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ways to torture a cat

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Angelesy
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ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 09:50 AM

Many a time have I wanted to beat the shit out of that furry little bastard that always seems to piss me off. Either by taking a nice warm shit on my brand new carpet, or decided to use me as a clawing device.

In this small file, i'd like to suggest ways to hurt or piss of the little shithead that you can't get rid of, usually cuz you're mom thinks it's the nicest fucker alive.

1 -- Kick it Around, you know, when the fucker get's in your way, whether it be when you're taking a shit and it comes in and watches, or when you're sleeping and it sits on your face. Just put a little force into it and BLAM! The fucker goes flying. It's especially nice to watch a cat go flying on a wood floor, with all four spread, doing 360's and crying like a Mexican without his burrito. Kicking him from under (like under the stomach) let's loose a flying cat, spinning and twirling in the air.

2 -- Wiskers (heh, heh, heh)....Ok, you know who you are people, you kind that clips cat's wiskers and laughs like hell. Cat's use wiskers to navigate in the dark, like when they're entering a tight spot, their wiskers will tell them if they're about to run into something (kind of like those cadillacs with those metal tubes sticking out the side). So what do you do? You cut the fuckers wiskers, down to you start getting fur. Then you gotta through the cat in a closet, and open the door, oh, about 4 inches. The cat will naturally be fucked and stunned that us humans would do such a thing (it probably is equlivant of a cat cutting off your dick) and he'll start bumping around, wondering what the fuck....So you just sit there and laugh your ass off. The cat might eventually make it's way out of the closet, but maybe you could, hmmm...Find something else to do to it after that? (grin>

3 -- Pillow Case....Well, this is kind of funny...All you do is throw the little fuck in a pillow case, and go into an open room (you don't want to beat it to death, well, not yet adleast). And start swinging the fucker around in circles, again and again, the cat will probably crying for it's life (but don't give in to it's whining, cuz when it get's out, it wants blood) keep swinging it around and around, faster and faster, stop when you're too dizzy to figure out where the cat is, then quickly open the pillow case and let the bastard fall out (it WILL fall, believe me). You got to make sure you can see it (cuz you're gonna me almost as dizzy). The fucker will be sitting there, moving it's head in circles, still thinking it spinning. This is the good part, cuz as far as the cat knows, it's totally high on Catnip or something. You can do anything, it's up to you.

4 -- Water ...We all know that cats hate water more than dogs, and would rather travel in a car then deal with it. But cat's are funny as hell in water. Try filling up a tub, or a sink, or something with water in it that the cat will fit in. Throw the fucker in for a minute or two (unless it's definitely going to drown, we'll talk about killing them later) and watch it squeal..They act like water is acid or something and yet they still drink water out of the toilet when none is available (these fuckers gotta get their facts straight). After the cat has had enough torture, grab it by the ear, or tail, or get a good grab around it's head and throw it out (throw it outside you fool). When a cat get's wet (especially a long-haired cat) they look like giant ferrets, really nasty like (which might persuade you to do something else, like nail it to a 2 by 4 and shoot it full of b-b's) but don't hurt it too bad..

5 -- Misc. shit....Stick the cat in the Microwave (no, really) and don't turn it on (yet) just let it sit there, and look through the little see-through window...It should be scared as hell, since it's in a really tight spot, can't move much at all...If you really want to screw the fucker, nuke it! Just nuke it for 20 seconds at a time...The cat will start squirming at about 10 seconds (depending on the wattage of the Microwave)...After about 30 seconds, the cat will definitely have radiation poisioning, which will probably kill it within a month or less. If you nuke it for a minute, you'll probably kill it, depending on the size of the cat, the microwave cooks inside out, so after a minute, it's intestines and lungs will be a little toasty, maybe killing it, if not, probably sterilizing it or leaving it a slow and terrible death. Of course, you can go "All-Out" if you REALLY express rage for it, and can nuke it for 5 minutes...This is NOT for the Squeamish....I DO know someone who did this, and saw it....It was pretty fucking gross, and being the cat hater I am, I still felt sorry for it. In 30 seconds, it starts kicking and screaming and freaking out (which brings me to the point, you gotta make sure the door can't be opened, and you gotta make sure you don't want the microwave anymore). In 1 minute, it was started to spaz like nothing you've ever seen before, some blood was coming from it's mouth due to internal cuts the Nuking did, all types of seisures and some last moans were following at 2 minutes. At about 2 and a half minutes, the cat was still alive, it's pupils were dialated and it was twitching like someone stuck a Electrolysis gun up it's ass...At 3 minutes, it's almost dead...The smell of the cat would make any mortician throw up, that's why I would suggest alot of open windows and doors and some type of gas mask on. The last two minutes it the cool part...Now that the fucker is dead (for good reason too) it's time to watch the fireworks...I think at around 4 minutes, the cat started popping, it's eyeballs literally popped out of it's sockets, and the blood started to ooze, not a pretty sight..At about, 4 mins 15 seconds, it's fur starts to curl (although it was already crispy) and at about 5 minutes, the whole microwave is one big slaughterhouse.

Goatchrist
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 09:54 AM

I stopped reading when I was at the 4th. That's just sick. Let the poor cat live.


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R34NissanSkyline
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 09:55 AM

i got a softspot for animals... so u are going on my asshole list... should be helpin cats not fucking killing them... CATS CATS CATS!

