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At 10/22/07 09:50 PM, MonkeyV wrote: excuse me gunny, but have we ever had a members list? it seems we have had bout five people join on just this page, and its getting kind of hard to keep track.

also, i want to write a long story, like all you guys are doing, but i cant think of anything. any help?

If you write a porno story, I will read the hell out of it. I just wrote a short one myself. For a LONG story, that's not as easy, but you sound like a smart fellow, improvise. Other than that, zombies are cool?

Speaking of writing, how many people here find it too bothersome to proof read one of your own long stories and would rather give it to someone else who's educated and can inspect it for you. I know I have a person I love using, a NG user who proof reads all my work so it is presentable, mostly because while my English is decent, there are always the smallest details in language use even I fail to notice and he does, but he lacks the creativity to write stories, so we collaborate and I write the plot, he makes it readable :)

<3 to Sentio. He's mine!

Hey, Tel, I read your story. I left a post on your profile, but it does need to be paragraphed a little better (I should know, I have the same problem sometimes) other than that, very good.

Evening gimps.
I think I might post around here a bit in the near future, seeing as all the other writing clubs keep dying, and I feel the need to ejaculate my creative juices over somebody.
If you're unfamiliar with me I have most of my serious work on The Shadow Sun, plus there've been a bunch of BBS stories and such I've done in the past.

At 10/23/07 11:23 AM, TheDoctor wrote: If you're unfamiliar with me I have most of my serious work on The Shadow Sun, plus there've been a bunch of BBS stories and such I've done in the past.

Hmmm, I'm not familiar with that site, perhaps you would be as to kind as to explain what's the site about and what can we submit on it. I've tried reading the "about" but it's out of order.

At 10/23/07 07:28 AM, Zodir wrote: Hey, Tel, I read your story. I left a post on your profile, but it does need to be paragraphed a little better (I should know, I have the same problem sometimes) other than that, very good.

Thanks, I saw your comment, and responded. I just went back and edited it, by the way, giving you guys that space that you so dearly love. Also, I just wrote a new short story, a slightly more... risque one.

At 10/23/07 12:34 AM, TelOrdeth1 wrote:

At 10/22/07 09:50 PM, MonkeyV wrote: excuse me gunny, but have we ever had a members list? it seems we have had bout five people join on just this page, and its getting kind of hard to keep track.

also, i want to write a long story, like all you guys are doing, but i cant think of anything. any help?

If you write a porno story, I will read the hell out of it. I just wrote a short one myself. For a LONG story, that's not as easy, but you sound like a smart fellow, improvise. Other than that, zombies are cool?

the reason i would like to write a long story is because i actually hate making short stories. like in school, we have to write a bunch of crap but limit it to a few pages at most, its just hard because i like to say as much as i want about one thing at a time, without limits and such.

porno story, i really cant tell if you are serious or not, seeing as how weve already had some kind contributions of the sort from the-thing. but probably not, it would sound incredibly stupid coming from a 13 year old most likely.

also about the zombies, maybe, but if youll look back, im pretty sure that was the very first contest.

In other news...

i joined critters, yay, good for me. *checks e-mail* well, it seems i should get critiquing then.

At 10/22/07 09:50 PM, MonkeyV wrote: also, i want to write a long story, like all you guys are doing, but i cant think of anything. any help?

If you want to write a long short story (I'd say about 7,500 words+), you just need to find ways to fluff it up. You can take any idea and make it into a long story. It just depends on how creative you are to make new events inside the world of whatever you're writing.

Take my sequel to "The Sword", "The Sword: Acceptance"; I had some many ideas for that, that I couldn't keep it in 1 news post (32,000 characters). I'll probably extend it for that site critters.org, just to make it look good.

Also, I'm getting on those stories I said I'd review.

Well, I am not part of this crew, but I have recently made a poem for school, and I thought I might wanna share it. Just keep in mind that I am in 6th grade :). Here we go.

Stars
I wandered lonely as a cloud. (I needed to put that in as the first line)
Heading home from a day of fun.
Seeing there was no more sun.
I then see a endless amount of stars
Seeing how they were oh so far.

Continuous as the grass on the ground.
I see the stars and quickly found
O'rions Belt, oh what a sight.
Seeing the south star, the most bright.
Amazed, I saw the town very light. (needed a filler)

I then headed home, ending the day.
Seeing them twinkle on the milky way.
Wondering how they were oh so bright.
Walking home through the deep dark night.
While be guiding by the great starlight.

For I enter my house, looked at the moon.
Thinking how I have to go to sleep soon.
I then go to bed, read, then stop.
Where I go on the bed and lie.
Dreaming about the stars in the sky.

How is it?

At 10/13/07 05:41 PM, Centurion-Ryan wrote: Linkage to new chapter.

