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I wish I wasn't such a spineless idiot.

I'm gunna go emo pretty quick here. Just a warning.

So there's this girl right? I've known her since our 7th grade pre-algebra class with Ms Davis. She sat in front of me, and we'd always have quick little convos before class. I was always a shy guy (I still am, believe it or not), so I never asked her out. I never met up with her outside of school either. I lived in the northernmost part of our district, she was southernmost. Up until 10th grade, neither of us could drive, and hitching rides with the folks were few and far between. After 7th grade, we'd talk in the halls, at the lockers, lunch... whatever. We'd have the deepest intellectual discussions you could expect from teenagers. This was throughout junior high and even that summer. Then when high school rolled around, we kinda drifted. A girl found me and made me hers. I was a lapdog. I only realized afterwards how shitty that relationship was. During that time, I gradually drifted from friends, especially the female ones. My gf would be jealous and suspicious of any opposite sex interaction, and at the time, I was more than obliged to fulfill her wishes. I had successfully cut out my junior high friend, among others. Not completely, but enough where we both knew what was going on. I regret that. Needless to say, my girlfriend and I broke up bitterly our sophomore year (after I'd found out she'd been cheating on me the whole time we were dating). After that, I've had severe issues with trusting people, especially girls. Except one, of course. And I asked her out, and failed miserably. It hurt. After the big break-up with my ex-, I didn't date. I didn't fool around. I just did my schoolwork, worked in the summer, and had minimal social interaction. The girl (7th grade math) who I'd had a great relationship with until I fucked it up, still talks and reminisces with me. Like tonight. And Monday of last week (yeah I know). Since high school, we've gone out to the movies a few times, lunch, breakfast, dinner. Nothing really serious, just friend stuff. Except somethings not right. It feels like there's something missing, or being withheld. And I'm not sure if it's strictly on my side or both sides. I'd come right out and ask, but there's another factor. She's had a boyfriend for almost two years now. One of my acquaintances actually. He's a good guy. I hate smoldering in this fucking funk. With college life continually stressing me out, family life adding salt to the wound, military life tempting me to go full-time 24/7, I don't know what to do. I want to succeed and do something productive with my life, but I've never had the esteem to do it for myself. This girl is the only person I still fully trust. Outside of my father of course, but that doesn't matter. She's always been at the top of my prayers when I go to bed at night, and I can't get her out of my mind. We still talk about how school's going, if either of us will go back to our hometowns this weekend......smalltalk. We've talked about our drifting away from eachother before, and we both recognize we had a good thing back then. But neither of us know how to get that back. I probably just need to move on (which I've told myself countless times over the years. I'd fucked it up in high school, and this was the price I'd have to pay), but I just can't. If I weren't such a spineless bastard, I wouldn't be in this situation. I don't sleep. And when it all boils down, I just don't know what the fuck to do. With anything.

I'm sorry for the rant. I thought this would be something I needed to do to sleep tonight. Thanks for listening, those who read.

At 5/11/05 04:42 AM, -LazyDrunk- wrote: I wish I wasn't such a spineless idiot.

Followed by lots of emo.

You're welcome lazy drunk, I took the time to read the whole thing and... I can't personally give you any advice in this sort of situation, even though I've been in it myself; where there's something missing with another person, but you don't quite know how to get it back. With me, it eventually ended up in me and her never speaking again and moving on, I've spent most of my time, like you, focusing on my studies, and working, and I have to say, it's helped me forget. It's natural to have trust issues after you have your trust broken by someone else, but it's a factor you have to get over, I'm not saying to go ahead and give anyone your trust, I'm just saying that the best way to trust someone again is to do it with caution, don't be paranoid about it expecting something to go wrong at any given moment, just don't be surprised when something does go wrong, because it almost always will. LIfe sucks, I know, but you'll persevere man, if my weak ass can make it through the night, I know you can.

At 5/11/05 01:47 AM, TheShrike wrote: I wonder if this will happen every time I get drunk.

lolwtf?

Weird ass topic.

