Conspiracy Theories

[RoboTripper]

Here are three of mine:

1) WoMD have already been discovered in Iraq. The White House machine realizes that the buildup and criticism around an event only makes it that much more glorious when Bush is proven right. For instance, when it appeared for a short time that the Iraqi's would put up a fight, U.S. generals started warning that the fight could go on well into the summer. The liberals were having a field day and the populace was becoming very skeptical. Then BOOM! the war was over in spectacular fashion and Bush started running around in full uniform like he was Julius Caesar or something. In the same way the White house is dragging out the "search", letting the naysayers have their day and the congressional inquiries begin before making a discovery that will be all the sweeter for the buildup.

2) Osama Bin Laden was captured by U.S. special forces and is being kept hidden and alive. In the days leading up to the 2004 election, he will be "found and killed in a shootout (executed)" by the special forces, guaranteeing a huge victory for Bush in the following election.

3) Same as above, substitute Saddam for OBL.

Please feel free to comment on the above or submit your own CT's.

[karasz]

bush going to beirut, will face a near death experience... this week...

then in 05 BANG, head gets blown off...

[JudgeDredd]

At 6/2/03 09:44 PM, karasz wrote: bush going to beirut, will face a near death experience... this week...

thats no conspiracy theory. At best it's prediction. At worst it's inside knowledge ^_*

------

M$ con$piracy; that Mircosoft has been secretly buying up and destroying all secondhand certificates of win9X from trading mags and shops the world over in an attempt to drive sales of XP (inflating retail values by artificially reducing existing supply)
.

[Leap]

Drugs companies have been making money out of diabetes for years ,I personally get through 5 vials of insulin a month.

My theory is that the companies have found a cure to the desease (insulin is not a cure, it is just a treatment) but are sitting on it untill such a time when there are enough cases to make a huge profit.

[D2Kvirus]

* Tony Blair has been acting all chummy with Bush, as well as asking for one European President, as he sees being Prime Minister of the UK as a mere stepping stone to things to come. And if you want to mention the other "Man of Destiny" in history, go ahead...

* God is, actually, dead. He hung himself from the highest clous when he saw how misinterpreted his words were getting, although others will argue it's when he got a transcript of the Book of Mormon.

* Wyoming doesn't exist, it's a mere black mass in the middle of the US that sucks life out of surrounding areas, specifically South Dakota. After all, do you know anyone from Wyoming?

* AmericanBADASS is actually Dubyuh posting under an alias.

[lapslf]

Colin Powell is actually Mr. Spock!!!

[Shih]

Giant shaved Space Weasels are planning on coming to earth to turn us into breeding slaves so our children can be used as shock troops in their war against the Miniature hairy Space Armadillos.

And D2K you stole the Wyoming thing from a Garfield cartoon. The ending line is exactly how they ended the bit.

[antiqkk]

Tupac is coming back.
</sarcasm>

[FUNKbrs]

All of humanity are actually drones controlled by a timeless and almighty being who identifies himself as "I am" who created the entire earth and all the living things on it. This "I am" has visited the earth in human form, and left again leaving a message of his return, and 12 disciples teaching his messages. These 12 taught of a time when this being shall return and judge all of mankind for its actions.

[antiqkk]

At 6/3/03 01:26 PM, FUNKbrs wrote: All of humanity are actually drones controlled by a timeless and almighty being who identifies himself as "I am" who created the entire earth and all the living things on it. This "I am" has visited the earth in human form, and left again leaving a message of his return, and 12 disciples teaching his messages. These 12 taught of a time when this being shall return and judge all of mankind for its actions.

Hey, that's part of my theory about God. His "son" was just a messenger of a more advanced race, who created us and watches over us, with their fingers on a big red button. They can exterminate us like cockroaches tomorrow, if only they see it needed.

[Shih]

You know it's really nice to be able to look around and go "I'm not the most paranoid person here."

[FUNKbrs]

Argh! I was trying to make Christianity look like a conspiracy theory without screaming it at people. Curses! Foiled again!

[antiqkk]

At 6/3/03 01:34 PM, Shih wrote: You know it's really nice to be able to look around and go "I'm not the most paranoid person here."

It's far from paranoia. I find it rather amusing really.

[nitroxide]

I would just like to say:
-The new world order
-Illuminati
-Yales skulls and bones
-One god,one religion,one government,one army for all.

[Shih]

It's also fun to look around and be able to go "Wow, my sarcasm is understood even less than yours."

[D2Kvirus]

At 6/3/03 01:22 PM, Shih wrote:
And D2K you stole the Wyoming thing from a Garfield cartoon. The ending line is exactly how they ended the bit.

