Illegalize Masturbation!

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

Masturbation (manual stimulation of the sex glands to cause a climax) should be illegal. It is an action that is completely unproductive. It is a gateway to serious crimes (mostly sex related offenses like fornication and various other illegal sexual acts Including "oral" sex(the act of using ones mouth to simulate coitus). ), and creates a vicious circle as one cannot work at a job if one is masturbating (would you want to eat at a resturaunt that employed masturbators) and in order to supply ones masturbation habit one must continually buy "pornography," pictures of naked people (usually of the opposite sex) in various situations ranging from bending over in an unwholesome manner to full blown sexual acts! According to studies, masturbation can cause serious mental and social disorders. Clearly, no good can come of masturbation, therefore it should not be tolerated.

I propose that we invoke a 6 month prison sentence for anyone who is caught masturbating. Furthermore, a three strikes program should be implemented with life in prison for people who won't stop.

Most importantly, we must stop these masturbation dealers, those sick profiteers who provide masturbators with 'pornography' and various other masturbation aids including "dildos" (fake penises usually used to simulate coitus) and "vibrators" (a dildo with the capacity to vibrate, used in a similar fashion to dildos.)

I understand that many of you out there might have masturbated once of twice. This doesn't mean you can't be against masturbation (one of my best friends even masturbated once, I guess he gave in to peer pressure, I don't hold it against him because he quit for good). Talk to your children early, before peer pressure is a big effect. Encourage them to find their own "anti masturbation" a natural high. Example "anti masturbations" are homework, or praying at church. These safe, natural highs are much better than masturbation, and if your children are taught that they don't have to masturbate to be cool they will never find the need to.

Just say NO to masturbation

[Alejandro1]

Absolutely not. Masturbation is a great way for people to live if they choose abstinance in a relationship.

Just remember,
We all know that sex is great
but until you do it, masturbate!!!

[mrpopenfresh]

But how would one go to discover someone doing this einous act? Isn't it usually done behind closed doors?

[Commander-K25]

Is this sarcasm?

[IceLurker]

I hope so too, I don't see any problem with it.

[Shih]

Man, this would make my life as one of the perpetually single a whole lot harder to deal with.

[karasz]

well if u wanna be technical about it... anyone that thinks a fetus is living and thus abortion is murder should also think that the sperm is living, because it is a single-cell organism that has a purpose, does a job and lives and does die...

so i guess if u masturbate u are killing millions of organisms, which is like killing a person, which is murder...

SO if u jerkoff u are a murderer...

[Jimsween]

At 5/26/03 11:11 PM, karasz wrote: well if u wanna be technical about it... anyone that thinks a fetus is living and thus abortion is murder should also think that the sperm is living, because it is a single-cell organism that has a purpose, does a job and lives and does die...

so i guess if u masturbate u are killing millions of organisms, which is like killing a person, which is murder...

SO if u jerkoff u are a murderer...

Actually the sperm dies anyways, it eventually dies and decomposes in the body. So by NOT having sex with random people, you are going against gods will. But I'm not using abortion as an example I'm using anti-birth control people.

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

That is exactly the reason I am so much in favor of castration. It even prevents wet dreams. plus it eliminates so many of those vulgar thoughts that sometimes tempt us towards immorality.

[Lyddiechu]

killing sperm and unborn fetuses that are unwanted = AWESOME!!! come on now.. there are way to many people on the face of the good earth already. masturbate and then GAS YOUR SPERM JESUS TO MAKE SURE IT DOESNT GET ANYWHERE THAT COULD MAKE A BABY FOR CHRISSAKE!!!! better that than have a child ACK A CHILD!!!

heck, i love having sex. nothing will ever stop that. but i do it monogomously and employ the wonders of modern contraception to prevent me from bearing a little demon into the world. dont get me wrong, i love kids... i just dont love them when no one wants it and its just going to make the world a more polluted, unhappy place.

every child is a gift from god?? my skinny, non-pregnant ass it is.. a gift to go on welfare and eat government cheese for the rest of its life uh huh.

[JMHX]

You don't realize that if you made masturbation illegal, we would lose one of our dear friends, Jimsween, to spontaneous combustion. The pressure would just build up in him until he burst.

[Shih]

I don't even want to think about being the janitor who has to clean up that mess.

[Jimsween]

At 5/26/03 11:27 PM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote: You don't realize that if you made masturbation illegal, we would lose one of our dear friends, Jimsween, to spontaneous combustion. The pressure would just build up in him until he burst.

But what about your favorite hobby judge, putting large things into your butt. That would be illegal too, the whole state of alabama would join together in a protest.

[JMHX]

That was a low blow. We agreed never to let that leave Snooble.

[TheShrike]

But isn't masturbation really just sex with someone you love?

