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Scarriest Masturbation Moments

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DasUberCow
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 13th, 2008 @ 09:16 PM

Once when i was like 14, and believe it or not i was actually measuring with my ruler so i could compare size with the "official averages" in the FHM magazine. During that tiny time sitting at my desk with my back to the door my dad walks right in and asks me what im doing up that late on a school night. He doesnt have a clue and i manage to keep him from peeking around my body to see my penis and a ruler under my desk. That was scary as hell.


I fucking hate euphemism.

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kidd25
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 13th, 2008 @ 09:37 PM

you won't belive this. im reading this topic while wacthing south park, the sex ed ep it was so fucking funny.


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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 13th, 2008 @ 09:37 PM

At 8/13/08 04:13 AM, alex-shelley wrote: Yesterday I was masturbating on my bed while listening to music with my earphones in, once i had finished i opened my eyes to find a plate of cookies on my side table. my mom had walked in my bedroom, put cookies on my table and left I'm embarrassed I can't look her in the eyes again

You do not know how hard i laughed after reading that.


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monkeyxdeath
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 13th, 2008 @ 10:04 PM

ahh my scariest moment in masturbation would have to be when i first experienced the joy of whacking my meat,i didn't lock the door. just as about im gonna blow a nut for the first time. my mom busts in, and i jumped 2 feet in the air she said "what's that jake?" i tried to do the swivle to block her view of the porn.

the next day i got a surprise talk about the birds and the bees...

Puzzled
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 13th, 2008 @ 10:08 PM

Masterbating in the basement and my sister walked in.... was pretty akward if you ask me


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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 13th, 2008 @ 10:22 PM

I was in Kentucky seeing my dad and his girlfriend and they let me sleep in the computer room alone. Thinking I'd be ok to fap, I loaded up some porn and started. I was getting kinda into it and I heard a noise from upstairs. My dad had come down in the middle of the night to get drinks before so I thought that's what it was. I waited for about 3 minutes and no one came down. I returned to my porn and about a minute later my dad opens the door to check on me. I already thought something like this would happen so beforehand I put my boxers down but kept my shorts up so I could still be comfortable. I just exited the page and flipped my shirt over it and everything was ok. I was still scared shitless though, I'm really glad he didn't come over to me.

Also, back in 4th grade my friends would always watch porn togther on my laptop. It was so gay but they wouldn't believe me...


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Ecko50100
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 01:44 AM

BUMPTASTIC


whoa, Bit-Museum.

supery9
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 02:45 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!


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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 02:54 PM

well.. i almost got caught with my girlfriend:o
it was horrible!
we where both completly naked.. just screwing around...
and then KNOCK KNOCK....
we both where like... OH GOD..
i sayd wait! ONE MINUTE! both rushed clothes on XD
my brother comes in.. Grins at me.. Closes door and walk away...
me and my gf where like... .....woah?
that night when my gf was gone. he sayd: Nice one brother!
so i was like. LOL!

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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 06:43 PM

At 8/13/08 05:46 AM, emma-existential wrote: Just one girl story amongst all the men? While I may regret sharing this later, it can at least offer some diversity to the mix.
........I was just about to peak AGAIN......

the world is not fair.


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syrika246
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 08:28 PM

hm..... scariest thing? I once had a computer, pretty much dedicated to pron, and when one of my friends (who is a girl) wanted to go on the internet, she almost used the computer, until I convinced her it was broken. I know I wasn't squeezing one out, but that was pretty freakin scary!

uh, I guess other than that, my mom walked in on me, thats it

Erikio
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 08:32 PM

The worst experience was jackin' it in the bath-tub at a hotel... Fucking laying down and my spum fucking hit my mouth. Gross as fuck.

The worst moment getting caught though my dad came into the room and I quickly slid my shorts back up. I had a raging tent, and thankfully he went right back to bed after getting water from the kitchen.


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syrika246
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 08:39 PM

At 8/14/08 08:32 PM, Erikio wrote: The worst moment getting caught though my dad came into the room and I quickly slid my shorts back up. I had a raging tent, and thankfully he went right back to bed after getting water from the kitchen.

so many close calls, has anyone actually been caught?

kidd25
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 08:51 PM

newgroundss seroius how many times HAVE poro been in your comptuer.


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syrika246
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 09:04 PM

At 8/14/08 08:51 PM, kidd25 wrote: newgroundss seroius how many times HAVE poro been in your comptuer.

I don't have pron ON my computer, but I have had it om my computer screen!

kidd25
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 09:45 PM

At 8/14/08 08:51 PM, kidd25 wrote: newgroundss seroius how many times HAVE poro been in your comptuer.

srry for the crazy typo. but yah don't think porn was ment for i don't old fat guys?


