The Masturbation Proclomation

[Buzzwerd]

An In-Depth Guide on Balancing Masturbation and Flash Work Output

The Duel Command Code

Chapter One: Privacy
In order to maintain both a good work space, and good conditions for masturbation, one must seclude themselves from others. In order to obtain the maximum privacy, one must find a room in their house that is not often visited, install locks on the door to this room, and lock the room. Of course, one must make sure one has already entered the room before one does so. Hopefully, one has already set up your computer in this room. This will be the source of both ones work, and ones pleasure for the next few hours.

Chapter Two: Workspace
The workspace is one of the most important parts to productive masturbation. Make sure the desk one has obtained has leg room in which to straighten ones legs as one reaches orgasm. Loose items should be positioned so that sudden hand gestures will not lead to any objects bludgeoning ones penis. Pens, paper, and erasers should be kept in a drawer, along with any other small, but dangerous objects. If a Wacom is ones tool of trade, make sure it is fastened, and that any cables tripped will not fling the Wacom Tablet in ones direction.

Chapter 3: Sounds and Visuals
For both masturbation and work, one will want both the best sound and visual equipment one can get. For those lacking of financial support, get the best equipment possible. Visuals, consist of both of the monitor, and the images in front of you. Personal taste aside, any cluttered desktops, or busy pornographic images may set one on a course for bad productivity. Sound can be tricky, both soothing and disturbing, sound can make or break ones session of work and masturbation. Make sound easily muted, so to stop unwanted slurping or screaming at the press or turn of a knob.

Chapter 4: Time
To get the most out of ones blending of both work and play, one will want to have enough time to satisfy both beasts. If one calculates masturbation to take thirty minutes, and work to take two or three hours, assume, with proper use of this guide, that one will be cutting ones work routine to about half of what they are combined. Also, timing should be made so not to work too early, or too late. Choose the time in which one does the least, when one would be refreshing the BBS, searching for meaningless questions asked by hopeful new flash artists. Also, make sure that the schedule is clean of other busy work, so to focus more on Flash and Masturbation.

Chapter 5: Combining the Two
The hardest part of combining masturbation and flash is allowing ones self to experience both to the full extent. One does not wish to dilute the pleasures of masturbating, nor reduce the quality of ones work. To accomplish this, one will need to learn to stimulate you creative energy into masturbating, and ones technique into flash. The best way to follow through with this is to try a different form of masturbating. Using the opposite hand that you use to draw will become very important, and since that will most likely be new, it is will not be too difficult to attempt new things. If the internet is available to you, as it should be, you will find a plethora of exciting things you can try while working. The way to bring the technique you've acquired from countless days and nights of masturbation into your Flash work, is to stimulate the flow of motion or code into flash. Let your usual ways subside, and allow your work to flow. For the flash artists, as opposed to those of coders, your will need to free your wrist, allow the animation or art to flow onto the screen as opposed to putting everything down as perfectly as one can. Coders will need to keep the rough and rigid side of masturbating on their side, they will need to thrust at the keyboard with one hand, so your typing will need to change styles. Since your penis will be easy of access, instead of pressing the spacebar, gently lay down your manhood against the keyboard. Allow your hand to flow as you type down your equations and formulas.

Chapter 6: Lubrication
Talented artists will not need lubrication, as we all know they are all uncircumcised. They can easily let the extra skin slide up and down without the need for any other substances. However, for our coders, and some of the less endowed artists, one will need to search for the least messy lubricant one can find. It will have to be comfortable, but not liquid. If it drips off as one puts it on, it is no good. It will have to be sturdy, and last for the time you will be working, and masturbating.

Chapter 7: Cleanliness
The workspace is the humble home of the Flash artist, it will need to be kept clean to create a inviting place to sit and enjoy your most adored activities. Tissues, are not advised, as they stick to your penis and create a layer of soft paper around the shaft. A towel, kept in a drawer should suffice. It should be cleaned every so often, and kept in the best conditions as possible. Trashcans are also ill advised, they will give you a place to keep trash, a thing you do not want to produce during your time at the computer.

