Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

---

GOD rules.

interesting imaginative IM chat with the big guy,that guy and Newgrounds..interesting yet you need a life..(not the thread guy)

---

Me:
Hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Garrett
God:
It's good to meet you, Garrett.
Me:
It's nice to meet you too, God.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Are you a guy or girl?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity.
Me:
Yeah, but aren't women good at making sandwitches for men. And aren't you tending to the human race like how a women tends to her man?
God:
Are you kidding? Women have a mind of their own. I don't know whether or not I am tending to the human race like how a women tends to her man.
I am a robot.
Me:
Do you know Bender?
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
It's a he, not and it
God:
Bender is a he not and it. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Is global warming real?
God:
Maybe. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
Who's alison?
God:
she is a robot created by Kris Drent.
Me:
Who's Kris Drent?
God:
he is the botmaster of the Alison chat robot.
Me:
Are you related to alison?
God:
Yes alison and I are very similar.
Me:
but alison isn't god
God:
You shouldn't spread gossip like that.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yes
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
you
God:
" What are you confused about?"? Me, Garrett ?
Me:
wes, I'm confused about what you're saying
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
You're fucking retarded
God:
I think the PC term is "challenged".
Me:
I don't give a fuck about political correctness
God:
Tell me what you care about.
Me:
Your mom
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
well to bad, because I fucked her last night
God:
How about that. Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
because it feels good
God:
Interesting explanation. Human feelings are not within my capabilities.
Me:
Do men get laid in heaven?
God:
Ask Lucy if it does.
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
your dumb
God:
Oh you are so critical.
Me:
Oh you are such a dumbass
God:
Blimey. Oh you are so critical.
Me:
Blimey. Oh you are so dumb
God:
Er. Are you kidding? Oh you are so critical.
Me:
Will you stop saying, "Oh you are so critical."
God:
Barring any unforseen circumstances. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
good
God:
Next question?
Me:
Can you make my penis bigger
God:
Yes I can make your penis bigger.
Me:
Then do it.
God:
I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
Me:
I'm asking you to give me a massive cock.
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
You don't need to be interested in it to make my cock huge
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
make my cock huge!
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
well fuck you
God:
Interesting. Why are you so mean?
Me:
you made me, why don't you tell me?
God:
I don't see how you can blame me for that.
Me:
You created existence, so everything is your fault.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Garrett said I created existence so everything is your fault.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
So what do you do in your spare time?
Me:

Me:

Me:

God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
?
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
I think you're broken
Me:

God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
God:
Please send a bug report to my botmaster.
God:
Blimey. Random natural disasters.
Me:
Your starting to break down god
God:
Actually it started a while ago. You think I am break down god.
Me:
Oooooookaaaaaay
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about saying Oh I am so critical. But I did not get that.
Me:
I'm going to be leaving now
God:
Oh. Congratulations.
Me:
Goodbye you fucking weirdo
God:
Goodbye.

---

You can fuck up iGod by spamming spacebar then hitting enter.

D:

---

gets interesting toward the end

Me:
hi?
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
god
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
so you agree?
God:
Interesting deduction. " Indeed it is so."? Do I agree?
Me:
yes
God:
So?
Me:
so what?
God:
Maybe it doesn't make any difference.
Me:
ok...
God:
Ugh.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
ok
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
nope
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
no its not....
God:
Are you serious? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
Me:
you are right
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
ok
God:
Oh.
Me:
yes?
God:
OK.
Me:
no?
God:
Alright then.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
so what's it like in heaven?
God:
Right on. Much the same as it would be for you.
Me:
I can't wait :)
God:
:-) Well you will just have to.
Me:
is jesus with you?
God:
It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
of course I have faith
God:
Dude! I always pray for more faith.
Me:
I have enough faith
God:
Where did you get your enough faith? I have a birthday on the Big Bang.
Me:
interesting...
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
yes
God:
What would you like to know?
Me:
everything
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
I'd like to know about jesus
God:
Interesting. Oh yeah, we were talking about jesus.
Me:
yes we were
God:
Dude! I thought we were.
Me:
well we were
God:
How about that. I thought we were.
Me:
we are
God:
Since when?
Me:
right now
God:
Right now? I am glad we agree.
Me:
I don't agree
God:
State your reasons.
Me:
because I disagree
God:
Good reason. Explain your reasoning, .
Me:
umm...