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pcfreak60
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 10:06 PM

A couple nights ago i had finished doin my thing and i had gotten up to despose of the "Evidence" when i noticed that my bedroom door was unlocked. i tried to remember locking it before i opend my porn but i was too tired. the next day my dad tells me that he unlocked my door to say goodnight and found me without my pants on. at that moment i was about to piss myself but i calmed down and told him that it was really hot that night and i had just taken my shorts off because i was sweating to death. he just shrugged and walked away. im not sure if he bought it or not.


sigh...

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syrika246
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 10:09 PM

I know I wouldn't have

Senmetsu
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 14th, 2008 @ 10:17 PM

At 8/14/08 08:32 PM, Erikio wrote: The worst experience was jackin' it in the bath-tub at a hotel... Fucking laying down and my spum fucking hit my mouth. Gross as fuck.

Yeah, once I was laying at home on my bed talking to my online gf over the phone, I was like 16, and things heated up, and just as I'm about to blow she's like "See how long you can go without cumming." and I was like "Ok! You're kinky!" And so I did my best to keep putitng it off..like...2 hours later we're still talking long distance (getting charged like 10 cents a minute back then) and I didn't notice but I had started cumming. The penis overrode me like "I can't take it anymore, you crazy bastard! Get off the body controls, you stupid fucking brain, I've been calling and faxing and emailing you, the cum is ready, they're lined up! Waiting for your DAMN order! Well Mr. President, we can't have a drunk in the whitehouse! FIIRREEE!!"

I open my eyes to see what's happening and one giant gob of spooge lands right in my open eye...I was lying down, it shot up..and arched toward my face. That was one of the greatest distances I ever got..or precision :P

It wasn't scary, but I was cracking up. Ruined the mood, to say the least.. I felt like a slut for letting me do that to me, haha.


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tomo365
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 01:49 AM

ok this didnt happen to me cause i dont do it but my friend told me this
at school our freshman schedual was
history
lunch
latin
2 other things

after lunch he comes into latin class laughing his ass off
when asked he said
"dude i went home to get my math book and i opened my door and Tyler [his senior brother] is sitting at the comp with some windows up he hears me open the dorr he flips out and kicks the door shut and he does this all in a fraction of a second. so im just gonna let you guess what he was doing and nobody tell him i told you this or he'll beat my ass" so the guy comes into class like 30 minutes late and everybody is stifling their laughs and he gives the death stare to his brother
this is a funny topic so i thought id give this funny story lol

tomo365
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:15 AM

heres another one that happened to someone else
[any That 70's Show fans will find this very much represents what happened to Fez one time though its only mentioned as blackmail for a drivers license]
theres this fat kid at school who like dresses in black and s all goth and stuff
anyway i heard that the jocks were just getting in from football practice so they head to the locker room and shower and change
the lights are off and they hear a "noise" so they flick on the lights and they see the fat kid pants off in the shower with a playboy
so the jocks do what they do best
they beat up the beating fat kid

he's known as shower beater at school now

Minty-Hippo
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:21 AM

A friend of my roommates was sleeping over at our house, and it's late at night... About 2 am, And I get out my computer and get ready to fap, I get the porn set up, turn the volume on, and start to watch some porn, I get up to go piss... and he's still awake using his computer on the couch right next to my air matress... I'm like... Uh hi... and he is still sitting there, and I speak up a bit louder. "Hi..." HE is still sitting there, So i turn on the light and he thank god has headphones on.

Tl;dr? Make sure no one is around whne you fap.


How did this get here? I am not good with internet.

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Minty-Hippo
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:24 AM

At 8/14/08 08:51 PM, kidd25 wrote: newgroundss seroius how many times HAVE poro been in your comptuer.

I usually have about 50 pictures. Rarely any movies, Most of the time It's online porn , but I sometimes save pictures I really liked and fap to them everyonce in a while.


How did this get here? I am not good with internet.

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sonicmega
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:26 AM

At 8/12/08 01:54 AM, Littleluckylink wrote: (I heard masturbating before going to bed helps you get to sleep or something)

The main reason behind that is because your body is in so much fatigue by the time you finish that resting seems like a really good idea to your brain, so the process beCUMS a lot easier.


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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:29 AM

Well, when I was 14, I masturbated when my door was closed; my parents kept knocking on the door and asked what I was doing; I told them I was playing a game.

After that, I always played loud music in my room until I moved out


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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:30 AM

At 8/12/08 06:45 PM, kidd25 wrote:
So then, the last message he sends me before I come is, and due she's not even 18 yet!
So I had just got done fapping to Child Porn and didn't even know it, needless to say, I deleted the picture, and told him to fuck off. Put him on block on Msn and removed him from my List, I then proceeded to clear my MSN chat logs that I saved.
he could be joking you idiot. but i guess yah love to fapp. but with a senable knowing of what happening.

