we're in a Global War on Terror, and that muslim fanatics are trying to blow us up. And unwarranted searching is NOT illegal if there is a reasonable cause.

[K-RadPie]

Finding pleasure in cross-dressing bears no overtones of severe depravity?

Prove that he enjoys cross-dressing.

[tony4moroney]

At 7/12/07 06:11 PM, K-RadPie wrote:

From Article One, Section 9 of the Constitution.

Yeah, right on. We're given the right to suspend habeas corpus because liberal scum are causing a rebellion. Coupled with the border 'invasion' and you know, who could argue that wiretapping and unwarranted searching is illegal? That's just asinine.

Oh yeah, never mind that we're in a Global War on Terror, and that muslim fanatics are trying to blow us up. And unwarranted searching is NOT illegal if there is a reasonable cause.

Oh ok then, so do you propose we detain all muslims? I thought that was soo 1941.
Global War on Terror? We're good at them games! Vietnam, Terror, Afghanistan, Drugs. We sure love winning them!
Wait, what was that? terrorism is a tactic like guerrilla? Nope, I'm pretty sure its a synonym for Islam/ muslim = evil according to the trustworthy conservative dictionary.
And are we still in the global war on terror? I'm pretty sure that was yesterday's new. Its Spreading Democracy now remember? Or is it the war against Muslims now? or War against Iran's Potential Threat?
I'm glad we didn't name it something more appropriate, like say, Invasion of Iraq.

Prove that he enjoys cross-dressing.

Have you even background checked him or are you only learning these things as i write? You haven't really refuted any of my comments only alleged the ones without sources are unfounded. So i take it I'm right.

I like me some cross-dressing
I do hybrid versions too!

35 successful lawsuits filed, prohibiting freedom of speech? Don't ask me, I'm just a girl.. teehee

Note in all instances the expression of enjoyment and happiness. (Republicans reading may want to google what happiness means).

[MoralLibertarian]

The real Republican Survival Guide

1) Never make eye contact with a Republican. They can't see you as long as you're not looking in their eyes.
2) If a Republican kidnaps you, offer the universal handshake of the stealth-jew.
3) When a Republican speaks to you, talk about how the people over at PETA are psychos, because everyone agrees with that.
4) Republicans are known for their guns, both muscle-wise and the shooting kind. Defend yourself with a large black man.
5) You will never outrun a Republican without snorting a line of Columbian cocaine first.

[K-RadPie]

Oh ok then, so do you propose we detain all muslims? I thought that was soo 1941.
Global War on Terror? We're good at them games! Vietnam, Terror, Afghanistan, Drugs. We sure love winning them!

Are you trying to imply that we aren't winning in Afghanistan?

Wait, what was that? terrorism is a tactic like guerrilla? Nope, I'm pretty sure its a synonym for Islam/ muslim = evil according to the trustworthy conservative dictionary.

Don't even try to deny that the terrorists we're fighting aren't Muslim.

And are we still in the global war on terror? I'm pretty sure that was yesterday's new.

Nope, it's always been called that.

Its Spreading Democracy now remember?

That's the idea behind it.

Or is it the war against Muslims now?

Nope, that was the crusades. About a millennium ago. Get with the times.

or War against Iran's Potential Threat?

Not yet.

I'm glad we didn't name it something more appropriate, like say, Invasion of Iraq.

That's part of it...

Sorry about the last part. I got Rudy mixed up with Ron.

[tony4moroney]

At 7/12/07 07:50 PM, K-RadPie wrote:

Oh ok then, so do you propose we detain all muslims? I thought that was soo 1941.
Global War on Terror? We're good at them games! Vietnam, Terror, Afghanistan, Drugs. We sure love winning them!

Are you trying to imply that we aren't winning in Afghanistan?

No I'm saying we're long overdue, the war's lasted quite a long time, a lot longer then was implied by some people from a particular political affiliation.
Uh-oh spaghetti-Ohs~! So youre saying Frankie made the right decision in 1941 despite his hindsight? I like your lack of an answer, I love meflip-floppers

Wait, what was that? terrorism is a tactic like guerrilla? Nope, I'm pretty sure its a synonym for Islam/ muslim = evil according to the trustworthy conservative dictionary.

Don't even try to deny that the terrorists we're fighting aren't Muslim.

I wasn't trying to deny that, but I think you may have clarified the problem with the Republican psyche.

And are we still in the global war on terror? I'm pretty sure that was yesterday's news.

Nope, it's always been called that.

Oh yeah silly me how could I get war of terror mixed up with war on terror.

Its Spreading Democracy now remember?

That's the idea behind it.

Like I always said, Democracy ain't spread better then down the barrel of a gun.
BANG! Eat democracy, Bitch!

Or is it the war against Muslims now?

Nope, that was the crusades. About a millennium ago. Get with the times.

Oh yeah I forgot about that. This is about Saladin isn't it.. be honest now.

or War against Iran's Potential Threat?

Not yet.

I like the optimism

[K-RadPie]

No I'm saying we're long overdue, the war's lasted quite a long time, a lot longer then was implied by some people from a particular political affiliation.