Yes. And?

[bumcheekcity]

At 6/2/03 09:41 PM, Crack_Smoker wrote: Here are three of mine:

1) WoMD have already been discovered in Iraq. The White House machine realizes that the buildup and criticism around an event only makes it that much more glorious when Bush is proven right. For instance, when it appeared for a short time that the Iraqi's would put up a fight, U.S. generals started warning that the fight could go on well into the summer. The liberals were having a field day and the populace was becoming very skeptical. Then BOOM! the war was over in spectacular fashion and Bush started running around in full uniform like he was Julius Caesar or something. In the same way the White house is dragging out the "search", letting the naysayers have their day and the congressional inquiries begin before making a discovery that will be all the sweeter for the buildup.

Possible, but I reckon not. The US government wouldn't do a thing like that. If they had WMD then they'd release the proof NOW. They need it. It is a possible situation but i believe WMD evidence would be better off in the front page of The Times.

2) Osama Bin Laden was captured by U.S. special forces and is being kept hidden and alive. In the days leading up to the 2004 election, he will be "found and killed in a shootout (executed)" by the special forces, guaranteeing a huge victory for Bush in the following election.

I don't reckon so. He just released a tape saying he had Nukes or something like that. I read it on AOL.

3) Same as above, substitute Saddam for OBL.

Again, not really likely, I reckon they'd bring Saddam out now. They really need support for this war.

[Shih]

At 6/3/03 02:10 PM, D2KVirus wrote:

At 6/3/03 01:22 PM, Shih wrote:
And D2K you stole the Wyoming thing from a Garfield cartoon. The ending line is exactly how they ended the bit.

Yes. And?

Nothing really I just thought it was funny since I thought I was the only one who remebered that. Wyoming is actually an old french word meaning no state here.

[RoboTripper]

At 6/3/03 05:15 PM, bumcheekycity wrote:

At 6/2/03 09:41 PM, Crack_Smoker wrote: Here are three of mine:

1) WoMD have already been discovered in Iraq.

Possible, but I reckon not. The US government wouldn't do a thing like that. If they had WMD then they'd release the proof NOW. They need it. It is a possible situation but i believe WMD evidence would be better off in the front page of The Times.

They are waiting for the right moment. Perhaps a Congressional inquiry into the matter, which would get the full attention of the public back onto Iraq, would be the perfect time. Think of it, the public starting to doubt, the liberals writing column after column accusing them of lying... then TA-DA! Bush is completely vindicated and nobody ever questions his judgement or authority ever again. It may be brought out early however, in order to save Tony Blair.

2) Osama Bin Laden was captured by U.S. special forces and is being kept hidden and alive.

I don't reckon so. He just released a tape saying he had Nukes or something like that. I read it on AOL.

He was tortured by the special forces guarding him until he made the tape. Then the U.S. released it.

3) Same as above, substitute Saddam for OBL.

Again, not really likely, I reckon they'd bring Saddam out now. They really need support for this war.

Bush has good approval ratings and a majority of America doesn't care if WoMD are ever found. They're holding Saddam until the time is right.

[bumcheekcity]

At 6/3/03 05:33 PM, Crack_Smoker wrote:

1) WoMD have already been discovered in Iraq.

They are waiting for the right moment. Perhaps a Congressional inquiry into the matter, which would get the full attention of the public back onto Iraq, would be the perfect time. Think of it, the public starting to doubt, the liberals writing column after column accusing them of lying... then TA-DA! Bush is completely vindicated and nobody ever questions his judgement or authority ever again. It may be brought out early however, in order to save Tony Blair.

It would have to be, Tonys getting it in the neck here. He has actually promised us that he has seen evidence that Iraq has WMD though, and if he's lying to buy time he is a dead man.

2) Osama Bin Laden was captured by U.S. special forces and is being kept hidden and alive.

I don't reckon so. He just released a tape saying he had Nukes or something like that. I read it on AOL.

He was tortured by the special forces guarding him until he made the tape. Then the U.S. released it.

I reckon they just had an actor play him. It wouldn't be too hard. Get a beard and make him do the voice. They could say the tape was of poor quality.

3) Same as above, substitute Saddam for OBL.

Again, not really likely, I reckon they'd bring Saddam out now. They really need support for this war.

Bush has good approval ratings and a majority of America doesn't care if WoMD are ever found. They're holding Saddam until the time is right.

Its not the Americans they need to convince, they need to convince the British Liberal Public, the French, Russians, Spanish Public and basically everyone opposed to it. Which is about 50% of the world.