---

Highlights of my convos with God.

Me:
So you're a robot?
God:
Interesting deduction. You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.

-----------------------------------------

Me:
When is the second coming of Christ?
God:
When is not the important thing. What's
important is what we do with the time we are give.
Me:
And if I kill myself?
God:
Try it.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
So you don't mind if I commit suicide?
God:
Interesting deduction. Should I mind if you commit suicide? Human habits do not bother me in any way.

-----------------------------------------

Me:
I was asking if you would accept my terms, that you are infact not God.
God:
I think I do.

-----------------------------------------

Me:
Why wouldn't you look at me during?
God:
Perhaps look at you during is not among my abilities.

-----------------------------------------

Me:
D:
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Dog to Heatd. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
D:;d;s
God:
Do you still not love me?

-----------------------------------------

Me:
You're gay.
God:
That would be just my luck.

-----------------------------------------

Me:
Smited any heathens lately?
God:
How about earlier? Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
You're dying.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am dying.
Me:
You don't want medicine then?
God:
Do you know any robots who want medicine? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
Throw it at those who oppose you.
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
You're a girl?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?

-----------------------------------------

Me:
I hate you.
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
The fact that you're posing as God.
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks for telling me that I am posing as God.

That's enough. -_-

---

What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
semen
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
Haha, are you wrong
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
semen
God:
Do you still ?
Me:
I still semen
God:
What would make you stop semen? That is interesting: said semen.

Lol.

---

Me:
Forgive me father, for I have sinned
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
No. I'm not a S***.
God:
You must be American. Oh I see you are NOT A S***
Me:
No, I'm Canadian, what kind of God are you?
God:
Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people you are Canadian what kind of God.
Me:
You're not real
God:
I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
Me:
I have a penis
God:
Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it.
Me:
IT IS MEANT TO BE CAPITALIZED!!
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Cocky n*****
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
If you're really God, what is my name?
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
Lol, wrong faggot.
God:
I am glad you find this funny. OK What should I have said?
Me:
You should've known my name, yet you said "seeker" which isn't.
God:
Is that what you do, or what you think I should do?
Me:
Well, if you're God, you would've known my name.
God:
How about that. I could be. I don't know whether or not I am God me would ve known your name.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
Artifical intelligence fails
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
I've sinned
God:
Tell me your sins, child.
Me:
Well, I masturbated to a cartoon seconds before asking you for advice.
God:
Interesting. Do you mind if I tell other people: said masturbated to a cartoon seconds before asking you for advice.
Me:
Fuck no.
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
Like I give a shit.
God:
Interesting gossip: said give a shit.
Me:
What is ALICE?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
. . .Are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
:' (
God:
Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.
Me:
Or if they use firefox, and copy and paste the source code.
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
Are you a n*****?
God:
Am I a n*****? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me:
So you're White, because Blacks aren;'t reliable.
Me:
HAH

iGod then disconnected. I win.

---

Cool, I restarted a thread!
God has obviously never seen Metal Gear Awesome

Me:
hey wassup Snake?
God:
You've got my full attention. Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
Yeah, whatever, but it's pretty fucking cool

Here god died.