LazyDrunk i know im not a "regular" (im fixing that in the near future tho ;) ) but i just had to give ya some advice.

dude i had a similar problem with a lady friend of mine, lets call her Jan (i'd like to respect her privacy). although i only knew this girl about a year, we had a very strong and undeniable connection.

ya see, im a shy guy too. i was working at a Sonic fast food joint,Jan came into my world by starting work there, and shook everything up. we hung out all the time. talked nonstop, went to each other for advice, spent evenings in the same bed as friends, just sleeping. we made plans about everything together, we were great friends! she usually had a boyfriend, and they all treated her like total shit. and i was single the entire time, and knew i had feelings of something deep for her. its very hard to explain but we just had a real, strong connection since the day she started.

now, heres the point

i had asked her out one night, and she said no. i was ok with it at first, but that soon turned into depression. we wanted to be friends, even thru all this, but i was too imature to handle it. i thought the whole thing was over and just a waste of time, cause i was certain i knew what i was feeling. i thought i was in love. but i wasnt, i just Love her. but my problem is i ran her off with it. i made little comments, little joking insults, basically i was really immature, and wasnt ready to deal with someone as wonderful as her. i havent talked to he for 2 years now and i still think of her on a daily basis and want things to be back the way they were. i want her in my life, but that will probably never happen. I have lost her, and I feel wretched for what i have done.

what im saying is, at least you two are talking, and want to actively pursue a friendship. you are in eachothers lives, and as longa s that is the case, things will work out the way they are meant to. enjoy her company as much as you can.
hold off on any romantic vibes for now, and just be friends till things become more clear and her having a boyfriend wont make things awkward in the possible relationship area.

you havent blown it until you have blown the friendship. i say you and her hang out more, i know that life can get in the way, but, have fun with her whenever you get the chance.

and about that chick cheatin on you, dont worry about it bro. i know that its 2 years down the drain in a crappy onesied relationship that could have been spent in a meaningful one, but that is no reason to condem all women.
When women are young, a lot of them can get really obsessed with sex, and the knowledge that they can control men by pretty much any means. as such a lot of women do things they are not proud of when they are young, dating, and on a hormonal powertrip. most grow out of it, eventually, but some dont. i daresay youre not safe from a woman like that until 25 maybe even 30 or so, and im only 21. this is all what i have seen and been told to by women so all you ladies dont think im bashing or anything. men do the same thing too, so its not just a woman thing.

i hope my mistakes and advice help you two in some way.
rejoice, sir, at least you two are still friends.

At 5/11/05 04:42 AM, -LazyDrunk- wrote:

I'm sorry for the rant. I thought this would be something I needed to do to sleep tonight. Thanks for listening, those who read.

Blah, no big, giant rants are expected when you walk into the political forum. I dealt with a somewhat similar problem, but I'm afraid I couldn't offer any advice that would be that great. Anyways, good luck with the entire situation.

OMFG I hate accounting -.- guess why I'm up this late? I dare you.

At 5/11/05 05:37 AM, EnragedSephiroth wrote: I dare you.

English homework. It can't be much else.

Thanks ES, cheese and funky. It helps looking at it from another's POV, especially when it's a new day. Thanks again.

At 5/11/05 04:42 AM, -LazyDrunk- wrote: I wish I wasn't such a spineless idiot.

(Insert ranting here).

This is the place to rant, dont feel bad for doing it, lol. But yeah, I know how you feel. My high school was full of preppy retards and freaks. No privacy, and I was the odd man out usually. Not a happy four years. I was bummed about it until I got some advice from my mechanic (I'm a car guy, good mechnanics are like our sages). He simply said, and I quote "high school is always full of this drama, you are done with it now, so fuck them all." He was absolutely right, I never have to see any of these assholes ever again, and college is great! I'm still a bit of a loner, but thats ok.

Look, I know it kind of sucks, and I know you dont deserve it, no one really does. Just got to remember, you are a person, not a walking punching bag. People who act like you are the latter are not even worth your time.

I dear say Lazy, do the full-time army work.. They give you free boots.. 2 pairs. But since your American they'll probably send you out to some crazy place. In Canada, we do things right. Behind the scenes so to speak. Afghani-Congo pishaa!

Man, getting banned in Newgrounds Sim was a lot more fun than getting banned in real life. Oh well, it was an experience. Thanks.

Lazy, the best advice I can give you isn't really advice, but an observation.

Only once or twice in our lives do we find a kindred spirit. Some people have the audacity to call them 'soulmates' and it's a little insulting. But I digress. These people will stay a part of your life through the most monumental changes in life, and you'll come out on the other side as if nothing happened. Then, when the time is right, you'll either splinter off in wholly different direction like ice floes in such a large lake; or you will be bound together in a way that few people have the pleasure of knowing.

Whether you two ever become romantically involved is a little beside the point, although that is the ultimate and last tier in true friendship. What needs to happen first, is that you prepare your house. (By house, I mean life.) Clear out the old, musty rooms and do any repairs needed. Get it in order. If you're feeling the call of the military, by all means, have that experience. It's a great learning tool, and totally unique to any civilian banality. Get done with school, and set yourself on a path.

