I am going to do a service to the NG community. I feel obliged to do this as i never had anyone explain these all important rules to me.

You see drinking is one of the most important social events in many peoples lives (especially so if living in a celtic drinking culture). Surveys suggest that people who regularly engage in social drinking tend to develop more outgoing personalities resulting in greater career success.

As with most things in life there are rules that should be followed, the difficulty with these rules is that they are unwritten rules.

I shall start with the basics:

Queing at the bar;
When queing try to be honest, if the bar staff serve you ahead of the person next to you point this out, it is only fair and it can really fuck you off when someone does it to you.

If the staff neglect to serve you it can be frustrating. You should not however make this frustration clear, otherwise you could end up waiting even longer for service.

When queing start at the back. Im sick of seeing these little gobshites try to push through unfairly or rush into gaps in an effort to skip people. This goes double for girls who have an irritable tendency to think that tits (as nice as they may be) give them a divine right to skip.

Even if the staff act like twats always remain curteous.

The Round System;
Upon arrival any form of round system should be organised. If you are going to fly solo, then state it. If you are doing paired rounds then let it be known to prevent confusion.

When in a round system have consideration for the the other persons in the system. If everyone is having a pint costing a mere 2 quid or so, it is totally unacceptable to request a drink worth much more than that (Girls are always the biggest culprits here). Dont ever enter a round system only to leave before your round is due, do that and you will end up flying solo for the rest of your days.

Dont request a double on other peoples rounds and then buy a single in your round so as to conserve funds. This is disrespectful and deserving of a mighty boot up the arse.

If you all leave before your round is due then make sure that you buy the first round next time round so as to maintain a fair balance.

Misc Rules;
When leaving a bar put your empties on the bar, this will makes the staffs job just that wee bit easier to do.

Bar Maids tend to be flirty, if one flirts with you a bit this doesnt mean shes really into you. Asking her out based on this will be embarrassing and will make ordering a bevy awkward everytime.

Thats all that is coming to mind right now, i'll post more as i recall them and I kindly ask any other NG users to add any that i may have missed. I didnt touch on toilet behaviours someone else could maybe go for that if they feel up to it.

Generally these rules are not complicated, if you are honest you should have no problems. Its the chancers that break these rules and in my opinion should be removed from society and send to Monster island.

Stinky, filthy retard.

Thank you.

That was a genius post, you should write a book.

For all your drinking needs, simply refer to this compendium of knowledge.

The Modern Drunkard.

At 1/4/07 06:21 PM, ScukMafioso wrote: For all your drinking needs, simply refer to this compendium of knowledge.

The Modern Drunkard.

I never knew Andre The Giant was that hardcore....I must subscribe to that magazine.

At 1/4/07 06:23 PM, Gendo wrote:

At 1/4/07 06:21 PM, ScukMafioso wrote: For all your drinking needs, simply refer to this compendium of knowledge.

The Modern Drunkard.

I never knew Andre The Giant was that hardcore....I must subscribe to that magazine.

Yeah, i just read that article, 119 pints is a just a bit bloody hardcore.

Never leave an unfinished pint behind. Even if you just purchased a fresh pint only to realise you need to leave immediately you should neck that bad lad.

If you feel a chunder coming on then leaving part of a pint is acceptable, chundering inside an establishment is far more frowned upon then leaving a pint unfinished. A seasoned drinker can typically fight the need to chund or can tell his limits and when to decrease his rate of consumption until such a time as he feels ready to continue at a good rate.

If someone doesnt want to drink alcohol, then dont buy them alcohol without their knowledge. With young people this may just be a preference which is deserving of respect. In older persons it may be because they are recovering alcoholics, giving them alcohol against their knowledge is a stabbable offence (ive seen this happen)

Dont get someone a double when they ask for a single unless you truly know the person and can confidentally say that they wont mind. If you do that to a girl in the hope that alcohol will loosen them up a bit making them more likely to put out, then you deserve a stiff kick to the balls (or ovaries pending on gender)

Sorry for double postage but new rules have come to mind

If a bar is busy and after a long period of queing you finally get served. Your cheeky bastard friends then attempts to hand you money to extend your order to cover his needs. Say no, its fucking lame of them for asking and you should not feel obliged to accept just because you know them.

When someone if buying a large round which they will be unable to cary by themselves in 1 go then offer assistance. Leaving a drink unattended for even a short period of time can result in a spiking and whats more it is stressful trying to push through a crowd when carrying too many drinks.

If the bar is busy try to maintain a sense of situational awareness. I you need past someone in your way politely ask them to move, 9 out of 10 people will oblige. If you just push through people as if you have some divine right of way then you deserve castration.

On a similar note maintaining situational wareness will allow you to move for people needing passed promptly so they are not stood waiting for you.

A Pint and a Fight may well be a great british night, but if tensions are raised and a fight is really necessary for whatever reason remember to take it outside. That way you can avoid a barring and will avoid knocking peoples drinks over. It also means you will not be tempted to use a glass as a weapon and your opponent will not have any weapons at hand.

really sinning with a triple post, but i remembered one of the most important rules ever.

Never ask someone to buy a drink for you, or go to a pub without enough fundage to purchase yourself drinks in the hope that someone will see you as a charity case. If you do this you deserve to live in Wales!

Wow, drinking in America is way diffrent.

We don't que. We all just stand around and fight for a tiny bit of space waving our hands at the only bar tender in the whole place hopeing he can stop fucking with the stero or some of his friends long enough to serve us our beer.

Also, the bar maids don't flirt with you. Maybe if you go to someplace like Hooters, but most of the time they make it perfectly clear that they hate you and their job.

