At 12/31/07 08:16 PM, Lindione wrote: Ok, i wanted the writers club to be involved with trials somehow so i thought that maybe you guys can help me pick out the 8 remaining trials ive come up with some ideas which you can comment on and if you have any other ideas yourself plz post

1)escape from infinitely falling down into an abyss
2)game of chess or a game i make up
3)being tortured/ "interrogated"
4)destroying god
5)getting through pitch blach cave
6)protecting an important item
7)destroying the devil
8)anwsering a series of questions
9)entertaining a demon
10) controlling emotion
11)destroying one holds most dear
12)living a week without any special powers (main character has quite a few special powers)
13)seeing through an illusion
14)rejecting world's most beautifal woman
15)a race

ok tell me which ones would make the best stories since save for a few im indifferent and im limiting myself to 10

As a few I'd like, I'd recommend

Destroying God in a philosophical sense. For example, he is extremely religious, and ends up seeing that God isn't everything, etc, etc, just a little more skeptical side of it. I've been toying with that idea for a while.

Entertaining a demon would be awesome in so many ways.

Controlling emotion in the face of extreme stimuli may be interesting, if predictable...

Defending an item from zombies would be kickass.

A game of chess that is far more complex than it seems, such as they use humans for pieces and if you lose a piece, hey die--just something like that to heighten the sense of urgency and cauntion.

I also suggest that you lump together the "seeing through illusion" and "escaping infinite pit" ones, to make the infinite pit the illusion he must escape using whatever means as he falls throug it.

Destroying what he holds dear would be cool too, but make it something big and important--not like "NO! MY FAVORITE POKEMON CARD!" as in, like, killing his best friend or something. Something hugely important to his life.

Make him answer questions based on, like, obscure references, such as

"FIll in the blank: IMMA CHARGIN MAH _____!!!"

you know, for a bit of comedy relief.

Sorry for the double post.

Pull the Trigger Part two

How many years have you been writing: 5 years.
How many flash story's you have written: 1, + i am writing one now.
How many real life story's you have written: 4.
And your name (optional): Peter Loper.

Happy new year. All you new members, if you want to join the collab,clicky,clicky

I wouldn't like to join, but I'd like to post a poem I wrote 5 minutes ago, and ask how it can be improved. It's the first semi-rhyming poem I've ever written, so it has a weird "tempo"

Guess what the fuck it's about.

You smog my mind with the lies of love,
pollute it with your existence.
I can't stop thinking about you,
and why you aren't talking to me.
Because I am just that selfish.

But I believe you through and through,
when you say that you love me too.
Why shouldn't I?
You're telling the truth
Well, that's what you tell me.

But you distract me,
and my daily life.
You sadden me,
and those around me.

By making me miserable,
I am distracted,
and ultimately,
I think that love sucks.

That isn't the case though,
I'm not against what I feel.
I just wish,
it was milder than what it is.

If you reject me, I will still love you.
To however much of an extent I can.
You can't make me go away, bitch.
So just except me for what I believe in,
and for who I am.

Wasn't a bad effort, gibleto, not at all, though you were very correct when you described it as semi-rhyming.

At 1/3/08 01:47 PM, gibleto wrote: I wouldn't like to join, but I'd like to post a poem I wrote 5 minutes ago, and ask how it can be improved. It's the first semi-rhyming poem I've ever written, so it has a weird "tempo"

Guess what the fuck it's about.

You smog my mind with the lies of love,
pollute it with your existence.
I can't stop thinking about you,
and why you aren't talking to me.
Because I am just that selfish.

1sr stance: 4/10

But I believe you through and through,

Hard to tell what is being siad there even with the next line

when you say that you love me too.
Why shouldn't I?
You're telling the truth
Well, that's what you tell me.

5/10

But you distract me,
and my daily life.
You sadden me,
and those around me.

me,me,me....that is so annoying to read. That makes you look consided and creates the victim into the victimiser, never do that. Word choice matters for more then oen reason.
1/10

By making me miserable,
I am distracted,
and ultimately,
I think that love sucks.

