By my Grandpa!
I've been really horny all day today. my mom left for work at 5:30 and I felt the need to masturbate. The thing is, I just read the masturbation method suggested in this thread (which is just orgasmic) and tried the "fifi" method on page 5 (which plain sucks) as well.
I was preparing my pillow for humpage but due to the long amount of time needed to find and prepare the items, I had lost my erect state. I knew but one thing that could help me in my time of erection need. Hardcore Porn (cue choir music). I got onto my computer and opened up some Amy Reid porn (she is just the fucking hottest shit every) and started to hump away.
In the middle of it, I hear my cell-phone going off. I'm busy shagging away at a pillow and I'm not going to stop my pleasure for a dumb phone call. A few moments after my cell-phone stops ringing, I hear my home phone ringing. God damn this person is persistent. I then hear the answering machine and hear my grandpa saying something that I couldn't hear due to the hardcore porn (cue choir music again) going on. I keep masturbating without a care in the world.
A couple minutes later, I hear a loud knocking at my door. HOLY SHIT! My grandpa is right oustide my door and I'm naked humpin a pillow! Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but my computer is only twenty feet from the door. Not only that, but the walls in my house are incredibly thin. I'm talking two inches thin. I have hardcore porn blaring and my grandpa is right outside my house in the perfect position to hear it. Thank god he is upwards of 85 years old and can't hear for shit.
My adrenaline spikes and I know I have to get the fuck out of here, fast. Then, the worse thing possible happens. As I'm trying to close my porn out, my computer freezes. FUCK! I quickly shut it down manually, having to hold down the power button for three precious seconds. As soon as it's turned off I grab my pillow humping contraption and run like hell to the bathroom. Meanwhile, my grandpa is getting all pissed off that I'm not answering him, calling my name at the front door.
I get into the bathroom with my boxers, and pillow and take a deep breath. Then I remember something. I left the lotion blatently out on the table! Shit! I know now that I look back on it my grandpa probably wouldn't have noticed but I didn't want to risk it. I run, still naked, back to the table and grab the lotion. As I'm doing this, I hear the mechanism of the door cycling. Fuck, he's using his own keys to get in, I don't have much time. I run full sped to the bathroom, close it and lock it. He's now irratated and slightly scared that something might have happened to me.
Finally able to relax I answer his calls. I make like I was taking a dump and talk to him about what he wants. Apparently he wanted to know if I wanted him to pick up an Mcdonalds for dinner. I tell him politely that I wouldn't want any and he goes away. I wait for about two or three minutes before gathering enough courage to exit the bathrom and look around. He left and all that's left of him is the adrenaline pumping through my system.
Damn that was close.
Also. yes. I did immediatly go on the BBS and write a story about it.