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theirishsaint11
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-11 01:01:39 Reply

Alright the last post gave me problems saying that there was to much, Idk it was wierd. either way heres part 4

The last stop that we had to check on was Hades' gun shop. As we approached the store, I noticed hundreds of bullet casings scattered across the floor. The next thing that I saw was a trail of blood leading to the back of his shop. I cautiously followed it with Geist, leaving Bellum in the back. We got to the end of the trail to find Hades sitting in the corner coughing up blood. "Well, look who it is." As always, his sarcasm was warming, even in the most dire situations. "What happened?" I asked in a total state of shock. "Well, I found out that normal bullets are useless against them. And that a claw to the chest really isn't that pleasant. I'm guessing you're leaving town, leave me, I'll just be dead weight." I nodded my head and started out the door, then Hades stopped me one last time. "Good luck out there kid, don't ever change." He smiled a little bit as we headed out the door.

The last thing that we heard before leaving town was a gunshot coming from the back room where Hades was. We carried everything that we could to a point that we wouldn't be slowed down and began to leave the town. "Cerberus?" I heard Bellum's scared voice ring out behind me. "What is it?" I responded. "It's almost nightfall, the rest of the creatures are going to be out soon, where are we going to camp out?" I stopped walking. The thought never even surfaced in my head. If we stay in the town, we'll be eaten by the day walker, if we stay out here in the open, the other creatures will tear us to shreds.

We didn't really have much of a choice; either option would cause us to die unless we got lucky. As I was in the process of thought, I heard a loud crunch come from behind me. I turned around to see Geist eating away at a bright red apple. "Where did you get that?" I nervously asked. "Store." He bluntly replied. I was running out of options fast, if what happened to Pestis is what I think it was, then Bellum and I were the last ones with hope left. I heard a piercing howl in the distance. It was the call of the day walker, when it was in the middle of its hunt. I drew in a deep breath and did the last thing that I could. Think.

Blarg, sorry that was so messy when I posted, but when I wrote it, everything was properly done, trust me. Comments and critiques are welcome, lemme know what you thought if you had the time to finish it. :D

theirishsaint11
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-11 01:22:36 Reply

Oh, and one more thing, sorry for like the millionth post in a row, but this is important to the story. There are a ton of different hidden messages and meanings in the story, so if you think you got any of them let me know and i'll let you know if you got it right. A big part of it has to do with greek mythology, and some of the names are latin if your too lazy to look it up. Good luck ;D

Ass-Crumb
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-11 04:54:47 Reply

This is an epic poem I wrote for school- It's only the first draft and I threw in lines sporadically, so basically it's far from complete. there are a few spots where there's "-" in place of actual verses or stanzas, which are just spots I have yet to complete. I also intend to improve the grammar of the whole thing and eliminate alot of the "and" and "as" words that begin most of the lines to make it appear less like a list of bullshit. It uses a pretty basic rhyme structure, alternating between ABAB and AABB.

Please respond guyz.

922 words, 4926 characters so far.

Part I: Countdown to the End

On one morning, peaceful day
the countdown does begin
and as apocalypse awaits
the man with the sign says 'ten'

Their is no sign as life goes on
But the Earth silently whines
The birds still sing a sweetly song
The man with the sign says 'Nine'

the dogs will bark
As the final days await
the horsemen will begin to lark
The man with the sign says 'eight'

And as the sinners begin to pray
one last "ah-men"
they look up and away
The man with the sign says "seven"

the kingdom then is in the know
And as the doomsday clock does tick
the animals scatter to and fro
The man with the sign says 'six'

As another day does pass
Sinners thank God to be alive
But the timer ticks alas
The man with the sign says 'Five'

A million souls will beg to be let in
As heaven begins locks its doors
As god's rule then is questioned
The man with the sign says 'four'

And as a fierce wind does blow
A rumbling starts at sea
and as the warnings still grow
The man with the sign says 'three'

as our race comes to terms
and there's nothing we can do
the earth begins to shake and squirm
The man with the sign says 'two'

The clouds arise and turn to dark
And the end has just begun
the horsemen begin to disembark
The man with the sign says 'one'

The day is dark and grass is dead
and there will be no more heroes
the sun will rise and the ends ahead
Because the man has said zero

Part II: Apocalypse

As it starts the forests die
and the chasm unlids its eye
and death begins to kiss its lips
and the world welcomes the apocalypse

