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Big Wet Smelly Cooters!

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wwwyzzerdd
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Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 03:06 AM Reply

Oh yeah, that's right. It's already that time of year where all the folk gather 'round and head on into town to look for genuine bonafide grade-a cooter. And trust me, it ain't hard 'round these parts to find you some cooter.

As seen on The Daily Show, the local town of Inverness Florida is gearing up for this years Cooter Festival. Let me explain it to you though; "cooter" isn't exactly what you want it to be, but rather the nickname of the local turtles native to this part of Florida. Seems weird, right? Well, I guess a lot needs to be explained about the.... ummmmm...... "civially challenged" people from these backwoods areas, and why you may find them to be a bit strange.

1) They close the city down in celebration of turtles that they nickname "cooters."
2) They have a banjo and harmonica playing in the background on their site.

Of course, the fine folk of Central Florida; located in the Southern United States, explain the history of this holiday here..... Using animals as the characters in their story. Basically, the turtle symbolizes how even something small can be so courageous and friendly, even when faced with adversity (which I assume will be such a stressed topic with all the people around here who whine about 9/11).

Basically, the Cooter Festival is a bunch of events, like a police fun-run (different from a police chase in places like Los Angeles). If you can beat sheriff Jeff Dawsy (who obviously is in peak shape), you win some sort of prize. There's also Cooter & The Nite Riders; an evening bike ride that could also be mistaken for a 1980's porno featuring David Hasselhoff.

There's also Cooterween, which is basically Halloween, but I assume it's turtle-based, and also isn't such an evil pagan practice that will doom your soul to eternal damnation. But best of all, The Great American Cooter Blast; which I believe is the hidden finishing move for the character Tina in Dead Or Alive 4.

I was hoping to be more involved in the festivities this year. I was thinking of being a vendor for the week. Who knows how much money I'd make selling t-shirts with the clear message "I <3 Cooter" on them? I'm also a great chef, and could whip up some fantastic pink tacos. I could also sponsor river rafting tours in Oregon; who wouldn't want a Wet Beaver Ride? There's even fun for the kids with many games, like Pandora's X-Box, or Pin The Tail On The Beaten Horse.

I figure I could lend a hand with the photography this year. Although I doubt that any picture I take with a Sony digital could look as high-res as last year's, which were obvously taken from a camera-phone.

So if you find yourself lost on your way to Orlando or Tampa Bay this fall, stop on by Inverness for some great cooter. And also remember this great advice; LIVE IN A FUCKING CITY! FAR AWAY FROM REDNECKS!

Big Wet Smelly Cooters!


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Frank
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 03:07 AM Reply

I remember that from last year.

:D

wwwyzzerdd
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 03:17 AM Reply

At 10/6/06 03:07 AM, Frank wrote: I remember that from last year.
D

Don't take my word for it, even college girls enjoy cooter.


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f0d
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 03:23 AM Reply

they just had a flashback segment on the daily show that included parts from the cooter story

best part:
"so should I wash my hands after handling a cooter?"
"yes you should, cooters can have all sorts of diseases"


tre

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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 03:25 AM Reply

At 10/6/06 03:23 AM, F00D wrote: they just had a flashback segment on the daily show that included parts from the cooter story

best part:
"so should I wash my hands after handling a cooter?"
"yes you should, cooters can have all sorts of diseases"

I laughed, I just couldn't resist; that's classic, sortof...

wwwyzzerdd
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 04:16 AM Reply

At 10/6/06 03:23 AM, F00D wrote: they just had a flashback segment on the daily show that included parts from the cooter story

I was trying to find a video of that segment, but can't find it to save my life.
When I first moved here and heard the name "Inverness," I thought, "It feels like I've heard of that town from the Daily Show or somewhere."


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wwwyzzerdd
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 03:48 AM Reply

...Hey, who else wants to see some cooters!?!


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wwwyzzerdd
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 04:00 AM Reply

At 10/7/06 03:52 AM, ConflictOfAngels wrote: She was in college? She looked kinda young... and sounded like a hillbillie. But then agian, it's florida, what can you expect?

I have no idea who she is, or where she's from. All I know is that she loves cooter.

I assumed "college" age because she has several friends in what appears to be a dorm. If not, OMFG LOLI!!!1


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Delitta
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 04:02 AM Reply

The minute I saw this, I remembered that N64 thread where the guy burnt this 15 year old girls cooter cause he microwaved butter for 8 minutes

wwwyzzerdd
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 04:11 AM Reply

At 10/7/06 04:02 AM, Delitta wrote: The minute I saw this, I remembered that N64 thread where the guy burnt this 15 year old girls cooter cause he microwaved butter for 8 minutes

Sounds delicious.


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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 05:57 AM Reply

At 10/6/06 03:06 AM, wwwyzzerdd wrote: LIVE IN A FUCKING CITY! FAR AWAY FROM REDNECKS!

Fuck.


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wwwyzzerdd
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 02:26 PM Reply

At 10/7/06 05:52 AM, MadMax wrote: lol, I've heard about the Cooter festival from the Daily Show. It had a big controversy over the slang term for vagina and some wanted the festival to be cancelled and some other shit.

The funniest vagina-related story was The Pink Taco restaurant in Pheonix (I think Ed Helms did that story too).

Then there was the time they did the interview with a blubbering vagina; you know, Bill O'Reilly.


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kylexthexpostman
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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Oct. 7th, 2006 @ 02:29 PM Reply

At 10/6/06 03:07 AM, Frank wrote: I remember that from last year.

D

me too!

it was liek one o fhis first episodes!


Dude, STFU.
POOZY OWNS YOU! >:[

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Response to Big Wet Smelly Cooters! Dec. 18th, 2006 @ 07:54 AM Reply

Lol...