Sex Ed.

[BullRat]

I know this topic is rather close to my last one, but now that I'm thinking about children, I figured I'd raise another question...

There are quit a number of parents who never really discuss "the birds & the bees" with their offspring, and then you have these naive pre-teens running around trying out something that they have no idea what it is, just because their parents never taught them anything (hey, that's what happened in my case, and I'll be damned if I let it happen to my children).

So here's my question: How young is too young to be teaching our children about sex and puberty? I know that there is a program they often teach in schools, but shouldn't the parents be the one's who first introduce the first few lessons to the kids? What are the pros and cons (because I know there are many of each), and is TV and music too suggestive for our little viewera/listeners, or is America just slowly desensitizing it's media and society?

[mysecondstar]

i'd have to say i'll teach them when they hit puberty. i think that's the most appropriate time to do it instead of reaching out too much too late like my dad has (i'm 21, i've had sex, i don't have a girlfriend anymore, but my last one i've had for 3 years, and it's just creepy talking about sex with him right now).

[TheloniousMONK]

I think the best time is when the child first discovers it. Giving them 'the talk' before they really know what it is or have seen it like on TV could leave them perplexed or afraid of it. However, leaving them exposed to it without giving them the talk could be just as damaging. But certainly, if they have not had the talk by the time they are into puberty, then they really do need it. A simple explaination of what it is will certainly not suffice. A more thorough talk of the importance of the relationship aspect of it, and not just what they see on TV or on the internet, should be done. It would probably do wonders on stopping a lot of teen pregnancies.

Parents should also know that by the time the child is ten, he or she will have seen at least something of the sexual nature. Whether it is the parents, the TV, or the computer, they will have been exposed to it and probably formed their own mixed feelings about it. So, it does not do any good to wait when they have already found out about it this early.

[OlenWhitaker]

I think that if you create and environment of open communication where asking questions is encouraged, your children will come to you when the time is right and just ask it straight. If that doesn't happen, somewhere aroung twelve is probably about right. Of course, it depends on the child, but it shouldn't be later than fourteen and probably not earlier than ten.

My parents never had "the talk" with me. I just heard about it on my own and around eleven I found a book my parents had bought about how to talk to your kids about sex. I just read the book myself and spared them the hassle. ;)

[JMHX]

I enver had 'the talk', but had the junk shoved so deep into my head by the schools that were preaching sex and abstinence at the same time. I just experimented with both until I got bored with it.

[mysecondstar]

At 3/21/03 08:59 AM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote: I enver had 'the talk', but had the junk shoved so deep into my head by the schools that were preaching sex and abstinence at the same time. I just experimented with both until I got bored with it.

funny how it works that way... you know, being abstinent and hjaving sex at the same time. it's all good.

[fourdaddy]

i received the talk, about 6 months after the first time i had sex. i told them i really didnt want to hear it because, like judgemeharshx, i had to put up with it at scool forever. even worse is the fact that my parents are divorced and attempted to give me the talk seperately at different times! even worse, i think, is when my dad tried to explain to me why women get grumpy every month......that was only a couple months ago, did he seriously think i made it through high school without learning about PMS?

i think there are a lot of others out there like me who have parents who are very naive to just how intelligent their children are. i guess they try their best

[Freakapotimus]

I'd never had "the talk" with my parents either, but then they never answered my questions properly when I asked. I think that when a kid asks a question about sex, sexuality, body, etc, it should be answered honestly and at a level the kid can understand. If a 3 year old asks me about gay men, I'm not going to tell details of fellatio and anal sex, but I might if a 12 year old asks.

My mother keeps saying that she should have "the talk" with my brother soon. He's 11, and I think he should have have something by now. I remember how much I knew when I was 11, and most of it was wrong information from other students my age. When my brother asks me something, I tell him, like when he had a conversation about why my mom was right not to buy him GTA:VC. All she said was no, he's too young. I actually told him about the shootings, the drugs, and the sex.

[mysecondstar]

i sometimes wish that parents would be more forthcoming about the issue of sex. it's a fact of life. and if you don't tell them, someone else will. and i'm more than certain that parents would much rather tell their children about sex than having MTV or anyone else telling them about it. it makes for a more well-rounded person if you know what's going on.

i have a friend that is probably the most prude person i've ever met. she knows absolutely nothing and, it seems, has no interest in knowing anything about it. in fact, i can't say "sex" without her getting a little squimish. not only that, if a make a joke with a sexual connotation, she won't know what the hell i'm even saying without me spelling it out for her. she's 20 years old. at that point, it isn't being naive, it's being ignorant. and to think, she's my best friend's girlfriend. and he's the most smutty person i've ever known. so she has almost no excuse.

[David-Green]

my mom was an ex hippie so i learned anout sex early on.

[bumcheekcity]

i think you have to judge the time for yourself, there should be no set age

[Vor]

Yes, you're right.

Everyone should sex Ed. Mwuahaha.

-Ed

[House-Of-Leaves]

It's honestly impossible to give a blanket assumption about when a child is ready to hear that stuff. Every child grows and learns at different speeds. Some are slower or not interested, others are precocious and listen to everything...hear snippets...and ask questions.

