It was just past 3 a.m. Poxpower dragged himself to the front porch, stopping to look in the window for signs of life. He had been drinking again, and asking for bobs. He had almost beaten FUNK at beer pong, but FUNK gave him a reach-around and threw him off balance at the last second. He couldn't see any movement inside, which was good. He didn't want to get caught coming home late again. He fumbled with the lock clumsily, his vision still shaky from all that Zima he drank.
He turned the doorknob slowly, and the door creaked open, breaking a mind-wracking silence. He had taken no more than 3 steps inside, when the lights flashed on, blinding his poor eyes.
"OSHI-" he mumbled, his speech somewhat slurred.
"Well. Look who decided to come home." Stamper said with visible anger. "Why am I not surprised?"
"I can explain", Pox tried to say, but all that came out was a stream of vomit.
"Don't try to turn me on, you bastard. That's not goig to work. DO you even know what time it is? Or what day it is?" Stamper said, his anger waxing slowly.
"Uhhh...5 O'clock on a funday?"
"It's 1 A.M., you MORON. And what's worse..."Stamper said with his eyes welling up with tears, "...You MISSED our ANNIVERSARY DINNER, YOU MONSTER!"
"Oh, please." Pox said in exasperation.
"Do you know what I went through to prepare fo it? I spent 5 hours making the turkey, I even used that baster you like so much, the one that looks like Maus' fist. I spent 8 years making the stuffing, and I was dressed up like a penicorn for 3 days waiting for you to get home!" Stamper was in tears now. His face was more moist than Goldencat's underpants during an Eminem concert.
"I...I'm sorry, honey. I was just hanging out, gettong dr0kn, and lost track of time..."
"Do you have ANY IDEA how LONG you were GONE?" Stamper shouted. "You left for the bar a MONTH ago! You've been drinking for weeks!" Stamper screamed with growing frustration. His tears were now drying on his face, which grew redder and redder.
"Look, honey," Pox sat down next to Stamper, and began to massage his neck with one hand and asshole with the other. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. But if it means anything to you, let me say this: I was thinking of you the whole time."
"Really?" Stamper asked softly with a sniffle.
"FUCK NO, I WAS HAMMERED YOU DUMB SLUT" Pox yelled as he jumped up. "I'M GOING BACK TO THE BAR. DON'T WAIT UP, BABYCAKES!"
"Fuck." Stamper said, after Pox ran out the door. He could still hear him making honking noises as he galloped to his car.
Stamper sat down at his computer. He decided to make an art thread combining porcupines and penises.
