Transformers - my review of it

[tuan69]

“The Citizen Kane of robot/action movies” - Roger Ebert

Welcome everyone to tuan69’s R-rated review of master director Michael Bay's PG-13 rated awesomeness of a cinematic masterpiece called 'Transformers'.

The screening started with a hitch. The movie started and the lights didn't go off and I realized "Hey, why is it compressed in 4:3?". The movie went on like this for about a minute before the lights went off and everything was safely back to happy times. Village Cinemas Sunshine, hire new projectionists you fuckers!

Now to the movie.

*WARNING* May contain necessary coarse language. No major spoilers, only minor details regarding certain scenes.

In short: It is fucking awesome. Hands down the best time you'll have in a cinema all year. You’ll have a blast!

The movie started off with Optimus Prime explaining a little backstory and it shows you the Transformer's home planet Cybertron. Awesome! I wouldn't want to live there though, looked really muddy. The movie rolled along with an amazing pace. There seriously was never ever a boring moment in the film.

Pros:

+ Actions starts straight away. Like within minutes of the film's opening. Awesome!

+ No brain required. Although this is the Citizen Kane of robot/action movies, you certainly don't need the intellect of some pretentious critic to follow it. This would be zombies favouritetest film. George Romero was asked after the LA screening what he thought of it: "It was a fantastic film. I'll certainly hand my money for a copy of the DVD. I'd pay some guys who don't WANT to watch it to WATCH it. Michael Bay is now a pretty underrated director."

+ The humour. I read many reviews about it containing quite a lot of humour, but man, there were some bits in the movie that were hysterical. Anthony Anderson was a standout, his scenes were really fuckin' funny. Indy's son was great too, having great and funny scenes throughtout the film, a standout being a scene with his parents regarding something I'm sure will hit a nerve with all teenage boys. Let’s just say it’s also ‘happy times’.

+ The Autobots themselves were also pretty hilarious, especially when we're first introduced to them. They also have their own personalities and everything. Their scene at Indy's son's house trying to evade Indy's son's parents was pretty hilarious. Comedic gold!

+ Barricade’s entrance, the first Decepticon we meet is particularly funny when you first meet him because he asks Indy's son something that is pretty damn funny. Look out for it.

+ Indy’s son rides a pink bike.

+ Bumblebee pisses on John Turturro. No joke. This scene came from nowhere and was a "Ahahaha What the fuck?" moment.

+ The action. Hands down some of the most incredibly shot action sequences in recent memory. Seeing these robots transform and duke it out is seriously worth the price of admission alone. Some of the scenes made me go "fuck that was awesome!". There's this one scene where Optimus Prime rips out one of the Decepticon's head with an axe or a sword. That was totally badass! Like cum-inducing.

+ The effects. Hands down the best effects in film history. Seriously. As Steve Mason put it nice and simply. "They look real. Period." He's totally right, I did not find any faults. Bless you ILM, you are god among animators. I can’t wait for the blu-ray version of this because there are some wide-shots in this film that are great and not all the detail can be seen because the quality won’t even compare once it’s on blu-ray. If Transformers doesn’t win Best Visual Effects next year, then, well, that’s the sign of the apocalypse or the Michael Bay-Hating Committee succeeded.

+ The music score and sountrack. Who needs John Williams? When you can have Steve Jablonsky. The score was a ripper, really made those action scenes more awesome and memorable. He perfectly captured some of the scenes such as when we first meet the Autobots. Some Linkin Park too, nice touch.

+ The awesomeness. Coming into this movie, never in my life would I think that seeing a line of cars and trucks driving on the road would give me chills down my spine. Near the end where the robots are in car form and are escorting Indy's son. Man, it just oozed coolness and the scene after it was a total monster of a scene. You'll see.

+ Mountain Dew vending machine transforms. 'Nuff said.

+ The first time we meet the Autobots as they all gather at the same place then transform is truly a moment that will put a smile on your face for the rest of the movie. It's just awesome.

+ Megatron. This guy's a badass, a shame we only meet him during the last 30 mins of the movie. Hugo Weaving did a terrific job voicing him.

Now for the Cons:

- Only one thing slightly annoyed me in this work of genius. It went a bit batshit-insane during the end battle. Like there were so many explosions and bullets flying that I could not really tell "Wait, who just shot who? and What just happened?" I only had these moments for like in 2 scenes. So it’s only a tiny gripe.

- Coming into the movie, one of my fears were the lips on the robots. It was not a problem at all. I actually quite like it. The lips do look kind of cool. So do Optimus' awesome flames. Yeah you fanboys, time to stop whining now.

- Not enough Megan Fox or Rachael Taylor. Damn they were smoking hot. There’s a scene between Indy’s son and Megan Fox that had exchanges that included the phrases “I like to go faster” and “I like it loose” something like that. I can see why they wanted to stamp it with an R but man, the dialogue is quite good come to think of it. Gotta give props to our very own Aussie Rachel Taylor, she was smokin’ hot too. Man, if all systems analysts were like that, I’d take that job anyday.