RUDE
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 09:55 AM

How evil of you!......another good one would be to take it by its tale and swing it around a few times. I hate cats, sherbert is an acceptiopn to the rule.

Angelesy
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:01 AM

At 5/5/03 09:55 AM, i_need_nos_2003 wrote: i got a softspot for animals... so u are going on my asshole list... should be helpin cats not fucking killing them... CATS CATS CATS!

well,if u don't like the topic,just don't read it

ways to torture a cat

R34NissanSkyline
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:03 AM

At 5/5/03 10:01 AM, Angelesy wrote:
At 5/5/03 09:55 AM, i_need_nos_2003 wrote: i got a softspot for animals... so u are going on my asshole list... should be helpin cats not fucking killing them... CATS CATS CATS!
well,if u don't like the topic,just don't read it

well how about i throw you a beating boy? if i see a topic with a title i dont like obviously i`m gonna read it.

thepaddedroom
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:04 AM

I like the thinking...but I don't own a cat...so I can't test it. Oh well.

R34NissanSkyline
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:05 AM

At 5/5/03 10:04 AM, Brosque wrote: I like the thinking...but I don't own a cat...so I can't test it. Oh well.

aha another name.

Angelesy
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:06 AM

At 5/5/03 10:03 AM, i_need_nos_2003 wrote:

well how about i throw you a beating boy? if i see a topic with a title i dont like obviously i`m gonna read it.

I don't read things i don't like

DarkKnight-ofShadows
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:06 AM

Well, those were pretty bad, I have to admit. But I do hate cats personally. They give me terrible allergies that cause me to not be able to breathe, the little freaks.

I'd say a funny (and non-harmful) way to torture a cat is to first give it some catnip, then run up and scare the crap out of it. Ooh, even better on hardwood floor or tile, so the cat kinda does a "scooby doo" type then when it tries to run away but stays in place for a second or two.

XxFuRy2Xx
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:13 AM

I'm pretty sure this guy is only joking. Although the one where you throw water on it sounds pretty funny.

R34NissanSkyline
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:15 AM

wow there arent so many sick fucks on NG as i thought... i thought this topic would have about 3 pages by now with other torture methods.

Angelesy
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:15 AM

yeah i am joking around ^^

MissenLinx
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:19 AM

How could you be so mean to thsi creature

ways to torture a cat

DarkKnight-ofShadows
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:22 AM

At 5/5/03 10:19 AM, MissenLinx wrote: How could you be so mean to thsi creature

AWWWWWWWWWWWW ^_^ hehe

RUDE
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:23 AM

At 5/5/03 10:19 AM, MissenLinx wrote: How could you be so mean to thsi creature

That looks sooo creepy, I wouldn't hesitate to........

R34NissanSkyline
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:28 AM

At 5/5/03 10:19 AM, MissenLinx wrote: How could you be so mean to thsi creature

lol i`m suprised that actually made me laugh. my cat sleeps in weird positions, i woke up and he was lying with his back streched over the side of his bed. fucking weird man.

Magna
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:29 AM

Ay to draw attention to yourself.

muserdabest
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:29 AM

wats rong wit u u freak,y all the writing ova sumthin u wont even do.

DarkKnight-ofShadows
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:32 AM

At 5/5/03 10:29 AM, muserdabest wrote: wats rong wit u u freak,y all the writing ova sumthin u wont even do.

Strong words (I think) from someone who can't even spell.

Angelesy
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:44 AM

At 5/5/03 10:32 AM, the_dark_knight63 wrote:
At 5/5/03 10:29 AM, muserdabest wrote: wats rong wit u u freak,y all the writing ova sumthin u wont even do.
Strong words (I think) from someone who can't even spell.

muserdabest:well I should do everything i write?
man don't take it so serious,it was just a joke.....

the_dark_knight63:yeah i compeletly agree with you

thepaddedroom
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:53 AM

One of the great things about the mind is that everything is fair game. Mentally, you may be the world's most prolific serial killer. Physically, you may be the mother of three and on the PTA. It's why dead-baby jokes are funny. It's shocking, but you'll never see it happen.

Again, don't worry. I have a dog.

Remember: Shoot first, shoot some more, reload, empty another clip, ask a question, and shoot some more because nobody is answering you.

Anime-Goddess
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 10:55 AM

At 5/5/03 10:19 AM, MissenLinx wrote: How could you be so mean to thsi creature

Soooo cute! Can't bear to hurt it... (not like I would, anyway)

Nirvana13666
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 01:14 PM

If i ever saw someone being cruel to an animal I'd beat the crap out of them. You must be a weak, hatefilled person to want to hurt animals.

Morextremist
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 01:17 PM

this thread makes baby sherbert cry

nitroxide
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 01:31 PM

your such a loser such a shameful display of your stupidity and boredom your one sick fuck.

ways to torture a cat

EVIL-C
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Response to ways to torture a cat May. 5th, 2003 @ 01:53 PM

At 5/5/03 10:15 AM, Angelesy wrote: yeah i am joking around ^^

Well, I'm glad your just joking, but the thought of doing that to a cat (or any animal) Is just beyond wrong. I had 4 cats when I was younger, and I loved them all. That's what made me the animal lover I am today. If anyone ever tortured an animal of mine, or an animal I knew and I found the person, I'd beat them to a bloody pulp.