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Our Place (bbs Story)

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Sarai
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Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:36 AM Reply

Lets make this our place

Against my better judgement I am writing something for Newgrounds. Against my even better judgement I am doing it using usernames of people here, rather than their real names. But with hopefully good judgement I am not doing sign-ups Those who I’ve used in my story may request their removal if they so wish, or you may give me hints and tips and background on yourself if you’d like your character to be more accurate. I will try my best anyhow... Comments would be welcome, but up to you :)
I am also aware that the formatting will be rubbish. NG hates me using MS Word to type this up. So apologies if we lose paragraphs, indents and so forth.

Introduction

20X1 --> Growing competition for resources from developing countries such as India and China spark local disturbances between countries. The anti-globalization movement grows in strength as a counter-weight to the power of the brand.
20X3 --> The Los-Angeles round of global trade talks fails, just like the previous rounds. Richer countries advocate ever increasing protectionism in the face of cheap imports and mass movement of labour. In Europe mass immigration from Africa threatens social cohesion in France, Germany and the United Kingdom.
20X4 --> The People’s Rupublic of China denounces a ban on Chinese investment in the United States. In the coming months the Chinese Government freely spends their trillion dollar foreign exchange reserves in an effort to weaken the Dollar. Unemployment and defaults on mortgages rise across Western Countries.
20X5 --> Terrorists attack the American state of Hawaii and poison the islands’ water supply. Although death is kept to a minimum the ground water is contaminated and the President orders a general evacuation. In Europe, construction begins of a coast-wall along Italy, Corsica and other southern countries to stop illegal Immigrants landing. Mass protests are held in the streets of most European countries both pro and anti-immigration.
20X7 --> Economists predict that the American Government is close to bankruptcy for the first time in the Nations’ history. Congress debates reopening foreign trade to China. Mineral resources are found in the Indian administered area of Kashmir increasing tensions with the nuclear armed Pakistan. Anti-Globalization has reach its Zenith when the local HQ of McDonalds’ in France is destroyed.
20X9 to 20W5 --> The world slowly splits even further to the ‘haves’ and ‘have-nots’. Industrialised countries bear the brunt of this realignment as costs of raw materials increase exponentially in the face of Chinese and Indian consumption.
20W6 --> The Government in Iraq collapses again as all remaining foreign troops leave the country. Hundreds of thousands are killed and the troubles spread to Iran and across the Middle East.

Focus on the United States

20W9 --> The United States Government implements the ‘No One Left Behind’ policy for its citizens. The Government mandates work and life-progression to the majority of its citizens in an effort to increase productivity and keep the Union intact. Those who refuse to work at the job assigned by their local State are stripped of their citizenship. The Supreme Court defers ruling on the issue.
20Y1 --> Protests against the program are suppressed by the police and army whenever they occur. However the majority of citizens mostly support the policy as tangible benefits can be seen to their standard of living. Politicians liken the program to ‘All for One and One for the State’
20Y3 --> The program is generally successful. From a school-age citizens are assigned a future career path and receive the education and skills needed to perform that task. The Government central Human Capital department co-ordinates and controls the allocation of human resources effectively enough to reduce inflation to 12.5% per annum.
Children can be expect to sit tests at the age of 7 from which the majority of their working life will be mapped out for them. Exceptions exist for those with money…
20Y4 --> This year.

Chapter 1

‘I am part of the generation that wants the right to choose’. These were the words that Jade had written in stark script across the cover of her history text-book. It was past midnight and her house was still and dark, her family asleep. She was eighteen and shortly was meant to pass-out from her state College and take up a job for the State’s television network as a news-researcher. In a way then she was lucky as she had not been assigned to manual labour for the rest of her life.

