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Convert to Bangism.

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TheD-LucksEdition
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Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 15:50:52 Reply

For it is the sacred way, my friends.

For years now, billions upon billions of human beings have stopped and pondered to their disillusioned selves, "What is the meaning of life? Which religion is correct? And what kind of God would allow such suffering in the world?"

And this is why I have called for your attention here today. For you see, this new religion is perfect in every single way. Its name?

BANGISM.

Yes, Bangism. All that Bangism requires at first, is that you pledge your eternal allegiance to The One Lord and Master of All Cleanliness, BARRY SCOTT. For his mystic and dazzling Cillit Bang abilities are the only true way to remove the ground-in dirt of sins from your soul.

Once you have been baptised with The O.L.M.A.C.'s magnificent Holy Bang™, you will have to make some adjustments to your daily lives in order to appease his Cleanliness.

1. On every third Sunday of each month, you MUST sacrafice a penny in his honour. Sacrafice any other coin and He shall become angry and vengeful upon thee.

2. You must own at least one crate of Cillit Bang at any one time, to ensure that your dwelling is not befouled by the Devils of Desecration: Limescale, Rust, and Ground-In Dirt.

3. Avoid The O.L.M.A.C.'s sworn enemy, Mr. Muscle, at all costs, for he will smother your spirit in false promises of doing the jobs you hate.

Become enlightened within the next six months, and recieve a free crate of Cillit Bang and a Cillit Bible™.

THE WORD MUST BE SPREAD, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. GO FORTH AND ENLIGHTEN THE MASSES.

Convert to Bangism.

BritZombie
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:05:30 Reply

Along with the 10 commandments of the lord.

1. Thought must only have shiny pennies


I like my hammer.
Audio. lol click.

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biggieprice
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:06:19 Reply

At 4/10/07 04:05 PM, BritZombie wrote: Along with the 10 commandments of the lord.

1. Thought must only have shiny pennies

Thought?

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:07:29 Reply

At 4/10/07 04:05 PM, BritZombie wrote: Along with the 10 commandments of the lord.

1. Thought must only have shiny pennies

Ah, but you must strive to achieve this, my child. Only through Bangism can you achieve such a feat.

outlawwarrior781
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:11:45 Reply

At 4/10/07 04:07 PM, TheD-LucksEdition wrote:
At 4/10/07 04:05 PM, BritZombie wrote: Along with the 10 commandments of the lord.

1. Thought must only have shiny pennies
Ah, but you must strive to achieve this, my child. Only through Bangism can you achieve such a feat.

Praise the lord for his shiny pennies.


SSBB code:
4253-3167-0582

Serbian-terrorist
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:13:04 Reply

What about boobies...?


Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

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Net-terrorist
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:14:41 Reply

Is there any weed involved?


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BritZombie
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:16:07 Reply

Well obviously i've been following bangisim for thousands of years. Heil the almighty Barry Scott as he faught against limescale, rust, ground in dirt

And there wasn't enough room for the l-y

Convert to Bangism.


I like my hammer.
Audio. lol click.

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Abyssus
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:17:02 Reply

Will he drop chemical bombs on us if we dont obey!?

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:17:30 Reply

At 4/10/07 04:13 PM, Serbian-terrorist wrote: What about boobies...?

The O.L.M.A.C. approves of Cillit Boobs™, for they are natural.

At 4/10/07 04:14 PM, Net-terrorist wrote: Is there any weed involved?

Weed is optional. However, you must clean all surfaces used afterwards if you decide to do so.

Corky-D
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:18:11 Reply

NO!

Bangism is the wrong answer!!


1, 2, 3, Coffee 4, 5, 8, too late

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TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:19:38 Reply

At 4/10/07 04:16 PM, BritZombie wrote: Well obviously i've been following bangisim for thousands of years. Heil the almighty Barry Scott as he faught against limescale, rust, ground in dirt

And there wasn't enough room for the l-y

The O.L.M.A.C. disapproves of watermarks and running out of letters. Best start praying, my child.

At 4/10/07 04:17 PM, Abyssus wrote: Will he drop chemical bombs on us if we dont obey!?

Worse. CILLIT BOMBS™.

Sparkpro
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:20:31 Reply

NO!
YOU ARE THE DEVIL!
OXYCLEAN IS THE TRUE ANSWER!

BritZombie
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:22:27 Reply

Even hitler used cillit bang!

Convert to Bangism.


I like my hammer.
Audio. lol click.

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TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:22:42 Reply

At 4/10/07 04:18 PM, Corky-D wrote: NO!

Bangism is the wrong answer!!
At 4/10/07 04:20 PM, Sparkpro wrote: NO!
YOU ARE THE DEVIL!
OXYCLEAN IS THE TRUE ANSWER!

May His Cleanliness have mercy on your filthy souls.

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 16:37:49 Reply

At 4/10/07 04:22 PM, BritZombie wrote: Even hitler used cillit bang!

In his early days, yes. But then he got a bit up himself and started to discredit the name of Bangism by trying to wipe out and invade minorities with it. He had to be neutralised by the Allied Bang Forces for the good of the faith.

Wisk-deathwish
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-10 18:40:56 Reply

i have to say this is an intersting thread. Have any of you lot checked out the cillit bang remixes on youtube???

