Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

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At 6/15/07 12:16 PM, Twist-Chao06 wrote: STFU And Comment on My jokes.

lol they were some of the best orignal jokes I have read.Good JAB.

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Thanks!

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A jewish guy walks into a bar with a chinese guy,and the Jewish guy asks a Naked Priest,why are you naked,and the Priest says,Why are you still alive?

stereotyping

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At 6/15/07 12:23 PM, KillerClam wrote: A jewish guy walks into a bar with a chinese guy,and the Jewish guy asks a Naked Priest,why are you naked,and the Priest says,Why are you still alive?

stereotyping

Lol. Im not into racism like that but I laughed.

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I'd say one I made up, but its another racist/terror joke.

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I have some more:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah. "The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell? "The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"

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An American, a Mexican, and a Chinese, are on a boat. The Chinese eats half a bowl of rice and throws it overboard. Everyone asks, "Why'd u do that?" and he says, "We have plenty of that in my country". The Mexican eats half a taco and throws it overboard. Everyone asks, "Why'd u do that?" and he says, "We have plenty of that in my country" and the American throws the Mexican overboard and when they ask why he did it, he says, "We have plenty of those in my country."

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What does Snoop Dog eat for lunch?

Medium rare potroast with fine $400 white wine and an upside down pineapple cake for desert.

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Someone: Did you know that someone gets ran over every 30 seconds in this country?

Someone else: He must get pretty sick of it.

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So wut? Nobody is going to comment mine? :(

I spent ages writing them again. >:I

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Judge: "Have you ever benn in court before?"

Defendent: "No, sir. This is the first time I've ever stolen anything!"

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Newgrounds believes in safe sex. That's why she always give you trojans.

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At 6/15/07 11:52 AM, Winned wrote:

At 6/15/07 10:37 AM, luke734 wrote: Make Me Laugh.

Women's rights.

I laughed, XD

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At 6/15/07 01:43 PM, ShitOnMyShoes wrote: Newgrounds believes in safe sex. That's why she always give you trojans.

anti-NG a bit, but funny.

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I have some amazing, really really old, racist jokes. These things are PRIME. Vintage. They're from a book that's like, 40 years old. I apologize if I offend anyone.

What's the difference between a pothole and a Puerto Rican?

You'd swerve to avoid the Puerto Rican.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?

Because he doesn't know he's black.

Who really assassinated John F. Kennedy?

500 Italian sharpshooters.

Why did God make urine yellow and semen white?

So Polacks could tell if they were coming or going.

How do you fit twenty-five Jews in a Volkswagen?

Throw a quarter into it.

What are three things you can't give a black man?

A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.

What do you call a JAP on a waterbed?

Lake Placid.

Why do Polacks wear hats?

So they know which end to wipe.

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?

He breaks his nose.

What did God say when he created the first black man?

"Oops, burned this one."

Did you hear about the New York nightclub opened by Indians?

They charge $24 for a Manhattan.

How can you tell if a camera is Japanese?

When you press the shutter button, it goes "crick".

Why did the Indian Chief re-name his daughter "Ninety-nine cents"?

Because she was always under a buck.

Why does a JAP close her eyes during sex?

Because she doesn't want to see a man have a good time.

Why are Polish jokes so short?

So Italians can understand them.

What's glass?

Japanese marijuana.

What have Puerto Ricans contributed to the Air Pollution problem?

About 90%.

Did you hear about the two Polacks who froze to death at the drive-in?

They were waiting to see "Closed for the winter".

Why did the Mexicans fight so hard to capture the Alamo?

So they would have four clean walls to write on.

Why do blacks keep chickens in their yard?

To teach their kids how to walk.

Why don't Polish stadiums have grass in them?

So the cheerleaders don't start grazing at halftime.

OK, I think I'm spent. I love this book.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

That was terrible.

Two guys are sitting at a bar near the top of the Empire State Building. They've been sitting there for a while and have each had their fair share of drinks. The first guy turns to the other and says "You know, if you jump out of this window, by the time you reach the tenth floor, the winds are so intense that you will be pushed right back in."

The second guy says "Yeah, right."

So, the first guy says "Okay, I'll show you."