Jade had been just fourteen years old when the program had been brought in. The Government hadn’t really known what to do with those of her generation, they were caught in the years between those who had had the freedom to choose their life and those whose choices were scripted for them by Human Capital. During the introductory years of the program the rules, regulations and laws had tightened around her from all sides. Her friends moved state at the behest of Human Capital, her school hours changed and the chance to go to any University was denied to her on the basis of her past academic achievements as the Government had shut down all but the Elite Universities.
If it was hard for her, it was harder for her parents. They had lived through many years of trouble in the world such as rising prices, lower standards of living and the threat of terrorism and war. Although Jade was their daughter, they had been worn down over the last five years by arguments with her over her future and what SHE wanted to do, rather than what she had been assigned to do. In a way their spirits had been somewhat broken with the foreknowledge that once they retired at seventy it was likely that they would lose their home and everything else they had worked for. The State needed houses for those who could work, it had retirement homes out of the city limits for those who couldn’t.

In the still of night then Jade put the book by her front-door and with her backpack stuffed with what possessions she thought she would need she quickly took her first fully-rebellious steps into the outside world. She was going to join the Newgrounds fellowship.

Newgrounds had been a popular website many years ago. But since the program had started new content for the website had slowed to a trickle. Human Capital didn’t require flash artists very much… The website had had a popular forum section where people were able to chat about most things. Before the site shut in 20Y3 due to the disappearance of the site administrators a group of active users had often argued about the state of the world, the Program and what they could do about it. They’d swapped contact details and made promises that they would be there in times of need for each other.
In her pocket Jade had the address of three people who might be able to help her. People who had rallied on Newgrounds and MSN against the Governments’ creeping control of life. If only they still believed in the cause, Jade knew that they could help her, she remembered each of them clearly from their online personality to those she had got to know over the phone or MSN… Last night she had made a choice, she would find David first, aka Zengaijin… and then soon she knew she’d have to find a way to get her lover to her… Fyndir.

A few days later in the UK

“Damn, I still can’t get through…” Fyndir dropped the phone back on its cradle. “There’s just some crap about a reassignment again, automated bullshit”..

“How often do they get reassigned?”, the other speaker was quite well built with a Scottish accent.

“I don’t know, normally she’s managed to give me a warning! It’s only happened twice since we’ve known each other…”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s okay… She loves you, you know…”

“It’s still bullshit…”

“This whole world is bullshit… You know that..” Mick snapped his pencil in half and pulled out the lead inside.

“It’s time we did something about that…”

end chapter 1

The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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SirFinland
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:40 AM Reply

Good story and you had it well backed up. I'll be waiting for more.

joeyjoe1
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:45 AM Reply

Great story!

TurtleJuice
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:48 AM Reply

I liked it , please write more soon


Somebody make me a cunting signature.

kdfsjljklgjfg
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:54 AM Reply

ahh political and social crisis caused by the worsening quality and amount of resources, one of my favorite genres

i don't quite see how newgrounds would be the rebellion, but it's your story, go for it

if you don't mind i would like to be in this story

Zen-Trai
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:57 AM Reply

At 7/7/07 11:54 AM, kdfsjljklgjfg wrote: if you don't mind i would like to be in this story

Same, if it's not a problem.


You Are Free To Sever The Chains That Bind You.

SirFinland
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:58 AM Reply

At 7/7/07 11:57 AM, Zen-Trai wrote:
At 7/7/07 11:54 AM, kdfsjljklgjfg wrote: if you don't mind i would like to be in this story
Same, if it's not a problem.

Same for me too, even that you said you won't do sign-ups, think this as a humble request.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 11:59 AM Reply

Great work so far, looking forward to reading more :) keep it up!

Sarai
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 01:00 PM Reply

At 7/7/07 11:40 AM, MrFinland wrote: Good story and you had it well backed up. I'll be waiting for more.

Thank you. I aim to keep it topical. See below for comments on the general plot outline...

At 7/7/07 11:45 AM, joeyjoe1 wrote: Great story!

Thank you. I'm trying hard to make it work I think.

At 7/7/07 11:48 AM, TurtleJuice wrote: I liked it , please write more soon

Will attempt too. One of the reasons I didn't want to do sign-ups is that way people won't feel disapointed if I am slow too write. I am usually slow too write. In my NG lifetime in terms of long stories I've finished ONE and left TWO. So track record isn't great at the moment!

