The luck that I've had this week! My God, first there was the virginity-losing thing, and now THIS!
As my name suggests, I live in Ireland. Now, in Ireland, in the outback we hunt to eat. We rarely, if ever, buy our food from a grocery mart. We go out into the forest, shoot us some deer, and drag them back home. Nonetheless, there is a butcher for families who can't hunt, by either disabilities or age.
Now, my neighborhood had been tracking several groups of deer for a month. Each household took up arms to kill the deer that have been sprouting up lately. This is because a hunting club near my town was put out of commition as of late because they weren't profitable enough.
So, anyway, my father asked me to deliver a parsel to the nearby Irish Republican Army Camp. It contained our hunting rifle, as the nearby camp was underfunded and needed arms for... God knows what.
Now there is a rule in Ireland- NEVER walk through the forest unarmed. Boars, bears, and pissed off moose can all end the life of an unwary traveler. A second valid rule is, "never walk around without garbage bags", in case you bag an animal and want to drag it home for food. Seeing as how I needed to go through the forest to reach the Camp, and my rifle was in a box, I took with me two pistols from the 50's that my grandfather brought back from England when he went there for a business trip. They are semiautomatic, with 7-round clips, light, and have good accuracy.
So, armed with two pistols and three garbage bags, I set off into the forest to deliver the parsel. When I went on the return trip, I took a more scenic route, one through some grasslands. And... lo and behold. The deer packs. At least three full families of deer, all within twenty yards of each other!
Now, this was a great opportunity. there were at least fifteen deer there. With my pistols, I would be able to bring down at least five of them! But how would I get close enough? If I walked up in the open, they'd run away. So, finally, I set upon brilliant decision. I waltzed over to the angle that would permit me to fire blindly, and hit as many deer as possible.
In an incredible display of luck, I killed a full EIGHT deer, nearly unheard of in my town. I put each one in a heavy-duty garbage bag and dragged it to my house. Then I got more bags and repeated the process. Eight bags and two hours later, I proudly showed my father the deer. You should have seen the look on his face...
Anyway, we could NEVER eat that much meat on our own, so we sold the heads to my rich friend, who stated that he would mount them on a plaque in his own room. Then, we sold the remainders of the deer to the butcher. The total amount of cash we got was... A FULL £1,560, enough to buy us a new rifle and many months of beer. So, whatever force in the universe led to us and our startling gain of money, I thank you.