Line 2 and 3 are not full lines
2/10

That isn't the case though,
I'm not against what I feel.
I just wish,
it was milder than what it is.

what? 0/10

If you reject me, I will still love you.
To however much of an extent I can.
You can't make me go away, bitch.
So just except me for what I believe in,
and for who I am.

4/10

Many things:
1) no rynme scheme
2) u use the same word at the end of several lines
3) you dont use many unique words in the poem
4) The poem is to saturated with whining to see the meaning, which is why you have to be a great poet to write a good love poem.
5) You metahpores are hardly them
6) DO NOT USE contractions, or swears they make the poem look written by an idiot.
Honestly this poem can not be improved it needs deleted. Nothing about this is good eccept for the idea. Try thinking youur poem out more as you write it, describe the emotion with such a pallet of words that the stances seem to melt in your eyes. Leave the reader wanting to read the next stance, and then at the end crave answers, and yet have some closer as well.

Two more poemlets

":)"
The expression of a happy mind.
The enjoyment of that which has occurred.
The emotion in which should never be left behind.
The expression used so generously by the kind.

":D"
The expression of great joy.
The smile to light a room in its gleam.
The emotion that when watched can not help but to enjoy.
The smile wanted to never end like a good dream.

At 1/3/08 09:01 PM, SprintT wrote: Two more poemlets

bout damn time, man! ;)

gj w/ both.

At 1/3/08 09:58 PM, Sistine1408 wrote:

At 1/3/08 09:01 PM, SprintT wrote: Two more poemlets

bout damn time, man! ;)

gj w/ both.

ty

Well, time for juicy poem morsels i call images

these are a few earlier ones i made a few weeks ago

A refraction of light shines off a crystal
Shot from the morning sun
As from a small pistol
Illuminating the world for a second and then it is done

A dagger falls into a rogues hand silently
And he barely notices the handle when he clenches his fist
He lashes it very violently
Cutting an imaginary object in his midst

The hand diligently controls the pen
Weaving in and out like a spider
Moving in and out again and again
Hypnotizing the innocent outsider

and these are ones i made recently (these ones are a bit more structured)

An ant crawls quickly along the floor
Carrying a piece of day old bread
It moves outside the solid oak door
Yet days later I find it unmoving

A pile of dirt gets caught in a gust
Turning to fragments of what it was
It moves out as scattered lowly dust
To be part of another pile's cause

I'll probably make a compilation like sprint's doing with his poemlets. Tell me what ya think

Man, I miss Phantom. I hope he really didn't do it... He made the club kind of exciting, *sob*. WE (at least I) MISS YOU PHANTOM!

I believe we already discussed this. The guy's alive.

anyways...

A column of fire
Burning ever higher
An unending pyre
Which hell would admire
Is born from sattire,
Hate and desire

Many met their doom
Under this new moon.
It shines like a rune
Onto the loon
Who, as a boon,
Offers his life much too soon.

No escape is clear
From the din in my ears
The Death, ever-near,
Brings a silent tear
To eyes that once leared
Upon the victims here.

Through the smoke I tear,
Corpses everywhere,
Ashes in my hair.
Can't be ensnared
By the singular layer
Of still endless scare.

I know no salvation,
Nor dedication
Not even vocation,
Nothing but defamation,
Ongoing relegation,
Until termination.

Alright! 50 pages!

I am Centurion-Ryan's alt, by the way.

Ok, I want to join.

How many years have you been writing: about 3
How many flash story's you have written: 0
How many real life story's you have written: working on my first
And your name (optional): I dont to give it

Hey are we allowed to include newgrounds characters such as Tankman in some of our stories.
Also the name of my next story is going to be "The Hero"

Hmmm, i post in the writers guild, and then see the writers club... Difference?
Anyway, i just posted the beggining of a story in the other thread.

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1887 45/181
Bottom of the page.
Feel free to give me a few opinions. Criticism more than welcome :)

Hello, everybody.

To all that were wondering:

Embarque, my internet provider, stopped giving us internet because we didn't want to pay, BUT now we have a D-Link so we're up and mooching internet off of someone i don't know. I will be posting more often, but not a whole lot.