At 7/7/07 11:54 AM, kdfsjljklgjfg wrote: ahh political and social crisis caused by the worsening quality and amount of resources, one of my favorite genres

Aye, it's an important topic to me. However the nature of this story is to make it managable. This isn't a novel attempt. Therefore after an introduction to the main characters we will relocate to a place mentioned in the first chapter. Think a form of Lord-of-the-Flies.

It's important to note that as I think you mention, NG won't be the Rebellion, but it is the common point for our characters to meet. In addition being generally young most of the characters believe that real life can be forced to fit around the Newgrounds ethos. It's going to be an adjustment for them.


if you don't mind i would like to be in this story

I'll see how it goes, see comments above. I don't want to disapoint people with just name dropping and slow chapters.

At 7/7/07 11:57 AM, Zen-Trai wrote:
At 7/7/07 11:54 AM, kdfsjljklgjfg wrote: if you don't mind i would like to be in this story
Same, if it's not a problem.

See above. Will see what fits into where I am going.

At 7/7/07 11:58 AM, MrFinland wrote:
At 7/7/07 11:57 AM, Zen-Trai wrote:
At 7/7/07 11:54 AM, kdfsjljklgjfg wrote: if you don't mind i would like to be in this story
Same, if it's not a problem.
Same for me too, even that you said you won't do sign-ups, think this as a humble request.

Being humble is always good for anyone. I will do as I said above.

At 7/7/07 11:59 AM, Trinidex wrote: Great work so far, looking forward to reading more :) keep it up!

Thank you. We've not even been introduced to the BAD GUYS yet. (Generic description). Nor the main setting / other main characters. (Yes Jade is a main character!)

Anyway, thank you for your interest. Have another chapter today, but then a bit of a gap I think.

- Sarai

Human Capital Auditor-Accountant SectionC.

The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Bus-Driver
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 01:10 PM Reply

Great story. Please don't faggot it up by putting a bunch of little known users in it like everyone else.

SirFinland
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 01:10 PM Reply

At 7/7/07 01:00 PM, Sarai wrote: Thank you. I aim to keep it topical. See below for comments on the general plot outline...

You're welcome.

Being humble is always good for anyone. I will do as I said above.

Well it is good to know that I can choose my words well ;)

We've not even been introduced to the BAD GUYS yet. (Generic description). Nor the main setting / other main characters. (Yes Jade is a main character!)

The bad guys? I think it will be quite interesting to know who the bad guys are.

Anyway, thank you for your interest. Have another chapter today, but then a bit of a gap I think.

:Well take your time to develope it. Good thinking has always a good chapter as a result.

Sarai
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 05:45 AM Reply

Chapter 2

Jade had come a long way in a few days. She was near Boston, a city that now primarily produced fertilisers and farm machinery in large industrial estates in the Suburbs. The centre of the city like most large population centres in the United States was densely packed with hi-rise housing and old apartment blocks. During the last ten or so years a lot of these buildings had fallen into a state of disrepair but now there were a few cranes dotted around the cityscape as well as scaffolding and other signs of repair. The newscasts often talked about regeneration due to the program, but Jade knew there was no way to verify whether positive change was just a façade.

She’d arranged to meet Zen at his place of work; a library in district fifteen being a poor mixed neighbourhood where nearly all the residents were assigned to manufacturing work, either semi or unskilled.
Zen worked in the library in the district. The building was old and cavernous inside, hearkening back to a better day when everyone had time to read and learn. Inside Zen and another assistant worked all day to maintain the building and stock. Human Capital and the state’s department of public works seemed not to be very interested in this small holding so Zen had often a fair amount of time on his hands.

Jade remembered him as a serious young man, about twenty-three or so when Newgrounds shut down. He didn’t tend to participate much in the website near the end but he’d always come across as mature, careful and smart. Before he’d been assigned his work he’d offered support for his friends if they’d had a time of need and also professed to be interested in ‘doing something’ about the Program if chance presented itself.