Through it all, at the very least, maintain this gentle, sweet friendship you've known all this time. There should be no rush for what is already perfect, yet is still growing.

And that's quite enough sentimentality for one afternoon. ;P But seriously, I hope you take what I've said to heart, and it helps you a bit.

Wow, Maus made my advice look like crap :(, lol.

OMG I have internet at home again!!! I'll be online all night, neglecting my husband.

At 5/11/05 12:45 AM, Maus wrote: I had some of the same observations. It was easier for me to photoshop together my list of movies, than type them all out.

One of your movie titles reminded me of this photoshop I did way back in the day LOL

Hey Shrike, looks like someone made a club that is perfect for you. =)

At 5/11/05 02:32 PM, Freakapotimus wrote: OMG I have internet at home again!!! I'll be online all night, neglecting my husband.

There are better men to spend your night with anyway

At 5/11/05 01:08 PM, Maus wrote: I hope you take what I've said to heart, and it helps you a bit.

I think that does help me quite a bit. Thank ya kindly for the reassurance and guidance.

At 5/11/05 03:32 PM, stafffighter wrote:

At 5/11/05 02:32 PM, Freakapotimus wrote: OMG I have internet at home again!!! I'll be online all night, neglecting my husband.

There are better men to spend your night with anyway

and women. and transgenders.

newgrounds is like a million times better then some fucking husband.

btw, freak, why doesnt your husband ever post?

At 5/11/05 03:52 PM, MALforPresident wrote: btw, freak, why doesnt your husband ever post?

His last post was March 4, 2003 in this topic here on Politics. Figure out which account is his, and I'll send you a cookie.

At 5/11/05 03:52 PM, MALforPresident wrote: newgrounds is like a million times better then some fucking husband.

That would be interesting. My wife is cheating on me with a website. Wonder if you can divore for that?

At 5/11/05 04:14 PM, Freakapotimus wrote:

At 5/11/05 03:52 PM, MALforPresident wrote: btw, freak, why doesnt your husband ever post?

His last post was March 4, 2003 in this topic here on Politics. Figure out which account is his, and I'll send you a cookie.

My first instinct would be JMHX, but Im gonna guess Labanzab?

http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/10/03/gallup.poll/ is that it?

At 5/11/05 04:51 PM, JusticeofSarcasm wrote: Im gonna guess Labanzab?

Chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin?

At 5/11/05 04:55 PM, Freakapotimus wrote:

At 5/11/05 04:51 PM, JusticeofSarcasm wrote: Im gonna guess Labanzab?

Chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin?

At 5/11/05 04:51 PM, JusticeofSarcasm wrote: Im gonna guess Labanzab?

Ditto.

Dammit! NG lagged and I had to restart IE..... I hope Tim gets this fixed soon.

At 5/11/05 04:55 PM, Freakapotimus wrote:

At 5/11/05 04:51 PM, JusticeofSarcasm wrote: Im gonna guess Labanzab?

Chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin?

lol, the funny this is as soon as I saw the name Labanzab I thought to myself, "that's probably Freak's hubby." Why? I have no clue. Maybe I'm psychic O.o

At 5/11/05 04:55 PM, Freakapotimus wrote:

At 5/11/05 04:51 PM, JusticeofSarcasm wrote: Im gonna guess Labanzab?

Chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin?

Chocolate chip of course.

I got a job today... not at Sam Ash though. I'm thrilled none the less, because this means my parents will stop breathing down my neck about it. I am now going to be working about 27 hours a week as a Deli Clerk. I start tomorrow. WOOHOO!!!

At 5/11/05 06:47 PM, Proteas wrote: I got a job today... not at Sam Ash though. I'm thrilled none the less, because this means my parents will stop breathing down my neck about it. I am now going to be working about 27 hours a week as a Deli Clerk. I start tomorrow. WOOHOO!!!

Congrats, so are you going to be making some decent wages or are you just glad to have a job?

At 5/11/05 06:47 PM, Proteas wrote: I got a job today... not at Sam Ash though. I'm thrilled none the less, because this means my parents will stop breathing down my neck about it. I am now going to be working about 27 hours a week as a Deli Clerk. I start tomorrow. WOOHOO!!!

That sounds like it owns. I envy you.

At 5/11/05 06:47 PM, Proteas wrote: I got a job today... not at Sam Ash though. I'm thrilled none the less, because this means my parents will stop breathing down my neck about it. I am now going to be working about 27 hours a week as a Deli Clerk. I start tomorrow. WOOHOO!!!

All right. Nothing worse than your parents asking you about it every damn day. And if you work at a Deli, you get free/cheap food. Very niceB-)