For it is the sacred way, my friends.
For years now, billions upon billions of human beings have stopped and pondered to their disillusioned selves, "What is the meaning of life? Which religion is correct? And what kind of God would allow such suffering in the world?"
And this is why I have called for your attention here today. For you see, this new religion is perfect in every single way. Its name?
Yes, Bangism. All that Bangism requires at first, is that you pledge your eternal allegiance to The One Lord and Master of All Cleanliness, BARRY SCOTT. For his mystic and dazzling Cillit Bang abilities are the only true way to remove the ground-in dirt of sins from your soul.
Once you have been baptised with The O.L.M.A.C.'s magnificent Holy Bang™, you will have to make some adjustments to your daily lives in order to appease his Cleanliness.
1. On every third Sunday of each month, you MUST sacrafice a penny in his honour. Sacrafice any other coin and He shall become angry and vengeful upon thee.
2. You must own at least one crate of Cillit Bang at any one time, to ensure that your dwelling is not befouled by the Devils of Desecration: Limescale, Rust, and Ground-In Dirt.
3. Avoid The O.L.M.A.C.'s sworn enemy, Mr. Muscle, at all costs, for he will smother your spirit in false promises of doing the jobs you hate.
Become enlightened within the next six months, and recieve a free crate of Cillit Bang and a Cillit Bible™.
THE WORD MUST BE SPREAD, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. GO FORTH AND ENLIGHTEN THE MASSES.