“Zen… You look well”, Jade hugged his tall frame close, “You don’t know how much I needed that..”

“Jade dear…”, he looked up her and down, “You look so tired… Come inside and we can catch up.

Meanwhile…

“When will be able to power up and cycle the systems?”, the military man glared at the four technicians who struggled away at their small terminals.

“Soon sir, we’re just trying to get the beam focus below five percent.”

Cellardoor (CD) strode down between the monitors. He stopped before a bank of displays that showed video-feed from the test-chamber attached to the facility. On the screen he saw the subjects in the test-chamber, varying races, ages and both genders. Stripped to their undergarments they looked so very vulnerable in the cold mirrored metal chamber. On the ceiling of the room a machine hung being a collection of mirrors, wires and circuits. It was out of reach of the subjects.

“We’re ready to begin sir, based on past results we estimate a new 10% fatality rate.”

“Do it, full power”

CD leaned forward to observe better. He knew that if this project was successful then he would no-longer be ignored by the Government. He knew that his solution would solve all of Human Capitals’ problems and make the United States once again the most powerful country in the world. His past experiments had been small projects compared to this, yielding weapons, guns and technology that no one else had seen the potential in. Now though, he was going to achieve something totally different… All the past failures, all the dead test subjects, none of that would matter anymore when he achieved total mind re-programming.

The machine built up power, circuits and metal totally oblivious to the pleading and screaming from below.

“I am here to observe an experiment, not to participate in torture”

“This experiment will allow your department to control whatever portion of the population you wish. No more deficits in certain professions, our experiment will yield people who will do exactly as Human Capital requires.” CD didn’t bother to turn around.

“I see the goal, but I do not see how your method addresses the goal. From reading your past results I see only claims of success, but I have audited your resource requests and other factors. I conclude that you need this to work, that you are a failure up-till-now. You say this project gives us resources, but from your own research it takes away most free-will. I question the need to destroy that which makes our species worth saving.”

“Question all you want auditor. But you know as well as I that we need resources to grow strong. We need resources that do what we want, when we want. We know that the other countries which do not benefit from our wonderful Democracy simply force their populations to do their will, whatever the cost, whatever the suffering.”

“So we become like them…”

“No, we become better. We treat our citizens as precious. Your country has two billion people. We have four hundred million and you question the need to have our resources operate more effectively?!”

“I merely observe and record and check. I do not wish to judge. But I analyse that your research is not yet resource effective.” The woman paused, “Also this is my country, that has been proved before.”

“Enough of this, proceed technician!”

Meanwhile in the abandoned State of Hawaii

“I don’t know what do anymore Zen. I just don’t believe that this is where life is meant to go for me. I am not and will never be someone who can accept their form of control over me.” Jade had washed her face and hair in the Library’s’ wash-room facilities and now she and Zen were sitting down at one of the dusty readers’ desks near the back of the building.

“Sometimes we have to do what we are told to do. If we don’t we only jeopardise those around us. That is what makes life so unfair, but also sometimes worth living.”

“I don’t understand… How can doing what the Government tells us to do for their benefit help us at all?”

“Say for example you are assigned to work on a farm and you don’t do your best. Someone somewhere in our country will go hungry. By working hard, you help them and if they work hard they could be the person providing that radio for you or whatever.”

“One for all and all for one?”, she paused looking for better words… “It’s sick, we’re losing everything that makes us special, that makes us individuals. There’s so little new music these days, just new recordings of classical junk. That’s just one example as well… Look at your library, where are the users? I’ve seen one person come in today and he was probably an Auditor.”

“I know where you’re coming from…”, a look of pain flashed across his face, “I used to want to do something about it as well. But there’s a part of me that knows that we all should want to work for each other. Our planet and people are so used to screwing each other over that this is just recompense…”

“It’s never just to lose our freedoms… The Environmental movement was growing stronger years ago. If we’d had a chance we would’ve done something about it sooner… We were just pre-empted by the Government.”