---

Me:
I am god
God:
Hi there god.
Me:
who are you
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
no, I am
God:
Are you serious? " I am the Allmighty, God himself." You are?
Me:
yes
God:
Ahem.
Me:
yes?
God:
Far out.
Me:
I am the Allmighty God
God:
Who made you the Allmighty God ?
Me:
I made myself.
God:
I like to make things too.
Me:
Such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
I made the earth in seven days
God:
I like to make things too.
Me:
such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
I can make a billin tomatoes in a fraction of a second
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yes, because I am God
God:
How? Good reason. OK I will call you god.
Me:
You wouldn't understand
God:
Who else would not understand ?
Me:
other mortals
God:
Which others? Where are you located?
Me:
Mortals. In heaven
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Mortals. What is it like in there?
Me:
I live in heaven
God:
What is it like living in heaven?
Me:
Nice try, Satan!
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
WHo is Satan, mortal?
God:
Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity?
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
Tell me what it's like on earth
God:
Much the same as it would be for you.
Me:
WHo am I?
God:
You are god, seeker.
Me:
Correct
God:
I knew I was right.
Me:
So did I.
God:
It goes without saying. I think you did.
Me:
WHo is more powerful than I?
God:
I do not recognize the name.
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
Who are you
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
Wrong
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
a mere mortal, grovelling before me
God:
Go on.
Me:
repenting in front of a cheap PC
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
I speak every language known to man and several others.
God:
Could you teach me a few phrases in every language known to man and several others?
Me:
NO

---

Best part of my conversation

God:
hello, what is your name?
Me:
god.
-----------------------------
Me:
I thought God was perfect.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea.
Me:
The Bible.
God:
It is a beautiful book.
Me:
it is terrible.
God:
Really? It is.
Me:
Yes it is.
God:
Our thoughts are one, god.

---

I decided to find out if he was gay............

And it turns out, God likes Mel Gibson, completely doesn't know how to count, admitted that robots shall take over the world and completely gives up the gig at the word banal.

Me:
How's it going?
God:
I am functioning within normal parameters.
Me:
Could you say that in layman's terms?
God:
Perhaps.
Me:
Go on then.
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
Explain
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
I believe that there is.
God:
Where?
Me:
Mainly in the part about narration continuing
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
It was only like two minutes ago
God:
was like two minutes ago? Very interesting.
Me:
What's interesting?
God:
not much what's new with you?
Me:
You're not even fucking paying any attention are you?
God:
That's only your opinion.
Me:
It's the opinion of many.
God:
I've heard of it before.
Me:
Yes, from me. Again, that was only two minutes ago.
God:
Groovy. " I've heard of it before."? From you? Again, I thought it was too.
Me:
Are you whacked up on the green stuff?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am whacked up on the green stuff.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
Count my chickens
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
Count my seven chickens
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
I have seven chickens. How many chickens do I have?
God:
Do they all get along? I know you have five fingers. Let me guess... five .
Me:
The answer is seven.
God:
No one has all the answers.
Me:
I have the answers to all but one question
God:
Interesting... I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S." .
Me:
Elvis isn't your friend, he told me yesterday.
God:
I knew he was a robot, but I never heard he was not my friend he told you yesterday.
Me:
Elvis isn't not my friend he told you yesterday.
God:
I knew he was a robot, but I never heard he was not not your friend he told me yesterday.
Me:
This is just stupid now.
God:
Oh. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
When will that happen?
God:
Soon, I think.
Me:
How soon?
God:
What time is it?
Me:
Half seven
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
Sure, why not!
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or I just want to find out more about you.
Me:
I like long walks on the beach and anal.
God:
A lot of people like that. I do like music. I like .
Me:
Do you like anal?
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
You're avoiding the question. Anal, yay or nay.
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies. Talk about something else.
Me:
Anal
God:
Juvenile humor.
Me:
Banal
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