A torrent in the mainland seeps
as ocean begins to reap
and water then covers the land
and the flood does then give its hand

And from the earth a mighty roar
as the ground begins to rip and quake
and in the air souls begin to soar
as the world begins to break

And as our reign comes to an end
And as we ponder what we are
Looming on the horizon descends
and nearing comes a falling star

the Earth then is in perfect harmony
lending itself to tragedy
It is it's one last joy
To be the ends one Envoy

Part III: Sleep

And after we then meet
our final end at hand
The earth begins to sleep
calming the savage lands

the birds do sing
and the flowers bloom
heavens bells do ring
and rebirth is on the loom

and from the deep rubble
stirs the worlds last life
the worlds last hope bubbles
as men and women and children come alive

not even the world could stop their love
not hells fury nor the gods above
the families innocence is burned
and there is no lesson to be learned

but through their hope they build again
a society thats free from pain
and no one there to take away
but no one there to pave the way

aimlessly they start a town
no laws or police to keep from crime
no man to lead them with a crown
and all this at the same time

as four cosmonauts revolve the earth
nothing there to give them worth
no reason to even believe
that in the sky, four people grieve

Part IV: Space

But as this all came to light
four men and women looked below
lost in orbit and in flight
the astronauts have lost their home

no contact and solitude
no rations nor even food
god abandoned them in the sky
and only he knows why

as the air inside begins to lapse
and violence starts to corrupt
a small spark begins to clap
and in their prison fire erupts

they say in space there is no noise
no one could hear the girls and boys
but if you could change those laws
you would hear their hopeless caws

the endless vacuum drains their life
the pressure crushes their hold
As their end shall come to light
their lives are gone just like our world

Part V: Mu

And what was humanity's last wish?
As doomsday was unleashed
Their words were just prayers on wind
As they begged to be forgived

But oh human's last hopes
begin to spread anew
And as its last remnants elope
to the isle of Mu

Part VI: New hope

All their rage is cast aside
all their hate kept inside
bigotry and racism gone
only hope and love still shone

death echoes loud to a shout
as it starts to grow their doubt
their trials are hard and their lives are short
but they make the most out of their work

humanity begins again
and man and man are friends
all their emotion fall astray
and hate dissolves and fades away

But oh the greed behind their eyes
and shameless crimes and hurtful eyes
and corporation begins takes ahold
As man repeats the problems of old

Part VII: The End

Electricity does begin to give
an ever glowing light
but oh the world does not forgive
another deadly blight

But oh pollution seethes the lakes
as they repeat the same mistakes
and forest again begin to die
As the earth quietly cries

And as the humans begin to grow
an ever expanding borough
Gods rage then begins anew
and anger then does he stew

and the ticking hands start up once more
as the clock begins again
And just as it was foretold by lore
the man with the sign says ten


Good Threads: 1 2 3 4 5
I can't see shit

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Zuproc
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-11 19:20:49 Reply

Nice stuff guys. Next time I drop by I'll post something!

AniMetal
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-14 23:24:14 Reply

So i'm hoping to write a whole book!

It is influenced by a lot of my metal music, a lot of epics(Like dante's inferno) and my past relationship with a girl who ignored me for three months after we broke up.

Every other chapter will switch and back and forth between 1st person points of view between a man and his wife.

I have yet to name either of the characters, but here's the general plot

An unnamed man waking up to be in a spirit like world that overlooks the real world, but he can't interact with the real world at all. He is dead, but he has no idea why or how. (I have yet to decide how and why for the wife to know, but still not the husband)

He follows around his wife for several months, she seems to be completely aware he is dead but she is devoid of negative emotions.

She smiles, flirts, is polite, completes all her regular activities, etc.

She doesn't seem sad at all, she doesn't seem out of place at all. She seems almost happy that hes dead.

As she begins to seemingly get close to one friend of the couple he gets more confused and eventually angrier at his wife.

He begins to feel she doesn't miss him, then he begins to feel she is happy he is gone, then he begins to feel that she never loved him at all and that she actually hated him and eventually he begins to think that she murdered him.

He becomes so angry he sort of changes into a demonic force with no rational thought and begins destroying that soul society(For lack of a better name, for now). He begins devouring other spirits in his pure rage and he becomes known as __________ (Help me think of an amazingly evil and still fitting name)

He lives forever in a hatred to haunt the paradise in the sky and turn it into a dystopia as he cannot touch the real world.