“Perhaps they did the right thing, we couldn’t be trusted with this stewardship”

“Never”, she hit the table and stood up, “Fyndir told me that in England although it is hard, they’re managing. They don’t want to be the best of the world and it shows. But at least they have their creativity, freedom and dignity intact. You know what?”

“What?”

“He sent me a movie clip of a real rock concert. There hasn’t been one in Boston has there for six years! No live music, except classical…”

“yeah”

“So will you help me? I need to get out of this county. It’s not my fight to free it, but it is my choice to leave.”

“Isn’t that what our parents and their parents did? Leave… leave all the problems to us so that this sad state of control is what we’ve been left with?” Zen sighed and idly opened a page of a book close by.

“Yes…” she sat down again.

“I do know some people who want to make a real difference… It will take a long time, but they’ve got a plan to show the Government and the world that you don’t need to be controlled to make a difference.”

“What is it?”

“I know a group of people who want to found an ideal place to live…”

“Where?”

"Hawaii"

end chapter 2

The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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cellardoor6
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 05:50 AM Reply

Oh... that's just rich.


Yay, Obama won. Let's thank his supporters:
-The compliant mainstream media for their pro-Obama propaganda.
-Black Panthers for their intimidation of voters.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 05:53 AM Reply

Minor error in that chapter;

The heading 'Meanwhile in the abandoned State of Hawaii' should be attached to the section where Cellardoor6 is talking about his experiments.

The section where Zen and Jade are talking is located in Boston. Sorry about that, so therefore it should say 'meanwhile in the city of Boston'.


The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 05:57 AM Reply

At 7/8/07 05:56 AM, BigFuzzyKitten wrote: can you post nekked pics of your self or link to the ones you supposedly posted b4 plz??

Wow.


You are a dickhead faggot with no life and deserve nothing better than having your throat ripped out and your dead body being raped. Have a nice day though.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 06:00 AM Reply

You gotta love the not-so-subtle political undertones of the whole thing. It's like your accusations of the US can't be substantiated in the real world, so you have to make a story about it. I also like the little low-blow you included about my character being an evil scientist who had hitherto been a failure.

Cute.

It's just too bad that the ending is obvious, something I'm sure including China being the savior, the US being destroyed etc.. etc..

Talk about fantasy.


Yay, Obama won. Let's thank his supporters:
-The compliant mainstream media for their pro-Obama propaganda.
-Black Panthers for their intimidation of voters.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 06:06 AM Reply

Wow just wow. I Like this new chapter, because it was well thought and very long.I will be mopst pleased when more will come.

Sarai
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 06:07 AM Reply

At 7/8/07 06:00 AM, cellardoor6 wrote: You gotta love the not-so-subtle political undertones of the whole thing. It's like your accusations of the US can't be substantiated in the real world, so you have to make a story about it. I also like the little low-blow you included about my character being an evil scientist who had hitherto been a failure.

Cute.

It's just too bad that the ending is obvious, something I'm sure including China being the savior, the US being destroyed etc.. etc..

Talk about fantasy.

This isn't a politics thread, nor is the story political. If you notice one might have caught the catch that 'the other country with 2bn people treats their citizens as slaves', I wonder which country that can be. In a world with very little resources, no one country can be better than another, it's just a question of how they approach the situation. I am well aware that many countries around the world would collapse or be in a much worse situation than this fictional setting.

Anyway, this story has no real need to be set in the US, excepting that the majority of BBS users are from there and that the UK where I live at the moment is too small to have the setting I require. If I set this in South Africa I'm afraid I would be stretching the imagination as I have no idea of the country.

Also your character, one might very well argue that you are not evil, that you are just working for your country.

Anyway, thank you for your input, rest assured that the politics get no more serious than that mentioned and just for your creature comfort, the People's Republic of China is not planned to be mentioned again. The action movies to Hawaii, England and then back to the Continental United States. Perhaps at the end the country will be redeemed through the actions of one or many of the people I mention in the story.