[Jimsween]

At 5/26/03 11:31 PM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote: That was a low blow. We agreed never to let that leave Snooble.

But I'm sure the speed of it when it is ejected out would surely send it far out of snooble, and it might just poke out someones eye.

[JMHX]

At 5/26/03 11:40 PM, jimsween wrote:

At 5/26/03 11:31 PM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote: That was a low blow. We agreed never to let that leave Snooble.

But I'm sure the speed of it when it is ejected out would surely send it far out of snooble, and it might just poke out someones eye.

...wha?

[Jimsween]

At 5/26/03 11:42 PM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote:

At 5/26/03 11:40 PM, jimsween wrote:

At 5/26/03 11:31 PM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote: That was a low blow. We agreed never to let that leave Snooble.

But I'm sure the speed of it when it is ejected out would surely send it far out of snooble, and it might just poke out someones eye.

...wha?

So you never take it out? Wow, there must be alot of stuff piled in there.

[TheShrike]

uh-oh.. I feel a few south jokes and rubber jokes mixing together.....

[Commander-K25]

At 5/26/03 11:11 PM, karasz wrote:
SO if u jerkoff u are a murderer...

No, it is not a seperate organism until it joins with the egg thus creating an independent organism with a genetic code different than yours. A sperm is just one of your cells until that and killing it would be no more murderous than brushing off dead skin.

[Jimsween]

At 5/27/03 01:11 AM, Commander-K25 wrote:

At 5/26/03 11:11 PM, karasz wrote:
SO if u jerkoff u are a murderer...

No, it is not a seperate organism until it joins with the egg thus creating an independent organism with a genetic code different than yours. A sperm is just one of your cells until that and killing it would be no more murderous than brushing off dead skin.

Well wait a sec, Your very conservative commander, I would have thought you were anti-birth control.

[Commander-K25]

At 5/27/03 01:21 AM, jimsween wrote:
Well wait a sec, Your very conservative commander, I would have thought you were anti-birth control.

Another stereotype-based assumption. Birth control is fine, just know that it isn't perfect and use at your own risk.

[Jimsween]

At 5/27/03 01:29 AM, Commander-K25 wrote:

At 5/27/03 01:21 AM, jimsween wrote:
Well wait a sec, Your very conservative commander, I would have thought you were anti-birth control.

Another stereotype-based assumption. Birth control is fine, just know that it isn't perfect and use at your own risk.

It's not a stereotype commander Ive just noticed that your very conservative and since very conservative people are often anti-birth control I thought you would be.

[nitroxide]

At 5/26/03 10:09 PM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote: Masturbation (manual stimulation of the sex glands to cause a climax) should be illegal. It is an action that is completely unproductive. It is a gateway to serious crimes (mostly sex related offenses like fornication and various other illegal sexual acts Including "oral" sex(the act of using ones mouth to simulate coitus). ), and creates a vicious circle as one cannot work at a job if one is masturbating (would you want to eat at a resturaunt that employed masturbators) and in order to supply ones masturbation habit one must continually buy "pornography," pictures of naked people (usually of the opposite sex) in various situations ranging from bending over in an unwholesome manner to full blown sexual acts! According to studies, masturbation can cause serious mental and social disorders. Clearly, no good can come of masturbation, therefore it should not be tolerated.

We are in a golden age of tolerance of sexual freedom and its beautiful.How far back do you want to set us?Masturbation has always been the most common and universal of human sexual experiences among men and women it is now that attitudes towards this idea has improved.Oral sex is a illegal sex act?Oh shit ive been breaking the law...i dont care about you but personally i like getting by d*ck s*cked its a very soothing and orgasmic feeling.You should try it sometime.

I propose that we invoke a 6 month prison sentence for anyone who is caught masturbating. Furthermore, a three strikes program should be implemented with life in prison for people who won't stop.

This happens in privacy it is a personal act shared with self or a loved one in closed eyes from any government watch.So is there some kind of vigilant beeper that alerts when people start masturbating just what we need more government intrusion.Honestly i can bet Funk,Shih,Ted,Shrike,Jim,cannibal,maybe even liddie would be in prison under your rule.Masturbation is accepted now why devolve our sexual views.

Most importantly, we must stop these masturbation dealers, those sick profiteers who provide masturbators with 'pornography' and various other masturbation aids including "dildos" (fake penises usually used to simulate coitus) and "vibrators" (a dildo with the capacity to vibrate, used in a similar fashion to dildos.)

Wait that means you would have to iradicate lebianism these products are not only for those purposes alot of these items are also used by couples as games in there sex life used to for pleasing another not masturbation.

