For the first time since the redesign, it's The D-Lucks Great American Bash Predictions!!! As per usual, winners in bold, and match types in italics.
1. Cruiserweight Champion Chavo Guerrero vs. Jamie Noble vs. Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Funaki vs. Shannon Moore (Cruiserweight Open)
Surely, Creative have the slightest bit of sense to finally put the belt on Jimmy now. He's a damn good worker and he's way over with the crowd, so why the fuck they haven't put the belt on him already, I don't know. Jimmy to win this match that's been added on at the last minute with no build-up. Again.
2. Sandman vs. Carlito (Singapore Cane on a Pole Match)
If Sandman's supposed to be getting a good undercard push 'round abouts now, then surely he's going to win this match, especially with what's happened in recent weeks with Sandman getting DQ'd for using the cane. I also see Regal coming down to interfere in the match, but in this match Sandman will finally be allowed to use it legally, and get the win, with Creative yet again shitting on Carlito.
3. Women's Champion Candice Michelle vs. Melina
I'm actually going against my better judgement on this one. Candice has been booked as a 'lifelong dream champion', meaning that technically she should have a decent run with the belt. But for some reason, I reckon that a loss now would make Melina look weak. But then again, Creative probably couldn't care less, so I reckon Candice will retain.
4. Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Orton (Texas Bullrope Match)
I've got one of my astonishing match events predictions for this one like I did for the WWE Championship Match at Vengeance. Whether this one will even slightly turn out true, I don't know. But the hell with it.
Basically, Dusty's on his last legs. Randy's ultimately mashed him up good and proper after a hard battle. He's stalking Dusty for the RKO, but doesn't notice Cody Rhodes coming down the ramp with a steel chair. Dusty gets up, realises what's going on, and pushes Randy away as he tries to RKO him. Dusty pushes Randy right into a chair shot form Cody, who wanted revenge from Monday night. Orton falls over unconscious, and Dusty touches all four corners to win. Father and son stand triumphant.
Well, that's my ideal scenario anyway. Dusty to win regardless.
5. Intercontinental Champion Umaga vs. Jeff Hardy
I get the feeling that Umaga's going to be one of those 'monster champs' again who'll get a long run with the belt before someone beats him, but this time without any retarded Wonderfan scenarios to muck it up. I get the feeling that Jeff's not going to succeed tonight, also because he's already a former IC Champ, a man who's held singles gold. Unlike...
6. United States Champion MVP vs. Matt Hardy
Yep, I reckon Matt will win gold tonight, whereas Jeff will not, mainly because then both Hardys can claim that they have held singles gold. I also think that MVP has a much larger chance of losing than Umaga does. So I reckon Matt will win his first singles gold tonight.
7. ECW World Champion John Morrison vs. CM Punk
Personally, I hate Nitro's new gimmick. I preferred his old music and look. And John Morrison's not even his real name. Surely, they'll put the belt on Punk now, they've just got too. And if Nitro somehow retains, then I reckon Punk will win the gold at Summerslam. Next match please.
8. World Heavyweight Champion The Great Khali vs. Batista vs. Kane (Triple Threat Match)
I feel dirty even typing that. But they've hyped the new reign of Khali so much this week, that I find it impossible to see anyone other than Khali walking out of the Bash with the title. Khali will most likely pin Kane, seeing as he's the most dispensable of the three right now. Vince loves Batista too much to have him pinned, plus now that there's a new champion, Batista is free from the Last Chance clause. Which means that there'll be more endless Batista title challenges over the next few months, except now there's no Edge or King Booker to make them good. Sorry, Smackdown, but you've been royally fucked over.
9. WWE Champion John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley
They effectively ruined the result of this match on Monday, when Cena said to Lashley, "Your aggression will be your downfall." They also seem to have been making a really crappy attempt of turning Lashley heel, with him spearing Cena, threatening Coach, and worst of all, throwing over a podium. But the crowd still cheer him. Anyways, because of the comments made by Cena, such as the one above, and Lashley's rash actions on RAW, I see Cena ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN overcoming the odds and getting the win.
And that's that. All matches predicted. Thoughts, people?