Also, great to see that phantom is alive and well (or something close to it).

Ok I got my first chapter down so please comment. Also there is a youtube link in here I so I don't get into trouble credit goes to youtube, the video creator and the songs in the that vid go to their creators. Any way here it is.
Hero

Chapter 1

It is a quiet night in 1995. A newborn sleeps in the hospital in Eastside City. The boy's name is... Hero Umashe. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaYP6F0mC QQ

15 years have past since Hero was born, his Family has moved to the Climax City. Hero is now 16 years old. Hero now was on his way to school.
"Why the hell did we have to move" Hero thought. "My life was perfect back in Eastside. Oh well."

"Hey look at the new kid." A boy said. "Look at him; trying to look like the cool guy. That right belongs to me!" "Easy Jack. Don't make a-" Shut Up, Ethan!" Jack said. "I'm going to teach him a lesson." Jack then started walking up to Hero. "Hey!" Jack yelled. "Now listen your going to stop trying to look like the hot shot around here okay! That right belongs to me!" Hero simply just walks away towards the school. "Ignore me will you!" Jack then ran straight at Hero and threw a punch at him. Hero then grabs his arm and swung it around his back. "Attacking me is a big mistake!" Hero said as he pushed him onto the ground. Hero then walked into the school as Ethan runs over to him.

"Hmm... looks like the new Hero has finally arrived. But I have to see him in action." a mysterious voiced said.

I'm more of a comedy writer, is that okay?

number of stories written: total is 7..... 2 (at school) 3 (when bored) and 2 (for freinds)
quality: 4 stars ( thats what I say and freinds Say)

Am I in?

I'm more of a comedy writer, is that okay?

number of stories written: total is 7..... 2 (at school) 3 (when bored) and 2 (for freinds)
real life stories written: 2
flash stories: 0, zip, nada, but hopeful
real name: Sawyer L. D.

Am I in?

At 1/5/08 06:52 PM, The-Last-Nsider wrote: Ok I got my first chapter down so please comment.

It sucked just a little. No depth, little coherence, and just damn boring. The cliff hanger fails miserably because you never even made enough of an impression to make me care about what will happen in the first place. And what the fuck is with the random Youtube link?

At 1/5/08 03:31 PM, Legionaire-Stuart wrote: Alright! 50 pages!

I am Centurion-Ryan's alt, by the way.

Sweetness, 50 pages. All of you have exceeded in this great feat. You all have outdone yourself. As a reward, everyone gets to know a dark secret of the writers club ...

Its actually run by a giant pillbury dough boy who controls the matrix

At 1/6/08 02:58 PM, gunground wrote:

Its actually run by a giant pillbury dough boy who controls the matrix

I shot you, go back into your grave NOW!

Sweet, fitty pages! Krooked K, being a comedy writer is okay. Hell, that could lighten up the crew just a bit,(sarcasim) especially with some of the solemn poems we get. gunground, I hope that the pillsbury doughboy thing is not true. That would suck. Random link.
Happy new year, and God bless the fitty pages.

that's a thread not a section.

Sorry about that last post... accident.

Anyway, I've been writing for years, I don't remember how many stories I have written, my name is Erik, and no flash stories written.

Hi everyone! I have a short for you to read! Critisize the best you can, because thats the only way for progress! Hehe.