I understand that many of you out there might have masturbated once of twice. This doesn't mean you can't be against masturbation (one of my best friends even masturbated once, I guess he gave in to peer pressure, I don't hold it against him because he quit for good). Talk to your children early, before peer pressure is a big effect. Encourage them to find their own "anti masturbation" a natural high. Example "anti masturbations" are homework, or praying at church. These safe, natural highs are much better than masturbation, and if your children are taught that they don't have to masturbate to be cool they will never find the need to.

As i said many would be in jail, it figures your views on this subject would have something to do with religion.I dont understand the peer pressure part about it i dont see your friend sorrounded by a group of friends telling him to pull down his pants and telling him to do it.

Just say NO to masturbation

and Yes to chocking the chicken!

"Onanism is a hands on job"-Ghost-matrix

[nitroxide]

In the past, Christian churches have used two Bible passages to condemn masturbation:

One passage, in the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament), describes the death of Onan. It was a widespread belief that Onan was killed by God because he masturbated. This event was the source of the term "Onanism" -- once used as a synonym for masturbation. But further analysis indicates that he was murdered for the "crime" of using a primitive method of birth control to avoid conceiving a child. The Christian churches have now generally accepted the latter interpretation of this passage. The term Onanism is now rarely used.
The second passage is from the Christian Scriptures. It refers to a unknown form of behavior. The meaning of the original Greek phrase has been lost. Bible interpreters have assigned various meanings to the term in the past two millennia. Originally it was believed to indicate a lack of ethics. Later it was believed to refer to masturbation. Among many conservative Protestants, it refers to homosexuality. To our knowledge, no Christian group today interprets the passage as referring to masturbation.

Christian groups currently differ in their interpretation of the Greek words "pornea" and "akatharsia," found throughout the Christian Scriptures. These are often translated "fornication" and "uncleanness." Some conservative Christian groups include masturbation as one of many acts that fall within the definitions of fornication and uncleanness. Many liberal Christian churches have a much more restrictive view of the two terms.

Genesis 38:6-9 -- The sin of Onan:
This passage describes how Tamar's first husband Er was killed by God because he was wicked. Under ancient Jewish tradition, Er's brother Onan was required to marry and engage in sexual intercourse with Tamar. Widows were not asked whether they wanted to remarry. In many cases, the woman would have experienced the sexual activity as a form of rape -- something required by tribal tradition which they had to endure. Similarly, nobody consulted the widow's brother-in-law about his wishes in the matter.

Their first son would be attributed to Er. Because any offspring would not be considered his child, Onan decided to use a common and relatively ineffective contraceptive technique to prevent conception. He employed "coitus interruptus". That is, he disengaged from Tamar just before he ejaculated, and "spilled his semen on the ground." (NIV) God was displeased at this action and killed Onan also -- presumably because he refused to follow Jewish tradition.

This passage was used until recent decades by some Christian groups who maintained that Onan's sin was actually masturbation. The term "Onanism" was coined as a synonym of masturbation. This interpretation is no longer in common use.

Its all religious lies noone knows what the true origin of words are they make educated guesses with no proof of any of these things making up story to put in the bible...Wide spread belief that it was masturbation that killed onan nazism was a widespread belief it doesnt make it right.http://www.religioustolerance.org/masturba3.htm

[D2Kvirus]

An interesting sidenote:

To show that they're moving with the times, the Government has just passed a law that makes Necrophilia illegal, although I'm not sure when it comes into force.

Why should they make it illegal to begin with? Not only is it hardly the most socially encourgaed act to partake in, but if somebody does get their rocks off by rooting corpses, they need to have severe psychiatric help, and sticking them in prison is possible the worst thing for them.

And I notice that, while it was legal, there wasn't a total degeneration of social and cultural morals in this country, with orgies of live on dead people being found every weekend in Suburbia. Now it's being made illegal, obviously people will suddenly be intent on getting some of that deceased love now, before they get arrested for it...

[lapslf]

Let's all join the american's for purity!

http://www.geocities.com/afpurity

[MindThrasher]

Illegalize masturbation!!?? ARE YOU INSNE OR JUST HIGH ON OPIUM!?

Masturbation doesn't lead to criminal acts. You got it all wrong. It's a stress reliever and a confidence booster! It's not a chronic illness or anything, it's a way to sexually relieve yourself.

GO FUCK YERSELF U ANTI MAN!

-Jeff

[TheShrike]

At 5/27/03 02:00 AM, nitroxide wrote: Honestly i can bet Funk, Shih, Ted, Shrike, Jim, cannibal, maybe even liddie would be in prison under your rule.

DAMN YOU!!! YOU TIPPED THEM OFF!!! THERE ARE RELIGIOUS HOUNDS AT MY DOOR NOW!!!

And just when I was getting started, too...

[JMHX]

Well, Jim, at least I type with both hands instead of one on the rod, just like you. Besides, you've inserted more states and territories of the U.S. than I ever could.