Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

There was that one time, I was masturbating, and well, things happened, and turns out I lost half of my body. Luckily, my penis wasn't lost in the process.

Half body?! What the heck happened?

our maid caught me

I once accidentaly didn't clear the history and my sister went to a site i visited and she said wtf is this? And I said i got it by a virus and she bought it lol. It's really good to have relatives who don't know shit about computers :P

hmmmmm toughy probably when i splooged and hit the monitor had to clean it quick lol

I was masturbating, and I thought to hell with it.

I decided to cum on my face, so I lent over my face and I let out my load.

My sister then walked in...

Jesus. It would have to be the summer of '04. I fully downloaded my first pornographic movie. It was actually from a website my friend David signed me up to via hotmail, I decided to follow the link.

From that point prior I had only viewed pictures, and the occasional .GIF now and again, but never a full on movie. My penis was literally tingling with excitement. I would get to see it going, non-stop... no loops... the real thing.

I had made sure my parents were asleep, for I did not want them destroying my first time to such material. I locked the door, turned off the lights, closed all windows and shut every last blind... I was ready.

The headphones went over my ears, my penis was beaming with rage. I was going for it... I opened my music, to a hidden file in which it had been stashed. I then opened it "Slip Lick Tongue Twist 4".

It opened, I unzipped my fly and got ready. Two models appeared on screen... a blonde and a brunette, they were talking... one was upset about how her boyfriend cheated on her... "Don't worry baby your pain will make me happy" I thought.

I decided to listen to the storyline, for the taboo feel. They were best friends apparently, the Brunette was comforting the Blonde... but then the vital words I will always remember were spoken.

"I can make you feel better" straight from the brunettes mouth.

Holy shit, it was going to happen. I started to masturbate as they both stripped down... it was amazing. They kissed, licked, fondeled and played with eachother... the blonde was just about to lick out the brunette before... she said the other most vital words I will always remember.

"What's this?... you have a penis!" said the Blonde
"Oh no!" said the Brunette "We're going to have to improvise"
"It's ok" said the Blonde "I have one too"

They then both whipped out their cocks, 10 inch's long a peice... I had download shemale porn. My dick went limp, my throat felt numb... They both started to suck eachothers cocks...

"God, what have I done" I said to myself... it then got worse. I heard a creak from the door, my parents both walked in.

"Hey Mark, it may be 2am but your Mother and I just want to say hi....WHAT THE FUCK???" said my Dad.

There I was, dick out... with a random blonde fucking a random brunette in the anus. My parents walked out and told me to get off the computer a couple of minutes later...

I accidently cut my penis with my fingernails once, hurt a fucking ton!

It happened a few nights ago. I was looking at porn, when i came across an incest site. At first, i was all like "Eww, i am NOT going in there."

Next thing i know, i'm full on flogging my hippo to a picture of a son fucking his mum. I'm just about to come, when my mum walks through the door.

"Hey son, thought you'd want to know tha-"

And a splooge right onto the wall next to her. The next 5 minutes is full of awkwardness, and then she finally leaves. She's been acting weird ever since.

This thread is the epic win!!! I know the situacions might have been scary but reding them is funny. Here is mine. I was there looking for lesbian pron when the maid comes in. Luckily I hide my cock in my pants and quickly write in the browser game.com I know she figured out what I was seeing but she didn't tell anything afterwards

Trunks this thread is epic fail, grow the fuck up.

At 10/5/07 01:11 PM, smc316 wrote: I accidently cut my penis with my fingernails once, hurt a fucking ton!

I didn't mean it like cut it off, I meant it like made a little cut on my penis, hehe sorry that i wasn't clear enough.

Going into one of my school cubicles to take a shit and hearing a very weird *fap fap fap* next to me. I shoued over to the guy 'get a room!'. A zip was heard going up, and some guy a few years above me stormed out of the bathroom.

At 10/5/07 01:13 PM, AlbinoHippo wrote: It happened a few nights ago. I was looking at porn, when i came across an incest site. At first, i was all like "Eww, i am NOT going in there."

Next thing i know, i'm full on flogging my hippo to a picture of a son fucking his mum. I'm just about to come, when my mum walks through the door.

I need that link for personal reasons.

i took a shit
and my mum said 'ha you shit'
and i said 'yeah was good'
and she lolled

At 9/15/07 09:44 PM, Lantay77 wrote: She grabbed the cat, and saw a lump under my sheets ,and she grabbed it and saw that it was my PSP.

i half expected that to be a cockgrab joke.

At 10/5/07 04:17 PM, shift wrote:

At 9/15/07 09:44 PM, Lantay77 wrote: She grabbed the cat, and saw a lump under my sheets ,and she grabbed it and saw that it was my PSP.

i half expected that to be a cockgrab joke.

ROFL.

Me too.

When I had to change the bedsheets.

The horror

When my mother came in to my room, but fortunately i had locked my door and i put on my pants and started doing push ups haha :D

i was once masturbating in the sports centres toilets, i reached the 'climax point' and done it over the floor. some staff guy walked in and i done my pants up quick enogh and put my shoe where i messed it up and he just went to the toilet and walked out 0_0

When i forgot to lock the door, twice. Luckily no-one walked in

At 10/5/07 04:27 PM, BringmeTheFlopy wrote: When i forgot to lock the door, twice. Luckily no-one walked in

i dont have a lock on my door and no-one walks in =)

At 8/21/07 10:17 PM, arbiter540 wrote: Best Thread EVER

Wrong, the thread in mah siggy is the best, but this is a good thread.

My scariest moment would be when I was jerking in my room, I have a really weird masturbation style, which involves putting pressure on it and moving my body around, I was doing that in my room and I didn't hear my cousin* come into the house. I was almost going to orgasm when she opened the door really fast, I removed my hand from my pants and whirled around, she didn't see anything thankfully.

*She's not my cousin, but my dad and her dad grew up together.

At 10/5/07 04:31 PM, Deadly-thing wrote:

At 10/5/07 04:27 PM, BringmeTheFlopy wrote: When i forgot to lock the door, twice. Luckily no-one walked in

i dont have a lock on my door and no-one walks in =)

And what if someone does walk in lol ?

Getting caught by my Mom. It was fucking awkward. I almost got caught yesterday morning, but I pulled up my pants lighting fast.

um i was homealone.
but the front door was unlocked.
so i was looking on porn and listneing too chromeo.
i was jerking of to a shit load of porn up on the comp.
right when i was about to nut all over my moms friend walked in.
she came in at the perfect time to see me nut all over >.<
she was like OMG!! what the fuck are you doing??!!!

my music was blaring and everything....it was juts stressful.

When i was 12 i got my balls chopped off because i was masterbating.

Oh, I got a good one. It didn't happen to me, but I was involved so I guess that counts(?).

It was during the summer, maybe around 2 A.M. I realized that I needed my brother's help with one of my games, so I just kind of ran into his room and what I saw shocked me. I caught my brother with his hand down his pants and he still didn't close the window. Usually I just go in and walk right up to his computer before I say a thing. I just looked at the computer, as I usually do whenever I talk to him, and I see lesbian porn. My first thought was.......awkward. After a good 5 seconds that seemed like a minute I decided to start off the conversation with a "Soooooo......You forgot to close the window......." and he just says "I know. Can I help you?". Needless to say, that was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. And now I always knock.....

At 10/5/07 09:21 PM, MasterCheifClock wrote: I once got caught by my best friend. (who is a girl) She thought it was a turn off and she said my dick was small.

Owned. End Of Story.

my brother hiding in the room as I typed in the website but still told him it was a pop up