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Postal: The movie

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Fat-and-Proud
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Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:21 PM Reply

Now, I know that some of you already know of this movie, rumored to come out in 2007. But, for those of you who don't know, this is completely true. Now, I know that there are some of you who believe that this movie might kick ass, being that the game was fun as hell. Let me tell you something: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE.

Many of you may ask, "How can you automatically assume that this film will be horrible?" Well, let's look at what this movie is really made of:

1. The plot line is still the protagonist going on a random killing spree. Seriously, how can make a movie about that?

2. The character names are, when you think about it, just plain stupid or just don't belong in this movie for the sake of saving it from stupidity (names like Mohammed, Dude, Osama Bin Ladin, etc.).

3. Uwe Boll is directing it. For those of you that don't know him, he's the genius who directed the House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne movies (three of the worst movies ever). The man is pretty much the evil twin of Peter Jackson (and not in a good way).

4. Verne Troyer (Mini-Me himself) is playing a role in it. No offense towards Mr. Troyer(Seriously, I love the guy), but he pretty much made one of the dumbest movie decisions of his life. Just take a moment to think what this movie would be like with Verne in it and you'll agree with me.

5. Worst of all, this movie is bound to be so offensive, that dumbasses across America will think that this movie is so controversial, it must be good. Hey dipshits, controversy isn't always necessarily good. Plus, because so many people loved the game(like me), that only helps the movie gain even more popularity. And even worse, because so many people will see this movie, it will (1) stay in theaters for longer than it deserves (not that it deserves to be in there at all), and (2) possibly help spawn *gulp* a 5TH Uwe Boll movie due to its "popularity". God help us all if that happens.

So, simply put, avoid this movie at all costs. Don't see it just to say that you saw it. Don't see it because you believe it's impossible Uwe Boll can create four shitty movies in a row. Don't even see it if someone threatens to kill your family if you don't see it. They're better off dead as long they're not alive in a world where Uwe Boll is free to create movies. It dosen't matter if it dosen't come out until 2007. This will give you plenty of time to get the word out about how shitty this movie is. The day this movie comes out, sometime in 2007, lock and barricade your doors, board up your windows, pray to whatever god you believe in(or science if your atheist), load up a 12-guage and prepare yourselves as best as you can.

Postal: The movie will truly be nothing short of judgment day for us.

KermitTheMuppet
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:22 PM Reply

Anything made by Uwe Boll shouldn't be watched...

Doom-Fan
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BatDan
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:23 PM Reply

Two words... Uwe Boll.

I think that's enough to keep 99% of Newgrounds away from the movie.

I read about it on SomethingAwful. It has lines like "I'll crash planes into your mother"

HAcoreRD
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:23 PM Reply

i'll wait for Postal 2.


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Hierophant
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:24 PM Reply

THIS IS A MENTAL HOUSE

This isn't meant to last.

This is for right now.


I GOT BLOOD ON MY HANDS AND THERE'S NO REMORSE I GOT BLOOD ON MY DICK CUZ I FUCKED A CORPSE

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4Doctodragon
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:24 PM Reply

sounds like it would suck...


Thug lyfe~~

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BatDan
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:28 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:21 PM, Fat-and-Proud wrote: (2) possibly help spawn *gulp* a 5TH Uwe Boll movie due to its "popularity". God help us all if that happens.

Before this, he's making a Dungeon Siege movie, and after a Far Cry movie. I also think he's making a Hunter the Reckoning movie as well and an original movie called Spore which he said will use NO lighting whatsoever... bullshit move Boll.

Konstanza
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:30 PM Reply

But...It's gonna have Lowtax getting his ass kicked.

ZeroAsALimit
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:30 PM Reply

Yous best watch your step, else Uwe will challenge you to a fight, for hurting his e-feelings!


Sic semper amicitia!!!
Ambient Music Club.
Sig by Illicit, thankies ^_^

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Gendo
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:32 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:24 PM, Hierophant wrote: This isn't meant to last.

This is for right now.

Trent? Is that you, Trent?

LOL Nine Inch Nails
BatDan
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HOLY-FUCKING-SHIT
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:33 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:22 PM, Albert-Ice wrote: Everything made by Uwe Boll should be watched...

Fixed.


I hope everybody had a real, real good time.