It's changed all throughout time, if you think about it. Back in the day that girls got married and started having babies at 13. What about then? I'm sure not EVERY parent was shy about sex. That was mostly just social cover-up. It's fluctuated off and on, from the ability to be more open, to prudence.

Now? Parents are becoming a little obsolete in that area. How many 8 year olds are on NewGrounds? How many 8 year olds look at the fucking hentai movies that are submitted? How many of them click on the porn banners? And how many come into forums like this one and listen to the adults talk about penises and vaginas and breasts and all sorts of body parts? They learn on their own, and they learn in the wrong way.

I have a feeling that's why we have so many 8, 9, 10 year olds running around calling them 'tits' and 'pussies' and all that. They hear it on tv, the internet, everywhere...they don't know the real names for them, it seems.

Me? I was in first grade. I was too smart for my own good, and my teacher was pregnant. I asked my mom where babies come from, she told me. When a parent tells a child about sex, it doesn't have to be about the pleasure or the details. Just the basics at first. Don't dump a whole shitload of stuff on a kid all at once.

MY problem was, I went to school, and raised my hand, and announced VERY LOUDLY that babies come from THE VAGINA!

*snicker* Never saw a teacher turn so red.

[DamionDarkheart]

ive never heard anything so true. my little brother is on newgrounds all the time and i regularly catch him on some of the dating sim and dress up games and it creeps me out...what scares me more is that my mother knows about this yet refuses to sit down with him and giv e him the talk...so a good time to sit down and talk would be when they start saying things like puss, dick and shit like that

[House-Of-Leaves]

At 3/21/03 03:07 PM, DamionDarkheart wrote: ive never heard anything so true. my little brother is on newgrounds all the time and i regularly catch him on some of the dating sim and dress up games and it creeps me out...what scares me more is that my mother knows about this yet refuses to sit down with him and giv e him the talk...so a good time to sit down and talk would be when they start saying things like puss, dick and shit like that

I'm gonna assume by your name that your a guy. :)

Have you thought that maybe YOU could have that talk with him? He might be a little more open to talk to 'big bro' about stuff like that, rather than his mom. You know how boys look up to their older brothers? He might just appreciate it. :)

Honestly, you should think about it. Tell your mom you're going to do it, and sit him down, ask him what he knows, what he's curious about, and let him have it. Depending on how old he is, don't go TOO much into it, but explaining puberty might be nice. And sex, in the simplest terms.

Maybe instilling some sort of respect for it. I don't know. But it might be better than waiting for your mother to do it, if she's reluctant even after she's seen him on the sims and stuff.

There's also books out there. Good books. I'm sure, if he's played the right sims, that he's seen graphic stuff with the...y'know. Genetalia. But puberty is a rough thing for a lot of kids to go through. I can't tell you how many kids I hear around this city, AND online, that are in the midst of an awful puberty, and think it's clinical depression. Seriously. It's...frustrating.

Good luck! *lol*

[DamionDarkheart]

believe me ive tried but i just dont kno how to say start...thats why im never having kids

[mysecondstar]

At 3/21/03 07:52 PM, DamionDarkheart wrote: believe me ive tried but i just dont kno how to say start...thats why im never having kids

you do realize that you are a bit young to be jumping to conclusions like that.

[NJDeadzone]

At 3/21/03 02:44 AM, kittie_cross wrote: So here's my question: How young is too young to be teaching our children about sex and puberty?

if the child honestly wants to understand, he/she should be allowed to learn something or anything about that subject at the judgement of the parents. I learned about them when i was 10, i thought it was weird and goofy and never thought about it again until the hormones came in. The truth is that most children and pre-teens don't even consider intercourse, and as the popular trend is emerging, oral sex is on the rise as a quasi-abstinence.

[TheShrike]

Lemme see...

3rd grade... So if I'm class of 99...
My parents never talked to me about it, but I think reading a couple of issues of Playboy did the trick.

So I was about 9 when I found out about the birds and the bees on my own. Didn't have sex until High School, but I understood where the babies were coming from, and the actual mechanics of the whole thing. I think my dad once tried to tell me, and I said to him... it's a little late for this. It's just awkward when parents try and describe things in simple terms when you already understand. OlenWhitaker said that fostering an environment where communication is open and encouraged would help, but I think my parents did their best to do this, and I got most of my information from other sources before they offered it. Sometimes the information I got was unsolicited (friends), sometimes it wasn't (library/tv/Playboys under dad's bed).
But I honestly think that children aren't given enough credit for their intelligence, and rather than let those who are completely naive make grave mistakes, parents have a responsibility to explain sex at an earlier age. Sex isn't too much for the mind of a 9-yr old to handle (although some may find the idea gross at that age), and freely offering the information just before puberty might make a big difference in things like teenage pregnancies and the spread of STDs.
Freakapotimus said she wouldn't explain what gays do in private to a 3 yr old, but a 12 yr old would get the info. I think the whole 9 yards(full monty?) should be offered just before puberty.