This isn't really about masturbation or me, but it's funny.
Me and a few mates went to a party, and after a long night of sexy dancing, Guitar Hero 3 and getting drunk, some hot chick passes out. My friend passes out too, so I thought to myself "Let's have a little fun with this..."
I unzipped his pants, and put his cock in her mouth. Then, I proceeded to drink a few more shots, and pass out myself.
We woke up later on, and we hear my friend scream. We ran into the room, and found out that the girl had bit his dick when she woke up. He was bleeding.