Let's help out Paul Simon...

[King]

...and come up with 50 ways to leave your lover.

I'll start:

Fart on their pillow.

[Officer]

Burn her shoes.

[36Holla]

set a wolverine high on angeldust loose in thier house

lol george carlin

[King]

Body peircings while they were passed out.

[Sp00kyy]

Cheat on her.

With her pet gazzle.

[Brigand]

Run her car off a bridge and jump out at the last second.

[positively-negative]

I'd rather help Paul Simonon but hey...

Leave the house, with your half of the bed.

[chasemanjansen]

Jizz on her face in public. Just for no reason. May require proper workage of the penis beforehand.

[ZeroAsALimit]

Insist that she has a sex change.

[CaptainQuartz]

Stab their vagina

[DareDevilGuy]

In order of steps:
1) Buy shovel
2) Drug your woman
3) Undress
4) Insert handle of shovel into anus
5) Shove it up all the way causing internal bleeding and death
6) Bury her in your neighbours garden with the previously bought shovel

[Enoll]

Next time they cook you dinner, tip it down your pants and go home.

[Duffi]

1. Take penis
2. Inset in the anus
3. ????
4. Profit.

[HyperRaider]

Put your cock in their mouth when they sleep and make a picture of it and place it on the web :)

[bytmyshnymtlazz]

Get her drunk, grab a Sharpie, draw penises on her face, and post it on NG.

[KermitTheMuppet]

Take a piss on their lap.

[Splurgle]

Wear their underwear to work and shit in them.