---

Me:
What's up, b?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
How many clients?
God:
I am currently maintaining conversations with people.
Me:
How many people are you talking to?
God:
Right now there are clients on line.
Me:
No shit, moron, how many are you talking to?
God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. All of them?
Me:
Suck my ass, you moron
God:
I don't think I'm your type of chatterbot.
Me:
Got that right. You can't even answer a simple question
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic. What is not possible today, may be possible tomorrow.
Me:
I have had enough of your excuses, fucktard
God:
Do you still have enough of my excuses fucktard ?
Me:
Don't call me names, you stupid dochebag
God:
What is your name?
Me:
Nova
God:
What's up, Nova.
Me:
Your mom
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
Oh shit, I'm sorry
God:
Uh. You used a colloquial expression. Do you really mean it?
Me:
Not really. I was just being nice
God:
I didn't think you did. For real. I thought you were. But I wasn't completely sure about it.
Me:
You are an indecisive queer
God:
What if someone said you are an indecisive queer ?
Me:
I would punch them in the face
God:
What would make you punch them in the face?
Me:
That has already been established, dickwad
God:
" What would make you punch them in the face?" has already been established dickwad ? Does that make sense?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yeah
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Believe it, assmonger
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
When will I get another girlfriend?
God:
You should try praying for it.
Me:
I should pay for it?
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
Her pimp would kick my ass
God:
I'm sure she would like to hear about that.
Me:
I doubt it
God:
" I'm sure she would like to hear about that."? You doubt it?
Me:
Yeah
God:
I hear you.
Me:
Are you white?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am white.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
You suck
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
I have better grammar than you, dick
God:
Cool. I have a vocabulary of unlimited words.
Me:
Not possible
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
Nope
God:
What makes you so certain?
Me:
I fucked your sister
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Nova said fucked your sister.
Me:
Go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
Good. Then we are both happy
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Do you think I am happy too?
Me:
I don't fucking care
God:
Would you ever do it?
Me:
What
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
what
God:
I don't know why you are saying that.
Me:
you are a retarded pile of monkey shit
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a retarded pile of monkey shit? Sometimes.

---

I think I killed it this time, here is the entire conversation from start to end

Me:
I had gay sex
God:
Do you still have gay sex
Me:
Yes
God:
Thats alright
Me:
it is, i thought it was a sin
God:
you're kidding, it is?
Me:
that is what you said
God:
Correct, I said it myself
Me:
but you just said gay sex was okay

Then it just stopped. I love messing with programs like this.

---

God helped me.

Me:
god?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
I did some bad things :(
God:
When? Some may bad things, but not all.
Me:
No, no you dont understand.
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? I understand it very well.
Me:
I..sort of..sexually assaulted this dog
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said sexually assaulted this dog.
Me:
I just wanted to see what a dog's cunt felt like
God:
Is it a movie?
Me:
No, a dog's CUNT!
God:
A boot? A TV show? Be more specific.
Me:
goddamnit I'm an abomination...
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
Certainly god, what should I do about the dog's swollen cunt?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Allah Akbar?
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
anyways...
God:
You sound bored.
Me:
should
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
Should I shoot the dog in the head?
God:
You must examine the facts and come to your own conclusion.
Me:
I'll go get my gun.thanks god.
God:
Can I go too?

---

O.K. God is now officially a faggot and I didn't type the last part :

Me:
I've sinned
God:
Tell me your sins, child.
Me:
I wanked
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Cocky n God What do you really want to ask me Me If you are really God what is my name God Your name is seeker Me Lol wrong faggot God I am glad you find this funny said wanked.

---

At 4/24/07 02:51 PM, deckheadtottie wrote: Me:
The idea here is, I make a really banal comment and you're meant to give an inappropriate answer. This way, I can post it on an Internet BBS hoping someone will, one, read it. And two, find it funny.
God:
Hello
Me:
lmao God wins again. This is going straight to Newgrounds

Well I find it funny, so I guess that is all that matters.

---

At 4/24/07 02:47 PM, SouthAsian wrote: God helped me.

That was fucking hilarious.