There you have it, check it out. If you don’t have a blast watching this then you have no sense of humour or awesomeness-DNA in your body and thus deserve to get shot in the head and bleed to death.

I hope this pounds Harry Potter. It simply is a perfect summer movie. A tip: Try to watch it with a packed house. I watched it at like 2.30 PM and there were only like me and 10 friends and another odd 20 other people. They barely laughed, at all the hilarious scenes, those fuckers!

"One shall stand (Transformers), one shall fall (Harry Potter),"

“Bless you Michael Bay… and ILM”

I noticed your flash movies still havn't been deleted.

[TurtleJuice]

I'm gonna go see it when it comes out

[an-alt1]

At 6/29/07 03:08 AM, Darkside7000 wrote: I noticed your flash movies still havn't been deleted.

does this post have to do anything with robots?

[StrawberryFFuck]

Way too long.:(
Just say good or bad.

[tuan69]

At 6/29/07 03:18 AM, StrawberryFFuck wrote: Way too long.:(
Just say good or bad.

Not good. But awesome!

[Fences]

I thought comparing it to capability our generation can produce, this movie wasn't great but above average. Transformers is filled with so much animation that it doesn't bring out the contrast between the actors. But the action scenes were pretty good. I think there will more and better movies coming up in the future.

[JackPhantasm]

I wanted to see it.

Until you said Linken Park :(

[tuan69]

At 6/29/07 04:13 AM, JackPhantasm wrote: I wanted to see it.

Until you said Linken Park :(

Don't worry. It's just right at the end.

[Rebbay]

Hey Tuan, I took your advice and went and saw it today. And you're right, it was awesome.

[Zen444]

Moar liek, your REVUE of it.

amirite?

wait wut?

[matty26]

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddd dddddddddddddd

[tuan69]

At 6/29/07 04:34 AM, Rebbay wrote: Hey Tuan, I took your advice and went and saw it today. And you're right, it was awesome.

ahha good on ya. Everyone see right there? Rebbay is a good law-abiding citizen.

Go see Transformers everyone.

[I-Am-Gato]

non of the transformers look anything like the originals short of optimus,thats my only beef with it

[Bolo]

It looks horrible to me, in the same hokey way that Fantastic Four was horrible.

I don't trust reviewers' opinions on this movie, because I'm simply not going to see it. Shia LeBouffe, or whatever the fuck his name is, has no business starring in any movie, let alone a summer blockbuster.

To put on top of that, it's directed by the notorious Michael Bay, who's barely one step above Uwe Boll.

[do-or-die1]

I don't NEED to read a review to know that this movie will contain 90% awesome, and 10% badass. Seriously, those are the ingredients for this movie.

[tuan69]

At 7/2/07 03:03 AM, Bolo wrote:

To put on top of that, it's directed by the notorious Michael Bay, who's barely one step above Uwe Boll.

Dude, what an insult. Bay is miles ahead of Boll. Boll makes movies because he can, he's smart, he rips off the German tax system by making piles of dogshit.

Bay actually puts effort into his movies.

[SirLebowski]

No mention of the trailer for Cloverfield? It overshadowed the movie, in my opinion.

[LordJaric]

I thought it was kind of weird that most of the Decepticons had there names from the cartoon (the one with the Mini-Cons) but from the Autobots only Optimus Prime (for obvious reasons) had his name.

[pmfilan]

I agree with all the cons but the first. If you paid attention, you could tell who was doing what to who. I understand what you mean though, with them all being the same color internally, it can get a little confusing, but I thought it wasn't too cluttered. And yes Megan Fox was smoke'n hot.

[X-e-n-o-c-i-d-e]

At 7/2/07 03:03 AM, Bolo wrote: I don't trust reviewers' opinions on this movie, because I'm simply not going to see it. Shia LeBouffe, or whatever the fuck his name is, has no business starring in any movie, let alone a summer blockbuster.

Amen. LeFag is more like it, what ever.

Anyway, still going to see it with my friends, looks shweet.

[TheFaces]

God, i'm so reluctant to go see it too, just because I havn't liked a SINGLE ONE of Michael Bays movies. They all just blow harder than Katrina.

[Sparkpro]

At 7/4/07 02:40 AM, TheFaces wrote: God, i'm so reluctant to go see it too, just because I havn't liked a SINGLE ONE of Michael Bays movies. They all just blow harder than Katrina.

Yeah, but Steven Spielberg is the executive producer. So it can't be all bad.

[tuan69]

Yeah, there's no way Steven Spielberg would attach his name to a pile of dogshit. In this case, he definitely hasn't, because Transformers is one kick-ass awesome-o movie.