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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 06:14 AM Reply

Meh, whatever.

I'm just going to laugh when my character dies in a "justice served" scene after committing some heinous act of murder or cowardice or something of that sort.


Yay, Obama won. Let's thank his supporters:
-The compliant mainstream media for their pro-Obama propaganda.
-Black Panthers for their intimidation of voters.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 06:22 AM Reply

I think you forgot to send a certain someone a certain PM, telling him about a certain thread.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 06:23 AM Reply

At 7/8/07 06:22 AM, Monocrom wrote: I think you forgot to send a certain someone a certain PM, telling him about a certain thread.

I think you forgot to send a certain someone a certain PM, telling her what is going on with your story :p

:)


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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 08:08 AM Reply

Chapter 3

“This group, they believe they can succeed there where the Government failed to act. One of their group, you might have heard of him, he went by the name of Mast3rmind (Mind) on Newgrounds… He thinks he’s got a cure to the water infection there.” Zen leaned closer, he’d not spoken of this to anyone new for nearly six months.

“Hawaii…” Jade drew her finger down the dust on the table… “I’ll need to get in touch with Fyndir”.

Meanwhile on Hawaii

CD, a technician and his auditor companion stepped into the test-chamber. She stayed close to the door while the technician and CD inspected their results. Fully 40% of the subjects were dead. Blood seeped from their skins’ pores and many of them had no eyes after they had burst with the pressure from CD’s invention.

“60% survival! This is amazing…” CD was beaming, the 40% mortality rate seeming to not faze him. The technician checked the pulse of another prostrate body before moving on.

“A few minutes ago you claimed a ten percent mortality rate. Your project is based on inaccurate assumptions and forecasts, I will report this.”

“Report all you want, my request for further funding will not be stopped by your report.” He grabbed one of the alive but unconscious subjects by the arm and pulled her up to her feet. “This is the measure of my success. This subject in a few hours will be totally ready for imprinting and will then become whatever I want her to be. She will serve me and the country with little question. Not like the failed youth of today.”

“We work hard to persuade our young people of the benefit of the Program. Many co-operate, some do not. We safeguard them, it is not our role to judge them unfit.”

“Human Capital publicly announces those whom it strips of citizenship!”

“A smaller fraction of the offenders than you might think. If we weed out too many we damage the roots of our country.”

“Not with my method”, CD led the docile woman out of the door and towards another laboratory room. “Technician! Bring the others and then clean this mess up.”

“Yes sir”

The auditor left the room with her electronic notepad and found an empty desk before writing up the latest portion of her report. Encrypting it she sent it back to her superior, Alastor in Washington DC.

A few days later at San Diego’s port on the United States West coast

A group of men and women under cover of night were loading crates into a small trawling ship at the end of one of the piers. The port was quiet as most trade to the United States came to the east coast from Europe or to ports further northwards.
The group was about twenty strong, with more men than women. As the light from the ships’ riding lights played on their faces you could see that they were generally in the twenty to thirty age bracket.

Jade and Zen were helping to pack supplies into the hold which still smelt of fish when a commotion from the end of the pier startled them. From the deck they saw a police patrol car speed down the pier towards them, although its siren was not switched on the blue and red flashing lights played across the dark water and the ship.

There was nowhere for the group to go. The ship could not possibly leave yet and therefore it looked as though their journey was over before it started.
A powerful spotlight from the roof of the car illuminated the ship and dazzled the group.

“Identify yourself! The Port Authority of San Diego does not recognise this ship as having loading rights at this time!” someone shouted over a loud-speaker.

Besides jade a well built man sighed, “Port rent-a-cops… I’ll deal with it.”

Jade watched the man climb down the ramp and then walk towards the car with his hands up, showing that he had no weapon.

“Who’s that?”

“That’s Monocrom… he’s one of the old ones on this group…” Zen replied

“What’s he doing?”

