EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME MODE ACTIVATED. It's time for The D-Lucks Extreme Rules Predictions! As you know to the EXTREEEEEEEEME by now, winners in EXTREEEEEEEEME BOLD, match types/stips in EXTREEEEEEEME ITALICS.
1. Santino/a Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero (Train Wrec- uh, I mean, Hog Pen Match for the title of 'Miss Wrestlemania')
First off let's get one thing straight, this match will be a waste of PPV time and will be absolute carnage to watch, most likely inducing more than a few cringes and embarrassing spots. Now that's out of the way, initially I thought they'd have Vickie win this through Chavo/Matt Hardy/Regal shenanigans, leading to the final end of the Santina angle. But then I realised that a man can dream, and realised that the Santina angle will be running for at least another few months while some members of the "WWE Universe" still mark for it. And to cater to these fans, this match will simply be an excuse for them to see Vickie covered in slop for about 5-10 minutes. Santino/a will regain his/her 'title', and this nonsense will continue to be dragged on. Yes, it was amusing at first, but this angle has run its course, in my opinion. Still, that probably isn't what Creative thinks, and this train wreck will merely be a vehicle for some Vickie humiliation. I wish it wasn't and that it will be the end of the Santina angle, and it may well be, but frankly the 'Vickie humilation' outcome is much more likely.
Santino to win. Sigh. I used to many characters for this.
2. United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs MVP vs Matt Hardy vs William Regal (Fatal Four Way Match)
My reasoning for this is very simple; Kofi won the title a mere 6 days ago. If they intend to push Kingston, I highly doubt that he'll be dropping the title so soon. MVP's just had the title and could potentially be in the main event picture within a few months or so if he plays his cards right, and Matt and Regal are lackeys for Vickie at this point who have been shown to be unable to co-exist with each other. So really, not a lot else needs to be said about this match, Kofi frankly isn't losing the title after 6 days, a US run better than his IC run should benefit him in the not too distant future. And if he does lose it, I shall chew my own testicles.
Kofi to retain.
3. Umaga vs CM Punk (Samoan Strap Match)
This one's actually really hard to call. Both men will benefit from the win tonight, it's a question really of who needs it more. On one hand you have Umaga. Now with the ability to speak English, Umaga has been shown as an effective monster against Punk and with his newfound promo possibilities, Umaga has the doors open to re-establish himself as a major player. On the other hand, you have CM Punk, the man who holds the MITB briefcase and holds a DQ victory over Umaga at Judgment Day, and now as of Friday's SD, a pinfall victory over Umaga following a GTS. It could be argued that the SD match could have lost their PPV match some heat, but that can't be changed now, and the two should have a good match regardless. However, as for the winner, it should be the one who needs the push more.
Hence, I feel Punk needs the win here. At the end of the day Punk IS the one with the MITB briefcase and needs to be seen as a credible threat to the champions. Prior to Umaga's initial attack on Punk, this was starting to emerge as the case as Punk had at least one pinfall win over Edge. Jobbing Punk out to Umaga consistantly will not help his credibility, and with Umaga's new promo abilities he can easily regain some heat with a quick promo and win over someone else on next week's SD.
So really, Umaga can afford the loss more than Punk can in my eyes, although if the result ends up having Umaga win to push him further as a monster then I won't be surprised.
CM Punk to win, though.
4. Big Show vs John Cena (Submission Match)
In a nutshell, anyone who legitimately thinks that Big Show will be given the win here has some sort of mental handicap. The angle is basically, "Oh no! Cena can't lock in the STF on THAT MAMMOTH Big Show! How will he ever OVERCOME THE ODDS in a Submission Match?!"
It's essentially the same old crap, crap that they've done numerous times in the past to boot; Triple H being unable to lock in the Pedigree on Khali in their brief feud last year is a prime example. Guess who won their match (Clue, he wasn't over 7ft tall).
Basically, due to the No DQ stips in the match, Cena will use something like a chain for 'extra reach' to lock in the STF and make Show tap. End of. Also I seem to remember Cena locking in the STF on Khali a year or two ago with no real problem. Hmm.
Blah blah, Cena OVERCOMES THE ODDS again and wins. Yawn.
5. Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio vs Chris Jericho (No Holds Barred Match)
Firstly, Jericho's sneak attack on Mysterio last week on SD was a thing of beauty. It was just phenominally well done. Anyway, considering Rey won their last encounter clean, and the fact that the angle has become about Rey's mask, it's clear these two things will play some part tonight. Jericho can't get DQ'd, so he'll likely want to beat Rey down enough so he can remove the mask. Rey, naturally, wants the opposite, as well as to retain his title. Really though, with Rey's popularity he doesn't need the belt; he could easily lose it to Jericho tonight and not lose a step. If Jericho won the belt a whole variety of new feuds will be open to him after he is done with Rey; feuds with guys like Morrison and R-Truth spring to mind. Basically, I feel Jericho wins the belt tonight, leading to another attempt to remove the mask which will be thwarted by someone making the save (Jeff? Truth? Morrison, at a stretch?)
Jericho to win the championship.
6. ECW Champion Christian vs Jack Swagger vs Tommy Dreamer (Hardcore Match, if Dreamer doesn't win he leaves the WWE.)
The inner mark in me would LOVE to see Dreamer win tonight. It would be an amazing moment if he were to do so. However, when you consider Dreamer's postion in the company as well as his past, really you know tonight is his last match. I hope I'm wrong, but the evidence points too heavily to the contrary. Dreamer has always been the guy who puts the younger talent over, in the original ECW he never wanted to win the championship as he felt it would take the edge off his character, hence why he only held the title for about 30 minutes. He said on The Rise and Fall of ECW, "I was actually pissed off. I wanted to go my entire ECW career without winning titles. The only reason I won titles is because guys left."
When you consider that this is who Dreamer is, why would he suddenly want the championship now? And that's why, unfortunately, tonight is most likely Dreamer's swansong. Dreamer may even do all the work, destroying Swagger with weapons before Christian pins Swagger for himself, continuing Christian's pattern of winning title matchs through questionable tactics. Or Dreamer gets pinned himself to 'pass the torch', as it were.
Either way, I feel Christian will retain tonight, leading to Dreamer's retirement. It's been a hell of a ride, Tommy, good luck in your 'future endeavours'.
Christian to retain.
PREDICTIONS CONTINUED IN NEXT POST