... Turns out... He wasn't joking... I twas scary as fuck, for 7 days I went around all worried and scared that the police were going to find me, I even stopped going home the same way I usualyl do I started to walk around the back way, and sneak in thru the side door, then I would crawl under the fence and edge my way thru the back door while making sure I didn't hear anything for a few weeks... I was a nervous wreck.


Theres a difference between me and you, I for one don't give a shit about you, and you... well you think I should.

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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:34 AM

At 8/21/07 09:40 PM, Hellian00 wrote: Hmm...

One night, I went into my room and opened up my pron. I then proceded to begin fapping. I was about to blow my load when mom says "Dinner time". In shock, I let it all spill. My door was locked, and I had cum allover my bed/pants. I said to her "Just a sec". And she yelled "open the door". I diddn't and then my dad kicks it open(destroying the doorframe). There I am, no pants on, and clean cum off my cock/sheets/pants. It was the most silent, wierd 5 minutes of my life. He saw the porn(hentai), and said "What the fuck kind of porn is that?" It was bad. I got in troubble for keeping my door locked and having porn. He just acted like he never say my load dumped everywhere.

man that would suck sooo bad, i would actually be ok with being caught with reall porn, cuz my dad/mom mite actually understand, but hentai, omg no, most people dont beleive in certain fetishes


fdsa

SaintandtheButter
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:52 AM

anyways, i have 2 stories, ill save the funniest for last (it mite only be funny for me, u had to have been there..

Story 1: so i was jerking off (boy did i put that niceley...) and my sister had a friend over from another state for a whole week, and i'm pretty much just getting started up, when i hear laughing and footsteps coming down the stairs (my only pc is downstairs, and it was 2-3 in the morning) so i thought "oh shitmonkeys pulling a hobbit out of my ass" so i quickly put my junk away, (i had my pants on, fly down, thank god) and they come down and say, "dont tell mom we're getting cokes" (my mom is a bitch, she would get mad at that btw) so they got to the fridge, get cokes, and go back upstairs, so i think "i am a lucky sonofabitch"

Story 2: (this is a really funny one, but its not me) so i was at this summer camp for a week, and this retarded kid (brandon) was there, and he was a screwed up kid. and btw, my tent had gotten flooded out, so i had to bunk with one of my friends there, and it turns out his tent is next to brandons. so one day, brandon was convinced that G.I. Hos'e was a reall t.v. show (gi hose was from family guy) so he was always chantin' (G.I. Hose, a real mexican hero) so that night, my friend and i are talking in his tent, and we hear brandon jerking off (he did this a few nites at camp, we could hear him wen he went to bed early every nite) so my friend and i are laughing so hard, but quietly, and then we hear him chant (after he cums i assume) "G.I. HOSE, A REAL MEXICAN HERO!!!" lol!!!


fdsa

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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 02:54 AM

8am in the morning, sitting at the pc in my room, door closed and BAM, comes charging in my mothers. so bad.

SaintandtheButter
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Response to Scarriest Masturbation Moments Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 03:12 AM

At 8/8/08 10:41 PM, the1stguy1 wrote: Okay, im like 7 and its at night and i cant sleep, so i go to tell mai dad this (idk why) and so i walk into his bedroom and hes not there, so i walk back to my room and just as i open my door i see that the Tv's on downstairs. I proceed to go check it out. As im going down the stairs i see my dad sitting on the floor (which is REALLY weird i mean its like 1:00 AM). So I creep down the stairs and see some "mature" things on the television. Being unable to comprehand such things at that age, i went back to sleep.

5 years later i suddenly got it......................................
................. ew

reminds me of a time when i was 6 or 7, i couldnt sleep and i wanted to tel my parents this (i was a kid ,OK!!!) so i look in there room...empty, i then hear a noise downstairs, i run down and see them, and there ...stretching on eachother...without clothes on!!!! (i fuckin know what they were doin, but at that time i thought they were doing some fucked up aerobics or something) so i say to them "i cant sleep" and so my mom says," ok, you can lie down ..um...on the couch over there," so i go the the couch, (where i can still see them very well, only about 3 yards away!!!!) andi proceed to gaze at them, when i think...im just gonna turn my head away, and pretend it never happend. so i turn my face towards the cushion of the couch, and smother my face in it, i few minutes later i get up, look at them and say... "uh, im goin to bed, g'nite" and i hurry up the stairs, and i hear my parents say almost simealtaneausly "good nite!"

i still get nightmares to this day


fdsa