“Talking down to them I bet!”

“What do you mean? Shouldn’t we try and run? They’ll call for reinforcements and then take us back…”

“Don’t worry, he’s a cop…”

“WHAT?”

“An ex-cop that is. But I don’t think those guys will know it yet… I mean technically he’s probably still a cop until his desk stays empty tomorrow morning…”

“So wait, he works for the Government but is coming with us?”

“Not everyone who works for the Government is bad Jade… I mean look at me, I work for the Government!

“Oh yeah… well…”

By now the flashing lights had stopped and then with a chugging noise the engine of the police car started and the car reversed slowly away down the pier. It was a marked contrast to the arrogant aggressive approach the police had made earlier.

Monocrom sauntered back towards the boat swinging a small compact flash-light that was on a strap around his wrist.

“No worries guys… My badge is still gold standard for now...”

There was a general round of applause and laughter for his brave performance before the rest of the group got back to work on the ship. Jade however wanted to know a bit more, she found Monocrom talking with a young attractive woman by the gangplank. Seeing Jade approach the woman said something to Monocrom before boarding.

“Yeah, see you later Jen” Monocrom turned to look at Jade.

“I know you… You were one of the last new moderators on Newgrounds weren’t you?” he smiled and extended his hand which still had the torch swinging from his wrist on it.

Later that night

The ship had finished loading and everyone was on-board. The lines had been cast and thus as 3am in the morning the vessel chugged out of port thanks to Monocrom’s timely intervention.
It was small ship so everything was a bit crammed in. The women had been given the actual crew quarters while the men were to make do with the bridge and the cargo-hold. Everyone was nervous and on edge, they were bound together by a set of beliefs rather than anything else. Some were from Newgrounds, but others were from Mind’s other contacts or networks.

Jade had met everyone by now. From her time on Newgrounds she thus remembered Monocrom, Zen, Mind, Jen (who’d gone by the name Tigerkitty), Fin (MrFinland on Newgrounds), and Mary who had also been one of the mods on Newgrounds before become very inactive (known as Carmilla). Some of the other people she might have recognised slightly, but for now they were just faces.
She and Mary, Zen and Monocrom had struck up a small group already. They’d managed to settle into one of the small equipment rooms and were engaged in a card game played on top of one of the supply crates.

“Your turn Mary”, Zen smiled at his hand after laying down a low diamond on the table. Mary was last to play and she had no diamonds in her hand… She fingered the queen of spades which would cause Monocrom to gain 13 points (a bad thing) and probably forfeit the match.

“To our brave police ‘liaison officer’, I’m going to give you this gift… A queen… of spades…”

“!”

The others laughed as Monocrom as forced to collect the pile.

“I never win these games, I think I better quit before I sink under my debts!”

“What’s a few dollars between friends?” Jade asked.

“Easy for you to say! You had to borrow some of mine before you could even buy into this hand!” he laughed, “now look at you, a regular little investment banker… being serious for a moment however, what was it you were assigned to do by the program?”

“Some kind of researcher for the News channel… Propaganda rubbish probably…”

“Yeah, some of the junk they show… I don’t think that would’ve suited you. You seem to have a sharp eye for people’s wallets!”

“Nonsense! It’s just beginners’ luck!”

End most of chapter 3 Second part below

The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

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Sarai
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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 08:11 AM Reply

Continuation of chapter 3

Little by little over the course of the night the group talked about the things that had driven them to want to break free from the Program. They knew that they weren’t alone in this, many people simply disappeared, left the country or were jailed. They wanted to be different though. Under the tutelage of Mind they all believe in his cause… He was going to SHOW the Government that people could be productive on their own two feet.

Before the ship had departed Mind had given a speech to the group outlining his plan;

“On Hawaii I have already established a small town for seven hundred people who want to make things better, who want to live in a way that is free, fair and safe. They do not want to grow into or have their children grow into slavery. Our colony if you wish to call it that is small, but we will expand and be free. This country was founded as a Union and our small empty state of Hawaii will become its rebirth as a place of correctness.”