Great series/story. One problem I have with it though, is that Daniel seems to know too much; he knows what questions to ask, who's possessed by whom, stuff like that. He's too smart for the average person. Also, at the end of the most recent chapter, try to extend the end of the scene in Daniel's (although I think it's someone else's) mind; let the reader get what just happened. At the very least, end the paragraph right before Daniel goes back into the real world. For the gems, don't try to do too much with them; you seem to be flip-flopping from fantasy to horror every couple of paragraphs. Don't get me wrong, it's a good twist on the tired genre of zombies, but using the gems a lot give the ruin the scariness of the story, and seem to make it more whimsical.

At 10/13/07 04:58 PM, SenIsteR wrote: Here it is

Without reading it, I'm already disinterested. Not because it's Starcraft (one of the greatest RTSs in the world), but because you listed every character and their stats. Let the reader find out about each person as they come across them, and figure who each character is. You can have the background; just call it a prologue and make it a little longer.

Now, your story. I'll excuse grammar and spelling, since you live in Denmark and English isn't your first language. The action was pretty good; although you seemed to drag it out, ruining the effect of quick kills and fast paced action. Other than that, it was a great story. Keep up the good work.

How many years have you been writing: about one and a half.
How many flash story's you have written: None.
How many real life story's: 1.
Name: Seth

Sup guys?

How many years have you been writing: 10
How many flash story's you have written: None
How many real life story's: Uncountables
Name: Bob Axell

So I'll be joining this place then. ^_^
I write more poetry than I do stories though.
If anyone's interested I have a personal poetry website at bobaxell.net .

At 10/24/07 12:02 AM, Xtesh wrote: Sup guys?

Not much, hopefully my latest story will be proof read by tomorrow and it will be released soon.

At 10/24/07 03:22 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: So I'll be joining this place then. ^_^
I write more poetry than I do stories though.
If anyone's interested I have a personal poetry website at bobaxell.net .

It will be very nice to have a user like you amongst us. You have a lot of flash and audio.

At 10/24/07 03:22 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: How many years have you been writing: 10
How many flash story's you have written: None
How many real life story's: Uncountables
Name: Bob Axell

So I'll be joining this place then. ^_^
I write more poetry than I do stories though.
If anyone's interested I have a personal poetry website at bobaxell.net .

Yes, I think That is the Adventure mixed movies . I hope It will be fun story

At 10/23/07 06:59 AM, Phantom wrote: Speaking of writing, how many people here find it too bothersome to proof read one of your own long stories and would rather give it to someone else who's educated and can inspect it for you. I know I have a person I love using, a NG user who proof reads all my work so it is presentable, mostly because while my English is decent, there are always the smallest details in language use even I fail to notice and he does, but he lacks the creativity to write stories, so we collaborate and I write the plot, he makes it readable :)

I'm really particular about who reads my stories. I let my dad read my first amateur novel and he didn't even finish reading it before he said it was too linear. Plus it has some lesbian content and dad's not a big fan of homosexuality. Both of my parents say I write wonderfully, but I personally think I stink. =/

READ FIRST, like good writers. First do not under any cercumstances bump the thread I am about to show. Please read it, however and understand it. A NEW thread of similar feel will be created tomorrow/late tonight, possibly with rating going on.

The simple point, should you not feel like clicking my links, is that I am asking people to write entrances. The idea is that you've just entered the BBS. Imagine the BBS as anything, a circus, a flying castle in the sky, a shack down by the rusty river, or as may be more likely the local dumping site. Regardless, you've just arrived. How did you do it. How flashy was it? You're going for points here, as I may be rating people again this time.

Oh right you want a link? Here are some examples, look for a link, but feel free to start thinking. Post will be later:

DO NOT BUMP
1: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/3882 96
2: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/5080 86

This is a perfect opportunity to whore both yourself and your writing skill. Let's see some quality.

LINK TO BE POSTED TO NEW THREAD TONIGHT/TOMORROW. ENJOY.

At 10/24/07 07:49 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: READ FIRST

Awesome! Count me in. I'll get started on one soon.

At 10/24/07 10:24 AM, Schmut wrote: Awesome! Count me in. I'll get started on one soon.

Me too, I just don't check out the general section too often so I may need a reminder when it is out.

At 10/23/07 09:52 PM, TheThing wrote:

At 10/13/07 04:58 PM, SenIsteR wrote: Here it is

Without reading it, I'm already disinterested. Not because it's Starcraft (one of the greatest RTSs in the world), but because you listed every character and their stats. Let the reader find out about each person as they come across them, and figure who each character is. You can have the background; just call it a prologue and make it a little longer.

Now, your story. I'll excuse grammar and spelling, since you live in Denmark and English isn't your first language. The action was pretty good; although you seemed to drag it out, ruining the effect of quick kills and fast paced action. Other than that, it was a great story. Keep up the good work.

Thank you for your review TheThing, very much appreciated. I wish to defend my work a bit though, or at least explain. The character descriptions were not there when I started. I added them because I simply hadn't put them in when I first wrote the story. The few people who read the story didn't know for example that "DZ" was a black man. I decided to add the descriptions and stats just for effect. Bad move I guess.