In the beginning there was black, and cold. A heavy darkness I felt like I could blow away, and yet it always lingered in my eyes. A cold so chilling my bones shivered in my body. The beginning was the worst feeling imaginable...to be so detached from reality that you don't know the difference between up and down, and a loneliness that could turn a soul to stone. I walked on; or what I can best describe as a walking. It was sort of awkward walking-on-water feeling, but with nothingness below. Rather unnerving if you ask me. I walked for so long in the void of my head, wondering if I had gone completely mad or not. A light from what seemed like heaven; or an interrogation chair, expanded from above me stopping just below my feet. I saw nothing on the horizon, nothing above or below me. Hysteria started to well up from the depths of me...like everything I have ever feared rising to my conscious mind. Frantically I yelled and yelled for anyone, or anything. That's when I saw her.
She couldn't have been real. There was nothing about her that seemed possible. She was completely void of colors with two exceptions that stood out instantly. Her dress was as azure as the bluest of blue waters, and even seemed to ripple much like it. Her eyes matched her dress, and simply entranced me. A mesmerizing combination that lured me out of my already loose sense of reality. I couldn't look away...she was everything I had ever wanted and more. She moved slightly and I snapped back to my senses. I looked at her face and noticed that her makeup had been smeared like an ebony paint. She had been crying, but how did I not hear or see her earlier? The enigma moved closer again, and I started losing it. My heart is racing and I am stunned. She grabbed my hand so softly I wouldn't have noticed had I not been studying her every movement. Her hand was so warm, radiating warmth the every nook and cranny of my body and soul. The most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on, and she chooses me to be with. How lucky I am!
By now I had no idea how much time had slipped through the cracks of this reality...nor did I care, but I knew my time was running out. My precious time with this goddess was draining away. She leaned into me, pressing her body to mine and whispered, "Don't leave me." Her electric words left me paralyzed in her grasp...and yet I felt so secure. She whispers, "I love you dear," and clutches me for what seems to be dear life. My life, and my very existence. My scrambled mind couldn't seem to comprehend what was happening. Had I died without knowing? Was I in heaven? Who is she? I lowered my head just enough to meet her forehead, and she rose up to meet my lips. Her smell was so sweet too. All around us small chunks of snow billowed in the desolate depth of black and white. Raining from an invisible sky, onto a place that didn't exist. A place that doesn't exist. What did it matter? I had this angel in my arms! I had the world in the palm of my hand! I had everything, and nothing.
Notes of music swam into my hearing. It was old 50's music. What was this?
She giggled and squeezed my hand. I spun that feisty vixen into dance. I was the most happy I had ever been. To think I had just been wandering in a hollow shell alone, and now I am with the girl of my dreams. Sweet are rewards to those who search for them. We could have danced until the clock didn't strike again, but it would be ending soon. Needless to say I didn't hold back any longer. I no longer feared the black, and no longer was I chilled to the soul. No longer was I alone.
Too late did that thought enter my mind. The snow had long stopped, and I could hear the sound dying softer and softer. Silence now. Her eyes were careening with tears from those ever-clear eyes of hers. She and I both knew it was the end. "Don't leave me alone again, please!" , she whispered hurriedly. This world wouldn't allow me any longer. The instant my lips converged with hers, I awoke in a heavy sweat. It was a dream? I should had known. Now it all made sense...why she had looked so sad, and why she acted like we had been with each other before. My dreams are the key. The key to unlock the greatest of treasures. I don't understand though, because I can still smell her on me...as if she was there the whole time! I don't understand why it wasn't real. Why this girl couldn't be laying next to me now in a solemn slumber; dreaming the same thing?
I arrived at school for the first day since the summer. I was pathetic, a massive wreck of a man. Lost in my own mind..searching for the girl who stole my heart. Stumbling through the blackness and cold of my mind, seeking remnants of happiness. I am a blank shell of what I was now, lacking what made me human. Quietly, I walked to my first class of the day. A day I'll never forget. I turned the corner, and there she was again. "Good to see you again, love."

No name yet, but I was thinking it might be a good serious short animation. I however am a terrible animator.

I am so sorry...I really meant to post this before my short!

number of stories written: 3 Stories, 4 poems, and many funny haiku's. Hehe.
real life stories written: 2
flash stories: Hopefully I will be able to soon!
real name: Just call me Dave. :D

At 1/6/08 10:05 PM, goforthethroat wrote: Hi everyone! I have a short for you to read! Critisize the best you can, because thats the only way for progress! Hehe.

The grammer and tense is so bad, I can not understand the peice at all. You need to fix this before you even dream of finishing this peice. You bounce way to much from 1st to a tense im not even sure of atm. Then you have many important grammer isues. IM sry I couldnt get through it all.