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I never did. I'm perfect at it
:D

once my girlfriend was going at it for me and when it came time to juice, it shot hard... i moved my head and it hit the pillow instead of my face, and i felt like neo from the matrix, cock being agent smith. my girlfriend was laughing really hard but then she was sad cuz she had to wash the pillow case. it was funny tho

I jitzed all over my underwear, so when I put them on, they were all sticky (it's happened more than once.

I went blind.

Not from masturbating but from it getting im my eye

Let's just say it involves a bleeding cock.

At 6/18/07 05:24 PM, Onizero wrote: It got in my mouth once

OK, that's enough.
There are some things share, and some things you don't... I think you know which one this is.

At 6/18/07 05:17 PM, NEVR wrote:

At 6/18/07 05:09 PM, LivinInTheSunlight wrote: When I was 11, I thought that if I licked my hand, and masturbated, it would feel like a blowjob. I was tragically mistaken.

hahaha! that cracked me up.

Am I missing something?
I've been doing that for years, that way my family doesn't notice the hand lotion going missing...

this one time, i completly forgot how to jack off, so for about 2 hours, i'm just bashing my leg against a wall until it started gushing out blood (the blood probably started gushing a while ago but as it happens my leg lost all feeling about 3 minutes into said mastrabation), once i got to the hospital they put me on morphine, and that is one of the only things that is better than masterbation

About three times now it has gotten in my hair,
and i have very huge curly hair.

Finished, then accidentally turned on my speakers before cleaning up. Now there's a big white stain on the black netting material.

nope, I do not do it.

Any one have a problem? You're ass is mine.

At 10/12/08 11:55 PM, Ecko50100 wrote: About three times now it has gotten in my hair,
and i have very huge curly hair.

how can it happen 3 times?

I remember a long time ago, I had a day off school, I decided to go for a personal record of masturbating in a day.

By the end of the day, my dick was red, sore, and I just wanted the burning to stop.

By doing it in the first place.

my gf qas doing it, but i couldnt cum,so i had to tell her to stop and let me do it, then right befor i came i let her, then a came in her hand and she wiped it on her jeans... you could see it... she didnt notice...i didnt tell her

At 6/18/07 05:29 PM, TSstudios wrote: Ok... confession time....

I am 11 1/2 and I have masterbated so many times... it kinda feels so sensitive it hurts really as all men know... I have never gotten the sperm out. EVER! can anyone give me advice? PLEASE!

you have to hit puberity for sperm seamen and other proteins to ejaculate...........srry and

fun fact number 1.-Sperm is acctually all protein which iit turns out with strengthen your girlfriends teeth if you cum in her mouth enough times

my masterbation mistake has only happened once i was doing and about 1 min later my calf starts to cramp up................my fucking calf like how the hell does that even happen......so i didn't finish and was in pain for about 20 mins then i never masturbated again till about a mouth becuz of that shit and it did it again so i just gave up and got hot girls to do it and my legg never cramps any more thank god

I masturbate maybe once every 3 or 4 days. It gives you something to look forward to, and it feels better.
still, sex with the girlfriend is always much better

One word. Toothpaste...

Five words. Fuck that shit fucking stings...

At 10/13/08 12:36 AM, jewdudewtf wrote: By the end of the day, my dick was red, sore, and I just wanted the burning to stop.

And we all know there's only one way to relieve the pain...

like 7 or 8 years ago i forgot to clear the history on my computer and my dad checked the history a few hours later and i walked out and it was awkward cuz he didnt talk to me for like 3 days....

I JUST jizzed.
Oh mah god.
Salty shit, too.

Just now, I was fapping.
And I heard footsteps. And I came.

I once masturbated to a MASTURBATION THREAD THAT WAS BUMPED

At 10/13/08 02:12 AM, Digital-Terror wrote:

At 10/13/08 12:36 AM, jewdudewtf wrote: By the end of the day, my dick was red, sore, and I just wanted the burning to stop.

And we all know there's only one way to relieve the pain...

Your right. Bengay on the balls, and most of the pain was gone.

THIS topic is 17 pages? What the fuck.

hello newgrounds

At 10/13/08 02:07 AM, Screch wrote: One word. Toothpaste...

Five words. Fuck that shit fucking stings...

I was 13 when I did that one...
Jesus Christ.

I was stupid.
But, that was only after i did it with a small dab of Ben Gay. Sooo much pain. And, I remember thinking that tooth paste would give me a minty-tingly sensation, but not so strongly as the Ben Gay.

Nope.
Same exact thing with Ben Gay-- and that feeling don't go away when you shower.

Yup.
Being 13 automatically qualifies you as being brain dead. It even made a scab that freaked me out for the longest time.

When mines got stuck in the arrowhead bottle, when it was erected

At 6/18/07 05:21 PM, itsflemz wrote: I pulled too hard and snapped my banjo sting (the connector to the foreskin bit)

i did that and it hurt like a bitch, so i couldn't wank for a week

Holy shit dudes its TEH 18TH PAGE! Damn pervos! Naw, just kidding. Im too good to get caught tho! XD

At 10/13/08 05:35 AM, Eclipse914 wrote: Holy shit dudes its TEH 18TH PAGE! Damn pervos! Naw, just kidding. Im too good to get caught tho! XD

ive never been caught either, i've kinda been good at hiding it

i have done this 3 times now,
i cut my dick while masterbating so bad that it took about two weeks for it to get better... after the third time i did it, i learned my lesson and since than i havent done it again...
it fucking sucked bad, real bad... walking and going through simple things in life with a bruised cut dick.