Jokes

[denacioust]

Post Jokes Here

Flaky Blonde

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

Annoying Boy on Bus

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

A Blonde's Brain At Work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

A Sweet Ass Story

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.

I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?”

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy!

I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots.

It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!”

Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.

She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?”

(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)

She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst!

Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

[egaMhcrA]

How about no.

[thepaddedroom]

A man got a call from his doctor. The doctor sounded upset and out of breath. "You haven't got long to live!", shouts the doctor. "What do you mean? How long have I to live?", asks the man. The doctor says, "Ten." "TEN WHAT? Ten days, ten years, ten months?", shouts the man. "Nine."

[AnthonyL]

Whats the difference between a blonde and a Ferrari?

You don't borrow your Ferrari to your best friend.

[Wadezilla]

Whens a door not a door?

When its ajar.

[Explodapop]

There is thousands of threads like this. Just dig one up and revew it, that is better than making a new one.

[hugh-jarse]

At 5/10/03 08:18 AM, Wadezilla wrote: Whens a door not a door?

When its ajar.

Whens your Nan not a Nan?

When she has a sex-change operation...

[Denvish]

What’s pink, wrinkly and hangs out your underpants?
Your Granny

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

What's the difference between pink and purple?
Her grip.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.

The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.

[NEMESiSZ]

At 5/10/03 08:09 AM, AnthonyL wrote: You don't borrow your Ferrari to your best friend.

Amazing, simply amazing.

[bashful-175]

2 blondes walk into a building you'd think 1 would notice!

2 fish in a tank 1 says to the other "how do you drive this thing"

[Dagodevas]

What's the first thing the pedophile said when he got out of prison?

"I feel like a kid again."

[Project-Sinistry]

One Day 2 Dyslexic Bank Robbers Walk In To A Bank Shouting:
PUT YOUR AIR IN THE HANDS MOTHERSTICKERS
THIS IS A FUCKUP!

[Testerline]

Q:What is the best part about having sex with a 10 year old girl?
A: You can cut her hair and make her look like a 8 year old boy.

[Project-Sinistry]

25 Useless things on aman:
20 nails u cant hammer.
2 tits u cant milk.
2 balls u cant throw.
1 cock that cant crow.
dont laugh lady your pussy cant catch mice!