That is one half of the chapters, the other half of the chapters follows his wife's depression and how she is missing her husband dearly.

It follows her internal struggles as she completely denies that her husband is dead and she begins internally lamenting that her husband "Abandoned her" and she begins working with a friend who is giving her emotional support till her husband returns.

Eventually the husband transforms and simultaneously a cold evil chill reaches the wife and she realizes in a second that her husband is really dead and gone forever.

This puts her in a utter panic.

She then realizes she doesn't remember the last words she ever said to him, and this makes her frustrated - So much so she feels guilty and she kills herself, her spirit to move onto the spirit world to be devoured by her husband whom she recognizes, but he doesn't recognize her back.

I mean to create a depressing epic story.

Advice for the story? Thoughts? Opinions? Thanks in advance.

I don't intend on writing this story now, I plan on contemplating the story much deeper and when i'm out of school begin writing it for real.

Make war, not love.

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SapphireLight
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-15 01:34:51 Reply

Pretty sweet idea, Spencer.


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ChainsawNinjaZX
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-15 10:19:42 Reply

@ PinballWizard976

Genius. Pure genius. Your story idea was horrible and premise so unlikely; yet you made it great. I can't compliment you enough through use of imagery and symbolism, this forum will not give you the credit you deserve.

As for your writing itself, you use too many of's and that's. Reread some of it and you will see what I mean, but I will give you one example:

You, thinking of yourself of importance

You can say thinking yourself important.

This was well written, your only other weaknesses would be how vague you were and how short the story is. Good job indeed.

PinballWizard976
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-15 23:09:41 Reply

At 1/15/10 10:19 AM, ChainsawNinjaZX wrote: @ PinballWizard976

Genius. Pure genius. Your story idea was horrible and premise so unlikely; yet you made it great.

hahaha thanks man. it really is a pretty abstract play, and i'm sure it's not for everyone. in my creative writing class i acted it out; playing the part of the world. and honestly it was awful. maybe it's just because a lot of things sounded better in my head or because i actually wrote it and i'm not really ever satisfied with my work; both in art and writing. actually, i think another thing would be that 78 was played by this girl who must have thought 'lol leaves this is sooo random' (can't stand those kinda people btw), and who also completely skipped very important commas and pauses, and left out words and the worst thing was 'consequences be darned". Like, everyone in the class loved it (both on paper and in action); but i don't think any of them understood the meaning behind it at all :\

I can't compliment you enough through use of imagery and symbolism, this forum will not give you the credit you deserve.

Oh well. i didn't really write it to be complimented. i just wrote it because i like juvenalian satire

As for your writing itself, you use too many of's and that's. Reread some of it and you will see what I mean, but I will give you one example:

You, thinking of yourself of importance

You can say thinking yourself important.

Yes, but that wouldn't be how 'the world' would talk. I couldn't see someone like tolkein (not that i'm comparing myself to him; god i'm not even on the same scale as him) having an elf speaking real colloquial and like how me and you talk to our friends. Grammatically, it might not make 100% sense; but it's sorta like 'you, thinking of yourself' as in i think that i am a more reserved person, and 'of importance' would be like i think i am of importance. i dunno; i didn't really read over it after i finished that much. i think i only did one revision. but i guess when you get on a roll speaking like that; you don't really think about what makes sense and what doesn't. my bad.

This was well written, your only other weaknesses would be how vague you were and how short the story is. Good job indeed.

I can see what you mean. i really don't like the ending when he (she?, it?) gets taken underground. i really coulda done better on that; or in between acts 1 & 2. as far as length; it was required to be 3 acts - no more no less. longer than other peoples', but i felt like i was repeating myself a lot in it. definitely things i need to work on.

thanks for the review man. i'll be sure to remember this next time i'm writing

MonkeyV
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Response to Writers Club 2010-01-31 11:57:29 Reply

Guys...
With this new writing forum, does this mean the end of this club?


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blamninja1
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Response to Writers Club 2010-04-14 17:43:16 Reply

Jeez, it's been awhile. I got my start here nearly three years ago, and haven't really been active here at all since. I found this site named Papertank but that just got shut down yesterday, so... Yeah. Back again =P probably will submit something soonish, we'll see. I'm trying to find a new site to join but for now I'm just gonna hang around here.