Please tell me, was my grammar and spelling really bad or just common mistakes? Was it hard to read?

At 10/24/07 11:05 AM, Phantom wrote:

At 10/24/07 10:24 AM, Schmut wrote: Awesome! Count me in. I'll get started on one soon.

Me too, I just don't check out the general section too often so I may need a reminder when it is out.

I'll post a link when it's up. I'm trying to refine the first post so that it's informative and creative... A difficult balance.

At 10/23/07 09:52 PM, TheThing wrote:

At 10/13/07 05:41 PM, Centurion-Ryan wrote: Linkage to new chapter.

Constructive criticism.

I better do a JK Rowling and think up an explanation on the spot that there has been no hinting at throughout any of the stories.

At 10/24/07 11:07 AM, SenIsteR wrote:

At 10/23/07 09:52 PM, TheThing wrote:

Thank you for your review TheThing, very much appreciated. I wish to defend my work a bit though, or at least explain. The character descriptions were not there when I started. I added them because I simply hadn't put them in when I first wrote the story. The few people who read the story didn't know for example that "DZ" was a black man. I decided to add the descriptions and stats just for effect. Bad move I guess.

Well, that could help. I'm just used to reading stories where I have to discover the character, and find out everything. But I guess that's good you put that in there. It could be a good move, but only on a site like DeviantArt, and not in a novel.

Please tell me, was my grammar and spelling really bad or just common mistakes? Was it hard to read?

It wasn't hard to read; just a few grammar mistakes. Like... I can't find any grammar through skimming, but I did notice you changed tense commonly. You would switch from past tense to present tense every other paragraph (like "says" [present] and "said" [past]. I don't know your knowledge on tenses, so don't be offended that I'm showing you the difference). Some of them were just possible typeos; forgotten "s" at the end of this word, an apostrophe left out here, stuff like that.

Oh, and one more thing. The dialog sounded too proper; there are a lot of contractions in the English language, such as "Can't" (can not), "I'm" (I am), "You're" (you are), and "He's" (he is) are the most common forms of contractions. But stay away from using "it"; there is a big difference between "its" (possession) and "it's"(it is), which even kids in my school mix up.

Okay, quick update... I have found a new love! I have found that erotic stories are EXTREMELY fun to write, and fun to hear comments on. I posted two on my page, I love them, hopefully some of you guys will too.

At 10/24/07 07:45 AM, 1Housefan wrote: Both of my parents say I write wonderfully, but I personally think I stink. =/

Personally, I think I'm not that good either. I think that "The Sword" was good, but not great. I also think that the sequel "The Sword: Acceptance" wasn't my best work either. But everyone says I'm a great writer.

Oh, and I got a fake out on critters. I sent my story in last week so it can join the queue, and when I saw this (below), I got excited, then confused, then sad. I thought they might have just had a server mix up and changed my name. But alas, I opened it up and found it wasn't my "The Sword"

At 10/24/07 11:05 AM, Phantom wrote:

At 10/24/07 10:24 AM, Schmut wrote: Awesome! Count me in. I'll get started on one soon.

Me too, I just don't check out the general section too often so I may need a reminder when it is out.

count me in as well, this sounds like fun.

i hope i have a chance at winning even though it will most likely be phantom or gunny if he shows any time soon.

It's up: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/8004 28

I suggest reading the Italic 3rd post, but you should get the idea. Have fun with it!

At 10/24/07 09:50 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: It's up: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/8004 28

I suggest reading the Italic 3rd post, but you should get the idea. Have fun with it!

writers, start your engines.

here goes nothin'

At 10/24/07 09:50 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: It's up: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/8004 28

Posted, it may not be the best, but I didn't want to spend an awful lot of time on it anyway. Thanks for letting us know.

Also, fellow members, I've had a new idea in my sleep, it is to put it simply, PSYCHOTIC. I will begin work on in it in the next few days, it is simply scary how psychotic the idea is...

At 10/25/07 02:47 AM, Phantom wrote: Also, fellow members, I've had a new idea in my sleep, it is to put it simply, PSYCHOTIC. I will begin work on in it in the next few days, it is simply scary how psychotic the idea is...

Nah, that's cool. I'm curious about this topic though as I hail from the cripple and long dead Writer's Guild (which was full of awesome for a time). How exactly is this thread going? Is there a group of regulars here or what? Do you guys just write stories? Do you do competitions? Eh?

Also, I have an empty forum I might wish to "donate" towards writers who want a larger environment to either work in or a place to archive work for others to find easily. I could set it up by genre or whatever and hopefully it would be easier for people to look back and go... shit that's an awesome collection of stories. Let me know what you think... it would probably take 1 to 2 weeks to get it up and running with all the other stuff I'm dealing with, but I like writers. You guys significantly improve the quality of the bbs just by posting a few times a day.