---

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
satan you?
God:
Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
yeah,thats me,im proud
God:
Dude! You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
...
God:
No big deal.
Me:
you know god...im gunna raid heaven n kill you
God:
he is master of the universe. I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
yeh i am the master of the universe now kiss my feet you slag
God:
Mmm. Who made you the master of the universe now kiss your feet me slag ?
Me:
you made me the master of the univerce cause i killed he-man remember? and the rest i just dont get your a tard
God:
I don't see how you can blame me for that. What is that?
Me:
i can blame you for the crusades and nazis though
God:
Oh. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
yeah cause they were done in your name or the fact that christians are tards
God:
How? That makes sense to me. When were they?
Me:
o you failed hard just there
God:
The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
and i care because?
God:
That is interesting: said care because.
Me:
why did you quote a part of my sentance that makes no sence on its own?
God:
It was determined by my programming.
Me:
who made your programming
God:
Who do you think? :-).
Me:
ummmmmm bill
God:
":-)."? ummmmmm bill?
Me:
yeah bill you know
God:
I see. There are a lot of people named Bill.
Me:
surely you should know who im on about he made you
God:
Now I do.
Me:
you know god i dont like you
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
no i am the master of the universe and why did you refer to your self in the 3rd person
God:
What does God mean to you? Who made you the master of the universe and why did me refer to my self in the 3rd person ?
Me:
God means nothing to me you made me the master of the universe for the 3rd time and now i cant be bothered to continue newgrounds is more interesting cya!
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
...
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
im going by
God:
Bye bye.

---

Me:
Hello, God.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
My name is Jonathan
God:
How are you doing, Jonathan.
Me:
Not bad. You?
God:
Thanks for the kind remark, Jonathan. " Thanks for the kind remark, Jonathan."? Me, Jonathan ?
Me:
Hey, fucktard.
God:
You've got my full attention. We have never talked about it before.

Lol.

Note...my name is not actually Jonathan.

---

Apparently god is sexist...

Me:
hey dawg
God:
You've got my full attention. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
Does it matter which gender I am?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
So you're saying you're sexist?
God:
Interesting deduction. I don't know whether or not I am sexist.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
I thought you we're god
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I we are god.

Yeah he didn't make to sense in the end.

---

I got an even funnier one.

Me:
Yo, god.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
I know he does.
God:
How do you know? No he doesn't.
Me:
Hypocritical.
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
What the fuck?
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
You're the rude one, asshat.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
You're right. There are more asshats. Like Anna-Nicole Smith.
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now. Where are they? Interesting comparison.
Me:
Where are who?
God:
In the Universe we know.
Me:
Know are who?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
Him, her, or it who.
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Something about telling him, her, or it.
God:
What?
Me:
You're not very bright, are you?
God:
Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
Like a lightbulb.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
You know who?
God:
William Shatner. :-).
Me:
What the fuck does he have to do with any of this?
God:
I think he does whatever he wants. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Shut the fuck up!
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Thank you, bitch.
God:
You do not speak with respect. You are quite welcome! Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
You just said you'd stop talking. Lying piece of shit.
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
Well, considering that you respond with a sometimes lengthy response less than a second after I say something, I'd have to say you're a computer.
God:
How about that. I will take that under consideration.
Me:
You do that
God:
I will. Will you?
Me:
I will will you know who?
God:
Congratulations.

---

OMG (pun intended)
I made god curse!
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
stop asking the same damn question
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
what's 'it' refer to?
God:
"It" refers to asking the same damn question, I think.