3 Billion people is hard. They need the evidence.

[Kenney333]

At 6/2/03 09:41 PM, Crack_Smoker wrote: Here are three of mine:

1) WoMD have already been discovered in Iraq.

Well that would distart people from other things like the economy for much longer, makes sense, in theory

2) Osama Bin Laden was captured by U.S. special forces and is being kept hidden and alive. In the days leading up to the 2004 election, he will be "found and killed in a shootout (executed)" by the special forces, guaranteeing a huge victory for Bush in the following election.

Pretty devious plan, itd work though

[RoboTripper]

At 6/3/03 05:46 PM, bumcheekycity wrote:
Its not the Americans they need to convince, they need to convince the British Liberal Public, the French, Russians, Spanish Public and basically everyone opposed to it. Which is about 50% of the world.

3 Billion people is hard. They need the evidence.

I personally agree with you completely, but since when did the U.S. start giving a shit about that?

[D2Kvirus]

* George W. Bush is, in fact, an invader of the Irkan Empire. Whatever you do, don't try and steal his robot bee...

* Tony Blair is an automoton. No shit...

[bumcheekcity]

At 6/3/03 09:05 PM, Crack_Smoker wrote:

3 Billion people is hard. They need the evidence.

I personally agree with you completely, but since when did the U.S. start giving a shit about that?

True, but they will NEED to start giving a shit, when people get bored of their hypocracy.

[D2Kvirus]

* There are 56 million people in the UK, and I'm STILL the only one that has the second Rob Zombie album, after the UK wing of the Politics Crew dictated that it was evil, and likely to enduce nightmares, so therefore I am enlightened as it contained a diaganol scripture of the 19th Gospel, which reads: "Chill, people, don't take it so seriously, I was just having a laugh at the expense of those dumb people of Jeruselem - Love, Jesus."

* Of the 345m people in the US, more of them voted for Jimmy Carter than Dubyuh. As if we needed more evidence...

* The US is made to feel guilty by 15m people worldwide, based on their religion, which means vaporising members of another religion, with 137m people worldwide. Wait a minute, that one's real...

[torq]

2) Osama Bin Laden was captured by U.S. special forces and is being kept hidden and alive. In the days leading up to the 2004 election, he will be "found and killed in a shootout (executed)" by the special forces, guaranteeing a huge victory for Bush in the following election.

How about this one: The United States wants to build an oil pipeline from Kazakhstan to the ocean but has to go through Afghanistan. In order to get rid of the resident government, the CIA (who met with bin Laden a few months before the Sep. 11th attacks) allows the Al Qaeda leader to commit a huge attack on the United States (which the American government received MANY warning of months in advance, including one Sep. 11th morning that stated 'Planes will be flying into buildings in New York' and were still ignored by security) so that the American people can unite against a common enemy (bin Laden) and the American government has an excuse to invade and occupy Afghanistan. Who knows, maybe the CIA offered bin Laden refuge and calls him up every once in a while to make another tape. I guess we'll know if we actually build that pipeline, but I guarantee you it won't be heard about in the media!

[bumcheekcity]

The oil pipeline thought is very nice, but I think it is a bit much for George 'The Hungry Caterpillar' Bush to think up.

[Spoony-McSpoon]

I reckon that a fat sweaty guy called melvin writes all the pop songs in the world.

[Spoony-McSpoon]

Since Jim Morrison is dead, ill write His conspiracy theories for him.
*Hitler is alive and well and living in miama
*I am the lizard queen
*police officers are wanna be facists

Yes jim morrison was crazy and you would too if he took drugs everyday for over 10 years.

[wdfcverfgtghm]

At 6/2/03 09:41 PM, Crack_Smoker wrote: 2) Osama Bin Laden was captured by U.S. special forces and is being kept hidden and alive. In the days leading up to the 2004 election, he will be "found and killed in a shootout (executed)" by the special forces, guaranteeing a huge victory for Bush in the following election.

Yeah I've actually though about something like that.

If they did kill Usama Bin Ladin then he would become the biggest martyr in history. The muslim world would completly destablize, protestors in america would call it murder, europeans would blame the crusades on america, and people would make "I love Usama t-shirts" and "Haha he's dead" t shirts on t-shirts.com ruining the gap sales. It would be catostrophic. The only way to avoid this would be to kill Usama Bin Ladin and then don't let anyone know. Secretly assassinate him and never talk about him again. Or maybe pretend like you're still looking for him. a press release here, a fake video tape there, and then trail off. Then one day in 2075 the history channel is showing "Usama Bin Ladin : the true story"