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-11 06:25:48 Reply

At 4/10/07 06:40 PM, Wisk-deathwish wrote: i have to say this is an intersting thread. Have any of you lot checked out the cillit bang remixes on youtube???

Of course, it's the official anthem of the religion.

unowned
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-11 06:28:17 Reply

this guy is better than the guy in your picture

Convert to Bangism.

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-04-11 06:38:01 Reply

At 4/11/07 06:28 AM, unowned wrote: this guy is better than the guy in your picture

That heathen uses buckets, the Devil's chamberpots, to contain his lesser cleaning agent. This man is an imposter and should not be trusted. Only through Bangism will your soul recieve complete cleansing.

Idocreating
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:36:47 Reply

Does Bangism have any JML in it? I love to clean my many products with Barry Scott's divine water to remove the soap scum from my JML Edge Kinfe after hacking Oxy Clean heathens with it.

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:39:31 Reply

At 5/12/07 03:36 PM, Idocreating wrote: Does Bangism have any JML in it? I love to clean my many products with Barry Scott's divine water to remove the soap scum from my JML Edge Kinfe after hacking Oxy Clean heathens with it.

The O.L.M.A.C. approves of JML's products, so long as they aren't used against him. If used against his unholy foes, then he gives them his Cleansing.

ArthurGhostIy
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:41:36 Reply

I thought my life was over.
I was reaching dead ends with every turn in life.
No job or family with very little of a clink in my pocket.
The few pennies I did have were grubby and horrid.
That's when I discovered bangism.
Now my life, along with my pennies, are good as new.

Heck, bangism is even reaching out to the yongsters, with this hip rendition of it's gospel.

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:43:19 Reply

At 5/12/07 03:41 PM, ArthurGhostIy wrote: Heck, bangism is even reaching out to the yongsters, with this hip rendition of it's gospel.

As stated earlier in this most holy of threads, that is the national anthem of the religion.
Most fitting, don't you think, my child?

Idocreating
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:47:24 Reply

At 5/12/07 03:39 PM, TheD-LucksEdition wrote:
At 5/12/07 03:36 PM, Idocreating wrote: Does Bangism have any JML in it? I love to clean my many products with Barry Scott's divine water to remove the soap scum from my JML Edge Kinfe after hacking Oxy Clean heathens with it.
The O.L.M.A.C. approves of JML's products, so long as they aren't used against him. If used against his unholy foes, then he gives them his Cleansing.

This enlightens my soul very much, for he called the glorious O.L.M.A.C. "Old McDonald"

I simply had to hack his heathen brains out, but had to use a sufficent weapon to make sure his soul would burn in eternal hell, so i used to almighty power of a Cillit Bang infused JML Edge Knife, it cleaved that vile heathen's head in two.

I will my continue my crusade against heathens, such as Oxy Clean followers, as the head of our JML division. We will bring swift justice to the heathens who dare use inferior cleaning and general purpose products, with JML products infused with the O.L.M.A.C.'s holy BANG.

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:50:40 Reply

At 5/12/07 03:47 PM, Idocreating wrote: I will my continue my crusade against heathens, such as Oxy Clean followers, as the head of our JML division. We will bring swift justice to the heathens who dare use inferior cleaning and general purpose products, with JML products infused with the O.L.M.A.C.'s holy BANG.

Very well, but don't cause a full out conflict. Bangism is a fairly peaceful religion.

Idocreating
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:53:12 Reply

At 5/12/07 03:50 PM, TheD-LucksEdition wrote:
At 5/12/07 03:47 PM, Idocreating wrote: I will my continue my crusade against heathens, such as Oxy Clean followers, as the head of our JML division. We will bring swift justice to the heathens who dare use inferior cleaning and general purpose products, with JML products infused with the O.L.M.A.C.'s holy BANG.
Very well, but don't cause a full out conflict. Bangism is a fairly peaceful religion.

But the heathens must be cleansed off the face of the Earth, so the O.L.M.A.C. demands it like he demands his shiny penny sacrifice every Sunday

TheD-LucksEdition
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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 15:55:51 Reply

At 5/12/07 03:53 PM, Idocreating wrote:
At 5/12/07 03:50 PM, TheD-LucksEdition wrote: Very well, but don't cause a full out conflict. Bangism is a fairly peaceful religion.
But the heathens must be cleansed off the face of the Earth, so the O.L.M.A.C. demands it like he demands his shiny penny sacrifice every Sunday

NO. We are a peaceful faith. We spread the message through word of mouth and blatant advertising. We leave the unbelievers be, safe in the knowledge they will burn in Cillit Hell™.

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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 16:00:38 Reply

Resist the guys who have the tagline:

"Look what it does to my penis"

penny

Join the religion of DETTOL... All the power of Cillit Bang but in a sexy Green bottle, none of that weird pink.

Led by your high-priestess.... Sarai.

The Newgrounds O-Ren-Ishii but with a nicer smile and still alive

Got Rice?

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Response to Convert to Bangism. 2007-05-12 16:06:56 Reply

Nay ye heretics, join not the way of the heathens and their false idols, praise yet unto thine true saviour:

TOILET DUCK

Convert to Bangism.


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