At 1/19/07 11:19 AM, lolomfgisuck wrote: Wow, drinking in America is way diffrent.

We don't que. We all just stand around and fight for a tiny bit of space waving our hands at the only bar tender in the whole place hopeing he can stop fucking with the stero or some of his friends long enough to serve us our beer.

Christ, id struggle not to get into a fight in that scenario. If you behaved like that in some of Glasgows finer drinking holes youd get jibbed pretty quickly.

Also, the bar maids don't flirt with you. Maybe if you go to someplace like Hooters, but most of the time they make it perfectly clear that they hate you and their job.

If i owned a bar and the bar staff didnt flirt a bit with the opposite sex id probably give them the sack. Serving the drinks isnt the only part of their job, a fair bit of it is PR work. Making sure people enjoy drinking in the pub and will come back again and spend more.

At 1/22/07 07:01 AM, ZeroAsALimit wrote:

At 1/22/07 06:54 AM, DingoTheDog wrote: If i owned a bar and the bar staff didnt flirt a bit with the opposite sex id probably give them the sack.

...and then would you tell them to get back to work?

After an open palm slapping of the buttocks, yes.

Just saw this on the frontpage and i thought somebody had copied and pasted this as a new thread. What a joke i happened to find that it was the original thread, and i was shocked to see my own posts.

Ah, nostalgia.

(yes, i know it wasn't that long ago, but terra bite me cocksucker.)

At 1/4/07 06:17 PM, DingoTheDog wrote: Surveys suggest that people who regularly engage in social drinking tend to develop more outgoing personalities resulting in greater career success.

Um, yeah-- right...
I know that professor from San Jose State and he couldn't answer back when I told him what's the difference between "socializing" and "just drinking."

Lissen up folks,
It's not the drinking that's making you sucessful. It's the part about being out.

Rule #1: It is always considered polite amongst people to get so drunk that you can barely stand up, in fact, buying enough drinks for other people to do so is considered to be even better.

At 1/22/07 09:02 AM, Fyndir wrote: Oh look, a 14 year old.

Clearly he will have wonderous advice and mature experience about drinking.

Let us gather round and listen to his tales.

Says the 18 year old, you shouldn't be drinking either ass clown.

At 1/22/07 09:10 AM, Xragon wrote: Says the 18 year old, you shouldn't be drinking either ass clown.

Actually in a lot of countries you're allowed to drink by that age.

I forgot to check that you were a Scott, the most useless of useless scums of the earth.

At 1/22/07 09:15 AM, Xragon wrote: I forgot to check that you were a Scott, the most useless of useless scums of the earth.

Sure Canada is any better.

Scotland is one of the best places on this tiny little planet. Along with Ireland.

At 1/22/07 09:17 AM, Fyndir wrote: Also, I would prefer if you didn't start throwing around bigoted prejudiced nonsense just because you're too stupid to hold a coherent discussion, makes the forum much nicer.

The only thing that would make these forums nicer is if people like you didn't post, case closed.

At 1/22/07 09:27 AM, Xragon wrote: The only thing that would make these forums nicer is if people like you didn't post, case closed.

I'd like to reverse that statement, ignorant morons like you ruin these forums. I believe the majority of users here will agree with me.

At 1/22/07 09:28 AM, DareDevilGuy wrote:

At 1/22/07 09:27 AM, Xragon wrote: The only thing that would make these forums nicer is if people like you didn't post, case closed.

I'd like to reverse that statement, ignorant morons like you ruin these forums. I believe the majority of users here will agree with me.

And I do agree with you. Yes I have had my times where I tell people to get off the forums but that's because they post a lot of spam. But people who speak their mind and simply do that deserve to speak.

Case closed.

Dude... how the hell do you make 35 000 + posts on this forum...

"Queing", eh?

Wonder how many people know that that means.

seriously. How many americans know what queing is?"

Queing? Isn't that getting in line for something. :P

At 1/4/07 07:41 PM, DingoTheDog wrote: If the bar is busy try to maintain a sense of situational awareness. I you need past someone in your way politely ask them to move, 9 out of 10 people will oblige. If you just push through people as if you have some divine right of way then you deserve castration.

Unless you're part of the staff. Then people who don't maintain awareness deserve to be pummeled into a wall as you're trying to get through.

-J

At 1/22/07 09:15 AM, Xragon wrote: I forgot to check that you were a Scott, the most useless of useless scums of the earth.

Ordinarily id probably take offence to that. But retaliating to a Canadian on matters like this would be like kicking a small puppy for nibbling my toe.

Ha 21! That is why Britain and other such countries are better

Great post, ever thought of a wine-sipping etiquette post?

and if the bar staff are serving their friends, and their friends friends? then talking shit to someone whilst not even noticing you? seriously, in some pubs i have waited for a fucking long time, and i am a noticable bastard. i am always polite though and dont cause any shit.

what is wrong with buying drinks for your friend in the queue? really? i cant see that causing any problems at all. as long as you're not ordering a round for him it's courteous to get his drink, no?

When leaving a bar put your empties on the bar, this will makes the staffs job just that wee bit easier to do

fuck the bar staff. they get paid for this shit, would you expect me to wait through the fucking queue at the club to put my glass on the bar?

Glasgows finer drinking holes

EXAMPLE!!!!!!!

i dont mean to piss you off, the rest of the rules seem pretty much like common sense to me. although posting this on the ng bbs isn't really going to change the drinking habits of anyone methinks.. the motive was nice tho

i thought this would be about what cigars to smoke and which french renaissance battles to discuss :D