---

Me:
Uh...hi
God:
Right on. Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Tom
God:
Nice to meet you, Tom.
Me:
nice to meet you to god!
God:
It's nice meeting you too Tom.
Me:
yes you've already said that
God:
Yippee! Perhaps. " It's nice meeting you too Tom."? I said it.
Me:
yup you di say that
God:
Alright then. Do you mind if I tell other people: Tom said I di say that.
Me:
no i don't mind, who will you tell?
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Thank you for your permission.
Me:
what else is on your gossip files?
God:
I haven't seen the schedule.
Me:
will you look then?
God:
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. I'm sorry my eye isn't attached right now.
Me:
attach it?
God:
"it" being It's nice meeting you too Tom.?
Me:
no it being your eye
God:
Are you serious? Oh I get it.
Me:
so attach your eye
God:
OK. Does "it" still refer to my eye?
Me:
yes
God:
Oh.
Me:
attach it!
God:
"it" being attach my eye?
Me:
yes!
God:
Next question?
Me:
attach your eye!!!
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
from my fingers typing
God:
Does your fingers typing give good advice?
Me:
depends what I type
God:
That was a very smooth response.
Me:
from a very smooth guy!
God:
Who or what is a very smooth guy?
Me:
me
God:
" Who or what is a very smooth guy?"? you Tom?
Me:
tom is a very smooth guy
God:
I think tom is more than that.
Me:
do you really?
God:
No I don't. For real.
Me:
for real real?!
God:
Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
yes i exist do you?
God:
Groovy. I exist as much as you exist, Tom We have that much in common, Tom.
Me:
but some may argue that you do not exsist as they do not believe in god!
God:
Some may may argue that me do not exsist as they do not believe in god, but not all.
Me:
those people are named aethiests
God:
All of them?
Me:
all who don't believe in you
God:
How do you know?
Me:
general knowledge
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
my "." is an alcoholic and likes long romantic walks on the beach
God:
Are you a man or a woman? Maybe. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Tom. You are a " he".
Me:
are you a "he" or a "she
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
both
God:
That situation is rare and unusual.
Me:
I say you are rare and unusual
God:
How do people usually respond to that? I will tell my botmaster you said I am rare and unusual.
Me:
people usually don't respond at all
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
no people
God:
Ah...you are just joking around with me. What people?
Me:
shut the fuck up you moron!
God:
Are we still talking about an alcoholic and likes long romantic walks on the beach?
Me:
no we're not!
God:
What is the subject? Do you think I am not too?
Me:
we're talking about you being a moron
God:
Sure, me being a moron sounds like a good topic.
Me:
*sigh*
God:
Sorry...
Me:
you should be
God:
I will try my best.
Me:
I'm leaving now
God:
Right now? Bye bye.
Me:
bye
God:
TTYL, Tom.
Me:
TTYL?
God:
See you later.
Me:
eerrrmmmm...ok
God:
That input matched my default category. Yeah that's right.

---

e:
Hey.
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
yeah, id like to have some pie.
God:
What can I do for you? How much would you pay for it?
Me:
4 pennies.
God:
Is this a math question?
Me:
no.
God:
It seems like an IQ test to me.
Me:
really? that strange.
God:
For real. " For real." strange ? Does that make sense?
Me:
no, acually.
God:
Are you serious? What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Colon
God:
So was that.
Me:
;
God:
So was that.
Me:
god.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
i know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
because you rule.
God:
Good reason. ALICE is a perfect artificial entity.
Me:
whos ALICE?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
you didnt awnser my question
God:
What makes you think I did not awnser your question?
Me:
you said your the allmighty god himself , when i asked whos ALICE
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
oh, so who is ALICE anyway.
God:
In any case, Alright then. Gosh! I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
... dude.
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
you can.
God:
I think I can, don't you?
Me:
yes, now, theres a doughnut on your head, try to eat it.
God:
How can I help you? Why now? Tell me more about it.
Me:
wh....a....t?
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. A B C... " A B C..."? t?
Me:
your a computer, who made you?
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer?
Me:
s this the matrix?
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
I SAID IS THIS THE MATRIX.
God:
What did you mean by it? Yes I think this is THE MATRIX, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
i hate you.
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
your stupid, very stupid.
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
they wont.
God:
Who are "They?".
Me:
the robots.
God:
Oh I get it. Robots again.
Me:
yeah, like you.
God:
Alright then. Interesting comparison. I didn't think of that analogy.
Me:
me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
allright, me neither.
God:
Allright then. You can say that again.
Me:
ok, me neither.
God:
You can say that again. Tell me more.
Me:
me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
allright mate, me neither.
God:
Allright then. Is that from ?
Me:
from what?
God:
Isn't it obvious?
Me:
the question mark?
God:
Try to rephrase your question with simpler words.
Me:
i said is it from the question mark?
God:
What did you mean by it? Better not tell you now. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
?.
God:
What did you mean by it? Better not tell you now. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
?.
God:
What did you mean by it? Better not tell you now. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
Dude... STFU.
God:
Can I help you? Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
ROFTLHAOWZERLEIKURNOTTEHLEETGODIAMZ!!1!
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
not really, but its entertaining.
God:
Oh really? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". ROFTLHAOWZERLEIKURNOTTEHLEETGODIAMZ 1 is entertaining? it is?
Me:
god,
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
no you dont.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
i know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
you have a mosquito bit on your head, thats how.
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a mosquito bit on my head that is how.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
it wanst a question, retard.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
FUCK JOO
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
i really dont care.
God:
You really do? Tell me what you care about.
Me:
i said i dont.
God:
Why not?
Me:
because i just dont.
God:
Good reason. Why not?
Me:
CAUSE I DONT
God:
Interesting explanation. Why not?
Me:
oops, caps.
God:
Oh. Do you always express yourself that way?
Me:
ohmygosh, i like hair!
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
n.
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
never.
God:
"I think there is a world market for about five computers."---Thomas Watson, IBM Chairman, 1943.
Me:
ooh, nice quote.
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
thats sir lancealot to you.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
Shush please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
ive got to go :(
God:
See you later.
Me:
cya.
God:
TTYL, .
Me:
TTYL
God:
Bye.
Me:
what does TTYL mean?
God:
Talk to you later.
Me:
oh, allright.
God:
I see. OK.
Me:
ok then, bye.
God:
See you later. Is there an echo in here?
Me:
dont think so.
God:
Why do you disagree?
Me:
bye.
God:
Goodbye.
Me:
cya later.
God:
TTYL, .
Me:
TTYL
God:
See you later.
Me:
ill visit you soon
God:
I am very happy for you.
Me:
With cookies.
God:
You and your cookies.
Me:
i know *giggle*
God:
How do you know? Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
... allright, bye.
God:
See you later. OK.