Long overdue =/= Losing

Uh-oh spaghetti-Ohs~! So youre saying Frankie made the right decision in 1941 despite his hindsight? I like your lack of an answer, I love meflip-floppers

To answer your original question about Muslims being detained, no. Maybe you just can't understand the fact that the average Republican is no more prejudiced than the average Democrat. Fun Fact! Frankie was a Democrat.

wasn't trying to deny that, but I think you may have clarified the problem with the Republican psyche.

Problem with the Republican psyche? I was only stating a FACT, something you liberals can't quite understand yet.

Oh yeah silly me how could I get war of terror mixed up with war on terror.

Ha. Clever. Truly.

Like I always said, Democracy ain't spread better then down the barrel of a gun.
BANG! Eat democracy, Bitch!

Never mind that Iraq wanted Democracy in the first place. That's why 76.4% of registered voters voted (more than twice the % of Americans who voted in the last presidential election).

[tony4moroney]

At 7/12/07 08:39 PM, K-RadPie wrote:

No I'm saying we're long overdue, the war's lasted quite a long time, a lot longer then was implied by some people from a particular political affiliation.

Long overdue =/= Losing

I think you should be a university professor. But really, I did say no I don't believe we're losing in Afghanistan, I'm just saying its long overdue it was unfittingly placed in that list.

To answer your original question about Muslims being detained, no. Maybe you just can't understand the fact that the average Republican is no more prejudiced than the average Democrat. Fun Fact! Frankie was a Democrat.

Democrats do distort the truth. I'm actually pissed off at the congress for doing their job like a bunch of spineless assclowns. Wait a minute.. polls show even democrats disapprove of the current congress, as far as I'm concerned in the wake of Bush Administrations failures many of which ive listed, theres still hardly any defection from the repubs? Perhaps they're trained like good puppies!
--
Dems can be deceptive, Its just that in the past 8 years they seem saintly in comparison to the festering scab that once was a good party that stood for actual ideals.
I'm just enjoying the current batch that the GOP machine has crapped out. And their born-again conservatism. Hell I love the voting base and Bush and Giuliani's love of freedom.

You gotta hate the Al-Qaeda and muslim extremists. Its our freedom they hate, our freedom for women too. Theyre trying to take it away, its got nothing to do with the Foreign policy and intervention in the middle-east those idiotic liberals want to mess things up with their 'thinking', not us says the Prez. i go "based on my gut feeling". CIA reports? 9/11 Commission? Osama's own words? Pfftt.. preposterous. Think about it, them? or the President's gut.

wasn't trying to deny that, but I think you may have clarified the problem with the Republican psyche.

Problem with the Republican psyche? I was only stating a FACT, something you liberals can't quite understand yet.

No I'm aware that its Muslim extremists trying to blow us up. Much like any liberal. Its just that this war has been poorly planned, poorly managed, is blowing the budget up (which republicans complain are the fault of dems) and Its been based on a bunch of misconstrued facts and selectively read intelligence. Its bred a racist stereotypical mentality and the condoning of torture regimes, the acceptance that once should sacrifice freedoms for security, sub-humane treatment of prisoners and such familiarity to corruption that the administration can pull of a multitude of scandals such as Libby's pardoning without causing an outrage like it did back in Nixon's day. . That's what I was pointing at, yo.

Like I always said, Democracy ain't spread better then down the barrel of a gun.
BANG! Eat democracy, Bitch!

Never mind that Iraq wanted Democracy in the first place. That's why 76.4% of registered voters voted (more than twice the % of Americans who voted in the last presidential election).

Never mind that given the choice most of them would have preferred not to vote:
God Bless America! Now I truly understand the meaning of terror!
So the choice is this, tyrannical saddam? or complete civil war under america?.. hmm let me think about that one
So the question remains, do you like your democracy served with a semi-automatic? or mortar shells?

[Cuppa-LettuceNog]

At 7/12/07 07:37 PM, MoralLibertarian wrote:

3) When a Republican speaks to you, talk about how the people over at PETA are psychos, because everyone agrees with that.

Note; this also applies whilst surviving Democrats, liberals, conservatives, homosexuals, Christians, the North Irish, and members of PETA.

[Cuppa-LettuceNog]

At 7/12/07 09:31 PM, tony4moroney wrote:

I think you should be a university professor. But really, I did say no I don't believe we're losing in Afghanistan, I'm just saying its long overdue it was unfittingly placed in that list.

But the difference between Afghanistan and Iraq is that every day spent in Afghanistan is another Taliban official arrested, another terrorist KIA, and another foothold in getting the Northern Alliance into place. Although our initial mission, doing heavy damage to Al-Qaeda and arresting Osama, was a nice fat "fail", we still took out an oppressive government. And although the "War on Terror" in Afghanistan probably failed, the "War on the Taliban" was a MAJOR success.

[JakeHero]

This thread's funny, not because of the content, but in the Officially Bush Topic, tony got on my case for making a partisan remark about democrat only bitching and not conceiving a solution of their own. Saying that such biased comments aren't needed.

Oh well