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How to start a house fire.

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DirtySyko
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How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:45:03 Reply

To start a house fire you first need to purchase a decent HDTV with a television stand that is barely big enough to hold it. Along with your T.V. you need at least two video game consoles, both equipped with component cables, as well as a 5.1 surround sound system. All of this will ensure you have plenty of wiring to get you started on your house fire.

Next, it's preferable that your computer and television are no more than four inches apart. This way all of those wires by your T.V. can get jumbled up with the wires running out of your computer.

Also, make sure you have a splitter to maximize the amount of wires coming from your video game consoles into your television. We don't want to have to unplug and plug things in over and over again when we can just have it all plugged in at once!

Now that we have all the basics, it's time to place the cables in their appropiate spots. It's best to just toss them all in the corner of your room, inbetween your T.V. and computer, and just leave them as a tangled mess. Don't forget to have at least two power strips full of plugs buried beneath all of your cables. It's also a bonus if the phone line in your house is conveniently placed in your room coming out of your wall, this way you have even more cables in one coagulated spot! As well as all that, it's also fun when your telephone is added to the mess. Nothing is better than having your phone just lay on the ground because you can't put it anywhere else. If you try putting it on the desk it will just get yanked right back off to the ground because of all the wires tangled around it, so you just let it lay nestled on the floor.

And, for the grand finale, to make sure everything will burn properly, you need to live in a house with wiring dating back to 1957. Old wiring is always a must. If you don't lose power at least once a week and have to go out to the cold ass garage and fuck with the breaker, then your wiring isn't old enough. To find out if you have old wiring all you need to do is turn on all the televisions in your house and start up a vacuum. If your power doesn't die, then your wiring isn't old enough.

These are just some of my tips on how to start a good house fire. Feel free to experiment and find your own fun ways. Just make sure that when your house fire DOES happen, that you are prepared for it with a jolly smile on your face, as you, your family, and all the belongings you spent way too much fucking money on burn to oblivion :)

How to start a house fire.


I've been refurbished and reissued, prepackaged and precooked, decontaminated and deloused, but I still smell, sound, look and feel like shit.

New to the video game forums?

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EyelessArchfiend
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:47:44 Reply

How to start a house fire:

A lighter.


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TheGreatPatten
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:49:44 Reply

I'll try it the next time I visit my aunt

Burn bitch burn! Muahhahhahah

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The-evil-bucket
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:51:05 Reply

Wow...you go to all this work when you could really just drop a match.


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Nick2292
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:51:55 Reply

Thanks for the info DirtySyko

Diivizzle
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:52:21 Reply

Here's another

Step 1: light match
Step 2: throw match
step 3: run out of house
step 4: enjoy the flames.

DistortionResonance
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:52:45 Reply

I was thinking more along the lines of match + hardwood floor + dead plants = FIRE.

Lagerkapo
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:54:07 Reply

How to start a house fire:

1) Buy 10 gallons of gasoline.

2) Pour gasoline all over interior of house.

3) Throw cinder block through window from outside.

4) Throw burning oil-rag into freshly made hole.

5) Dance in circles on lawn screaming homage to Satan.


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bucher
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 18:57:51 Reply

i guess no one really got your point.


.

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DirtySyko
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:01:27 Reply

At 1/29/07 06:57 PM, bucher wrote: i guess no one really got your point.

DO THEY EVER? *CRY*


I've been refurbished and reissued, prepackaged and precooked, decontaminated and deloused, but I still smell, sound, look and feel like shit.

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EyelessArchfiend
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:03:14 Reply

At 1/29/07 07:01 PM, DirtySyko wrote: DO THEY EVER? *CRY*

AWH, FUCK. NOW HE'S UPSET.

Come on, now. It's not that bad... You... you want some ice cream...? You want some McDawnalds...?


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Snakemaster-13
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:06:44 Reply

At 1/29/07 06:51 PM, The-evil-bucket wrote: Wow...you go to all this work when you could really just drop a match.

No, dumbass. He was just bragging about all of his nice things, in which he succeeded in making me jealous.