To be or not to be....
You get the idea.

Pandamir
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Response to Writers Club 2010-12-18 15:52:19 Reply

Place has been dead for quite some time obviously. But would like to try and join up around here. But write poetry and short stories so guess if this place can pick up some then will post some of my works up here.


Love is giving somebody the power to destroy you and trusting them not to!!

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Fro
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Response to Writers Club 2010-12-18 16:01:32 Reply

At 12/18/10 03:52 PM, Pandamir wrote: Place has been dead for quite some time obviously. But would like to try and join up around here. But write poetry and short stories so guess if this place can pick up some then will post some of my works up here.

I figured that this club would pretty much lose it's purpose with the Writer's Forum Lounge in the writing forum. Perhaps not though because I still see plenty of video game clubs still existing even though their a video game forum.


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fleurdelys
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Response to Writers Club 2010-12-19 02:36:53 Reply

How many years have you been writing: 35 years
How many flash story's you have written: what is a flash story?
How many real life story's you have written: In my personal writing none, but I worked on a couple of newspapers a few years back.
And your name (optional): addie

So what's up, people?

addie


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Demonbrunch
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Response to Writers Club 2012-10-28 22:11:30 Reply

At 1/11/10 07:20 PM, Zuproc wrote: Nice stuff guys. Next time I drop by I'll post something!

How do you guys feel about fan fiction? I refer not to "Voldemort discovers a sudden sexual attraction to Harry Potter" fanfics of course. My preference is fan fiction that focuses on semi-realistic, practical changes. "What-ifs" is the proper term. Like, "what-if Simba had fallen instead of Scar?" or "what-if Moriarty was the hero, and Sherlock the villain?". I love the twists on logic/perspective that can come from turning one character from a nice person to a complete asshole. Hold on, by that, I mean that person. I wouldn't like a fic that said "Person A is canonically celibate, but in this fic, Person A is a horny devil and all the ladies want him". No, my interest comes in when it's Person A, and Person A alone that has changed, when a single change has disrupted or altered the world they live in. Etc.

I also like fanfics that capitalize on vague concepts and stories that make "continuations" for cancelled series like Sliders and Heroes.

Anyway, I'm not the kind of fan fic writer who gets massively upset with criticism. I'm actually looking for feedback on most of my stories, because I seem to lack the talent to garner attention/response. I'm also not very good at syntax and diction, I think at least, so any feedback is welcome - good, bad, honest, critical.

if I may be so daring, I keep my stories on this account for those intrigued. For my writing style, I'd say I like to write characters with a degree of realism depending on where they come from. An anime character's probably more subject to "being able to lift a mountain, but getting backhanded by an angry female for comic relief" than the average comic book/graphic novel character. I like to make things "down to earth", audaciously even. At the same time, the list of stories on my account may come off as being overwhelmingly mishanthropic or sadistic - contrary to the standard "Dark Fic" however, I still believe in heroes and happy endings, although not to out the non-currently existent endings of my fanfics.

The point I'm trying to make is: a deal of these fics are rated mature for a reason. Honestly, my two biggest fears are: overwhelmingly negative criticism that doesn't detail the cliches or flaws in my story, and mentally scarring a young child/teenager. So if you're not comfortable with potentially explicit writing, then pretend this explanation never happened.

How many years have you been writing: 2006 was the year I made my first fanfiction net account. That was my first "hardcore" step into writing, but I've been interested in creative writing since elementary.

How many flash story's you have written: I wrote a couple on my old, locked-out account Rague, but most were rubbish produced from my 6th-grader brain.

How many real life story's you have written: None I'm afraid. I've had some ideas, but flexing those ideasi nto a novel hasn't happened yet.

And your name (optional): Demonbrunch/Fanfiction of the Dead

Favorite Author: Ironically, I don't read too many novels -Although I haven't read all of their series yet, I've wanted to take a look at Lord of the Rings and the original Sherlock Holmes stories. If I had to pick favorite authors, I guess it would be Conan Doyle and Tolkien for the representations/adaptions of their characters that I've witnessed, and from what little I've read of The Fellowship of the Ring.

So yeah, bump.


I can edit my signature at will, but I can't edit my post. The hell, Newgrounds?