Now, I know that some of you already know of this movie, rumored to come out in 2007. But, for those of you who don't know, this is completely true. Now, I know that there are some of you who believe that this movie might kick ass, being that the game was fun as hell. Let me tell you something: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE.
Many of you may ask, "How can you automatically assume that this film will be horrible?" Well, let's look at what this movie is really made of:
1. The plot line is still the protagonist going on a random killing spree. Seriously, how can make a movie about that?
2. The character names are, when you think about it, just plain stupid or just don't belong in this movie for the sake of saving it from stupidity (names like Mohammed, Dude, Osama Bin Ladin, etc.).
3. Uwe Boll is directing it. For those of you that don't know him, he's the genius who directed the House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne movies (three of the worst movies ever). The man is pretty much the evil twin of Peter Jackson (and not in a good way).
4. Verne Troyer (Mini-Me himself) is playing a role in it. No offense towards Mr. Troyer(Seriously, I love the guy), but he pretty much made one of the dumbest movie decisions of his life. Just take a moment to think what this movie would be like with Verne in it and you'll agree with me.
5. Worst of all, this movie is bound to be so offensive, that dumbasses across America will think that this movie is so controversial, it must be good. Hey dipshits, controversy isn't always necessarily good. Plus, because so many people loved the game(like me), that only helps the movie gain even more popularity. And even worse, because so many people will see this movie, it will (1) stay in theaters for longer than it deserves (not that it deserves to be in there at all), and (2) possibly help spawn *gulp* a 5TH Uwe Boll movie due to its "popularity". God help us all if that happens.
So, simply put, avoid this movie at all costs. Don't see it just to say that you saw it. Don't see it because you believe it's impossible Uwe Boll can create four shitty movies in a row. Don't even see it if someone threatens to kill your family if you don't see it. They're better off dead as long they're not alive in a world where Uwe Boll is free to create movies. It dosen't matter if it dosen't come out until 2007. This will give you plenty of time to get the word out about how shitty this movie is. The day this movie comes out, sometime in 2007, lock and barricade your doors, board up your windows, pray to whatever god you believe in(or science if your atheist), load up a 12-guage and prepare yourselves as best as you can.
Postal: The movie will truly be nothing short of judgment day for us.