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EclecticEnnui
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:49 PM Reply

Fuck you, man! Uwe Boll is fucking awesome! The day that movie opens, I'm gonna break down your little barrier and force you at gunpoint to watch it, you fatass! Maybe I'll shove some McDonald's hamburgers down your throat as you lose part of your day! According to Boll, violence and bigotry is cool! >:)

DasChimp
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:53 PM Reply

Can we please kill uwe boll? PLEASE!?


Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

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EclecticEnnui
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 09:57 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:53 PM, DasChimp wrote: Can we please kill uwe boll? PLEASE!?

No, you have to watch his movies!

Orcinator
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:00 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:21 PM, Fat-and-Proud wrote:

3. Uwe Boll is directing it. For those of you that don't know him, he's the genius who directed the House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne movies (three of the worst movies ever). The man is pretty much the evil twin of Peter Jackson (and not in a good way).

Thats the only thing you had to write


.

Reyals
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:04 PM Reply

I might rent it though.

There are always the errands like getting the milk and stufff, that could make for a quirky plot.

But Uwe Boll...


A Bedtime Tale | 1 | 2 | 3 |

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Orcinator
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:05 PM Reply

Can anybody please explain why people are letting him butcher their games?


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CousinIt
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:07 PM Reply

Uwe Boll has already got more than 5 movies in production,including Far Cry,and a Postal movie.

CousinIt
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:10 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 10:07 PM, CousinIt wrote: Uwe Boll has already got more than 5 movies in production,including Far Cry,and a Postal movie.

shit,I didnt mean to say Postal....thats what the whole fuckin topic is about,I meant dungeon seige.

GreenCard
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:11 PM Reply

As long as he puts in cat rectum silencers i'll be fine with it.


ERROR - you must enter at least one search term longer than characters.

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ZeroAsALimit
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:12 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 10:05 PM, Orcinator wrote: Can anybody please explain why people are letting him butcher their games?

£$円£$円£$円£$円£$&#2 0870;£$円£$円£$円£$円 £$円


Sic semper amicitia!!!
Ambient Music Club.
Sig by Illicit, thankies ^_^

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MadCow
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:20 PM Reply

From Yahoo:
A trailer park guy, uninterested in his life and trying to get through his days, decides that everyone is out to get him so he goes on a shooting spree.

Wow, would they really make something that stupid?
Although- eh, I don't know man, Uwe Boll, it also says it stars Gary Coleman for some reason, don't know if that's true, but damn this sounds stupid as fuck.


REAL TALK: you better go get a glass of orange juice & spill it all over yourself likea big dumb baby before i tear through your hymen like a dog tears through a piece of meat

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Orcinator
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:27 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 10:20 PM, MadCow wrote: From Yahoo:
A trailer park guy, uninterested in his life and trying to get through his days, decides that everyone is out to get him so he goes on a shooting spree.

Wow, would they really make something that stupid?
Although- eh, I don't know man, Uwe Boll, it also says it stars Gary Coleman for some reason, don't know if that's true, but damn this sounds stupid as fuck.

well Gary Coleman actually had a cameo in Postal 2
Also I have no idea why somebody would make a movie even though the game was crap
well I guess thats good ol Boll


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Crue
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:38 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:21 PM, Fat-and-Proud wrote: Uwe Boll is directing it.

All you needed to do was post that sentence, it in itself, is enough to make you put a gun to your head.


Better Days | "If you don't stand behind our troops, please feel free to stand in front of them." | The Hookah Lounge | Merry Christmas Cocksmokers! |

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CreampieSuprise
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 14th, 2006 @ 10:39 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:22 PM, Albert-Ice wrote: Anything made by Uwe Boll shouldn't be watched...

The thread should have ended there because this is the truest comment ever made.


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Fat-and-Proud
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 15th, 2006 @ 03:13 PM Reply

At 12/14/06 09:57 PM, EclecticEnnui wrote:
At 12/14/06 09:53 PM, DasChimp wrote: Can we please kill uwe boll? PLEASE!?
No, you have to watch his movies!

How much did Boll pay you to say that? Because I know that only Uwe Boll himself wound say that.

BananaBreadMuffin
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 15th, 2006 @ 03:19 PM Reply

All game -> movie conversions suck, regardless of directors.

Except mario.

Semiurge
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Response to Postal: The movie Dec. 15th, 2006 @ 03:27 PM Reply

As long as there is anthrax cowhead, I will watch it.