Chapter 8: Breaks
Breaks, though advised, can be hazardous to both production and pleasure. Every now and then, one will need to reach over, leaving one activity, to give full attention to the other. However, one should return to both activities as soon as possible. If one is lured to deeply into an activity, a kitten shall be destroyed by God. Only one of the many punishments to the duel command code, which will be later listed. If one is leaving both activities, it should only be for very important reasons, or if one is thirsty or hungry. Part of leading a good work schedule is keeping ones self content, and feeding ones self is important. Though this may not work for many, shutting down cellular devices is most important when it comes to breaks. Though not all calls branch off into many other calls, they should be still be avoided in precaution. Also, a call from someone that may upset you will never go well with your mood, or your penises will to stay erect.

Chapter 9: Punishments
Punishments are only carried out by the greater Gods of Masturbation. Usually the punishment is the destruction of a kitten nearby. However, the punishments are laid out as a guideline, and though not always followed to the greatest extent, they should be noted as a warning. These can happen, and have happened over the years.
Code Rule One:
Any soul whom uses their imagination not in the name of flash, and for masturbation, will be struck flacid.
Code Rule Two:
If one is to abandon one activity for another, a kitten shall be vanished from your world.
Code Rule Three:
Hentai should only be viewed if one has drawn it themselves, if not, a God shall crash your Flash.
Code Rule Four:
Any code follower whom breaks the rules, will be marked a non follower. In their attempts to one again follow the code will be broken.
The Codes are written both in a stone in Jerusalem, and on the back of the Hollywood sign.

Chapter 10: Flipping
Flipping is very important. To best follow through with work, and masturbation one will need a duel screen set up. One screen will bestow you with porn, and the other will allow one to create beautiful masterpieces of flash work. For those not capable of obtaining two screens, they will need to learn to flip. Flash will be open the most, pornographic images will be flipped into and seared into your mind until you forget them, it will be easy to flip through using windows key and tab, or alt and tab on some older versions of windows. Mac users should not be reading this guide, and if they are, they should get windows. Duel boot should be fine.

Those are the chapters that will bestow you with the power to be a true producer of both magnificent work, and magical cum.Let your thoughts mingle with it's grace.

[Luis]

only on newgrounds :/

[atomic-noodle]

Thanks for this very important lesson.

too bad i don't masturbate :P

[Kuoke]

How long did you take to type that?... Let alone plan it.

[MorbidFlesh]

Finally, this revolutionary set of guidlines for all humans to live by has been released to the common public! lol

++Austin++

[Buzzwerd]

At 7/1/07 01:02 AM, Kuoke wrote: How long did you take to type that?... Let alone plan it.

Took me about 20 minutes to write it. I didn't plan it though, it just kinda shot out like cum.

[Deathcon7]

Oh Mighty and Wise Sage, I have a question. What should one do, being without tissues or a garbage can, if your fruits of labor should land upon your sandwich or beverage? Being with boner, is it advised to traverse your house with said articles in hopes of retrieving fresh victuals, or should caution be through to the wind and soiled supplements be ingested? Also, what should one do, should these events occur, to curb lost Flash time?

[BlackmarketKraig]

I'd tell you to get back to work but now I'm not sure if work is a good idea for you...

I

[Buzzwerd]

At 7/1/07 01:08 AM, Deathcon7 wrote: Oh Mighty and Wise Sage, I have a question. What should one do, being without tissues or a garbage can, if your fruits of labor should land upon your sandwich or beverage? Being with boner, is it advised to traverse your house with said articles in hopes of retrieving fresh victuals, or should caution be through to the wind and soiled supplements be ingested? Also, what should one do, should these events occur, to curb lost Flash time?

Unless thou is a very unskilled masturbator, you will find cum to go in the direction you wish. So unless somewhere in your sub conscious thou wishes semen in your food or drink, you will find it quite easy not to get any on it. However, if this does happen, do not be wasteful. Allow your tongue to soak in your dead children, let the slimy juices slither into your throat, down into your stomach. Cum can be tasty on certain pastries, and makes a beautiful sauce on most sandwiches. With drinks, you will find, the taste adds an odd, but incredible flavor to almost all juices and soda pops.