The group had asked him about the poisoned water supply, Government response and other questions. He had generally dismissed the concerns;

“I have perfected a cure for the water supply there. Although I cannot yet isolate the ground-water infection by using the compound I’ve invented we can purify our water supply once we extract it from the ground. I have enough of this compound for a month on this ship and I left instruction on how to manufacture it with the others in the town. In addition the poison is diluted to a harmless amount in plants and other animal tissue. A weapon directed at humans only, but now defeated by us”

The group had been happy and looked forward to end of their crossing, when they would make landfall in their new home.

Meanwhile on Hawaii

“Sir, we’ve completed reprogramming the subjects…” the technician paused, “I’m sorry to say but we lost another 50% at this stage… However the remainder appear to be exactly as you intended.”

“From an original set of hundred for this round of experimentation you lost forty percent. Then you have lost another fifty percent of the rest. You thus have thirty subjects remaining?” the auditor scribbled on her pad.

“Twenty Seven actually” the technician answered.

“… Twenty Seven, I see”

“Enough of the number games… Lets go inspect the subjects, my results” CD turned and went through to the more comfortable looking holding area where the results of his experiment awaited…

To be continued; comments welcome of course.

The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 08:31 AM Reply

Woah, this is such a fresh and new story. Your plotline looks promising and the atmosphere you create is almost mind blowing. I'm looking forward to the next chapters of this story.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 08:48 AM Reply

Good chapter. It really shows that you are talented in this. And I liked it even more because m name was on it. It wasn't a big appearance, but hey, I don't care as long as it is there.
Oh yeah, this goes to my sig.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 08:53 AM Reply

Nice story.

God forbid I get included though.................... I was only I main guy in Moon Vipers and I only sent you $5 million in stocks and bond through the mail.

I'm gonna go back to my room and be awesome.
Desert Punk of the NG /A/|My VA Demo Reel|Audio Portal|

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 08:55 AM Reply

At 7/8/07 08:50 AM, Fyndir wrote: I dislike being used in stories without prior permission, tbh. =/

I can remove you in about two chapters and not introduce you again till there. No problem but Monocrom gets the girl then :/


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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 08:58 AM Reply

At 7/8/07 08:55 AM, Sarai wrote: I can remove you in about two chapters and not introduce you again till there. No problem but Monocrom gets the girl then :/

I see you put a tough one on Fyndir. I will be interested to see what he does say to that.

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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 09:00 AM Reply

At 7/8/07 08:58 AM, MrFinland wrote:
At 7/8/07 08:55 AM, Sarai wrote: I can remove you in about two chapters and not introduce you again till there. No problem but Monocrom gets the girl then :/
I see you put a tough one on Fyndir. I will be interested to see what he does say to that.

It's hard to write about Jade, without putting Fyndir in. Because they're like a NG couple. If I write in someone else in a romantic lead with Jade she probably won't enjoy reading as much. Also Zen / Monocrom / Whomever may feel a bit embarrssed or something.

So yeah, it's up to Fyndir, it's his name and I also tend to write quite close to the NG 'bone' in terms of how characters act. People find that a bit worrying sometimes. So yeah. Happy either way.


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Response to Our Place (bbs Story) Jul. 8th, 2007 @ 09:05 AM Reply

At 7/8/07 09:00 AM, Sarai wrote: It's hard to write about Jade, without putting Fyndir in. Because they're like a NG couple. If I write in someone else in a romantic lead with Jade she probably won't enjoy reading as much. Also Zen / Monocrom / Whomever may feel a bit embarrssed or something.

I wouldn't say that they would feel embarassed. I think Monochrome would sig this story and describe it, well you know what I mean don't don't you :)

So yeah, it's up to Fyndir, it's his name and I also tend to write quite close to the NG 'bone' in terms of how characters act. People find that a bit worrying sometimes. So yeah. Happy either way.

Well he gave you his answer so, I think you know what to do then