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DirtySyko
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:22:05 Reply

At 1/29/07 07:06 PM, Snakemaster-13 wrote:
At 1/29/07 06:51 PM, The-evil-bucket wrote: Wow...you go to all this work when you could really just drop a match.
No, dumbass. He was just bragging about all of his nice things, in which he succeeded in making me jealous.

I also drive a car that doubles as a submarine.


I've been refurbished and reissued, prepackaged and precooked, decontaminated and deloused, but I still smell, sound, look and feel like shit.

New to the video game forums?

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TheDepthsofHell
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:24:19 Reply

At 1/29/07 07:22 PM, DirtySyko wrote:
I also drive a car that doubles as a submarine.

you too!? damn...


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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:25:28 Reply

or you can get a lighter and just set it on fire that way.

Some-Stupid-Idiot
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:27:30 Reply

I like the times poster on the wall.

DirtySyko
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:30:51 Reply

At 1/29/07 07:25 PM, pigzlord wrote: or you can get a lighter and just set it on fire that way.

Hey man that's genius! Did you come up with that wit on your own or did you read the other five people who said the same thing? Rofl, gee golly, I don't even know why I'm responding to you, your dumbass probably won't even look back at this thread again.


I've been refurbished and reissued, prepackaged and precooked, decontaminated and deloused, but I still smell, sound, look and feel like shit.

New to the video game forums?

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PsychoticMind
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:34:27 Reply

That was genious.


HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT FIT IN THERE?!
Kiddie-porn.
Thanks for the sig BlueFlameSkulls.

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SirLebowski
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 19:37:02 Reply

I must ask before I go out and buy a decent HDTV, is this fire-starting method tested and approved? And by whom?

On a scale of 1-10, how much would Smokey the Bear disapprove of this?

Aksumka
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 20:04:42 Reply

The large picture made this. Here is my house fire. Sorry, but I'm new at this.

First we have a computer with many filled ports. All power going to that powerstrip there. Following that strip, we find a shit old computer, a laptop and a second powerstrip. Also note the random things just plugged in. Oh and the laptop just there in the middle of the floor is key for tripping over in the morning. Moving under the bed, we see more random chargers, and cords. Take careful note of the slightly exposed prongs. Back under the desk we have a second look at the shit old computer and more plugs to nothing. See the dust? Oh, what is this now? A third powerstrip? Yes, it is everything is ends up coming to this strip. Also a small TV and some other things are plugged in. Ah here we are, we found the wall! Like how it is somewhat falling out? So do I! I don't know what the brown is on the top outlet is, but who cares! And just for shits and giggles, look at what I have here. more shit in the closet!


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Puzzled
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 20:07:53 Reply

Gas meet lighter, lighter meet gas.


kiss my ass!
im an attention whore DUR!

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Mr-Asdf
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 20:08:44 Reply

Man I dont think i can even afford to start a house fire...

DirtySyko
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 20:14:09 Reply

At 1/29/07 08:04 PM, Aksumka wrote: Here is my house fire.

Lol you need to vacuum bro.


I've been refurbished and reissued, prepackaged and precooked, decontaminated and deloused, but I still smell, sound, look and feel like shit.

New to the video game forums?

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killerjeff
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 20:16:04 Reply

i got one as fuckin well dawgs.

1. pour gasoline on carpet (or famly if you want)
2. get a ball of flamable sheets and put them on the floor
3. put gas on sheets then light them on fire
4. set the gas tank down by teh fire and run like fuck
5. (optional) drive car in house then run like a puss
6. fin, end, teh end, teh fin, fin end (what you want to do)
7. thats it
now go try it and have fun!!! (:


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EyelessArchfiend
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 20:18:46 Reply

At 1/29/07 08:16 PM, killerjeff wrote: i got one as fuckin well dawgs.

You got one as fucking well dogs? In other words, you got something involving having sex with dogs in wells?


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Happiness is a warm gun.

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killerjeff
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Response to How to start a house fire. 2007-01-29 20:25:19 Reply

At 1/29/07 08:18 PM, EyelessArchfiend wrote:
At 1/29/07 08:16 PM, killerjeff wrote: i got one as fuckin well dawgs.
You got one as fucking well dogs? In other words, you got something involving having sex with dogs in well's

what no I says. drugs help old people


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