He walks over to the window and jumps out. The second guy runs over to the window and watches him fall. When he reaches about where the tenth floor would be, he disappeared. About a minute later, the elevator opens up, and there he is.

"I saw it, but I don't believe it." said the second guy.

"Okay." said the first guy, and he does it again.

After the first guy comes back up, the second guy says "Well hell, if you can do it...", and he leaps out, only to become street pizza. The bartender looks at the first guy and says "You know, Superman, you can be a real asshole when you're drunk."

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One night, Chuck Norris had sex with some chick in the back of a truck, and some of the sperm landed on the truck.

9 months later, the truck gave birth to Optimus Prime.

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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

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At 6/15/07 01:57 PM, KerfuffleMach2 wrote: After the first guy comes back up, the second guy says "Well hell, if you can do it...", and he leaps out, only to become street pizza. The bartender looks at the first guy and says "You know, Superman, you can be a real asshole when you're drunk."

I've heard that jokje before, I LMAO everytime.

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why did the chicken cross the road? serously why did he?

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Run Its Nerdzilla(Thats me in the pic)

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hi ppl

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why'd the DAmn chicken cross that dammed road>!!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

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At 6/15/07 10:51 AM, lThe-Gamel wrote: Wow... Snoop dogg jokes. OMG funny... (6_6)

... You know one thing that is Great to hate. MARMITE!

yeah marmite sucks. Veggiemite all the way.

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At 6/15/07 10:59 AM, green-day-fan1 wrote: What do a pirate and a rapper have in common?

They both say, "Yo Ho!"

isn't that like a Club Penguin or sumthing gay like that joke tho?

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Yes, I have more:

Tim, a confirm drunk, stood on the street corner in dire need of a drink. He had a thirst you could photograph. Just then a hearse made a sudden stop and the dead man it held slid out of the reaer door. When the hearse moved on, Tim picked up the body and dragged it in to a pub. He leanedthe coarpse against the bar. He ordered two whiskies and drank them, he ordered two more and drank those, too. The bartender said: "That'll be eight pounds." Tim said: "My friend will pay for the drinks," pointing to the body, and left for the men's room. "That'll be eight pounds," the bartender says to the body. When there was no reply, he lifted the man's head and began shaking it, and said, " If you don't pay the bill, I'll bust your head with this bottle." With no reply he shoved the body to the floor. As Tim came back, he sobbed, "Oh no! you've killed my best friend!" The bartender said, " I had too, he pulled a knife on me!"

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At 6/15/07 10:46 PM, sephiroth183 wrote: isn't that like a Club Penguin or sumthing gay like that joke tho?

No. I made that one at school.

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At 6/15/07 10:57 AM, luke734 wrote: marmite?

... but pa mite not

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god dammit answer me

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EcilaSrennah
What's the difference between a pothole and a Puerto Rican?
You'd swerve to avoid the Puerto Rican.

Don't you mean you'd swerve to avoid the pothole?

KerfuffleMach2
Why can't Hellen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman

No.
Because she's dead.

Only joke I can think of (in complete) right now. My history teacher told us this in 9th grade.

A spanish general and his army of thousands of soldiers are surrounding the Alamo.
"Come out and face us, you cowards!" Shouts the general
A lone voice from inside the building replies "Never! You come get me, I'll kill your entire army all by myself."
The general laughs at this remark and sends 10 of his troops down to take care of the soldier.
They march down to the building and bullets begin to be fired. A few minutes later, after the smoke has cleared, the general sees all 10 of his troops sprawled out on the ground, dead. Feeling humilated, he sends 100 more troops down to take care of the matter. Minutes later, the smoke clears and again all of the spanish troops lie dead on the ground.
Furious, the general sends 500 troops to the Alamo to kill the nuisance. Again they all die.
The general continues to send more and more troops down to kill the man, and they continue to be shot. Eventually only the general remains. Staring down at the building and thousands of bodies he tries to understand what had happened and notices one of the bodies is moving. The lone survivor slowly crawls his way to the general.
"What happened down there?!" The general shouts
"He lied, " replies the dying soldier, "there are two of them."

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Theres a pirate standing on a dock with a steering will wheel tied to his balls...a man walks over and says "my god why do you have a steering wheel on your genitles!"

The pirate frowns and yells "aaarrrrgh, they've been drivin me nuts!"