Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 8/12/07 06:25 PM, OliviaEneas wrote: laugh
my
ass
off

rofl my wofl

Hmm....
Well, I clean up my goo with like, normally 2 socks.
But one time, I was missing a sock, so I had only one...
Needless to say, my hand was covered and the sock was absolutely drenched in cum.

Would Baby oil hurt?

I tried putting a TV remote control in there.

It didn't fit, and it sort of hurt.

At 8/12/07 08:51 PM, Pauline-The-Pirate wrote: I tried putting a TV remote control in there.

It didn't fit, and it sort of hurt.

O_O. Ooookaay. Sorry, I can't relate with you, due to my having the opposite genitalia. My condolences.
XD

At 8/12/07 08:53 PM, SlashBox wrote:

At 8/12/07 08:51 PM, Pauline-The-Pirate wrote: I tried putting a TV remote control in there.

It didn't fit, and it sort of hurt.

O_O. Ooookaay. Sorry, I can't relate with you, due to my having the opposite genitalia. My condolences.
XD

It was a DIRECTV remote. Never again.

At 8/12/07 08:55 PM, Pauline-The-Pirate wrote:

At 8/12/07 08:53 PM, SlashBox wrote:

At 8/12/07 08:51 PM, Pauline-The-Pirate wrote: I tried putting a TV remote control in there.

It didn't fit, and it sort of hurt.

O_O. Ooookaay. Sorry, I can't relate with you, due to my having the opposite genitalia. My condolences.
XD

It was a DIRECTV remote. Never again.

Musta hurt like a crackwhore who just won an all-you-can-eat pie contest then ran 10 cross-country marathons... with AIDS
Well, there are other phallic objects out there, never fear.

Anyone ever get the skeet on the screen, and then your dad tries to use the computer but cant see through the dried crust, and then lickes his thumb to try and wipe it off, but he can't get it all because it was a huge load, and so he tried everything from windex to pinesol on it, only to ask the carpet cleaning man to see what was on the screen while he was there cleaning the carpets, so you had to pay the carpet cleaner 20 bucks to keep his mouth shut, but he sold you out because he was a sadist and would've liked nothing more to see you get punished for beating your meat?

And it didn't end there either...

Did your parants punish you by cleaning up the mess with your touge, and secetly posted the video of you doing it on every single website on the internet? And then you went to school the next day hoping nobody knows about it yet? only to be seriously disappointed and have every student and school faculty menmber laugh at you? and then in the locker room the jocks ejaculate all over your own locker and forced you at knife-point to lick it all up while it was still moist?

And it didn't end there...

Did you go back home and cry to your parents about what happend, only to have them laugh at your face? And it traumatized you so much that you killed your little brother via decapitaition? And your parants walked in while you were jerkin off in your brothers throught to see the semen drip out the head's mouth?

one more thing...

Are you now posting in this forum in the psych ward of a maximum security prison?

Interesting story. But Man, I'd feel sorry for you.

At 8/16/07 01:36 AM, megadeth965 wrote: Are you now posting in this forum in the psych ward of a maximum security prison?

You certainly are not. Maximum security prison psyche wards don't allow outside contact.

I almost shot myself in the eye once!

:just below

I was sleeping over a friends house when I was younger. We both decided to have a circle jerk. Now, he had a bunk bed, I was on top. I did it too fast and I came all over the ceeling. It started dripping down and he got mad at me. Rofl.

I masturbated whilst in the bath before i washed my hair. Huge mistake. Cum turns into these little floating sticky gluey blobs and it's impossible to get rid of until you drain the bath. I didn't wash my hair because i didn't want sticky bits of cum in it.

Two words.

Cold cum

I jacked on my bed, like dry humping it. Really, you should try it.

You didn't...lick your hands......afterwards....did you?

I know I did. Lol, it tastes nice.

Cummed on the keyboard once haha

At 9/4/07 11:05 AM, Phsyco-Mantis wrote: I jacked on my bed, like dry humping it. Really, you should try it.

I used to do that when I was like 6, it always felt good. I only really started wanking with my hand when I was like 12.

When I was fapping, the fingernail on my index finger was short but sharp and pointy.

So, while Iw as stroking, my index finger slipped and... *CUT*

HURT LIKE A BITCH! I lost my hard-on in like 2 seconds.

hmmmm...as far as i remember i didnt make mistakes.

At 6/18/07 05:35 PM, FileCabinetClock wrote: once i jerked off to men oops

Uh huh.

i have like two holes between my foreskin and head theyre are really shallow anot deep and at, but they are there i think its cause when i was younger i jacked off all the time

The worst masturbation mistake I made was jerking off with a ham sandwich, I couldn't eat it after I came. I was very disappointed not to be able to eat my sandwich ;( But it did feel pretty good:P

Once my cousin replaced my lube with superglue.

I got a scab. For a cum thing, once I was having sex, and I pulled out and cum shot
right
in
my
eye.

At 6/18/07 05:19 PM, Plastic-Phantom wrote: I did once in the shower, and it turned into like a glue.

Yeah. I have done that. It's not like I could have cleaned up before turning the water on, as I had pissed all over myself, so I couldn't leave the bathroom/

At 9/19/07 12:53 PM, MudRockr1 wrote: I got a scab. For a cum thing, once I was having sex, and I pulled out and cum shot
right
in
my
eye.

That's why I use a condom. Safe from pre-cum as well as normal cum and STDs :D And Durex make one called 'tingle', it has a chemical that feels good for the man and girl. Even though me and my girl used 'extra safe' for out two fucks.

Went in my air Also Hit My Cheek In Same Shot

Did it in the shower and the cum turned into glue. ow.

At 9/19/07 12:29 PM, grim673 wrote: The worst masturbation mistake I made was jerking off with a ham sandwich, I couldn't eat it after I came. I was very disappointed not to be able to eat my sandwich ;( But it did feel pretty good:P

Lawl. Additional mayonnaise.

my thingy betwwen cock and head ripped and i got in panic then there were bloddrops everywhere.