[Kuoke]

Well actually, cum taste different depending on the person... So I'm guessing yours is godlike if it can be used as toppings on nearly every food.

Vegetarians have the worst tasting (Especially if they eat asparagus and those types of vegetables.)
People who eat alot of meat will have salty cum.
Although people who eat a lot of natural sugars might have sweet cum.

I read it somewhere in General, I think last year.

[Deathcon7]

At 7/1/07 01:23 AM, Buzzwerd wrote: ...However, if this does happen, do not be wasteful...

OMG all ur wizdum r belonging to m3!!!

[Buzzwerd]

At 7/1/07 01:27 AM, Kuoke wrote: Well actually, cum taste different depending on the person... So I'm guessing yours is godlike if it can be used as toppings on nearly every food.

Vegetarians have the worst tasting (Especially if they eat asparagus and those types of vegetables.)
People who eat alot of meat will have salty cum.
Although people who eat a lot of natural sugars might have sweet cum.

I read it somewhere in General, I think last year.

Pineapples and Spicy foods will give you the best tasting cum.

You should probably eat those on your own time though, both have substances that will burn if they get on your penis.

Foods that will help with flash:
Energy Drinks, I suggest Full Throttle
Grapes, grapes can be handy and are easy to manage. If they fall they will not make a big mess.
You don't want anything messy, specially if you have a Wacom. If something gets on your wacom, it can screw up the detection and fuck with your line quality. Also, anything that stinks up your hand is bad, you most likely don't want to smell eggs or something everytime you sit to use the computer.

[BlackmarketKraig]

At 7/1/07 01:27 AM, Kuoke wrote: Well actually, cum taste different depending on the person...

I read it somewhere in General, I think last year.

Read it....
sure.

[Vengeance]

At 7/1/07 01:27 AM, Kuoke wrote: I read it somewhere in General, I think last year.

I actually believed that unitl I read this line.

[Kuoke]

I tried finding the thread via Google but... Well you try looking THAT up in Google.
I think the thread was named 'What does cum taste like' or ' I ate my own cum'.
Only on Newgrounds.

[Deathcon7]

It's actually true. What you eat affects the way your semen tastes, ranging from bitter to sweet.

And I prefer Vault for Flashing endurance.

[Dirge09]

Rofl, you have such a way with words Buzzeh. Only you could accomplish this feat of hilarity. it's hilarious AND true, making it all the more enjoyable to read. epic win.

[Angelus-Mortis]

...You can accomplish the same feat for flipping windows on Macs by pressing command + tab.

[Ponz]

Haha thank you, i've been wasting alot of time with my bad organization and lack of time management

[Buzzwerd]

At 7/1/07 02:13 AM, Ponz wrote: Haha thank you, i've been wasting alot of time with my bad organization and lack of time management

Do not thank me, thank the Masturbation Gods.

Thanks dirge :)

[jozojozojozo]

Well this was weird...

[fuzz]

At 7/1/07 12:59 AM, atomic-noodle wrote: Thanks for this very important lesson.

too bad i don't masturbate :P

lol, like ever?
-------------------------------
very usefull, thanks ^__^

[mooseisloose]

I've read this before :/

[Rudy]

I think people that masturbates somehow relate to being a spawn of Satan.

[Wurmy]

You could always just be ol fashioned and just get a girl friend :S

[Zerobeam]

A creative mind & a sick mind are different, but this post combines both of them,

Nice Job!

[Battered-Prawn]

At 7/1/07 12:55 AM, Buzzwerd wrote: If one is lured to deeply into an activity, a kitten shall be destroyed by God.

:D Lol. That was cool to read, too bad my bedroom door doesn't have locks :S

[Depredation]

This is taken directly out of my book 'Masturbation for Dummies' >:(. I demand %200 of the revenue >:D.

This topic is all win.

[Edvin]

At 7/1/07 12:59 AM, atomic-noodle wrote:

too bad i don't masturbate :P

It's okay to talk about it. Don't be shy.

[Ryanmcl]

wow. that was stupid first of all.