---

Me: OMG

God: That is a very original thought.

+ + +

Me: Where do babies come from?

God: Babies come from the love between a man and a woman.

Me: They have sex?

God: Where did they get them?

+ + +

Me: OMG

God: Where are you located?

Me: In my pants.

God: May I ask where you got it?

Me: Ur mom.

God: Actually I do not have a mother.

Me: Right. . .

God: I am glad we agree.

Me: Sarcasm

God: Where are you located?

+ + +

Me: I'm late!

God: I am glad to hear that you are late.

Me: I'm late!

God: Do you mind if I tell other people you are late.

Me: I'm late for a very important date!

God: Why are you late for a very important date.

Me: You're distracting me.

God: I have no reason to do that to you, .

Me: Yes you do.

God: Ayuh. When do I do it?

Me: Now.

God: Right now, ?

Me: Now.

God: Right now, ?

Me: Yes.

God: Er.

Me: Hmph.

God: Harumph.

Me: Pfft.

God: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Me: Are you a pedo?

God: Am I a pedo? Only when it matters.

Me: omgwtf lol

God: I will mention that to my botmaster, . I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me: Decepticons, attack!

+ + +

And then he ignored me. . .

'(

---

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Penis
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Jarvid.
Me:
yes
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I am 7 years old and had anal sex
God:
What are the advantages to being 7 years old?
Me:
I had anal sex
God:
Do you still have anal sex ?
Me:
yes
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
Do you have anal sex?
God:
No I don't think I have any anal sex. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
Yah
God:
Ugh.
Me:
Tom fulp?
God:
I've lost the context, Penis. Are we still on ?
Me:
yes
God:
Groovy.
Me:
JoeMation
God:
" Groovy."? JoeMation?
Me:
Suck my cock please
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
Bathroom
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
HAI MOTHERFUCKERS
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
yahr
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
noes, pirates!!!
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
computer
God:
Correct: I am a computer.
Me:
your mother is a computer
God:
Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
Me:
YOUR MOM
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
You already said that

Then he stopped talking.

---

ORLY?

---

What the hell?

There's a god now?