Oh fine. I'll record with my bad mic and ridiculous background noise.
I did two for the sake of doing two. This one and this one. I'm basically saying the same thing but made the breathing sounds in the second one less "saliva-y".
I also fucked up my first attempt and you can listen to that one too!
Now I await your apology. >:(
And if you're feeling really adventerous you can look at my Soundcloud profile to listen to me reading "Scrotie McBoogerBalls" as Arnnie, John Lennon, and the lead singer from Cannibal Corpse. The CC one was fucking hard and I completely broke my composure because of how ridiculous it was.