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There once was a man from Venus.
With a rocketship for a penis.
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The phone is ringing and I cannot linger.
So look out butt, here comes my finger.

I wrote this ages ago... haven't wrote any poetry in a long time but it's pretty meaningless. I dunno. It's called "Chess and Money":

The two men were compiled primarily of Chess, and money.
One, of course, was completely undesirable.
The other was not for sale.
I don't judge him because he is pale,
Nor because he is just a male. Just a male? Just some mail.

The good news is on its way, but what good is knowing you are going to Hell?

Sticky Cheetos drawings and false bank cheques galore.
The table littered with lies, as the two men bicker some more.
Now it is an argue over the latest mistake in investment portfolio.
The eyes: firing wishful horrors at the other mans returning glare.
Fire, disease, lead... all carriers of Death's Will.

William and Frederick. The two men. The nice hens, down by the lake.
They visit often, to see how well they drown.

by Direz, October 1st, 2004

Hookers: A poem

why do i like hookers
let me count the reasons
because they will have sex with you
and then you don't have to look at them the next day,
especially if you tried something a little freaky
and you are ashamed that you made a little poop
while you were fornicating, and it's still in the bed
when you wake up just staring at you,
as if to say "I'm your sex poop"

A poem about cats

cats will lick their butts all day
enjoying every tiny peppered morsel
their raspy tounges alive with the flavor of poop
then they lick their legs backs and paws
and rub their paws on their faces
cats are supposed to be clean animals
so it's okay to have sex with them

A poem about Gold Bond®

you know
i heard some people
put that shit on their balls
probably night workers
with sweaty balls no doubt
i solute those sick fucks
enjoy that stingy ball flour
baste those nuts in poison roasting baste
so they won't stick to the pan
when you bake em
Gold Bond ®

once upon a time
there was a guy named lime
he hated his name
he pointed the blame
to his lesbian aunts fathers daughter

It’s finally show 25!

Ugly from The Twitch
The Waydown from Modest Mouse
Hip Hop High from Chance
Say What you Will from Chance
Proper Precautions for a fake Suicide from A Step Behind
First Dibs on Last Chances from A Step Behind

BEHOLD, THE 8 YEARS OLD KID ANTHEM!!!!

[ NOTE: Not a poem.. a rap song.. and it sucks on purpose ;) ]

I used to lie
and maybe say hi,
but now im too cool,
and i dont go 2 school,
would you all pay attention?
cuz today i got detention..

i'm an awesome kid,
i'm too hardcore to read,
i play counter strike,
there was never a girl that i like,
i'm too cool for anyone else,
so i stay in my room and touch my ass,

i used to touch my girl friend's penis,
but ive turned into a genious,
i had sex thousands of times
i put my cock.. in their EYES
im mature now like you all,
so love me guys... LETS ROLL!

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Sugar is sweet.
And your girlfriend hates you.

At 9/6/06 07:51 AM, Bjoerg wrote: There once was a man from Venus.
With a rocketship for a penis.
------------------------------------------
-------------
The phone is ringing and I cannot linger.
So look out butt, here comes my finger.

haha that was like the greatest episode of B&B ever

heres mine (I wrote it a while ago, prolly the only one some what fit for NG)

poor panda bear

im about to make a funny and you better laugh
or i'll knock you out and chop off your calves
there was a panda named mike, who wanted some food
hes the walking the planes of jaboodi, and mike saw a dude
he said "dude! im hungry, won't you feed me"
dude said "no, my food is going to dee"
mike said "who is this dee, that you speak of"
dude said "he's a chipmonk who lives up above"
mike said "wait dee's dead? but im still alive!"
but dude just looked on and said his goodbye
now later that day mike wound up dead
poor panda, all he wanted was to get fed

stupid...a little bit but it could be worse :P

Roses are red
Violets are beatifull
Why arent You

Heard that from a chavette...Along...time ago